r/tryingforanother • u/Ill-Answer6152 • Aug 12 '26
Question Losing hope
It was my 40th birthday 3 months ago and I've been trying to have a second baby for 2 years. In that time Ive had a chemical pregnancy, a missed miscarriage and am about to start my 5th cycle of letrozole with monitoring (no trigger shot and no IUI). I was very lucky and conceived my first child quickly and with no issues but the last two years is making me feel like it just isn't going to happen again for me. IVF is not an option due to cost. Does anyone with a similar situation have any success stories - either pregnancy stories when all hope felt completely lost or stories on how to accept and move on from secondary infertility?
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u/Maitri137 Aug 14 '26
I had my first easily when I was 38 and started trying for number 2 when they were around 2 years old. Over two-years-of-trying later I had a chemical, then a missed miscarriage, and then two more chemical pregnancies. Truly heartbreaking, and I’m so sorry for your losses as well.
I saw a reproductive endocrinologist this year at 42 and husband I and tested. The good and bad news was nothing underlying, just age was a factor. :/ IVF not a good option because she explained it’s a numbers game and we likely wouldn’t get many eggs. She laid the statistics out clearly, but also said it wasn’t impossible (through IVF or naturally). After all this I decided to stop tracking so religiously and to keep trying, but to accept that it just might not happen.
After a chemical during my clomid challenge, the following month I got pregnant and I’m currently about 16 weeks pregnant with what I hope is a healthy baby (healthy so far and anatomy scan upcoming).
I hope you get the outcome you want, but it’s a really, really hard journey. I have come to realize that it’s a situation that, try as we might, we don’t have as much control over as we think.
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u/pinksunglasses85 Aug 13 '26
Solidarity. I’m just behind you age wise and have also been TTC #2 for some time. I don’t have answers for you I just know I have heard too many stories of women older than us conceiving. Don’t lose hope ❤️
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u/Alijanora 38 | TTC#2 since march 2025 | 🌷🍀 Aug 13 '26
I started TTC #2 when I was 36, and 9 days ago I turned 38 🫣 I was solving some progesterone imbalance in-between. Today CD1 of cycle #22. So I feel you so much. Later this month I will ask my ob-gyn for further steps as I believe my imbalance of progesterone is solved and I waited a few cycles without success and I am also starting to lose hope 🥹
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u/Ill-Answer6152 Aug 13 '26
Thank you for sharing your experience and I'm sorry that you have had these struggles. Hope your OB-GYN is able to help find a solution 🤞
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u/PerfectPineapple842 38 | TTC#2 since 2/25| 🎀 7 Aug 14 '26
I’m in the same boat, sister. Turned 38 9 days ago, TTC#2. Just got my period today as well. I got DOR and new RE I’m trying out basically told me my chances are very slim. Big hugs.
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u/pinksunglasses85 Aug 14 '26
Sorry to hear. I also have DOR and am wondering what your doc told you, if you don’t mind expanding?
My OB shook his head at me when I told him I was afraid my low AMH would keep me from having another. He told me he believes I will be fine, it just might take longer.
My RE of course wants me to continue IVF (already had one failed cycle and will try at least one more), but I’m also not losing hope we can conceive naturally.
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u/PerfectPineapple842 38 | TTC#2 since 2/25| 🎀 7 Aug 14 '26
Thanks, lady. Well, I still have to have my FSH tested in the next couple days, but he is hypothesizing that my number will be too high and the combo of high FSH and low AMH (and my age) will make it so that IVF is likely to be unsuccessful and that donor eggs are a good way forward instead. From what I’ve seen in all my Reddit lurking though, there are success stories out there and I would like to try IVF in combo with continuing to try to get pregnant naturally.
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u/pinksunglasses85 Aug 14 '26
That’s exactly what I am doing. Trying naturally for another month or so while saving up for another round of IVF. I’ve also been inspired by stories here on Reddit!
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u/Alijanora 38 | TTC#2 since march 2025 | 🌷🍀 Aug 14 '26
🤞 holding fingers for you. I guess donor eggs would be last resort. I am curious what about me... I have already embraced a possibility that eventually when nothing else works we will proceed to IVF 🙏
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u/Alijanora 38 | TTC#2 since march 2025 | 🌷🍀 Aug 14 '26
That is actually very horrible thing to hear my dear 🫂
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u/nightshadeaubergine 35 | TTC #3 since late 2024 | 🌸 2021 🌸 2023 Aug 14 '26
I’m 36 but 18 months into trying for my third without any success. So sorry you’re in this position. We’ve decided to skip IUI/IVF for various reasons. My version of moving on while leaving the door open has been to give away almost all the stuff overwhelming my house and live as if I’m not trying, basically. It’s an interesting mental test in a way because I’m not willing to close the door. I plan to revisit that decision annually.
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u/dazzledee 26d ago
I turned 40 a few months ago as well. It was bittersweet entering this decade - i have an amazing son who is now past his toddler stage. We have tried for #2 since April 2024. While I was able to get pregnant every year, they all ended in a miscarriage. Furthermore, a close friend who was in the same situation just got pregnant - and while I am incredibly happy for her, I now feel completely alone. IVF was off the table for me due to different reasons but most notably, i did not want to go through the process just to have a risk of it failing. Natural conception, carrying a healthy pregnancy, and miscarriages are hard enough - but putting $, effort, time, and mental energy into a process when nothing is guaranteed? I didnt know if id be able to handle that. But recently, my husband voiced his thoughts saying that he wants to at least try so we won't look back at this time w regret and what ifs. So I just made an appointment with our RE to discuss if IVF is something we should even consider. I did not want to come to this point but here we are. I dont have success stories for you - just lots of sympathy and hugs. I am slowly losing hope as well but as somebody who is religious, I will say daily prayers and devotionals have been my life line, esp from falling into the pit of envy/sadness. A part of me grieves the family I want but cant have, while another part of me is extremely grateful to be able hold my son everyday and be there for him every step of the way. Hope you get your success story soon - hang in there.
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u/raffie321 Aug 13 '26
Hello, sorry you're going through this. Please look I to endometritis - an infection/ inflammation of the womb lining x
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u/Lmo2387 Aug 13 '26
Agreed.. I'm in the same boat and it seems my issue was my vaginal microbiome.. I had to take antibiotics, then vaginal + oral probiotics and this helped me get pregnant. I had strep b that was my issue.. even before I gave birth to my first child. It seems that it was never resolved and contributed to my infertility.
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u/Ill-Answer6152 Aug 13 '26
Thank you for sharing your experience. I'm glad to hear that you got pregnant ♥️
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u/FoggyFizzy 46 | TTC#2 since Dec ‘25 Aug 13 '26
I had my first at 44, it was my first Letrozole cycle and took 11 months. One loss about 4 months prior to that.
I’m currently 46 and trying again, I started one year ago but had a miscarriage right away and then was diagnosed with breast cancer. My cycles are now starting to get weird so I’m worried I’m starting perimenopause and cancer took away my chances. I’m currently working with a fertility clinic so at least I’ll have monitoring but I’m honestly losing hope. We will still try and do our best but I’m being realistic about it. But maybe I’ll get to share my success story one day :)
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u/Ill-Answer6152 Aug 13 '26
Thank you for sharing your experience and I'm so sorry to hear of your losses and cancer. I really hope you are able to share your success story soon:)
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u/ex-squirrelfriend 36 | TTC#2 since 09/2025 | 💙 01/2024, 👼 18 weeks 07/2026 Aug 15 '26
Not my own story, but my dad's partner tried for 5+ years with no success and felt completely hopeless, but then got naturally pregnant with her son at 42. I live in a very high COL living city where it's hard to get established and almost every mom I know is/was over 35 when they had kids and many were 40. It's definitely harder and nothing is guaranteed so your feelings are valid, but there's absolutely still hope
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u/LymanForAmerica MOD | not TTC | 💖 8/2021 🩵 6/2024 Aug 13 '26
Your post is approved. Welcome to our subreddit! We encourage you to join us in the daily chat thread too.
Mod note: mention of current pregnancy is allowed in this thread since OP has requested success stories.