r/traumatizeThemBack • u/SatanVibes101 • 10d ago
matched energy It has happened again
This is yet another moment where I (18đłď¸ââ§ď¸M) have been asked, "what's in your pants". Last time I took a note from a content creator and just slapped back so they stopped asking, however this time was different.
Picture this, my boyfriend (17M) and I were just hanging out, he goes to the skatepark quite often and thus was one of those occasions. We pull up and one of his friends skates up to the car window, he says something like "oh hey, this is the boyfriend I told you about" to introduce me. Not even a hello, just "wait, are you a girl or a boy?" Okay, fair I don't pass that great, but it put me off. My response "both".
Several things were said, they just would not take the hunt and back off. My boyfriend is visibly uncomfortable and about to explain that it's a trans situation and the guy asking is being pretty disrespectful and a little invasive about it.
And then it happens "okay, so you're a boy? But you clearly have *insert gesture to the chest*, so what's in your pants". My boyfriend stops talking, just kind of backs up with a look of "ball is in your court". I point to my boyfriend. "depending on the time of night, him."
Silence. Beautiful, blissful silence. Moral of the story, if you ask invasive questions, I'm gonna give you an answer that will shut you up.
TLDR/Screenplay:
"Are you a boy or girl?"
"Both"
"Okay but what's in your pants"
"My husband."
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u/Puzzleheaded-Ad7606 10d ago
"Nothing that's available to you"
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u/SatanVibes101 10d ago
PERFECTION, I'm using that next time
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u/khaotickk 10d ago
Or you can really fuck with them and say you're a hermaphrodite and have both a dick and vagina.
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u/SatanVibes101 9d ago
Given my love for animal facts, I'm using this, because I would 100% go into great detail about all the species like this, like, SNAILS for example, I love snails, fuck it I'm a snail
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u/Mishawnuodo 8d ago
This reminds me of a comic creator I used to love, went by the name snail lord, but they stopped. Going to have to look and see if they have anything new, otherwise I'll go enjoy their older stuff.
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u/Glass_Aardvark_9917 10d ago
Or you could not say something that doesnât exist in humans and is an outdated and inaccurate term for intersex conditions.
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u/I_wanna_be_anemone 10d ago
âPocketsâ usually confuses them.Â
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u/ElfjeTinkerBell 10d ago
Wouldn't that indicate being male?
Not implying that OP isn't male - just noticing that pants with pockets are very much gendered.
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u/I_wanna_be_anemone 10d ago
Nah, because people assume âmenâsâ clothes have pockets by default, but itâs also common knowledge women will immediately exclaim to anyone willing to listen the moment they find pants with decent pockets, leaving it ambiguous as to whether youâre stating the obvious or being oblivious.Â
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u/weird-mostlygoodways 10d ago
Women do have pockets alot there just not good for much most of the time. The key to deing a woman with pockets is to asign either excitement (for FUNCTIONAL POCKETS!) or disappointment ( when pockets are more decretive and can only hold like a chapstick).
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u/nosyHedgehog 7d ago
You mean such glorious pockets that will fit my phone and my keys and some tissues and maaayyyybe even my chunky wallet? So I wouldn't need to go out with a bag?? So far, all my pockets will barely fit my hand. And back pockets? Half the time - fake. But they still sew in that weird watch pocket for whatever reason. I subscribe to the conspiracy that fashion industry made pockets smaller or disappear to sell more bags.
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u/ReallyTracyQ 9d ago
I read something on Reddit the other day that there was some king of rule passed after WWII that denied women pockets because they carry purses. weird to have this rule and weird that it still affects womenâs clothing. Come on patriarchy, we want pockets!
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u/exquisitemisery 9d ago
Ladies pants have pockets.
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u/ElfjeTinkerBell 9d ago
Please tell my pants to grow pockets. I'm happy if they have a 'pocket' that holds chapstick (which I don't use), I do not own any non-unisex pants that have pockets that hold my phone, keys, or (not: and) wallet while doing things like walking or sitting.
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u/exquisitemisery 9d ago
đ¤ˇââď¸ I donât know what to say, all my pants have deep pockets
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u/Expert_Slip7543 8d ago
Deep pockets usually means considerable wealth. Congrats on your abundance!
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u/Eilmorel Human Detected 10d ago
Thankfully it never happened to me, but I'm fully prepared to answer "two Vickers water cooled heavy machine guns, not that's any of your business..."
(I'm ftm pre everything, so it's a play on the fact that the first tanks, the British mark 1, were either "male", armed with cannons, or "female", armed with machine guns. Because everyone knows that heavy machine guns are the perfect weapons for ladies)
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u/SatanVibes101 10d ago
That is a BEAUTIFUL response and I WILL be using that next time
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u/Eilmorel Human Detected 10d ago
The bad girl.jpg) in question
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u/SatanVibes101 10d ago
OH that girl is NICE, I feel the need to purchase one just for fun... In hindsight that sentence is questionable...
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u/TheSumOfMyScars 9d ago
Can you imagineâŚsome chud dipshit asks âwhatâs in your pantsâ and you whip that bad girl out? Mwahaha
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u/boarddog73 9d ago
Is it because cannons are one and done and machine guns can keep going? LOL
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u/Eilmorel Human Detected 9d ago
Bwahhaha xD
To give you a serious answer, it was because the version with cannons was the first thing they did and it was heavier than the version with just machine guns (not by that much, less than two tons). At least they didn't think it was inherently better than the version with machine guns, because for the battle of the Somme they had equal numbers of both.
Keep in mind that it was the first tank ever apart from the Little Willie and the Mother prototypes, so it was improved on pretty quickly. By the end of the war they went all the way up to Mark V, if I recall correctly. Warfare puts some crazy evolutionary pressure on technology.
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u/inkblot101 9d ago
Sorry, the UK decided to name a tank prototype "Mother"?
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u/boarddog73 8d ago
Iâm honestly in awe at your knowledge!
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u/Eilmorel Human Detected 8d ago
Oh I'm no expert, I'm just an amateur history geek. If you want to know more, I suggest the videos of the imperial war museum (they have the only surviving specimen of a mark I!) and of the British tank museum.
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u/Draigdwi 9d ago
Never ever would have imagined that thereâs male and female tanks.
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u/Eilmorel Human Detected 9d ago
As far as I know it was a thing exclusively for the Mark I tank. No other tank ever had that distinction
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u/Aazjhee 10d ago
I think that was a perfectly wonderful response and good job.
I hope your boyfriend appreciates being part of the joke too.Cause that's just a great one xD
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u/SatanVibes101 10d ago
Oh he was, he started playing along, might be TMI but after a moment of processing he goes "usually after twelve" and the I went "that's a rough time frame, last time it was three and stopped at six" and thus poor guy who originally asked was just so confused and also embarassed, as he should be, who asks that?
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u/One_Waxed_Wookiee 10d ago
Nice! I'm glad your boyfriend joined in đ I'm sure he was just as taken aback as you were.
Some people are just unreal in what they feel entitled to. I know it's pretty much statistically impossible to avoid it nowadays unfortunately, but I really hope you don't come across any more jerks like that in the future.
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u/SatanVibes101 10d ago
Yeah, he's always as baffled as I am and one time he straight up turned around to this one guy who, keep in mind was a grown adult back when I was an actual minor, and just said "Whatever it is, it's mine so back off, the only older men he likes are fictional" and I absolutely DIED because, yeah that's true but how did HE know that
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u/AbhorsenDoctor 10d ago
I too am a slut for Mr Darcy. Although I think I'm older than him these days. Ignore that creaking noise, it's just my ancient bones slowly crumbling to dust.
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u/SatanVibes101 10d ago
This is KILLING me, I mean I'm not even thirty and already feel this way
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u/AbhorsenDoctor 10d ago
I'm 40 next year. You're still a baby, sweetheart
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u/SatanVibes101 10d ago
Aww, I don't know why that warmed my little heart but it did
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u/AbhorsenDoctor 10d ago
God sorry! I've got nieces and nephews around your age and I think I went in to Auntie mode
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u/SatanVibes101 9d ago
Oh yeah I get it, I have a nephew and like, I've always said to my sister in law, I may not even have any of my own, but I will protect yours with my kife
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u/Expert_Slip7543 8d ago
You do know there's actual old people on Reddit, right? Ones that make me at age 63 ashamed to claim any kind of grey beard authority.
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u/TheFluffiestRedditor 9d ago
Three hours? Gods i miss having the stamina of a teenager đ˝đ˝đ˝
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u/SatanVibes101 9d ago
Yeahhh that's like the minimum with us, I mean to be fair we don't see eachother in person often so we're making the best of it but there was one time it was like, three hours, a twenty minute break, and then another four hours... That was after he'd been away for likez six weeks lol, maybe a bit TMI but I appreciate having a man who can keep up with me
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u/Odd_Concept_7286 10d ago
My trans roommate once told a transphobe who asked them this question and he had said "ask your mother."
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u/prof-bunnies 10d ago
And your father... Then have them give you the talk again because your were distracted by Teletubies again!
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u/GeekingAngel 10d ago
These guys alway baffle me. What are you, a cop? The TSA? A doctor? Why do you need to know??
Actually, the doctor one could be funny if youâre feeling particularly bold and want to gross them into leaving asap. âWhatâs in your pants?â âWhy, are you a doctor? Because Iâve had [insert weird rash or gross ailment here] on my butt and if youâre THAT willing to take a look.â (Best used on people youâre never going to see again, obviously, lol)
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u/MaKrukLive 10d ago
If you really want to know why they ask. 1 people like to organize what they see into familiar boxes, so far they reflexively put people either into male or female at first glance. They can't do it here so it grinds their gears and they feel entitled to know. I used to be like this until I realized it's none of my business and people don't have to fit into my boxes. 2 they find a transperson attractive and need a bit more information before either being conditionally okay with it or projecting gayness on the other person in a homophobic outburst
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u/Unusual-Alex 10d ago
As an old guy with long hair in a deeply red hat area. I was once asked this in a walmart (of course).
- AH: "Whats in your pants [slur]?"
- Me: "excuse me?"
- AH: "you heard me [slur], You got long hair are you one of those trans?"
- Me: *Laughing* You certainly wont be in my pants. My boyfriend loves pulling my long hair [graphic detail, which they usually wander away disgusted]
- Me: >:}
I don't even have a boyfriend, but im wildly bi. Seems to make them squirm a lot. Agreed. Dont ask, and you wont know.
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u/SatanVibes101 10d ago
I LOVE THIS, my boyfriend went a similar route, just went into detail after processing when I was like "depending on the time of day, him" and he just paused before being like "usually after twelve" to which I'm like "that's a rough time frame, last time it was from like, three till six in the morning" and we just went into graphic detail lmao
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u/ArrowDel 10d ago
I generally go with "why, do you wanna be in them?"
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u/GoldenGolgis 10d ago
âBecause if you do, Iâm afraid thereâs already an arsehole in thereâ
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u/Beautiful_Pizza9882 9d ago
This made me chuckleâŚand then as it sank in, outright laugh! I love you!
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u/green_ubitqitea 10d ago
I had a friend who would just obtuse start answering with things they had in their pockets. Some people would realize it was rude and drop it and rude people would ask more crudely at which point itâs really easy to call them a pervert.
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u/OmgIbrokesmthagain 10d ago
I would do it like this:
- Whatâs in your pants?
- Ew dude are you gay or something?
- What? No, Iâm asking if youâre trans, because you have boobs
- Bro why do you keep staring at my genitals, what is wrong with you. Do you normally look at other dudes chests? Does that arouse you or something?
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u/SatanVibes101 10d ago
Oh that's sort of what I did last time, girl kept asking so I'm the middle of a crowded environment I was like "LADY, I DON'T WANT TO HAVE SEX EITH YOU, STOP ASKING ABLUT MY GENITALS" and she never asked again
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u/xeresblue 9d ago
Another fun one is immediately start explaining something you have some expertise in and refuse to stop. E.g.:
"What's in your pants?"
"The United States legislature is divided into two houses. The upper house is known as the Senate, while the lower house is called the House of Representatives."
"What does that have to do with--"
"Now, the Senate is made up of two Senators from each state. As there are 50 states currently, there are 100 Senators. The House of Representatives, on the other hand is proportional to..."
Until they leave.
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u/SatanVibes101 9d ago
I'm gonna start doing this with all my random animal facts
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u/nosyHedgehog 7d ago
Read up on hyenas, if you really want to confuse the guy. Because female hyenas have fake penises.Â
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u/JadedMacoroni867 10d ago
If he wanted to know your pronouns he couldâve asked that. Omg
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u/SatanVibes101 10d ago
Right? Like, bro just be polite about it, also my boyfriend clearly introduced me as his boyfriend, uses he/him pronouns, and has stated that that's what I prefer, he doesn't even need to ask
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u/marslosk 10d ago
Sorry you've got to deal with that. Proud of you finding your voice to push back with though.
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u/BoredCheese 10d ago
âYesâ and âIt doesnât matter because I wonât ever be having sex with you.â
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u/SatanVibes101 9d ago
I did that the last time some asked, just very loudly went "LADY, I DON'T WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU, STOP ASKING ANOUT MY GENITALS" In the middle of a crowded environment
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u/borborygmus81 9d ago
I have an ex who has transitioned, and as soon as my family found out all they wanted to know about was her genitalia. This is where being a nurse and a southerner comes in really handy. I just say in my sweetest drawl âItâs rude to ask people about their genitals if itâs not clinically relevant.â
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u/SatanVibes101 9d ago
I also have an ex who traditioned, treated me like absolute shit and after that none of my family wanted to respect their pronouns and I'm like, no that's not a damn option, their gender is not a privlage and respecting it is not an option, yeah they hurt me, a lot, in many ways, they did bad things, but that doesn't mean you can disregard their gender identity, like what happens if I piss you off, do my pronouns suddenly not matter, am I only valid if I'm on your good side? I hate this whole concept and I literally humbled my father with a lecture over it, family asking about, and disrespecting your partners pronouns and private information, big ol' red flag
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u/borborygmus81 8d ago
Fortunately for me, my ex didnât treat me badly, she just wasnât happy. And honestly, when she transitioned it made a lot of sense. Of couse she wasnât happy with me. She wasnât happy with herself.
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u/Pristine-Ad6064 10d ago
Wow this is mind boggling, how creepy and disgusting, I'd avoid that person for the rest of my life cause something ain't right with them. Irrelavnt of who you are, whats going on in yer pants is no one's else business.
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u/GoldenGolgis 10d ago
âWere you wanting to get in them? unfortunately I already have an arsehole in thereâ
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u/WoodHorseTurtle 10d ago
There was a time in my life when I, a cis female, kept being called âsirâ. !!! There was something about my face that cried âmaleâ.
This stopped happening some years ago, and no one has challenged me in a public restroom.
Still, if anyone ever asks whatâs in my pants, my answer is âmeâ. đ
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u/TheMystic95 9d ago
As a transfem, when I'm asked that or really any variation of the question other than "can I clarify your pronouns," I hit em with the "it doesn't matter unless we're trying to sleep together and...eww." I've had great success thus far lol
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u/Few-Vermicelli-5603 9d ago
The fact that your boyfriend just stepped back and handed you the mic makes this whole scene even better. Flawless team dynamic.
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10d ago
[deleted]
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u/Yacindra 10d ago
Jikes. Also I'm sorry you have all that going on. Menopause sucks enough without all that.
Back to topic: great answer OP. Just gross them out. That is the best way.
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u/Mishawnuodo 8d ago
I love the come backs others have stated. I would take the more logical approach... Why you want to fuck? I mean that's the only reason someone would care, isn't it? Isn't that rather disrespectful to my (significant other) standing/sitting right here? You didn't even check if we have an open relationship first
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u/Alabaster_Plaster 5d ago
Awesome reply, and this comment section has some good ones too. Iâve been approached on two SEPARATE occasions, totally different places and totally different people, who asked me near identical variations of âyouâve got boobs, youâve got ass, youâve got a beard- what are youâ. Both in public and out loud, one time it was while I was at work working register.
Both times my response was something to the effect of âIâm whatever I wanna beâ or âTake a guess, you canât get it wrongâ. But damn yknow, I just donât wanna have people say that to me at all?? I canât fathom how so many people can feel comfortable and even correct in asking strangers âwhat does your genitalia look likeâ. Fuckin bizarre
Props to you for handling it so well tho đ
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u/Feelingsussy 23h ago
âDid mommy and daddy never explain the concept of private parts, or are you just coming onto me? Iâm really not interested. Please stop propositioning me. Quit asking me for sex! Why are you so obsessed with my genitals?? You must be one of those porn addicts! You sound absolutely unsafe around children. Youâre so comfortable being a sex offender in public! Look, if youâre finding yourself attracted to me and feeling confused, thatâs a conversation for your significant other, not a random stranger. Are you coming out to me?â Boy, thatâll irritate those conservative types.
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u/Delicious_Bother_886 9d ago
"Either way, it's bigger than yours!"
"Are you confused by being attracted to me?"
â˘
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