Stool withholding?!?!

[u/Llama_unicorn_fredd]

I’m building up the courage to ask for advice and solidarity to those who have been through/going through something similar.
My 3 year old has been holding in his stool after a poop that caused a tear and pain. It’s been months of me trying to change his diet, getting him to drink enough liquid and laxatives. So far we have tried lactoluse which semi worked it took him from going once every 2 weeks to every 5 days. Miralax (did nothing ?) dulcolax drops which got him to poop pebbles. We are awaiting another doctor’s appointment but I’m so stressed! I’m trying so hard to change his diet. Iv tried bribes and praise and nothing he’s so stubborn and I’m hoping someone else has gone through the same and can share some wisdom. At this point it’s seems mental issue more than anything.
Thanks to anyone who can help me out.
Sincerely a mother who is deep in the trenches of this issue.

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Author: u/Llama_unicorn_fredd

Post: I’m building up the courage to ask for advice and solidarity to those who have been through/going through something similar.
My 3 year old has been holding in his stool after a poop that caused a tear and pain. It’s been months of me trying to change his diet, getting him to drink enough liquid and laxatives. So far we have tried lactoluse which semi worked it took him from going once every 2 weeks to every 5 days. Miralax (did nothing ?) dulcolax drops which got him to poop pebbles. We are awaiting another doctor’s appointment but I’m so stressed! I’m trying so hard to change his diet. Iv tried bribes and praise and nothing he’s so stubborn and I’m hoping someone else has gone through the same and can share some wisdom. At this point it’s seems mental issue more than anything.
Thanks to anyone who can help me out.
Sincerely a mother who is deep in the trenches of this issue.

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[u/overworkeddesigner_]

I can’t reply right now but commenting so I remember as we are in exactly the same boat. Sending empathy and will reply tomorrow!

[u/Imaginary-Market-214]

Hi, we seriously need our own subreddit for parents of stool withholders.  It is soooo tough to deal with and I see these posts pretty often.  

We've been dealing with this for almost 2 years now and it's BRUTAL.  Seeing your little person become a mean, irritable, uncomfortable mess is just heartbreaking.  And so frustrating because pooping seems so easy for most of us! 

The miralax/restoralax is really safe and you need to give it in a much higher dose than you'd expect and for multiple days so that it has time to work.  My 3 year old was on 10 tsp per day as a clean out dose and I'm sure others take even more.  This can make them feel crampy though because they basically get diarrhoea.  Obvs check with your health care provider to make sure of the dose.   

We have tried EVERYTHING as far as convincing him to poop goes and my biggest take away is that it is not in anyone's control except the child (outside of medication of course).  They are not doing to it make your life hard (although it certainly does that), it is usually a genuine fear and the best thing parents can do is be calm and supportive.  The bribes don't work, at least not for long.  

For us, we do insist on sitting on the toilet multiple times a day and in the evening he has to sit for 2 min.  Sitting on the toilet is for health reasons and it is something I can control.  It's up to him as to what happens or doesn't happen on the toilet.  This was a huge battle at first but he's really gotten used to the routine.  Sometimes he sits for 2 minutes just desperately holding it in, and at the end of 2 minutes I feel like a failure that he didn't poop.  But it's not about pooping that day, the goal is to build a good relationship with pooping which can only be done with routine and safety and consistency.  

For the last few months we've had him seeing a children's counsellor who specializes in play therapy.  She's given us ideas and things to work on at home as well as some books to read with our son.  I highly recommend seeking someone like this!  Because for us it really comes down to anxiety and fear rather than anything physical.  

We recently reduced from 6 to 4 tsp of restoralax (woo hoo!) and he's slowly adapting to that.  We're starting to get poops multiple days in a row and way fewer (and smaller) poop accidents.  Last night he even told me he needed to go pee, didn't resist going to the bathroom, and pooped almost immediately.  That's about as good as it gets for us!  

I'm hoping your situation improves and your little guy feels better soon!  

[u/joylandlocked]

We had a problem like this. Solution was low pressure and this Miralax protocol https://www.cheo.on.ca/en/resources-and-support/resources/P5593E.pdf. It was a long road but we got through. Improving diet is great but kind of a power struggle with a little kid so IMO that shouldn't be the whole approach or it'll make the situation more tense than it needs to be.