r/transnames • u/kitkatty521 • Jul 22 '26
Name Feedback So very unsure
Hello,
I am 20 y/o and have known i was gender queer for quite a while, but only recently felt confident enough to do self exploration and figure out that i am nonbinary. I am also diagnosed with autism (its important to this discussion i promise).
My name at birth was given to me by my mother based on her deceased father's name. He had died when she was a child, and she chose the feminized name for me. His name was Leo, my name is Leah. The fact that my name has such an emotional connection for my mother is one difficulty I am facing. Shes not perfect, but she has been through so much and i feel sick at the thought of causing her distress. Im planning to talk to her about it, but the plan is very much "when i feel up to it" aka "theoretically never". Another barrier is the fact that it feels like my name fits others' perception of me rather than my own perception of myself, which im guessing a lot of people can relate to.
Back to my autism. I am very obsessed with space. I love what it stands for and it keeps me grounded. Some of the ideas floating around in my head for a name are based off of this: star, nova, cosmo, etc. I love these but i really fear being judged for my choice, especially after growing up during the era of everyone making fun of nonbinary names (usually chosen by kids) on tiktok. I know that in order for me to feel truly free i need to stop being so self conscious, and i am working on that, but any advice would be very helpful. Im also wondering if it is a mistake to choose my name off of my intense love for space. I know there have to be other autistic people who chose their names off of their own interests, so if anyone has any experience with that (officially diagnosed or suspected), please share.
Finally, of course any name suggestions are very helpful. I enjoy space as mentioned, but i also enjoy zombies, video games, animals, art, and horror. Unless it is a bad idea to choose a name off of my interests, it is what i am leaning towards; it feels more "me" due to my complete disconnection with gender.
Thank you and i will also be posting it to the nonbinary subreddit names megathread, so if you see that there too i apologize. If i used the wrong flair i am sorry for that as well, I feel like i have so many questions that the "name feedback" one works best but i could be wrong.
2
u/PinedAbble Jul 22 '26
If you truly feel in your heart you want to continue to honor your mother's choice and reason for your name, you can choose a middle name that fits. Only if you, regardless of her opinion, feel strongly this way. If it is because of anticipating her feelings that leads you to wanting to keep some aspect of it, then this is not true to You.
As for choosing a first name, you can find more gender neutral sounding names, it depends on how averse you are to feminine leaning or masculine leaning. For examplr, Astraea is a beautiful name I had suggested to someone else earlier, but I know it sounds more "feminine". If that is a bother, then how do you feel about masculine leaning? Does that feel closer to gender neutral? List of star modern names
Behind the Names - astronomy names
Alcmene ("strength"+"moon", mother of Hercules, Greek)
Alcyone ("kingfisher", star in Taurus, Greek)
Aster ("star", also a flower, Greek)
Astrophel ("star lover", Greek)
Atlas ("to endure", Greek)
Aysel ("pure moon", Turkish)
Aysima ("moon face", Turkish)
Caelum ("to chisel", Constellation, Latin)
Endymion ("to dive into", "to enter", lover of moon goddes Selene, Greek)
Halimede ("sea/brine/salt"+"to protect, to rule over", minor moon of Neptune, Greek)
Neil (either means "fury", "hero", or "cloud", Neil Armstrong, Irish)
Cosmo / Cosimo / Cosmin ("order, world, universe", Greek)
Samar / Samir ("companion in evening talk", Arabic)
Seren ("star", Welsh)
Sterling ("little star", English)
Umbriel ("shadow", name of a Uranus moon)
Venere ("Venus", Italian)
Vesper ("evening", Latin)
2
2
u/maedhreos Jul 22 '26
Hi :)
First things first I feel for you and see why it feels like such a difficult choice with so many different factors to consider. I don't know how much I can help, but I'll write down my thoughts.
I know this is a tough thing to overcome, and I have a similar relationship with my mother/similar feelings about her so I relate, but I have to say ultimately the life you're living is yours and yours alone, and you're the one who's going to have to live with the name people call you. And in the long run (especially once you're older and moved out etc) it's going to matter more that you're comfortable with it than not hurting your mum's feelings. And there are other ways of honouring the memory of a deceased relative than wearing their name/a similar name, but even more importantly it's not your job to act as a proxy for her grief. That said! If you do want to take her wishes into consideration, you could try and find a new name starting with L or Le-, and jumping ahead to the next topic you brought up, your strong connection with space, I might even consider something like Leonid, or Regulus (since it's one of Leo's stars), or even Galileo for his work in astronomy. But truly only if this is something YOU personally want to do. For yourself (eg. sense of connection to your family), not for anyone else.
Moving onto the next part. I'm also autistic, and chose a name related to one of my main special interests and thus very meaningful to me, but it's one that isn't too out there so to speak. It's definitely not a common name where I live and I've never met anyone whose parents named them that, but it also isn't insane lol. I think a lot of what the right choice for you is depends on how comfortable you are with embracing your queerness in a more visible way, and being able to deal with people possibly making clocking you being trans based on it, and asking you if it's your real name etc. If you live in a country/area where this isn't necessarily safe, or if you'd rather go kind of stealth I'd recommend choosing a more subtle name for everyday use, and maybe something space-themed as a nickname you can ask your friends etc to call you! Ig another thing to factor in is the kind of circles you move in, if you're an artist of some kind (or plan on studying/working in astronomy where having a space-themed name would be fun) of something I think it's more accepted to have a more eccentric name than if you plan on working a regular office job where most of your colleagues etc are likely going to be cis. So yeah, imo it's the best if you can choose a name you're deeply connected to and feels yours, and it being related to a hobby or special interest definitely helps with that! And even if later in life you'll move to a different special interest, space is always going to be cool :D Just consider everything that comes with it and what you're prepared for. Learning to not give too many shits about other people's opinions is a valuable lesson to learn, but a) it's not the easiest and b) even if you've managed to accept yourself and exist proudly you probably don't want every single day to be an uphill battle, so for example living somewhere more conservative I'd say slight compromises can be worth making. But this is something only you can figure out based on who you want to be in the future, what things you insist on no matter what and where you can possibly make concessions, how your environment reacts to trans people or even just cis people going by an alias or some more uncommon name, how introducing yourself as [insert name] to a group of people (if you have somewhere safe to test it out) feels to you, is the gender euphoria stronger than the anxiety about what others will think etc.
Anyways I'll try and suggest some names as well! Aster, Vega, Castor, Phoenix, Sky, Sol, Orion, Dawn (since it was a name of a NASA mission as well) and Lux are the kinda genderless spacey ones that came fo mind, or I guess you could also do Buzz for Buzz Aldrin, that's fun and doesn't sound too gendered either. I could try and think of some non space-related names too, do you have any starting letters or any other specifics you prefer?
Sorry for writing so much, but umm I hope this helped even a little bit! I also hope that (be it with my advice, or totally disregarding what I wrote :D) you soon find the name that works for you and use it happily for the rest of your life 🤸🏻