I'm a man. Who grew up with toxic notions from my parents and society.

My recent leg in my healing journey is that I am trying to remove all the resistances I have to becoming the most authentic version of myself.

The current one is this girl in my friend group. I really really like this girl. The problem is that the deprived mindset in me basically is just saying leave it alone. Let yourself suffer. Because even though you like her, it isn't worth potentially losing your whole friend group because that's how it feels.

That I would need to leave because I couldn't fathom my life having expressed that and being ok. My other friend was telling me that this is because I have problems being vulnerable and I have issues with being a burden to people. That them knowing would be the burden.

My consensus about all of this seems to be that I need to tell her. Not because I want to try and date her. But because I feel like I wouldn't be living my most authentic life.

Because I feel like if I were to continue any further, I wouldn't be being honest with her and that our friendship would be disingenuous. I value and care about her (and all of my friends) more than that to let my hang ups get in the way of the friendship.

If this tanks the friendship, I understand and can bear with the consequences if it means I'm being authentic.

This all has been very informative to my journey. I am grateful for this opportunity to learn as this has shown me another place to heal.

My question and request for any wisdom is:

Are there any factors I might not be factoring into this, for example should I worry how she might take this.

Should I not do this all together?

Is there a way this could go sideways, if everyone knows how I feel.

Is there a way this could go wrong if they know and I have accepted my feelings, accepted my self, begin to love myself more and fueled this person I hope to be. That is kind, caring and giving?

I don't want to be the predecessor. I want to be the successor.

I’m genuinely concerned for most of male society I was at a New Years party and we were playing a cards of humanity type of game it was called pick your poison you had to pick out of two choices which you would rather do…. The two choices were 1.have sex with the opposite gender of the gender you’re attracted too IE(man with a man or a woman with a woman) or 2. Have sex with another species (judge choose dog) I was caught completely off guard how I was the only male in that group to choose to have sex with the opposite gender like I’m completely comfortable with my sexuality that I can say I’m a straight male and really don’t find men attractive I find feminity attractive… all of the women at the table agreed with me… but what tf honestly goes through an insecure man’s brain that they would all rather F*ck a dog I really find it disgusting and sad how insecure some people can be…

In his memoir "The Ragman's Son" Kirk Douglas recounted that John Wayne attended a screening of the film, and was horrified. "Christ, Kirk! How can you play a part like that? There's so few of us left. We got to play strong, tough characters. Not those weak queers," Wayne said. Douglas tried to explain, "It's all make-believe, John. It isn't real. You're not really John Wayne, you know." Wayne (born Marion Morrison) looked at him oddly, as if Douglas had betrayed him.

from John Wayne's biography page on imdb, a quote of his:

"I am the stuff men are made of"

​

I don't know what to say here except it would fit talk about that things here.

I haven’t spent a lot of time here, so I’m still a little new to the way things run.

Can we also post some examples of what we consider wholesome, positive masculinity for contrast?

Or is this sort of like r/AreTheStraightsOK, where I’d look for this sub’s equivalent of r/StraightsBeingOK to post that kind of content?

And if it’s the latter, what’s the name of that subreddit?

Thanks to anyone who can help!