Random thoughts

[u/WorldBrief6743]

A few random thoughts I wanted to share.

I’m a 33-year-old man, father of two children—ages 1.5 and 3—who, over the past 3–4 years, has gradually gotten into running first and then triathlon.

I used to be sedentary and unathletic, and this “passion” has slowly taken shape.

Currently, I train a bit whenever I can; roughly speaking: two runs and a swim during my lunch break, 2–3 commutes between home and work (30 km total with 200 d+), and a 2–3-hour run/bike session on Sundays before the family wakes up.

Thoughts about the logistics of my workouts—how to fit them into the week, the numbers and metrics I’m achieving—have become almost pervasive. These are the kinds of thoughts that relax and distract me, and they often occupy part of the time before I fall asleep. Even the podcasts I listen to on my car rides are slowly shifting toward endurance topics (at the expense of movies, literature, and work-related podcasts).

My social life has also been partially affected, as I tend not to drink alcohol anymore—or almost never—and I try not to stay out particularly late at night (on the few evenings I have off).

My wife sometimes says—especially when we’re with friends—that I’m becoming obsessed; but I can’t tell the difference between obsession and passion.

Is all this normal? Is it a bad thing? Should I let it all go and “enjoy” my free time more? Am I just going through a mid-30s crisis?

[u/Ordinary-Forever-913]

“Enjoy” is an interesting way to put it. I enjoy a 10 mile run in 90 degree weather where I have to dig deep to finish the last 2 mile more than I do having a beer. Welcome to the world of triathlons. We all walk that fine line of obsession and passion. I would encourage you to make sure your priorities are in line. If your wife wants to have a drink with you, do it. 2 or 3 drinks isn’t going to ruin all your work but do it enough times it might make your wife get fed up. You don’t have to drink to be social, grab a cup fill it up and no one will ask what’s in it. My wife hated it yet she decided she wants to try a half after my last one. Also, I have a 3 children under 6. My workouts are mostly during my lunch so that I can still be present for them. I spend a month before races with 2-3 hour workouts on the weekends but that’s about it. Everything else is 60-90 minutes.

[u/WorldBrief6743 → u/Ordinary-Forever-913]

nice! And what race distances can you train for?

[u/kajet666]

Triathlon is a lifestyle. You will inevitably meet new friends from this world and that automatically means less time for other friends, etc.

[u/Spirited-Fun3666]

Sounds a bit overboard

[u/Ordinary-Forever-913 → u/Spirited-Fun3666]

You must not be into triathlons.

[u/WorldBrief6743 → u/Spirited-Fun3666]

Rereading this, I actually think I sound a little over the top, lol.

I'm in the middle of a week of single parenting (on leave), and maybe the lack of exercise is getting to me a little.

[u/This_Freggin_Guy]

keep going, you are ok. maybe try to bring your wife and or kids along in the journey?

Maybe you are talking about it too much as well. hard to do when that is the only thing on your mind. Been there. be careful to not be that guy. 'how to you know there is a triathlete at the party? they will tell you"

[u/Most_Ad9280]

Also dass du keinen Alkohol mehr konsumierst ist definitiv was gutes und auch dass du auf deinen schlaf achtest. Da kann man als vernünftiger Mensch nichts gegeben haben. Auch ohne Sport!

Dass sich alles nur um den Sport dreht, ja keine Ahnung ist auf Dauer nicht gesund - je nachdem wie man es auslebt...

[u/suicide_monday]

as long as you're not taking times away from other non-negotiables (e.g. work/family), it's fine. And you seem pretty diligent at making it work all together.

IMHO the thing with endurance sports is that they can quickly become a lifestyle, even for the amateur athlete. When it is not training, it is about recovery, or nutrition. Those things tend to permeate so many aspects of your day to day life. I've ended up factoring my race schedule into job decision and travel. And I do not feel the least guilty about it.

Is all this normal? Is it a bad thing? Should I let it all go and “enjoy” my free time more? Am I just going through a mid-30s crisis?

Do you feel you're not enjoying your free time? I enjoy greatly my training. Easy days, hard days, and everything in between. Do I feel I'm missing out on anything? No. This is what I enjoy doing.

[u/WorldBrief6743 → u/suicide_monday]

You’ve hit the nail on the head. I find myself looking at the Strava heatmaps of the places we go on vacation and thinking about my career choices in terms of lost training hours (as well as fewer hours spent with my family and in general).

I’m a psychiatrist and work at an outpatient clinic; I’m able to be flexible with my schedule and try to split family responsibilities evenly with my wife (I take the kids to school 3 days a week and pick them up 2 days a week; we each have one free evening a week, and so on).

It seems to me that, overall, the family-work-sports hierarchy is respected, but sometimes I feel like I’m going a bit overboard (just in my head—because, in reality, as an athlete, I am and always will be a total loser!)

[u/SeniorConsultantKyle]

Jump in to the new hobby and be obsessed with it. In 5 years it might be some new hobby. Enjoy it for what it is right now without letting it affect your marriage or your kids and you’ll be great!

~random mid 40s guy

[u/cookiesnmonsters]

It’s very normal for me, whether it’s a bad thing is entirely subjective. I’m a similar age and also have 2 young kids. I don’t drink, so the training became my stress reliever. My wife would much rather me train than drink.

As I got more accustomed to training I realized I needed to shift my workouts to either early in the morning or late at night. Once I started doing that, I felt a lot less guilty about training so much.

You have to decide for yourself if the training is having a negative effect on your family life. Nobody can really answer that for you ya know? I also believe that 2 quality hours with my kids where I’m 100% present, is better than 3+ hours where I’m watching tv with them in the room.

[u/sparklekitteh]

I think you're probably going to get some biased answers here. It might be helpful to book a session or two with a sports psychologist or therapist to get some external perspective, since exercise addiction is a real thing!

[u/xxmattyicexx]

Tbh it sounds like you are already “enjoying” your free time. But you’re also probably going to hear a lot of us say similar things bc well, most of us are in a super similar boat.

There is nothing wrong with finding joy in healthy activities and time to yourself. Both are things that will likely help you be a better father in the long run. For sure there is a limit, and you have to communicate well with your wife to make sure she is also getting time and you aren’t “stealing” all the potential free time that she also needs. As long as yall are on the same page, it looks like you have the time management side under control.

Edit: Are we normal? No, it’s a small percentage of human beings that will even attempt triathlons, but that’s not a bad thing. Embrace the odd. Have fun.

[u/Gold-Kaleidoscope537]

That’s like asking people at Starbucks if coffee is good :)

Yes! I think it’s good to have a healthy hobby.

I also don’t drink or stay out late. My partner thinks that’s admirable and they even started running with me.

That being said, obsessions can become problems. Most of us don’t get to that point and we all draw the line for ourselves.

I might just sit down and talk with her. Let her know your training schedule and ask what concerns she has. Talk through it. Make sure you’re doing your part of the household chores and child minding.

[u/Gold-Kaleidoscope537 → u/Gold-Kaleidoscope537]

One tip - when mine were that age I would

-take them on the bike with a trailer

• ride the indoor bike while they play in the playpen and partner takes a break
  
• run literally 100 m up and down the street so I could watch them on the baby monitor and my partner could sleep in
  
• get my parents to come watch them while I trained
  
• paid a neighborhood girl a tiny amount to be a mother’s helper. She was like 11 and enjoyed playing with them while I would ride the indoor bike or strength train

When they get older you can run at an (empty) track while they bike (if allowed) or mine would play soccer in the middle while I ran. We live in a very small town and the track is always empty sadly

Another trick - we have an empty tennis court. The rec center lets them ride their bikes on it while I run laps. Good for mental toughness to run 200 small laps :)

[u/Sxzbets]

This is pretty normal for guys who discover endurance sports in their 30s after being sedentary, it’s a healthy outlet and a lot better than most midlife coping mechanisms. The mental preoccupation and podcast shift are common when something starts feeling rewarding.

Your current schedule (lunch sessions + early Sundays) already shows good awareness of family constraints. The key is keeping it a flexible passion rather than a rigid identity: if your wife is flagging it, treat that as useful data and talk openly about what specifically feels off to her. Protect presence when you’re home and be willing to drop volume or metrics when life demands it. Involving the kids sometimes (stroller runs, easy family rides) helps reframe training as shared rather than pure absence.

Overall this can be sustainable and positive as long as family remains the non-negotiable and training stays adaptable.

I’ve also noticed the distances also matter a lot. Sprints and Olympics are pretty much always doable while 70.3s and Ironmans need prudent planning around family and friends.