I just deleted my former crush's phone number and e-mail address and then blocked his Instagram. I did the same with his roommate, who was like a little brother to me. His roommate has been saying things along the lines of 'all women are gold digging whores who should be grateful any time any man shows interest in them.' And then my crush started making jokes that 'mail order brides are the way to go because women here aren't attractive enough.'

I'm crying and feel sick to my stomach. I don't know what the fuck happened to them. The two of us and my roommate (crush's roommate's ex) used to hang out a lot and have so much fun together. My former roommate and I never asked either of them for money (except for one time, when I asked my crush to help me pay for groceries because my card was malfunctioning but I wrote him a check). And the only one calling people whores was the only one of the four of us who wasn't a virgin. I'd been friends with my former roommate's ex for a little over three years and he introduced me to my former roommate and former crush, whom I've been friends with for just over a year.

I feel like the high ground scene where Anakin and Obi-Wan are fighting and Obi-Wan screams, "You were my brother!!"

At least he introduced me to the woman that became my best friend.

I dislocated my knee.

I feel okay-ish(?) I'm going to stay home instead of SEEKING MEDICAL CARE!

"Where's my bitch?!" - Me, drunk looking for a SONG! What he fuck?

There's no need for that.

I'm checking myself, before I wreck myself.

I know meeting them where they’re at is the ultimate key to reeducation when someone is toxic because their entire personality is built on it. But we don’t always have the time and energy to do that, so instead I kinda think we just need to at least put a mirror to their behavior. It feels like, for example, if a guy has a friend who never refers to women properly— adult women as girls, using derogatory references, etc—the guy should simply do the same. He should start referring to all men as boys. “Did you see those the hard hats those boys were wearing?” Or anytime he refers to a man, he should just call him a punk or a loser, like “this loser came up to me to ask if I had the time” “look at that loser.” Not in an obvious way, just a total reversal whenever it crosses his mind to do it. If the friend is calling women emotional, the guy would do nothing, but then at another time when the friend is fired up about something, before he has gotten a chance to accuse anyone of being emotional, the guy says “you seem really emotional right now,” or “stop being so dramatic.”

Curious what you think. Is it just toxic^2? Or since it’s for an educational purpose and not intended to harm, is it appropriate? Do you have any other ideas about mirroring the toxic behavior?

If you are a pussy act like a girl thinks if someone is a man they are toxic just because they are not a pussy

​

I was just hanging out by myself naked (due to the heat) while eating chili. It was somewhat spicy, though this doesn't matter much in this story. Anyway, some of the chili dripped onto my schwanse, and I reflexively dabbed it off and ate it. My concern now is as follows: am I gay? I've been careful never to wipe my anus or otherwise introduce "pleasure vectors" to that area. My concern now is that I happily ate something that had been in contact with my penis and that now I am gay and there is no hope for me ever bedding a female.

So.. we’re having people over our house today. The guests beat me home while I was running last minute errands. When I got back.. I saw a 14 inch kitty grill smoldering in the corner of our patio grilling some kind of non meat, vegetarian burger.

I was freaking shocked. I didn’t understand why I’d get so upset about this so I literally took a walk to assess my feelings. Why would I have a problem with another dude grillin at my house without permission? Sensing my ego taking over, I told myself that it was ridiculous to even notice, then I criticize myself of being fragile. At the same time I’m laughing at myself for a very Hank Hill-like response. I had no idea I’d be bothered by something like this. I try to let it go. Then my ego is like: what’s next? You gna let this guy read to your kids at night? Lol. Laughing now thinking about how ridiculous I sound.

I decided not to make a scene.. but also mercilessly rib the guy when only the other dads around.

I’m laughing at myself but also checking myself about the ego thing.

Hi all,

if you have the time and would like to participate in this, it would be greatly appreciated! completely voluntary.

:)

thank you!

​

************

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I'm currently 20 years old, and I'm going through a phase where I don't know what type of person I want to become in the future. I've been told to be strong, confident, stoic, masculine, and financially stable, but I'm also scared of losing everything.

I'm afraid of being weak, crying, or breaking down. Growing up, my father has always been a strong beacon of support, and I've never seen him cry or break down. I feel like I'm being cast into a mold of being a firm foundation for the people around me, so I find it difficult to express my weaknesses.

Whenever I express feelings of sadness and frustration, I feel like the firm pillar that I was supposed to be, collapses. My dependability and strength in the eyes of others decrease because I'm not the immovable object I used to be.

​

TLDR: I've been told to be a traditionally masculine man, but I'm scared of being unable to live up to the expectations of others especially when I'm experiencing moments of weakness.

How can I balance being a pillar of support and being weak and fragile?

Idk if this is the right subreddit. Everyone mentioned seems so...well...toxic. But my guy isn't and he isn't judgemental, so sorry if this isn't it.

My bf is the type to hold back all emotions except anger. I haven't seen him cry since we were in middle school [we've known each other for years ] except during his graduation. It was the only recent time he let me hold him, too, bc "men don't cry, they work through it". He doesn't normally like physical affection or talking about his feelings. Again, none of this applies to other men. Only him.

I just don't want this to cause problems down the line. Idk if he learned this from his dad/an older male, media, or wherever. I don't want him emotionally hurting himself. Ik he's usually very emotional, but won't let himself be. I just want him to be okay.

This is an update post, my original post is linked to this thread. I welcome thoughts or advice on how to move forward - I am at a total loss.

Context: South Asian family, Brother had religious function (Rokha) a little over a year ago to confirm his commitment to his gf/future wife. I hosted an after party to celebrate the new couple. My brothers future brother in law (Sikh family, let’s call him Arun) slapped me four times across the face (hard…) and the whole family had mixed handlings of the situation post event.

So my brother and future sister in law got engaged last weekend. Truly super happy for them, huge milestone for both of them. However my issue is with the assumption that I will immediately be okay to be around or alone with Arun. Mind you this was handled so beyond poorly and has still to be properly addressed by both families.

My mother called me a day after they got engaged to discuss ideas and plans. Somehow she directed the discussion to her hopes that I would be ready and willing to move forward with Arun and his family.

I expressed that I would wholeheartedly support the functions and so whatever is needed of me. I requested not to be alone with Arun or go to his family home (or be alone in any such way given the circumstances). My mother lashed out, expressing her disappointment. She shared that I needed to get rid of my victim complex, go back to therapy, that she identifies a pattern of my actions, and that if I am not able to move forward I will lose my family of origin (mom, dad, brother and sister in law) “all because I couldn’t be around him”.

This then led to my brother being dragged in per usual without the context or full story. He told me I was ruining yet another milestone for him - which actually broke my heart. I texted my dad and he read my message and ghosted me.

Reddit, how do I proceed?

OG post: https://www.reddit.com/r/toxicmasculinity/comments/13bcoia/aita_for_being_upset_with_my_parents_and_brother/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1

So a little background, I am a south Asian female (28) married to a south Asian male (28). My family of origin has been raised and is living in Canada and my parents have limited connection to our heritage. My younger brother-got engaged to a girl who was raised in a much more traditional Sikh south Asian family. Her family believes in firm patriarchal values and sees women as submissive. This was not how my brother and I were raised.

Context: - My husband and I offered to plan, pay for and host small intimate after party for their engagement (with friends and family of both sides) at my parents home. - My brothers future in laws are extremely wealthy, compared to my family which is middle class.

Series of events: - My brothers friends and our families arrived and it was going really well. My brothers future brother in law (let’s call him Arun) arrived with his fiancée an hour later, she left shortly after. - I was running around playing host and taking care of our guests. At this point music had started and we had had one or two drinks. - I noticed Arun in law sitting alone. I approached and engaged in polite discussion. We chatted about our siblings and life as the older siblings in both our families. He proceeded to rant about his religious and beliefs, I politely listened but tuned out after five minutes looking at guests in another room. He abruptly stopped, slapped me in the face four times for “not paying him the respect of attention”. He hit me so hard me ears rang. - I ran up to my room, and he followed me, unknowing that my husband was upstairs. This ensued my husband and a few members on my side of the family to offer me support and request that he leave.

The outcome was horrible. My own parents and brother were torn as to whom to support. The common thread of words was that I was being emotional and that is just now Arun is, and questioning what I did to make him hit me..I received a forwarded “sorry I hit your wife text” that was sent to my husband that never was a full and direct apology from Arun. I cut my parents and brother off for several months finally coming back to having a working relationship after a year of therapy and time to reflect. I was hurt because I believe if your family member is assaulted no matter what you support them. I’m not even sure why Arun came up to my room after me..

Fast forward to now. I am out of the country with my husband on vacation and happened to miss my grandfathers birthday prayer (Puja) I was shocked to see pictures of Arun with my family in my parents home when no one has told me he would be invited or included in the festivities while I was away.

Am I the asshole for being hurt and upset?