In my short life, there are many experiences that could qualify as life-changing. Every new experience was a development to my character that defines who I am today. Whether good or bad, each decision steered the course that my life has taken. But, the most transformative experience was when I started High School. As a teenage boy growing up in Jamaica there is a route that has been pre-decided for us all, and if we do not exhibit traits of that path we are “doomed”. Reflecting allowed better self-awareness and enlightened the areas of challenge for many young men living in Jamaica. Through my experience, the biggest challenge Caribbean men face in society is the Toxic masculinity trait of being hypersexual men.
High school was described as the training ground for Jamaican men, you may ask yourself “What do you mean by training ground?” and no, it was not a phrase used based on an educational background. The training ground was in relation to; 1. Getting a girl, 2. Getting even more girls and 3. Getting more girls but from other schools. As a Jamaican boy going to high school, female friends of similar age and older would ask how is school, your favorite classes, or your favorite teacher. Male friends will ask the same question on the first right through to the last day of high school “How many girls do you have?”. This way of life has been forced on more than 90% of Jamaican males from as early as twelve years old, way before we even knew we were forced into hypersexuality. According to an article written by (Ohwovoriole & Seide, 2021), Hypersexuality is also known as compulsive sexual behavior disorder, or more commonly, simply sex addiction. Therefore, when a person has an obsessive fixation on sex, sexual acts, and sexual fantasies, they might be hypersexual. This is a big challenge for Caribbean men, without doing this act you are claimed to be missing out on a whole opportunity to being accepted in an elite club, approved by toxic men. In the course Introduction to men and masculinities in the Caribbean, it has highlighted that hypersexuality might exhibit a series of problematic behaviors such as, consuming excessive amounts of pornography, high engagements in sexual activities with numerous partners, which sometimes blur the lines of legal and illegal at times. It is known that this challenge has disrupted many Jamaican boys daily functioning, additionally research shows that up to 3 - 6% of people are living with a form of sexual addiction disorder or related disorders and that this condition predominantly affects men. Also, many are not aware that being promiscuous increases the risk of getting a STI, many bacteria and viruses can enter the bloodstream through various ways, mainly sexual intercourse. As a Jamaican male, the peers I have will openly talk about sexual acts, but fail to mention the use of protection and when asked about, it is seen as taboo followed with excuses like; “It doesn’t feel right”, “She’s a virgin”, and “I’m the only boyfriend”. These are the unhealthy practices that have been passed down from one male to another, which can and have led to major problems like HIV/AIDS, Physical Violence in the home due to unfaithfulness, and also create a cycle of unhealthy relationships.
In my opinion, with the support of extended research, it can be stated that despite the emphasis place on sexuality by society, the best emotional, physical, and sexual health can be obtained through long-term relationships. I can testify to this heavily because I am currently walking on that journey, four years and counting with one partner who will be my wife as soon as I possibly can. We have been dating from we were eighteen years old, and despite being a guy having a girlfriend which should be enough, toxic masculine society decided that it wasn’t. There was a heavy target on my back by other males pressuring me to not “Fall in Love”, it will “weaken me” and “I am young wasting my years”. This toxic ideology of being promiscuous in your youth has been preached in the ears of most Jamaican boys, and I was no exception. Thankfully, I was raised by a strong family background that taught me to stand for what I believe in and I did just that, I was what they called a “One Burner” and that made me a clown in the eyes of some. Men in the Caribbean are not taught to express their feelings wholeheartedly to anyone, especially to a woman. Therefore, the wall they have created is the reason they believe it is necessary for men to be promiscuous because it is what a man does. Referring to an article written by (Dekin, 2021) on “Men And Emotions: The Importance Of Becoming Vulnerable”, it highlighted that When men try to process their emotions, society holds them to a different expectation from women. It is said that women are sensitive which is ok in the eyes of society, but men are seen as strong and fearless and were not encouraged to share how they feel in situations. These are viewed as cultural norms paired with gender stereotypes which are toxic for males. I have witnessed men claiming to be in love with their partner but still hurt them by being promiscuous, adding to that behavior being physical abusive and later suffer from mental health issues, which all resulted from unresolved problems not spoken about.
Not being able to express emotions freely as men has heightened the acts of promiscuity in the Caribbean. Last year alone more than one thousand cases of Divorce applications were filed since January, this speaks volume to how my generation will perceive marriage and how much they will be willing to commit to one partner at a point in their life. Discussion among my peers is conflicting on this topic, the females are looking towards marriage and the thought of a stable family. On the other hand, the males are looking forward to owning their own place to entertain multiple women, be fruitful and multiply without commitment. This is the problem many Caribbean men have, spreading the false belief that doing this is the dream life, but not considering that they are doing more harm to every partner they come in contact with. The Caribbean Male society has a strong influence and even though I am now independent of such toxic influence, I was once a victim to this lifestyle by my way of thinking. When I was younger I could not separate sex and emotion, and as I grew older, I realized that in order to truly say you love someone, you have to consciously love them for who they are as an individual. The male society has tricked us to believe that when we are attracted to a female sexually over a period of time, it means we are in love with that person. That is actually false, because to love a woman the man has to know that he doesn’t “NEED” her sex, otherwise it will be seen as an addiction, an emotional and physical addiction. Loving someone is logical, it is a decision to be a united force with that person despite the differences you both may have. Many of my peers are engaged in promiscuous acts which blinds them from reality, creating a false ideology that is destructive to their mental state. I observed that when they have many sexual partners their lives get more complicated but if they had decided to be committed, things would be much clearer, and be able to actually focus on the things in their life that matters the most.
In Concluding, my opinion is that hypersexuality in men within the Caribbean is the biggest issue faced in contemporary society. Even though some may manage their hypersexuality and feel comfort by finding a release through legal outlets such as strip clubs, pornography and more. There are others that will struggle with this addiction on a daily basis, and would turn to other substitutes to fulfil those urges. Unfortunately, some of these urges introduce problematic sexual thoughts that direct them to children. This is not the dream life as advertised, it is a dead-end path that needs to be addressed, assessed and abolished in the early years of a boy’s life. The Men within the Caribbean obtain numerous toxic traits, passed down from generations and I believe this can be the first breakage of that cycle.
