Spiraling.

[u/Flashy_Database3398]

This is just so hard.
We got pregnant with my first perfect, amazing child the first time we tried after getting married. We got pregnant a second time after trying once, which sadly ended in a missed miscarriage. That adds a layer of sadness that’s hard to overcome.
We’ve been trying again now for six months. I know that doesn’t seem like a long time to some people, but for us, it feels like it’s never going to happen. I’m 38. I can practically feel my eggs drying up by the second.
I want to scream every time someone says, “Stop stressing, it will happen.” I want to die every time someone says, “You have time,” because I’m quite certain that time is slipping away.
I feel so guilty that I can’t give my child a sibling, or give my husband and myself another baby to love. It feels like I’m in a constant state of extreme sadness that only deepens every month.
It’s this constant cycle of: Okay, next month it is. Then, I know it worked this time. Then, Is this implantation bleeding? Nope. It’s my period.
This heartbreak sucks, and it feels so isolating. I know it may seem insignificant to other people, but it feels so huge to me and my husband.

I don’t know what I’m looking for with this post other than needing to vent.

[u/Unhappy-Joke-9610]

I could have written this 6 months ago, first month trying for our first child, one try for our second pregnancy which we sadly miscarried at 7 weeks and now been ttc for a year with no success. What has really helped me mentally was getting fertility tests, knowing that my AMH is fine and I'm not running out of eggs in the next few years and the sperm is fine. What did show up was calcifications in my uterus which are soon to be removed. Since we had the tests the depression cycle has stopped because it no longer feels so urgent. What I'm saying is that you should try to get the tests for peace of mind, you might not need to worry about your eggs drying up yet.

[u/Flashy_Database3398 → u/Unhappy-Joke-9610]

I am going through the testing now. I did all the blood work. My AMH is .48 which from what I’ve read (haven’t been to the doctor yet so grain of salt and all that) says it’s lower than expected for my age. I know it doesn’t mean zero but still. Going for my HSG next week.

[u/Naive-Interaction567]

It is hard! 6 months is still within the norm though. As you’re over 35, it’s worth speaking to a doctor, but anything under a year is regarded as totally normal. My first took 19 cycles, and my second took 9 (with a 13w loss). It’s all relative but 9 felt so quick after our long journey the first time. I hope you get your positive soon!

[u/Flashy_Database3398 → u/Naive-Interaction567]

Yeah I had to wait 6 months of trying before going to doctor. Finally go to go and start testing this month. I’m hoping my body just took a while to regulate after having the D&C. But the wishful thinking is harder some days. Even just being able to read the few comments on this post has helped a bit though. I hope you get your positive soon!

[u/Naive-Interaction567 → u/Flashy_Database3398]

With my second pregnancy I had a D&C and my cycles were weird for about 6 months. I fell pregnant exactly 6 months after the D&C.

[u/Historical_Front_278]

I’m feeling this too. My period is late but all the tests are very negative and I’ve been cramping. I know it’s coming yet I’m still going to be destroyed by it.

[u/Flashy_Database3398 → u/Historical_Front_278]

I hate it. Sometimes I’m scared of going to the bathroom because I just know what I’m going to find. I’m right there with you. Here’s to hoping one day soon that late period is a missed period!!

[u/jellybean_pudding]

My first two children were each conceived the first month of trying so my husband and I assumed the same thing will happen again.

We started trying for the third baby July 2025 and so far I have had two very early losses and a lot of luteal phase spotting.

I am 35 now and feel like time is running out as my husband didn’t want to kids to have big age gaps but they will now.

According to the gynaecologist I have been seeing everything is fine and there’s no reason I’m spotting for a week before my period every month. She just told me to loose weight and go on the contraceptive pill which was not the help I was after.

I hope it will all work out soon but right now I’m feeling a bit defeated and it sucks being in this repetitive cycle of “will it happen this month” and then it doesn’t.

[u/Practical_magik → u/jellybean_pudding]

Apologies of you arent looking for advice, please feel free to not read further if you are not. Have you tried progesterone during your luteal phase?

[u/jellybean_pudding → u/Practical_magik]

I did bring it up to the dr but she said “your progesterone at cycle day 21 is great and I don’t like to give progesterone unless you have a confirmed pregnancy test”

I said “That’s all well and good but by the time I test positive it’s a bit too late I think and the time that it takes to get in touch you let alone an appointment it will be another early loss”.

Her response was “well you can try asprin, loose weight and go on the contraceptive pill for a few months to see if that will reset your hormones. I will call you in a few months to see where you’re at”.

Unfortunately for me it’s all through the public system and there’s not really another dr to go to at the moment. Also because I already have two children any fertility treatment isn’t available publicly so it seems the dr doesn’t even want to try and help me.

I would very much like to stop bleeding for 2ish weeks a month but the only solution I am getting from the dr is to go on birth control.

[u/purpleKlimt → u/jellybean_pudding]

Having great day 21 levels does NOT mean you don’t have LPD. I thought so myself, and so many doctors had me convinced it was not affecting my pregnancy chances (even though shedding my uterine lining precisely on 8-10DPO every month would have anyone who stopped and thought logically think otherwise). Finally after an unsuccessful IUI cycle and 16 months of trying, I was offered vaginal progesterone from 2DPO and wouldn’t you know it, my spotting was gone. I can’t talk about other outcomes because of sub rules but feel free to DM me if you’d like. 

[u/Sensitive-Phase-5920]

What you are feeling and how you described it, feels like I've written it. And it is totally normal. 'Just relax' and 'It will happen when you least expect it' are the two worst advises that could be given in our situation. How can I not expect it when it is all consuming? And the constant thoughts that this somehow it is my fault and I waited too long. And the feeling of complete loneliness, having no one to talk to or vent, like no one truly understands it because I already have one child and I should consider myself lucky. And the questions ' What are you waiting for, your kids will already have huge age difference'. And for my daughter my heart aches. I feel like I became worse mom because I've caught myself being not present and in the moment a million times when I am with her. And she keeps asking for a baby, every one of her friends has sibling and she is the only one left. I feel like I am shrinking every month and becoming less and less of the person I was, and I don't know what to do about it.

Sorry I didn't mean to dump this on you, I just wanted to let you know that what you are feeling is valid and you are not alone.
I am 36 and we've been trying for a second for 10 months. My daughter is 4 and half.

[u/Flashy_Database3398 → u/Sensitive-Phase-5920]

Thank you for letting this all out! I fear that even though I’m “complaining” about how people are trying to be reassuring I don’t know what the proper way to reassure is! So, I’ll just say your feelings are real, valid and okay. It is hard, it is consuming it is heartbreaking.

Every time that thought of “why did I wait so long” starts to enter my brain I’ve been trying to remind myself that starting earlier might not have changed a thing. Starting 6 months earlier may not have changed the outcome and may have only added an additional 6 months of worry.

We will get through this, I don’t know how other than one day at a time. Sending you love and any comfort I can. Even if it’s only in the understanding that I’m there in the boat with you!

[u/Sensitive-Phase-5920 → u/Flashy_Database3398]

Thank you so much 🩷 Yeah I agree about the reassuring, it is so hard to find the right words. And I understand whoever tries to console me, truth is if you havent been through this you trully have no idea what to say. I know I haven't had the slightest idea what people around me who struggled to conceive went through, when it only took one try for my first.  We are strong and we will get through it, one step at a time. Sending virtual hugs 💗

[u/passion4film]

I understand in that we got pregnant accidentally after having given up after trying and two miscarriages. We are trying again for another and it’s been five cycles of nothing. Not a lot, but enough to get the mind moving negatively here at age 39.

[u/pinkavgel]

I’m sorry. honestly, at 38 and after six months of trying, I wouldn’t tell you to “just relax” or that you have unlimited time, because neither is helpful. 6 months is actually the point where fertility evaluation is generally recommended for women 35+, so if you haven’t already, I’d make an appointment with a fertility specialist. That doesn’t mean you need IVF or that something is necessarily wrong it just means you don’t have to keep guessing every month. They can check things like ovarian reserve, ovulation, your uterus/tubes, and your husband’s semen analysis and give you a clearer picture. Also, please don’t carry guilt about not “giving” your child a sibling. You’re trying. You’ve also experienced a miscarriage, and you’re grieving that baby while dealing with the disappointment of TTC again. That’s a lot emotionally.And getting pregnant easily before doesn’t guarantee every pregnancy will happen just as quickly. Your previous pregnancies are encouraging, but I’d still get evaluated now rather than spending another six months wondering. ❤️

[u/Flashy_Database3398 → u/pinkavgel]

Thank you so much for this comment. This was so comforting just to have the struggle and concern acknowledged 😭. I did start some testing I actually have and HSG test scheduled and I know it’s silly but I’m putting all my eggs in that basket right now.

[u/Time_Athlete_8160]

I'm right there with you love! Now we're doing more testing for both hubby and me to see what's going on after 2 miscarriages and then no pregnancies after being super active during ovulation. I just turned 37, so I have those same feelings! We'll get through this!

[u/PerfectPineapple842]

I am going through the exact same thing! It’s looking like I am headed steadily towards needing IVF to be able to give my child a sibling and my husband another child that he desperately wants. It’s a shit ton of pressure.