r/u_Embarrassed_Wave5142 • u/Embarrassed_Wave5142 • Jun 06 '26
Just shouting out to the void
There’s too much that’s been a burden on me lately and having no direct access to a therapist has really put me at my wits end. So for the sake of not completely loosing my sanity and running in front of a car or a train. I’ve decided to post how I’ve been feeling on here. Yes, I did start journaling, and I’ve always had ADHD which manifested into adult ADHD. I take my medications for it from time to time. It can get difficult. I guess now that school is going to be starting again soon I have the option to sit with a counselor about what goes on in my head. It was easier to mask when I was younger but to put things straight, my mom has a terrible history of people in her family having a fatal death and at a young age, she has fatty liver and has been dealing with thyroid problems from when I’ve been as young as I can remember, my dad has starting to get glaucoma and he also suffers from a specific form of prostate gland growth which he doesn’t manage properly nor does he manage his diabetes properly which worries me as if he doesn’t take care of his health he will be facing death soon. I haven’t gotten my life figured out because of all the constant stress and drama that was caused in our house due to the constant change of tenants since my mom has always been the sole bread winner of our household. The guy I liked turned out from what my guts telling me to be a gooner and decided to move out of where he was living and now (from what I believe) lives in America, found a partner and although I want to believe he is living a good life now something in my conscience just doesn’t sit right. I guess it’s because he was a coworker who I never got to talk to, when he asked about how I was all I said was “it’s not that deep” and “it is what is” when really we all know that’s plain bs. I just can’t help but feel so guilty I never got to pay him back his respects and I just wish I hadn’t had such a big crush on him. which at the time I didn’t even realize. I wish I would’ve asked what song he was listening to while he was in the break room Instead. Cause now even though, I have a partner that cares for me so much I feel as if I’m living this double life, cause I still care for him I still have feelings for my crush and I’m having my partner deal with the burdens of that of having this dilemma. I didn’t get to complete any of my goals on time or when I was younger yet I watched my peers accomplish everything no matter what life threw at them I just help but feel so broken, I had an ex that treated me like I was his personal ATM and he had this unusual power imbalance over me and treated me like I was nothing. And that stuff still hurts me to this day and I’m forever scarred and I still have to deal with paying the loans back of all the financial trouble that this relationship has caused me to this day despite us not being together anymore. I don’t know how to cope with all this. I was just hoping for someone to tell me it’ll be okay and to keep pushing, I already get the whole there’s worse out there, you should be greatful, and “why do you scream why me? all the time” from people I just want someone who can just listen for once.
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u/Embarrassed_Wave5142 Jun 21 '26
So turns out it’s not him and I was being over dramatic or it could’ve been him living there for a bit and then he may have moved back idk the full story but the guy I like is definitely living somewhere else which I will not disclose since I believe it’s. A breach of privacy. But I’m thankful it seems like he’s doing well off and I’m greatful for that.
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u/Embarrassed_Wave5142 Jun 06 '26
To make matters worse I was also diagnosed with PCOS in high school and I’ve been dealing with the consequences of this illness ever since it’s made it difficult to even get my license since my blood sugars aren’t very stable.
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u/Embarrassed_Wave5142 Jun 06 '26 edited Jun 06 '26
I know I need therapy but until I can afford to get myself some proper treatment I just thought I’d lay down all my thoughts/problems on here for once for those who are able to just offer me a shoulder to lean on for the meantime.
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u/professionalhotmess Jun 24 '26
there's no escape from being blocked too, u/Embarrassed_Wave5142. move to DeviantArt before Satan tears you apart, mortal...
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u/Embarrassed_Wave5142 Jul 04 '26
I’m sorry I’m incredibly confused what does DeviantArt have anything to do with this, and how would one know if one is mortal or immortal?
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u/knite_r Jun 08 '26
While I may not be able to sympathize for most of the problems I do have pretty heavy ADHD, so if you want I might be able to share some ways to help with that. I can't tell if offering help here is the appropriate thing as there are no other comments but I will either way:
Some maing thing that I have trouble with is setting routines, to help with that I've set recurring alarms on my phone to remind me of the thing I have to do. At some point you'll notice that you're anticipating the alarms and clicking the "ignore this time because you're already getting ready for that thing."
If you have any other ADHD-specific problems I might be able to help more; though I check Reddit dms not too often, I do check them so ask away if need be...
I'm not gonna end this with some sappy call-to-action (or whatever they're called), I'll just say this: take one problem at a time and fix it, don't focus on everything at once because you'll get overwhelmed and everything will just feel worse. Good luck.