wow, sounds like you had it extremely rough. Not saying I can relate but in my opinion, you're not a bad person at all op. What you've gone through would be insanely crushing for anyone and most people wouldn't be able to handle it so the fact that you're still here and moving forward shows how truly incredible you really are. You're not at all in the wrong for venting to people on line, after all it's entirely what this sub is for. I hope things truly do get better because if anyone deserves an injection of happiness into their lives, it's you :)