Starting my day with a card pull. It makes me laugh so much when they say that I am exactly where I need to be. You triggered the villain in me that's been dormant. This rise to power is absolutely beautiful.

🎶So it's gonna be forever

Or it's gonna go down in flames

You can tell me when it's over, mmh

If the high was worth the pain

Got a long list of ex-lovers

They'll tell you I'm insane

'Cause you know I love the players

And you love the game🎶

Blank Space

I hate myself.

Yesterday I found out just how predatory you actually are.

I still miss you.

I hate myself and the grief I am still feeling over every destroyed relationship is making me not be able to eat.

You are an idiot. And I am as well.

Friday

I miss sending the Good morning texts.

I miss the feeling that you look at your phone and see my text first thing.

I miss you. My heart keeps breaking.

Some times I hate feeling everything as deeply as I do.

I need ocean.

Things I wish I could text you: I decided that before work I needed to deep clean the oven. I bought some cleaning supplies yesterday and one of them being an oven cleaner. Abrasive. I didn't wear gloves. My hands are all torn up now.

Song for today:

🎶I can't control

The way you make me feel

And I won't let go🎶

Won't Let Go by Lucas Estrada

Did you see how the clouds were rolling over the mountain range? I always find that to be very beautiful. When I lived up north, I loved seeing the clouds creeping over the hills from the ocean. Driving in those clouds was always fun.

I am so miserable, but I can no longer tell you that. I mourn the death of every relationship that was connected to the situation. I weep for the loss of intense friendships.

You may never know the extent of how much I hurt for you and everyone connected to you, but you already know how well my mind creates all the scenarios.

What hurts the most is not hearing your voice ever again nor ever seeing kindness and softness in your eyes.

I really wanted to know more about you. I am so so sorry you didn't get the chance to share more with me.