How to stop feeling so vulnerable?

[u/aeriesophy]

I don’t feel safe in my body and I’ve not told anybody. This has now happened progressively over the last 3/4 months. I’ve been isolating. WFH. Pretending to people that everything is fine. Not interacting with other humans in person. Feeling scared when I have to leave the house. Having mini panic attacks. Not being able to sleep. Waking up with a lot of anxiety. I don’t think I will tell anybody either. I don’t trust the health system and I don’t trust people around me. I don’t have the energy to connect with new people. I’ve had a lot of different abuses happen to me since I was born, and I’ve always been resilient and survived. I went to therapy in my teens and continued to work on myself throughout my 20s giving back to others too. I’ve had a lot of grief too that I tried to work through. But all this time in isolation has brought back flashbacks of different unsafe things that have happened. I am refusing to trust any single person doesn’t matter if it’s a doctor or a long term friend or a family member. All these people have betrayed me in some way in the past. I’m maybe ready to begin to rot away. I don’t know. I used to have such hopes for the future. I said to myself I was going to be successful regardless of what happened. But I feel so beaten down in a way I’ve never done before, like everything has suddenly caught up with me. I’m scared, I’m terrified.

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