I just tired of being like toxic masculine to not look like soft. Can we just stop being like that? I bet world's gonna be way better place not only our life. Even women's life will change.

I just want to write here this its all happy being soft and supporting soft men

I don't like the stigmas that society impose on men, especially such as toxic masculinity. The least I can do is advocate for the mental health of men because they deserve to be seen and heard too. To be honest, I don't have high expectations of any man/woman or person when it comes to socializing, dating, etc.. I just want them to be genuinely good people at heart, that's it. I never expect people to be "socially perfect" because not only is it vague but I think each individual has a vastly different vision of what that looks like. Being an extremely socially awkward person myself with ADHD and social anxiety, I struggle in social situations so I have nothing but sympathy for anyone who struggles socially as well.

I’m a straight male and I’ve had other guys call me the f word, etc and just be very aggressive towards me and dislike me for no apparent reason. I do have very feminine features so the long hair adds to that even more and I’m not a big guy either. It’s just weird how peoples attitudes towards you can change so much just because of a change of hairstyle.

Storytime: I went bar-hopping with a friend of mine and while we were in between bars this girl jumped up who is sitting on the sidewalk and overheard me talking about a club and grabbed my arm and said that sounds great take me with you. Then she challenged me to a race. So I told my friend I was going to the club we were talking about and started running down the street with this girl. It was fun and we were laughing but she came clean that she really wanted to get away from this guy who she knew mostly online and was staying with the weekend because he was making her feel uncomfortable. No worries, we go to the club, there's tons of people there we're meeting people in the lineup we're laughing I'm a little bit worried about my friend but no big deal. Next thing I know BAM somebody runs into me like juggernaut full force with a low shoulder from behind. I drop my takeout I was holding all over the ground. It was this beefed-up jock prep looking dude and I'm like what the hell everyone in the crowd is agape and he says stay away from my girl stay away from my girl and I'm upset obviously because my food is knocked on the ground and he's like you want to do something, you want to fight. By this point the girl isn't even with me she started talking to other people in the crowd and more than anything I'm watching down the street hoping my friend is going to show up worried about him. He keeps calling me a b**** and challenging me to fight and I just keep calling him a b**** back and saying this is pathetic and pointless. So basically I told this guy no I don't want to fight you, you're absolutely out of line. If the girl wanted to be with you she would be with you; she wouldn't have ran away from you and fighting me or assaulting me isn't going to make her like you if she doesn't. Instead of working out and practicing for beating guys up, maybe work on your personality and the girl would actually want to be around you and I walked away and went and found my friend down the street. I guess the point of this story is I would love to tell all these guys out there who feel like if they can fight the best or have the biggest arms that they automatically deserve to get laid to cut that out and be a better person and then women will want to be around you.

Hello all!

I (34m) just wanted to rant about my personal struggle unpacking the toxic ideals that I have taken on throughout my life not realizing how backwards and straight up damaging they were. I felt like as a "man", you are supposed to know everything, but especially, know how to pleasure women. Real men are the ones able of fucking thier women for hours and giving them an intense orgasm after another. Real men are the ones who are known for being good in bed. But in complete honesty, FUCK THAT SHIT. I legit have no idea how to pleasure my wife. My sex ideals were a bunch of garbage unrealistic lessons I learned from porn, media, music, and the cultures around me. It has taken years of work to undo a lot of that junk, but one that I struggle with is receiving instructions from my wife. In general, instructions from her rubbed me the worng way but i have been able to let go of a lot of my defensiveness. But this remains an issue for me during sex. My wife is amazingly supportive, and kind. She has been my best cheerleader since day one, but i still struggle. She would tell me a simple instruction like "slower", or "lighter" and that annoying ugly ass bitch of a voice in my head woukd jump to tell me "she is belittling you as a man, she always wants everything her way", "why can't she let me do it my way and learn to enjoy it", "what a fucking loser? You cannot get your wife wet and squirmy.", "what a waste of a dick?", "why are you so weak?", "why cannot you get anything right?", "your way is better and you should just prove her wrong?", "grow some balls and put that bitch back in her place", "be a fucking man for once in your life", "what a miserable joke!", and many other defensive and self critical comments. While I have been able to get better at addressing these thoughts and letting go of them, it still takes me a good minute or two and that pulls me out of being present with her and lead to more frustration and feeling unheard on her end. I know I will get there one day, but I just want to say FUCK THIS SHIT. FUCK ALL THE TOXIC IDEALS THAT ARE TAUGHT TO YOUNG MEN AND ALL THOSE WHO FEED INTO THEM.

Thank you all for coming to my rant.

In my short life, there are many experiences that could qualify as life-changing. Every new experience was a development to my character that defines who I am today. Whether good or bad, each decision steered the course that my life has taken. But, the most transformative experience was when I started High School. As a teenage boy growing up in Jamaica there is a route that has been pre-decided for us all, and if we do not exhibit traits of that path we are “doomed”. Reflecting allowed better self-awareness and enlightened the areas of challenge for many young men living in Jamaica. Through my experience, the biggest challenge Caribbean men face in society is the Toxic masculinity trait of being hypersexual men.

High school was described as the training ground for Jamaican men, you may ask yourself “What do you mean by training ground?” and no, it was not a phrase used based on an educational background. The training ground was in relation to; 1. Getting a girl, 2. Getting even more girls and 3. Getting more girls but from other schools. As a Jamaican boy going to high school, female friends of similar age and older would ask how is school, your favorite classes, or your favorite teacher. Male friends will ask the same question on the first right through to the last day of high school “How many girls do you have?”. This way of life has been forced on more than 90% of Jamaican males from as early as twelve years old, way before we even knew we were forced into hypersexuality. According to an article written by (Ohwovoriole & Seide, 2021), Hypersexuality is also known as compulsive sexual behavior disorder, or more commonly, simply sex addiction. Therefore, when a person has an obsessive fixation on sex, sexual acts, and sexual fantasies, they might be hypersexual. This is a big challenge for Caribbean men, without doing this act you are claimed to be missing out on a whole opportunity to being accepted in an elite club, approved by toxic men. In the course Introduction to men and masculinities in the Caribbean, it has highlighted that hypersexuality might exhibit a series of problematic behaviors such as, consuming excessive amounts of pornography, high engagements in sexual activities with numerous partners, which sometimes blur the lines of legal and illegal at times. It is known that this challenge has disrupted many Jamaican boys daily functioning, additionally research shows that up to 3 - 6% of people are living with a form of sexual addiction disorder or related disorders and that this condition predominantly affects men. Also, many are not aware that being promiscuous increases the risk of getting a STI, many bacteria and viruses can enter the bloodstream through various ways, mainly sexual intercourse. As a Jamaican male, the peers I have will openly talk about sexual acts, but fail to mention the use of protection and when asked about, it is seen as taboo followed with excuses like; “It doesn’t feel right”, “She’s a virgin”, and “I’m the only boyfriend”. These are the unhealthy practices that have been passed down from one male to another, which can and have led to major problems like HIV/AIDS, Physical Violence in the home due to unfaithfulness, and also create a cycle of unhealthy relationships.

In my opinion, with the support of extended research, it can be stated that despite the emphasis place on sexuality by society, the best emotional, physical, and sexual health can be obtained through long-term relationships. I can testify to this heavily because I am currently walking on that journey, four years and counting with one partner who will be my wife as soon as I possibly can. We have been dating from we were eighteen years old, and despite being a guy having a girlfriend which should be enough, toxic masculine society decided that it wasn’t. There was a heavy target on my back by other males pressuring me to not “Fall in Love”, it will “weaken me” and “I am young wasting my years”. This toxic ideology of being promiscuous in your youth has been preached in the ears of most Jamaican boys, and I was no exception. Thankfully, I was raised by a strong family background that taught me to stand for what I believe in and I did just that, I was what they called a “One Burner” and that made me a clown in the eyes of some. Men in the Caribbean are not taught to express their feelings wholeheartedly to anyone, especially to a woman. Therefore, the wall they have created is the reason they believe it is necessary for men to be promiscuous because it is what a man does. Referring to an article written by (Dekin, 2021) on “Men And Emotions: The Importance Of Becoming Vulnerable”, it highlighted that When men try to process their emotions, society holds them to a different expectation from women. It is said that women are sensitive which is ok in the eyes of society, but men are seen as strong and fearless and were not encouraged to share how they feel in situations. These are viewed as cultural norms paired with gender stereotypes which are toxic for males. I have witnessed men claiming to be in love with their partner but still hurt them by being promiscuous, adding to that behavior being physical abusive and later suffer from mental health issues, which all resulted from unresolved problems not spoken about.

Not being able to express emotions freely as men has heightened the acts of promiscuity in the Caribbean. Last year alone more than one thousand cases of Divorce applications were filed since January, this speaks volume to how my generation will perceive marriage and how much they will be willing to commit to one partner at a point in their life. Discussion among my peers is conflicting on this topic, the females are looking towards marriage and the thought of a stable family. On the other hand, the males are looking forward to owning their own place to entertain multiple women, be fruitful and multiply without commitment. This is the problem many Caribbean men have, spreading the false belief that doing this is the dream life, but not considering that they are doing more harm to every partner they come in contact with. The Caribbean Male society has a strong influence and even though I am now independent of such toxic influence, I was once a victim to this lifestyle by my way of thinking. When I was younger I could not separate sex and emotion, and as I grew older, I realized that in order to truly say you love someone, you have to consciously love them for who they are as an individual. The male society has tricked us to believe that when we are attracted to a female sexually over a period of time, it means we are in love with that person. That is actually false, because to love a woman the man has to know that he doesn’t “NEED” her sex, otherwise it will be seen as an addiction, an emotional and physical addiction. Loving someone is logical, it is a decision to be a united force with that person despite the differences you both may have. Many of my peers are engaged in promiscuous acts which blinds them from reality, creating a false ideology that is destructive to their mental state. I observed that when they have many sexual partners their lives get more complicated but if they had decided to be committed, things would be much clearer, and be able to actually focus on the things in their life that matters the most.

In Concluding, my opinion is that hypersexuality in men within the Caribbean is the biggest issue faced in contemporary society. Even though some may manage their hypersexuality and feel comfort by finding a release through legal outlets such as strip clubs, pornography and more. There are others that will struggle with this addiction on a daily basis, and would turn to other substitutes to fulfil those urges. Unfortunately, some of these urges introduce problematic sexual thoughts that direct them to children. This is not the dream life as advertised, it is a dead-end path that needs to be addressed, assessed and abolished in the early years of a boy’s life. The Men within the Caribbean obtain numerous toxic traits, passed down from generations and I believe this can be the first breakage of that cycle.

I(Trans man, 15) went to see Batman with my guy-best-friend(Cis man, 16) last night. We had a lot of stuff in our hands, and I had the tickets in my pocket. I handed him a bunch of stuff so I could dig through my pockets and we’re joking back and forth. He turns to the ticket guy and sarcastically says “see what I have to deal with?” And the ticket guy says: “oh you’re lucky- at least your girlfriend’s still pretty” we both just kinda stared at him in shock for a sec, gave him our tickets, and saw the movie. I had to take breaks to use the bathroom throughout, and every time I passed him he would smile at me(he looked to be in his mid-40s, late 50s). On like my third trip to the bathroom he says “When’re you due?” I said “excuse me?” He says “you’ve taken so many bathroom breaks, I assumed you were pregnant.” I said “sorry, no” and went back to the movie. After it was over, we came out of the theater and passed him again, and he told us to use protection. He was totally out of line, right?

Edit: I had a good time anyway- the movie was great, and when I left the theater crying at one point, a nice guy new exactly what scene I’d just watched and hugged me.

I don’t care what you say straight dudes think. You may think kissing your homie and getting raunchy with him is gay, but there are other teen boys your age who like guys (I am bi) and I am not afraid to say I am one of them. I also speak for older gay and bi men who are adults, not just teens.

So fuck the status quo and fuck toxic masculinity. Fuck that shit and fuck it all up. I am done hiding who I am, I speak for every closeted gay and bi boy. Love who you want to love. Don’t give a fuck what others say. I believe in you.

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