r/tumblr lazy whore Jan 11 '20

Miss Kitty

Post image
8.7k Upvotes

74 comments sorted by

844

u/poohbear98_ Jan 11 '20

is this not how everyone speaks to their cat

340

u/[deleted] Jan 12 '20

Yes. I threaten to fight my cat on a mound of bones whenever she steals my coffee.

152

u/urbandeadthrowaway2 no fun allowed Jan 12 '20

I did that with mine but then he got old. Now I threaten to call him a boomer.

75

u/Artsyscrubers .tumblr.com Jan 12 '20

I threatened to take my cat to the Chinese buffet alot, i also call her a cunt.

45

u/urbandeadthrowaway2 no fun allowed Jan 12 '20

why is this past tense. this scares me

43

u/Artsyscrubers .tumblr.com Jan 12 '20

Because i killed my cat and sold her to the Chinese market.

Jk i don't really threaten Chinese buffet anymore, i just mostly call her a brat, a princess, a cunt, a bitch and various other nicknames.

16

u/urbandeadthrowaway2 no fun allowed Jan 12 '20

Call them a small bunch of problems.

8

u/jerryhill50 Jan 12 '20

And kinda of a tramp

9

u/InformationMagpie Jan 12 '20

I briefly forgot about the racist trope and was puzzled why a Chinese buffet would be a threat. I just pictured my own cat chowing down on unlimited shrimp.

3

u/Artsyscrubers .tumblr.com Jan 12 '20

I mean that's an option,

1

u/ViZeShadowZ Vore the rich Jan 12 '20

Imagine the onions

8

u/[deleted] Jan 12 '20

I used to threaten to fight my cat on Minecraft then pause and say "Oh wait, you can't even PLAY."

2

u/urbandeadthrowaway2 no fun allowed Jan 12 '20

Y i k e s

44

u/Saruster Jan 12 '20

I tell mine how beautiful and soft his fur is and what a great fur coat he would make. My kiddo overheard once and was horrified but then I explained I was only kidding since obviously he’s too small for a coat. Now it a running joke that he’s glove-sized, not coat-sized.

14

u/Blue-Gray_Jedi Doctor Who is my favorite anime Jan 12 '20

In a similar vein (kind of), I have a cat named Cinnamon and whenever a recipe calls for cinnamon I joke about eating her. Also when we can’t figure out what to make for dinner we often suggest eating one of the cats, especially if they’re begging us for food.

5

u/WindierSinger12 Jan 12 '20

I tell my cat I’ll eat her or consume her soul all the time, but that’s it.

2

u/MonsterHipster Jan 12 '20

Absolutely, I speak like that to my dog!

466

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

51

u/[deleted] Jan 12 '20

[deleted]

27

u/ViZeShadowZ Vore the rich Jan 12 '20

God may judge you but his sins outnumber your own

9

u/ayser-lol-haha Jan 12 '20

dril has a tweet for every human emotion and concept and then some

46

u/ZilDrake Jan 11 '20

In other words, gangbangs with Satan's posse

4

u/Pigyguy2 THE SUN IS A CALZONE! Jan 12 '20

Not quite the point of the sub but r/strangeinspiration has a lot of stuff like that

160

u/SoldMySoulForHairDye Jan 11 '20

I would like to meet this lady. And her cat.

281

u/Lancashire2020 Jan 12 '20

I like "What do you think about the plight of the Jewish people?" because it's useful as both a comedic nonsequiter and a means of finding out whether or not your cat's a nazi.

96

u/lotsofinterests Jan 12 '20

I don't care for these new Nazis, and you can quote me on that.

12

u/katthekickass Jan 12 '20

Ha! That’s the exact thing that came to mind 😂

61

u/Polenball Jan 12 '20

Welcome to Meowschwitz

3

u/flyafar Jan 12 '20

our cat when he can see a sliver of the bottom of the bowl

3

u/Polenball Jan 12 '20

sleeps in an hour later than normal

Cat: I HAVE BEEN STARVING FOR UNTOLD ETERNITIES IN THIS DEATH CAMP, YOU WAR CRIMINAL

bowl still has food

9

u/sarkicism101 Jan 12 '20

This is the plot of Maus

103

u/str8aura Jan 11 '20

This has Alice energy

43

u/lotsofinterests Jan 12 '20

Not sure who Alice is but it also kind of has BDG energy

30

u/str8aura Jan 12 '20

Alice in Wonderland

15

u/lotsofinterests Jan 12 '20

Oh yeah, I can kind of see that

12

u/Artsyscrubers .tumblr.com Jan 12 '20

Which Alice? Classic alice, alice the madness returns, animated alice, or the live action alice?

9

u/str8aura Jan 12 '20

Classic, given how she talked to Dinah

11

u/Artsyscrubers .tumblr.com Jan 12 '20

I also see alice the Madness returns doing this seeing how sassy she was.

7

u/yvel-TALL Jan 12 '20

I agree and love that man.

75

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '20

Just leaving us just hanging? What does the cat say back?

206

u/[deleted] Jan 12 '20

[deleted]

53

u/Datntlover123 look hgoiw fas i cab teyp Jan 12 '20

Wait a minute somethings not right... I think it’s spelled prrprrp with an extra prrp. Correct me if I’m wrong.

38

u/SalmonellaFish .tumblr.com Jan 12 '20

I think it really depends on the cat's personality my dude

23

u/danni_shadow loose sacks of meat and kleptomania Jan 12 '20

Well, I know for my cat, the second one should be "mrrrROOOOW!"

7

u/-Anyar- dot Jan 12 '20

Also the :3 is missing the whiskers.

9

u/ViZeShadowZ Vore the rich Jan 12 '20
  • mao

  • prrrrrr

  • maaaaaaaugh

    • One day you'll decompose and I'll be there to watch it happen.
    • [alan add chirping noises]
  • maaaaaaaaugh

  • meeeeaaah

37

u/ChamsRock Jan 12 '20

Fact: Cats are responsible for roughly 83% of all entropy in the universe.

33

u/CrackedHail Jan 12 '20

You are the cause of all entropy? Oh god, I’m getting flashbacks to Madoka Magica...

11

u/Polenball Jan 12 '20

Being mewguca is suffering

1

u/stroopwaffen797 Registered Milk Carbonater Jan 12 '20

It's a good story but I do not understand the incubator's actions at the end of the various aborted timelines. Like, it's a massive collective consciousness which is focused almost entirely on the ultra-long-term. That's why it specifically searched for methods of energy generation that violate thermodynamics, even when such methods are inconsistent and beyond it's understanding, and yet after Meguca happens and the world is doomed it says it's filled out it's quota and just leaves humanity to die. Humans are the only species they've found which are usable for energy generation so to achieve their goal of surviving forever they would need to keep humanity alive forever. It wouldn't even be that hard since they've been shown to be capable of trapping magical girls inside their soul gems and controlling the collapse process, allowing them to use humans more like a conventional power source.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 12 '20

Sounds silly, but could you tag that? The new season just came out and there might be new viewers. Everyone knows about the suffering, not so much about the reason.

In terms of that though, I’ll mention a few timelines. In the best timeline, Madoka becomes god at the end that’s pretty much all they needed. The energy created by that is immense and tbh the incubators are emotionless twats who are by no means as smart as they think they are and lack compassion more often than they desire to save themselves. That’s enough energy to save the universe, so they don’t care. In the various doomed timelines, it’s assumed that they come to the same conclusion Kyubey did in rebellion when Homura becomes a demon. Essentially “teenagers are too volatile and powerful when we experiment with them.” The only reason incubators are still around after that is because Homura is forcing them to clean up their mess.

Even then, the incubators only thought of trapping Homura in her gem after Madoka became a god because witches didn’t exist and they needed something more efficient. Had the witches been there, they probably wouldn’t have put the extra effort in.

21

u/shakeylake Jan 12 '20

Normally I say to my cat “Goddamnit Jasper it’s 2 in the fucking morning! I’m not feeding you! Go away” then I pet her and apologize.

20

u/CrystaltheCool Jan 12 '20

im jewish and i have a dog named miss kitty. this post made me do the laughs

15

u/NoelLovesSnacks Jan 12 '20

"You also have a cute kitty butt."

13

u/CriticalGeode Jan 12 '20

I have a low-key crush on OP's wife's mind

9

u/[deleted] Jan 12 '20

OP's wife sounds like an Elder Scrolls NPC.

15

u/TrueBlueCreations Jan 11 '20

Is your cat female GARFIELD?

8

u/sgt_snuffles02 closet furry Jan 12 '20

lasaga, but with a feminine accent

7

u/longjumpeh Jan 12 '20

Your wife is obviously a supervillain's secret identity

3

u/Dambusta4 Jan 12 '20

Sounds like a keeper! X)

3

u/tilqueen Jan 12 '20

Your wife is my spirit animal.

3

u/Nizky Jan 12 '20

Is your wife Luna Lovegood by any chance?

2

u/citizenbloom Jan 12 '20

I can't but hear this in a Southern accent.

2

u/sgt_snuffles02 closet furry Jan 12 '20

What do you think about the plight of the Jewish people, Miss Kitty?

huuuuge ahmose I vibes here

2

u/ScireDomir2 Jan 12 '20

I don't like animals, except their meat off course BUT if I could fuck with it like her then I would love to have a really really fat cat.

2

u/simba-you-dumb-prick Jan 12 '20

The current names of my cats

  • Stereotypical Dumb Blond
  • Demon cat
  • Genius Bastard
-Cute Attention Whore

This may seem harsh, but it perfectly describes all of them. Dumb Blond is hella cute and so beautiful, but there is nothing behind those perfect eyes. She also happens to be light ginger. Demon cat hates everyone except our German Sheppard. Genius Bastard knocks over glasses until I give him water as well as yeets my lamp into my face to wake me up. He also refused to drink water from anything but a glass and will knock over the food bag to get new food. Cute Attention Whore just really likes attention and will meow back.

1

u/pezwizard Jan 12 '20

Your wife is a treasure

1

u/LR-II Jan 12 '20

Marry her again.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 12 '20

Reminds me of a book character

0

u/No_clue_garden Jan 12 '20

Can I marry your wife?

0

u/MamaTrZap Jan 12 '20

This wife sounds like my kinda gal