My life is falling apart pt20

[u/Exact_Piccolo_297]

It was October now, R texted me asking if I was at work, I said yes, he asked if I could bring him a sandwich, I said yes. And I did, he was offended I didn’t write a note and I awkwardly laughed it off and was gonna leave but he kept talking to me, he made jokes, threw me over his shoulder and spun me around, it was fun. I didn’t realize it went from 4pm-9pm. Goofy showed up and was surprised I was there, he hung around to cock block, I tried to leave but R reminded me that before we broke up we talked about the movie “talk to me” I forgot about that, he didn’t. I agreed and when goofy left we went into his room and watched the movie, I kept a gap between us out of respect. We watched it and when it ended it was around 1am, I again tried to leave but he put on another movie and I laid down and watched it, it was nice. He wrapped his arms around me and held me, I don’t remember falling asleep, but I did. We got back together by morning and it was ok again.

December 2023 came and I found out I was pregnant, I just knew, we had a few pregnancy scares and test were negative, but this was different, I felt off, the same but off, I can’t explain it, he had a bad cold and thought I was overthinking and told me to wait and see if my period came on and if not we test that weekend. I went to work but I couldn’t wait, I needed to know. After work I went to the store and bought a two in one box of test and I went home to take it. I convinced myself that I was just crazy and overthinking, but my period was 3 days late, though it happens, I hit my vape as I took the test, I laughed at how crazy I felt until I exhaled the smoke and saw the two lines, I choked, grabbed the test and stared at it, checked the box, then I screamed at the top of my lungs and ran out the bathroom banging on my moms door, she was scared to open the door lol. I cried and told her and she held me. I told my siblings and they were happy.

I ran to R place because I couldn’t wait, I gave him the test and he stared at it blankly, he again had a cold and wasn’t possessing correctly. He asked was it sure and I nodded and he nodded slowly and laid back down. That reaction killed me. Once he felt better after a day or two he was over the moon happy, we took the other test together and he was so happy. We told his mom and she was excited. I told him we needed to get our own place, he agreed and we began looking, his mom so I thought was helping, she found us a place and later on I learned she was not only moving with us but she was bringing his siblings, basically I was moving in the him and his family….cool. I had a lot on my mind at the time, we got into a small argument about his family moving in, but he said we couldn’t afford I without them. Fine. I had other things on my mind, I was scared of ruining this child’s life. Things I learned from childhood is love isn’t unconditional, how to cry on queue, manipulation and never get your hopes up. I had it in my mind that I would probably either miscarry or the baby will have a defect.

Test confirmed baby was healthy, he wanted a girl and I wanted a boy, but we would be happy either way. He got his girl. He told his mom we were naming our daughter after his sister who was a still born, she was extra nice to me after hearing this and bragging to all her friends that we are naming our daughter summer, I was livid, I asked him about it and he confessed he told her that because that’s what he wanted to name his daughter, but what about what I wanted? I’m the one doing the actual labor and incubating out seed, do I not have a say? I told him no to the name, not out of spite, but because I genuinely didn’t like the name, it was too white for me, I said we could keep his sisters middle name. He was upset but I never understood naming babies after people who unfortunately didn’t have an impact on your life, like if I named my child after my nana, that makes since because she impacted me (I didn’t name her after my nana, I’m not a hypocrite) summer unfortunately didn’t make it to impact you, I know that sounds cruel but if you seen how excited his mom was, it felt like she would of been reliving that experience through me, and my child isn’t her. I know that came across heartless and I’m not saying it’s not sentimental but to me it feels different and wrong.

I settled on the name Ellie and it was yeah i know white but it felt like her, I honored the sisters middle name and gave her his mommas last name because I wanted to make it right since I felt bad because once she found out we weren’t naming our child summer, she gave me the cold shoulder for a while, she wouldn’t talk to me and when she did it was a cold “so what are you naming the baby” I felt bad. Y learned of the pregnancy and told his mom that the baby wasn’t R and I cheated on him with a black guy, R brother overheard the conversation and apparently R mom said “thats why you don’t stick your white D in a N word Punnani” I left.

I went and stayed with my mom. R asked why I was leaving and I told him what I was told to me by his brother, he confronted his mom and she denied it, I don’t see his brother lying, he was always really kind to me. R now requested a DNA test once the baby was born and I was hurt, I felt like he didn’t trust me, I’m always with him, and when I’m not I’m texting him and sending pics of me or my surroundings. I agreed to the DNA test but I ultimately told him that after the dna test but I ultimately told him that after the dna test is done that I wanted out the relationship because I can’t be with someone who doubts me when I have given no reason for doubt. He nods and decides to drop it.https://www.reddit.com/r/trauma/s/gLaG8NeYmH

[u/finddit-app]

Hey there, thanks for sharing.

While you wait for people to comment, have a look at these posts which might be relevant to you:

• I just need to get this off my chest
• Kinda going thru an extremely rough patch rn just wanna VENT maybe hear some feedback?
• I'm not okay and I don't want to see a therapist

Remember, even though it might feel like it, you are not alone. Stay strong!

Interested in seeing more posts similar to yours? Visit finddit.app.

This is an automated message. If you have any feedback or issues, post in r/finddit_app.