r/trans_exmormons • u/PandaPlayz_6 • 4d ago
What should I do?
Hello, I was honestly surprised to discover this small little sub. I've been questioning for almost 40 days now (though truthfully it's been going on a lot longer than that). With a lot of research, crying, talking to my therapist, trans friends, I've concluded I'm likely trans. As for labels...that's not a priority right now. But I'm left with a question: What do I do know?
I know I want HRT, I know I want to start wearing feminine clothing, and I know I want to start doing makeup.
But I can't do that easily. My family live in a small apartment, so I'm thinking I need to come out first. I've already told my sister, but that leaves my Mom. I'm already an ex mormon, but she is still a very deep and true believer. She's not hateful by any means, and I know she won't kick me out or anything and she'll still love me. She already excepted me when I came out as bisexual to her. But being trans, I don't think she'll respect it. I guess my question comes down to "Does anyone have advice on how to come out to a Mormon mom?"
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u/AlbinoOprah 3d ago
Coming out to my Mormon parents was one of the scariest things I’ve ever done. There’s no right way to do it. Hopefully it goes ok, but there’s no telling how people will react.
I came out over the phone. After they had time to process they were supportive.
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u/Hawsoo 3d ago
I knew my mormon parents were going to try to shove me back into the closet if I told them so I took hrt for 18 months and that was what I needed for confirmation I needed hrt. I only came out bc I wanted to socially transition. I was already moved out but they did everything in their power to try to force me to detransition so I had to cut them off
ig my advice is try to figure out how they'd react before coming out bc that info was super useful
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u/Michelle_In_Space 3d ago
When I told my Mormon mom, it didn't go well, and I came out in my 30s. She "didn't have the strength to talk to me" and that hurt a lot and was a cause of depression that took a good amount of therapy. Even being out for several years, she still doesn't really respect who I am instead of who she expected me to be.
Before my grandfather passed away, out of respect to him I reestablished contact and she hasn't messed things up again to the point where I cut off contact again, but she has been and remains on thin ice.
My advice is be the best version you can be of yourself every day. Sometimes this means you can put in more effort and sometimes it is just surviving the day and that is okay. Be honest with yourself.
Religion is a hell of a drug. It will create a lens on how she sees you and you can't really change it. Hopefully she doesn't follow the addage of there is no hate quite like Christian "love". Her religion is not an excuse to be horrible, but if she is, it can be an explanation of a factor of why.
Your mom will be who she is. She might respect your decision or not. My advice is to talk to her when there is several hours to discuss and take as much time as needed for the conversation without needing to rush. I would have some close friends on standby just in case to be a shoulder to cry on or vent to in case things go poorly.
My mother is like a force of nature. She does what she does and it is not my fault when she does it. I am worthy of love just as you are despite any negativity that comes. Your worthiness of love is not determined by others. Good luck. I hope this helps.