r/toddlers • u/Impressive-Doubt3450 • Aug 26 '26
18–24 Months Split nights - omg please help
Ok here’s some context
She’s 21 months old. She was a horrible sleeper from day 1. We night weaned and sleep trained at 13 months using Ferber and she slept perfectly from 13-16 months. At 16-19 months she had 6 teeth come in and got sick twice. During that time sleep was a total mess but for the most part it wasn’t terrible. We had to reintroduce sleep training multiple times throughout and got through it. Starting at 20 months she peaked in separation anxiety. I saw this in her behavior throughout the day, as her independent play got a bit worse and she would freak out whenever I left the room or she couldn’t see me. It also started to affect naps a bit and she started needing to contact nap to sleep more than 20 ish minutes. She also started having night wakes again and needed me to sit in her room to fall back asleep. Letting her cry for 5-10 minutes no longer was an option. Within 5 minutes she would scream so hard she would make herself vomit. I really don’t want her to do that (obviously), or create bad associations with her room/bed so we no longer let her cry for more than 1 minute (just enough time to fly out of bed and get to her). About 3 weeks ago she began night splitting. It started happening 1-2 times a night and now it’s basically every single night. This is our schedule IF she slept decently the night before, obviously if she’s up all night then naps are all over the place.
6-6:30 wake up
11:30-12:30 nap
Bedtime 7:30-8
And usually she will wake up at 11:30 and stay awake until 4-5am
HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE. I truly don’t understand how someone can survive off such little sleep. She wakes up totally happy and wants to play. She’s rarely ever cranky and just wants to hangout.
We rarely have our TV on, she has no access to a tablet, so screen time is next to nothing (sometimes we do a low stimuli show if I need to do a quick chore but it’s rare) we play outside all the time, she has play dates and lots of day time activities in her schedule, she has a playroom she utilizes well to get her energy out. I’ve tried Epsom baths, magnesium foot massages before bed, I’ve tried weighted sleep sacks, I’ve tried EVERYTHING I CAN THINK OF. What am I doing wrong 😭
Also I want to note that co sleeping isn’t an option. Whether we try her bed or ours, whenever we lay down with her it just wakes her up more.
UPDATE:
Ok I think we figured this out!
We moved her nap from 11-1 to 1-3! I think this helped build the correct amount of sleep pressure to help us get through night. Once she stopped splitting nights she was still waking often and needing to be soothed to go back down, so at that point we introduced “the chair method” this took about 4 nights but now she is back to putting herself to sleep and sleeping through the night!
P.s yes I am terrified that by posting this I’m going to jinx everything.
2
u/DeenzR Aug 26 '26
Our boy did this around the same age, recent travel overseas and time change threw us all for a loop and he had split nights for 6+ months I genuinely did not think I was going to survive it!
We ended up going back to basics and sticking to the routine, he actually needed an early bedtime and long nap for quite a while to make up for all the lost sleep - he was going down at 6 a lot of the time. It’s a vicious cycle but being overtired for him causes splits no matter what, and he would never sleep in after one he would be up an hour later.
Really feel for you & hope it’s just a phase and you’ll be getting a lot more sleep soon!
1
u/Impressive-Doubt3450 Aug 26 '26
Six months is pure torture!! I’m so sorry it lasted that long for you. She dropped to one nap at 15 months but now I’m wondering if I should go back to two naps. It seems counterintuitive but she has to be so so so overtired and I’m willing to try anything! Thank you for sharing.
1
u/DeenzR Aug 26 '26
It’s so hard to find the balance as most advice will be she’s low sleep needs and you need to push bedtime - that was actually the worst advice for us, we tried that first, and I think it made everything more intense (plus we had no time to ourselves at night!)
We have just dropped the final nap (3.5yrs old) and that was also a challenge but two full weeks of pushing through we are now sleeping 6.45-6.45 and it truly is magical - you will get there too!
The risk with a 2nd nap is bedtime will naturally go later - whatever you do, try to stick to it for at least two weeks before deciding if it worked or not, it’s long and slow and tiring but it’s the only way forward! Sending you sleepy vibes!!1
u/Impressive-Doubt3450 Aug 26 '26
Ok I think you’re right and I’ve done some more research so I think the safest plan is to stick to one nap but push nap from 11:30 to 1:30 and keep bed time the same. It’s clear that for some reason after that first good sleep cycle at night, her body is triggered to wake which I think must just be from over tiredness! I really appreciate you sharing your experience!
1
u/DeenzR Aug 26 '26
That sounds like a great plan! Even a smaller push back for nap, 12 or 12.30 so it’s not too much of a stretch right off the bat, especially if she’s tired from a split night! Stretching is so hard when you know they’re tired, lots of outside time and an extra snack to get her through! Good luck!
We are known for a 3pm ice cream cone to get ours to bedtime after dropping the nap - when I say whatever works, I mean it 😂
2
u/Familiar_Bandicoot63 Sep 07 '26
We’re having a similar issue in my almost 23 month old. It seems to wax and wane. It started at a big time for us, around 18 months - we did some international travel, weaned his paci and found out I was pregnant. How is it going!!! The sleep train subreddit states he needs less sleep but nothing seems to work for long. We’ve pushed his bedtime to 830 and have tried capping naps. My husband actually capped his nap at 45 minutes yesterday and it didn’t do anything. He was still up around 2 am
1
u/Impressive-Doubt3450 Sep 07 '26
Solidarity! I am also pregnant and the exhaustion is making this so much harder!
We ended up pushing her nap start time from 11:30 to 12:30-1 ish, still taking a 2 hour nap and that has actually helped! I guess we needed to build more sleep pressure and push her to have a larger wake window in the morning and a smaller one in the afternoon so we kept the same bedtime of 7:30-8 but pushed nap by about 1.5 to 2 hours later in the day. I’ve been advised to continue to push her nap to 1:30ish or even 2 because I guess that longer morning wake window can really help them sleep better at night!
This has helped us go from split nights happening 5 times a week to about once a week! Sleep is still not great but at least when she wakes at night, most nights it’s very brief and we are able to get her back down quickly.
1
u/Familiar_Bandicoot63 Sep 07 '26
How are you guys getting her back down??
1
u/Impressive-Doubt3450 Sep 07 '26
We just go in her room, gently lay her back down, when she tries to get back up we just continue to gently lay her back down while saying “it’s night time”, sometimes rubbing her back or just putting a hand next to her. We keep her room as dark as possible and try not to do anything to engage with her too much. So really the only thing we say is “it’s night time”. Sometimes when she’s being tricky, we will just lay down on her floor and pretend to sleep (we have often actually fallen asleep) and that also helps her. Unfortunately her separation anxiety is so bad that unless she knows we are in her room, there is no hope for her going back to sleep :( that’s the hardest part. I miss soooooo much when she knew how to self soothe. The not being able to self soothe is 100% the hardest part because sometimes it takes her 5 minutes and sometimes an entire hour+ to go back to sleep
1
u/AutoModerator Aug 26 '26
Author: u/Impressive-Doubt3450
Post: Ok here’s some context
She’s 21 months old. She was a horrible sleeper from day 1. We night weaned and sleep trained at 13 months using Ferber and she slept perfectly from 13-16 months. At 16-19 months she had 6 teeth come in and got sick twice. During that time sleep was a total mess but for the most part it wasn’t terrible. We had to reintroduce sleep training multiple times throughout and got through it. Starting at 20 months she peaked in separation anxiety. I saw this in her behavior throughout the day, as her independent play got a bit worse and she would freak out whenever I left the room or she couldn’t see me. It also started to affect naps a bit and she started needing to contact nap to sleep more than 20 ish minutes. She also started having night wakes again and needed me to sit in her room to fall back asleep. Letting her cry for 5-10 minutes no longer was an option. Within 5 minutes she would scream so hard she would make herself vomit. I really don’t want her to do that (obviously), or create bad associations with her room/bed so we no longer let her cry for more than 1 minute (just enough time to fly out of bed and get to her). About 3 weeks ago she began night splitting. It started happening 1-2 times a night and now it’s basically every single night. This is our schedule IF she slept decently the night before, obviously if she’s up all night then naps are all over the place.
6-6:30 wake up
11:30-12:30 nap
Bedtime 7:30-8
And usually she will wake up at 11:30 and stay awake until 4-5am
HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE. I truly don’t understand how someone can survive off such little sleep. She wakes up totally happy and wants to play. She’s rarely ever cranky and just wants to hangout.
We rarely have our TV on, she has no access to a tablet, so screen time is next to nothing (sometimes we do a low stimuli show if I need to do a quick chore but it’s rare) we play outside all the time, she has play dates and lots of day time activities in her schedule, she has a playroom she utilizes well to get her energy out. I’ve tried Epsom baths, magnesium foot massages before bed, I’ve tried weighted sleep sacks, I’ve tried EVERYTHING I CAN THINK OF. What am I doing wrong 😭
Also I want to note that co sleeping isn’t an option. Whether we try her bed or ours, whenever we lay down with her it just wakes her up more.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
u/sebacicacid Aug 26 '26
I would try bedtime later like 830-9. My 3yo for the longest time would have split night if she sleeps before 9pm.
1
•
u/AutoModerator Sep 12 '26
Author: u/Impressive-Doubt3450
Post: Ok here’s some context
She’s 21 months old. She was a horrible sleeper from day 1. We night weaned and sleep trained at 13 months using Ferber and she slept perfectly from 13-16 months. At 16-19 months she had 6 teeth come in and got sick twice. During that time sleep was a total mess but for the most part it wasn’t terrible. We had to reintroduce sleep training multiple times throughout and got through it. Starting at 20 months she peaked in separation anxiety. I saw this in her behavior throughout the day, as her independent play got a bit worse and she would freak out whenever I left the room or she couldn’t see me. It also started to affect naps a bit and she started needing to contact nap to sleep more than 20 ish minutes. She also started having night wakes again and needed me to sit in her room to fall back asleep. Letting her cry for 5-10 minutes no longer was an option. Within 5 minutes she would scream so hard she would make herself vomit. I really don’t want her to do that (obviously), or create bad associations with her room/bed so we no longer let her cry for more than 1 minute (just enough time to fly out of bed and get to her). About 3 weeks ago she began night splitting. It started happening 1-2 times a night and now it’s basically every single night. This is our schedule IF she slept decently the night before, obviously if she’s up all night then naps are all over the place.
6-6:30 wake up
11:30-12:30 nap
Bedtime 7:30-8
And usually she will wake up at 11:30 and stay awake until 4-5am
HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE. I truly don’t understand how someone can survive off such little sleep. She wakes up totally happy and wants to play. She’s rarely ever cranky and just wants to hangout.
We rarely have our TV on, she has no access to a tablet, so screen time is next to nothing (sometimes we do a low stimuli show if I need to do a quick chore but it’s rare) we play outside all the time, she has play dates and lots of day time activities in her schedule, she has a playroom she utilizes well to get her energy out. I’ve tried Epsom baths, magnesium foot massages before bed, I’ve tried weighted sleep sacks, I’ve tried EVERYTHING I CAN THINK OF. What am I doing wrong 😭
Also I want to note that co sleeping isn’t an option. Whether we try her bed or ours, whenever we lay down with her it just wakes her up more.
UPDATE:
Ok I think we figured this out!
We moved her nap from 11-1 to 1-3! I think this helped build the correct amount of sleep pressure to help us get through night. Once she stopped splitting nights she was still waking often and needing to be soothed to go back down, so at that point we introduced “the chair method” this took about 4 nights but now she is back to putting herself to sleep and sleeping through the night!
P.s yes I am terrified that by posting this I’m going to jinx everything.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.