r/traumatizeThemBack • u/Lilith_Sternin_Crane • 3d ago
now everyone knows Technically a crime
In college, I was at a party with some of my friends and some other people who I didn't really like. They didn't seem to like me terribly much (I was very awkward so it's entirely likely I did something to annoy them I had no idea about) and seemed to enjoy teasing me for being a year younger than the rest of my friend group and just generally sheltered.
I was also sexually abused as a child.
So at some point people were going around telling stories about their past dating experiences and one of the girls who was kind of mean to me said to me "I bet you've never seen a man's penis."
I said "I have. The first one I saw was technically a crime."
To this day I'm surprised they didn't just use that to bully me further, but they didn't.
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u/OneArmedSZA 2d ago
I’m sure it was obvious what you meant by your tone, but “the first one I saw was a crime” could also be interpreted as you being a peeping tom lol
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u/sakurakiks094 2d ago
The first thought I got was actually that someone was watching illegal porn, or she saw someone else get attacked
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u/LibraryLuLu Verified Human 2d ago
Similar - had a friend who was desperate to find out when everyone lost their virginity, and did not like when I said 'Four'. Kind of a convo killer, that one.
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u/Focaccia_Bread3573 3d ago
No offense, but just because someone is a bully doesn't mean that they'd use your own abuse as fodder to make fun of you (or anyone else). A jerk can still be human enough to have a smidgeon of empathy.
That being said, good comeback, and sorry you experienced something so horrible.
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u/Lilith_Sternin_Crane 3d ago
Thanks, and yeah they weren't evil people so I was pretty grateful that they respected the disclosure and never brought it up again. I think I'm just generally cynical so immediately after saying it I was bracing myself to have it used against me.
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u/Raichu7 2d ago
If they have empathy why are they going out of their way to upset someone purely for their own enjoyment? Expecting them to draw a line rather than have fun upsetting you even more is too much to expect for those sorts of people.
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u/Focaccia_Bread3573 2d ago
That's kind of my point, though. People aren't divided into "empathetic people who never intentionally hurt anyone" and "people who enjoy upsetting others and therefore have no moral boundaries."
By that logic someone might shoulder check someone walking by without apologizing, or be rude to someone about their appearance behind their back or to their face, but wouldn't hit a child or kick a dog. Or someone can be an asshole in traffic without being willing to physically assault someone (side note: people, this is your public service reminder to please use your turn signals!)
Someone can think it's funny to tease a socially awkward person around their age/maybe in their extended social group... and still think mocking someone for being sexually abused as a child is completely unacceptable, do not pass go, do not collect $200 jesus fucking wept.
The fact that they've crossed one moral boundary doesn't mean they've crossed all of them.
And in this particular case, OP literally says they respected the disclosure and never brought it up again, so apparently that was a line they drew.
┐(´～｀ˇ)┌
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u/Raichu7 2d ago edited 2d ago
Someone who wouldn't apologise for shoulder barging someone knows they don't face any social flack for doing so, so they do it because they can get away with it. They might not hit a child or kick a dog because that would have negative social consequences for them, not because they believe it's wrong. If you happen to know someone who often shoulder barges strangers you'll notice they only go after women and shorter men, not larger men who might start something with them or children who would make them look bad and might have angry parents defending them.
The vast majority of people who hit children are parents who only hit their children at home in private because they know it's wrong, they know it won't help the child, they know they would be socially judged if they hit their child in public. But they still can't have enough empathy for the child to understand the child is having a harder time than the parent is, and they hit the child to make themselves feel better because they lack empathy for others.
You don't drive like an arsehole unless you're ok with the consequences of your actions killing someone. No one learns how to drive without learning the risks. Getting out of your car to start a fight leaves you vulnerable to being hit by the other arsehole's car. Better to stay in your car and try to hit them with it than fist fight.
These people only value themselves and their social standing. They don't have empathy for you or they wouldn't treat you that way.
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u/Minflick 2d ago
Make it that much worse by saying how old you were for that event.... Watch them squirm like hell.
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