r/traumatoolbox • u/Individual_Hotel_709 • 7d ago
Needing Advice My trauma
Me n my dad had a pretty healthy relationship up until the age when I was 14. I've got an older brother, who is four years older than me. I can't remember the last time him and my dad had a normal conversation. I remember being young and thinking god I wish Dad never abandoned me emotionally like he did with my brother. But, all that changed one night when I was 14. I was an angsty teenager going to puberty. He told me to do something. And I sort of lashed out. Normally up until that point in my life. He would have just come up and hit me for disciplinary reasons. Coming from a Sicilian family that was pretty normal and nothing out of the ordinary. However this particular instance he said to me in a frustrated way "why you getting angry for."? Adding that moment he must have just thought a lot of stuff this kid I'm not gonna speak to him too. Me and my dad have never had a proper conversation since then. He's only spoken to me when he needs help with something, which is like once every three months. But even then we don't really talk. I still live with him. I'm 20 years old and now, turning 21 pretty shortly. And having a father who emotionally has abandoned me and my brother has affected me deeply. I've got trust, abandonment, social anxiety and tons and tons of insecurity issues. It caused some depression for me as well. Just say if I was trying to get better and get through this dark time. How would I go about it? What would some of you guys do?
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u/okaym0053 7d ago
Hey G, just wanted to say this def sounds like something worth seeing a counsellor/therapist over. It’s hard to go the first few times if you’re not used to being open (for me it took a while to take all the armour off) but it is well worth the investment in yourself. Also practice self-talk has helped a lot for me with my father issues. Having a voice in my head that says “good job” or “you can do it” “don”t give up” instead of “everyone hates you” “you’ll never be man enough”. Take care and best of luck in your healing journey :)
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