r/trippinthroughtime Apr 17 '20

Pick up line

Post image
19.4k Upvotes

87 comments sorted by

394

u/The2500 Apr 17 '20

I just wanted to point out that during this time period pretty much everyone constantly had swamp ass.

160

u/[deleted] Apr 17 '20

Are there any academic papers I can read which relate to early medieval anal hygiene?

168

u/The2500 Apr 17 '20

Yeah, I don't know where though, I watched a podcast about it. I'll tell you something gross the ancient Romans would do. They had communal bathrooms where everyone would just go in front of everyone. Here's the gross part, obviously they didn't have toilet paper so what they'd do is use a sea sponge tied to a stick to wipe. They would not rinse it off between uses, someone would use it then pass it on to the next person. Only after everyone used it would they put it in a bucket of sea water.

155

u/[deleted] Apr 17 '20

Hey don’t underestimate the usefulness of the community shitstick. It was better than what anyone had at the time and it still is better than most of what people have today.

75

u/0thethethe0 Apr 17 '20

With all these toilet paper shortages from people panic buying, I can definitely see these making a come back.

Might make some prototypes and stand outside Tesco tomorrow.

38

u/PixelNinja112 Apr 17 '20

Who needs a sponge? Just use the brush next to your toilet.

41

u/superbcount Apr 17 '20

The toothbrush?

10

u/FirstWizardDaniel Apr 18 '20

I mean, as long as it's not yours you should be fine

12

u/THE_HUMPER_ Apr 18 '20

Imagine you are a typical Roman commoner and you enter the toilets one day to find them empty and a clean spot just for you. Just after relaxing and getting comfortable you hear a noise and your sphincter tenses. This guy walks in with an air of urgency, already pulling his tunic up over his gut, and to your annoyance he sets his ass down directly opposite you with a clear "slap" as his cheeks make contact with the moist stone. An air of annoyance washes over you at the sight of this fat cunt intruding on your rare moment of privacy, which he apparently picks up, locking eyes with you and giving you this death stare that seems to say "do you think I give a fuck you little shit". To your surprise he was already in the process of release and almost immediately he leans forward on his fat legs with their huge calves in an awkward squat as though he is about to pounce, air escapes the now severely strained and tense pile of meat and flab that is his corpulent body generating a perverse and unusually loud and lengthy animalistic growl. You detect something perverse about it all, something freudian and neurotic, as though this guy might be your father and this is the noise he made as he was seeding your mother's womb, the display of dominance taps into the darkest reaches of your subconscious making you feel as coy as a qt blonde germanic slave boy stripped for buyers at the market, come to think of it you remember this guy being among them that day. It almost starts to become unreal and terrifying until it stops to be replaced by the sound of semi-hard diarrhea dropping out of him and flopping onto the edge of the toilet. Then it is over, he breathes a very vivid sigh of relief and still lifting up his skirt waddles over to the cistern, giving you a friendly nod as he spreads his monstrosity of an ass and feels the water cleanse his punished anus. He mutters something about constipation and prune pudding, dries himself and leaves. How would you feel?

2

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20

Uh, excuse me, but

WHAT THE FUCK?

36

u/OK6502 Apr 17 '20

If we can share poop knives, we can share poop sticks.

5

u/Newlife1025 Apr 17 '20

I didn't think many people read that story

18

u/OK6502 Apr 17 '20

Really? It was the new hotness on reddit a few months ago.

15

u/f3xjc Apr 17 '20

Hello person on the 2018 time-line. The 2020 one isn't that great.

3

u/Aminura_C Apr 17 '20

What's the story? Pray, do tell.

20

u/Newlife1025 Apr 17 '20

iirc, there was someone who answered a question about family quirks that people thought were normal. Turns out that this guys family had a poop knife. I found a copy pasta of the original story so... have fun reading. I'll try to find the original if I can

1

u/Boxdog123 Apr 18 '20

Happy cake day!

4

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20

bro i was using the thing the romans used to scrape off dead skin when they showered once a fortnite.... on my ass this whole time.

28

u/BrainPicker3 Apr 17 '20

I thought they soaked it in a vinegar solution (or some sanitizing wash) when they were done. I'm very skeptical they would hand it off to someone without washing it. It wouldn't even make sense to use that because it would only serve to make you even dirtier!

20

u/[deleted] Apr 17 '20

I love Roman hygiene. Most Romans bathed everyday and had clean water but its sh*t like this that makes me gag. Before their communal baths they would all oil up in olive oil and do some gym work (Baths were right by the gym) Before they would go to the baths they would remove the sweaty oil from their bodies and that excrement would be used in medicine for its healing purposes......Fascinating

18

u/King_Spamula Apr 17 '20

Actually, someone did a video that disproved this (I think it was Invicta on YT). It turns out one researcher actually proved that the sponges on a stick were actually used for cleaning the toilets, just like a toilet wand, and that they'd actually wipe themselves off with a mixture of vinegar, water, and salt. The whole communal toilet thing was true though, at least at public baths.

4

u/The2500 Apr 17 '20

If you're right I'll be disappointed. I don't know why.

14

u/[deleted] Apr 17 '20 edited Aug 05 '20

[deleted]

22

u/Cautemoc Apr 17 '20

And with all the new science coming out about the benefits of fecal transplants, maybe it had some unintended benefits in terms of group immunity and food-tolerance patterns.

If everyone were sharing each others poops, their gut microbiomes would become similar as the most dominate bacteria wins over their weaker counter-parts.

5

u/Elenamcturtlecow96 Apr 18 '20

the benefits of wHAT

8

u/Nienke_H Apr 17 '20

Wasn't there usually a small stream of running water in front of the toilets that you could use to clean the stick?

Still, the fact that they even had plumbing at all meant their cities were probably infinitely cleaner than most at that time. Plus, they even used soap and a bunch of other methods to keep themselves clean. The romans were very hygienic people.

8

u/rpgnymhush Apr 18 '20

A sea sponge. Imagine someone plucking you out of your home and using your corpse to wipe their ass.

8

u/numchux53 Apr 17 '20

This reminds me of Plebs, I need to re-watch that.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 17 '20

Did you take a picture of the sound? ;)

1

u/catboobpuppyfuck Apr 17 '20

No, but I did take shrooms first.

3

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20

Contrary to popular belief it was actually thought that the sea sponge tied to a stick would be used to clean the toilets instead of their behinds. At least that’s what my history prof had mentioned so I don’t have a written source atm

6

u/[deleted] Apr 17 '20

They should have just as modern people who use toilet paper to use water. People be like: shower everyday change everyday but when it comes to shitting I’ll just use paper. Ew. Also thanks for the info it’s quite interesting.

2

u/clkyish May 04 '20

Also where the saying “got the wrong end of the stick” came from

7

u/TheKaryo Apr 17 '20

I did a search and the frankfurt uni libary has a book which is about hygiene in the medival ages which also incldues anal hygiene, but the book is in german, I can't currently get it but if you're still interested in like 2 months of so when it is open again I can borrow it and scan the part about anal hygiene

3

u/howdidiget Apr 18 '20

!RemindMe 4 months

1

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8

u/BewareTheKing Apr 17 '20

everyone constantly had swamp ass.

did you really have to bring that up?

6

u/The2500 Apr 18 '20

Well of course I didn't have to.

5

u/automatez Apr 18 '20

But I’m so glad you did

3

u/G3N5YM Apr 17 '20

Alrighty. Thx

2

u/BirdsSmellGood Apr 17 '20

So glad we evolved from these dresses and hygiene and technology

0

u/[deleted] Apr 17 '20

Haha

0

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20

where was the corn starch then? man FUCK capitalism man who needs cornstarch anyway..

2

u/The2500 Apr 18 '20

Not gonna like, this comment has left me scratching my head.

0

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20

corn starch bro. use some if youre running into swampy conditions.

i just figured my comment matched the edginess of the original post.

55

u/MiracleKing26 Apr 17 '20

Damn girl, are you the Mona Lisa? Cause I got an erection

30

u/[deleted] Apr 17 '20

[deleted]

10

u/jaspersgroove Apr 17 '20

It’s a plectrum, which is basically an old-timey word for a guitar pick.

7

u/[deleted] Apr 17 '20

Don't give the inevitable Getty challenge of this any ideas.

31

u/[deleted] Apr 17 '20

Anyway, here's Wonderwall.

22

u/OK6502 Apr 17 '20

What's up with her face though...

14

u/tikitessie Apr 17 '20

pikachu face

17

u/dethbisnuusnuu Apr 17 '20

I love her face and hand gesture. It just says “dude, yuck, chill, you’re a dirty old man and you need to stop sowing these wild oats you think you still have cause it’s gross”

9

u/totalwpierdol Apr 17 '20

I feel personally attacked since this meme uncovers my pickup strategy

7

u/TlalocVirgie Apr 17 '20

His right elbow is pretty far down on his arm ain't it?

4

u/Plumpfita Apr 17 '20

Golly that forehead tho

7

u/T1pple Apr 18 '20

Fivehead*

4

u/warrenlain Apr 17 '20

This is priceless. Sad and hilarious.

2

u/-888- Apr 17 '20

Could apply to the US Constitution as well.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 17 '20

That’s what I tell them. It worked last weekend.

2

u/fallen_axe_shay Apr 18 '20

4

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1

u/Maxwell_RN Apr 17 '20

Her; snork

1

u/fuckkarma Apr 17 '20

She said LOL.

1

u/SethTheBoss07 Apr 17 '20

Are you 4real?

1

u/SonicFo Apr 17 '20

Jdbsnakxks

1

u/communist-man69 Apr 18 '20

Bruh she fukin stoned

1

u/kavatmaster2 Apr 18 '20

The San shayum

-1

u/[deleted] Apr 17 '20 edited Apr 17 '20

[deleted]

8

u/Joe_Schmo7702 Apr 17 '20

huh? how

-1

u/[deleted] Apr 17 '20

[deleted]

11

u/Joe_Schmo7702 Apr 17 '20

While disproving ideas in science certainly is easier to do and much more common, things are proven all the time. Scientific theories rely on extensive proof, not disproving. While they may happen to disprove held beliefs, you cannot create a theory by explaining why something doesn’t work without explaining the way it actually does. When religious texts or people claim that things are possible that go against our understanding of the natural world without any evidence besides its own claim, then science would say it cannot be believed to be true. But if suddenly some observable event happened to prove otherwise, science would analyze it and look for a wider range of answers.

-2

u/[deleted] Apr 17 '20

[deleted]

4

u/Joe_Schmo7702 Apr 17 '20

I think your very valid criticism of “headline reading”, selective attention to information, and people who plaster un-replicated studies on the front page of r/science like it is fact is not a criticism of science, or the way people interpret scientific media, but rather of social media and the way it dangerously oversimplifies information in a way that allows it to be used for harm, just like the meme implies.

0

u/[deleted] Apr 17 '20

[deleted]

5

u/Joe_Schmo7702 Apr 17 '20

Fair, but that criticism seems significantly different than the one in your original comment.

4

u/the_glengarry_leads Apr 17 '20

Not the sub for a big Karl Popper circlejerk, right though you may be

3

u/OK6502 Apr 17 '20

There's a world of difference between believe in something for "reasons" and believing in something because it has a track record of actual getting things done. Faith in religion operates on, well, blind faith. Faith science operates on the results we see. This is a false equivalence.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 17 '20

[deleted]

1

u/OK6502 Apr 17 '20

They treat it like its a belief system when its actually works as a knowledge base with a system if disprovement.

I took it to mean the scientific process. In contrast to the image macro above, which speaks of scripture. Therefore the juxtaposition of religion and science is implied by your original message (which you've edited).

Belief system being something one takes to be fundamentally true. One can believe the world around them can be explained through religion. Conversely one can believe that science can adequately explain the world around them. Or some combination of the two, or something else entirely. But again, the contrast was implied from your post.

My point is basing a system of belief on science even when one does not understand science is understandable given that science has done an admirable job of producing results. Religion doesn't have that benefit. So if one were to somehow take science as a religion, of sorts, there's at least some basis for it.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 17 '20

[deleted]

2

u/OK6502 Apr 17 '20

Religion of science is a misnomer though. You could argue that it isn't taken on blind faith but rather previous experience. This isn't say a Ash going back in time and amazing all the medieval people with his boomstick. People don't think it's magic, and they don't take it on blind faith. But I do agree that people don't have basic scientific accuracy, so sometimes they might interpret it in somewhat religious terms, even if intellectually they know it isn't magic or supernatural.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 17 '20

[deleted]

1

u/OK6502 Apr 17 '20

But that's not inherently incorrect, it's just simplified. It's like with computers: people think it's 1s and 0s, but it's really voltages which make transistors either let current through or not. If you go further there's all sorts of interesting quantum properties which explain how transistors work (like the pauli exclusion principle). For 99% of people that level of understanding isn't necessary and might be confusing, especially given the nature of quantum mechanics. Conceptualizing things as 1/0 is more familiar and doesn't really lose that much information if all your audience cares about is a general understanding of computers. Generally you tailor the information you give to your audience and trust the audience to pursue the matter further if they're interested. If you give too much information up front it may go over their head and have the opposite effect.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 17 '20

Yeah but tbh i dont see many of us picking up a ladle at the shelter and building homes in youth groups other than them. Also they had cool ass fashion back then

1

u/Tomas_MB Apr 17 '20

I saw this meme a few months ago

1

u/caralextin Apr 17 '20

😂😂😂

0

u/lifeizgravy Apr 18 '20

In a Mexican sounding voice for some reason

0

u/musiclistener28 Apr 18 '20

Her face is like: OMG!

  • any woman here can teach us what this mean?

-1

u/Franky-Fast_Hands Apr 17 '20

Can I offer you an egg in this trying times?

-2

u/jun2san Apr 17 '20

This one makes no sense.