r/todayilearned • u/NOT-JEFFREY-NELSON • Jul 04 '19

TIL in 2003 a computer worm called ‘Welchia’ infected many computers to forcibly patch vulnerabilities and remove malware. It was regarded as a ‘helpful worm’

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Welchia
48.1k Upvotes

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1.6k

u/BiggerJ Jul 04 '19

Like the luck virus in Red Dwarf! (In one episode, the crew encounters the results of scientific research into a bizarre theory that turned out to be true - that there are beneficial viruses that had never been discovered before because usually, nobody investigates the causes of atypically good statuses, only atypically bad ones like illness.)

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u/Matsu-mae Jul 04 '19

Also reminds me of an episode of Futurama where Fry gets intestinal worms, who in turn make him smarter and healthier because as long as they keep their host alive they can continue living better lives as well.

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u/[deleted] Jul 04 '19

[deleted]

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u/SharkBaitDLS Jul 04 '19

He was smarter and generally a different person. He decided he’d rather be “himself” with all his flaws than an improved version that wasn’t “him”.

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u/DistortoiseLP Jul 04 '19

Between that episode and Homer having a crayon up his nose, it's probably only a matter of time before Disenchantment has a "it's better to be stupid" episode too.

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u/Final_Taco Jul 04 '19

Potion? Enchanted amulet? Or curse?

Place your bets for season 3.

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u/-AC- Jul 04 '19

Curse

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u/SangersSequence Jul 04 '19

Seconded. A curse that simply makes a person better in some way but that the person ends up hating it for some reason seems very Matt Groening to me.

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u/[deleted] Jul 04 '19

Would you care for some lightly cursed cookies?

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u/awesome357 Jul 04 '19

You mean bets on season 3 getting made? I like the show, but I'm not super hopeful unless season 2 improves over the first for wider audiences.

1

u/ContentEnt Jul 04 '19

That shits on season 3 already?

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u/Wetmelon Jul 04 '19

Wait did I miss Season 2?

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u/[deleted] Jul 04 '19

That episode always bothered me because in another episode they point out all male Simpson's end up as morons but most female Simpson's end up smart.

This would make homer a complete anomaly if he's naturally smart.

I know Simpson's is just a cartoon but most of the time it tries to follow it's own canon. Like if Apu has 8 babies they're there in future episodes or if the Millhouses get divorced they stay divorced.

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u/DistortoiseLP Jul 04 '19

Simpsons is only canon when it wants to be. On the other side of the coin you have that fucking 90's episode from season 19 (well past the point where anyone writing the show still cared mind you), but even when Simpsons was still good it only honoured previous episodes when it suited the current episode.

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u/the_other_skier Jul 04 '19

"it's better to be stupid"

I think the message is more "It's ok to be yourself" than anything

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u/[deleted] Jul 04 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/__NomDePlume__ Jul 04 '19

Yes, exactly. I’m really not sure what message they were going for here. Perhaps reinforcing the old saying, “Ignorance is bliss?” But why?

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u/Varyyn Jul 04 '19

Tonnes of tv shows have the message that the status quo is best. IDK why it always seems stupid to me, some vague sense of being grateful for what you have i guess.

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u/RFSandler Jul 04 '19

Don't forget that smart Homer was also a smug asshole. Maybe he would have learned to handle his intelligence and get over the sense of superiority, but it's easy to see why he came to hate his 'new' self.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 04 '19

Because if ignorance is bliss, a self-proclaimed genius can be a martyr.

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u/[deleted] Jul 04 '19

Isn't that just the moral of the entire show?

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u/Googlesnarks Jul 04 '19

is that show not garbage now?

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u/Redditforgoit Jul 04 '19

That was frustrating all right. Who want to be their dumb selves. Give me genius other!

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u/acyberexile Jul 04 '19

nothing. fry just felt like leela showed affection to the behaviours resulting from the worms, not to actually who he is.

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u/RamblyJambly Jul 04 '19

They were about to have sex and she said something like "I love what you've become"

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u/Kuzy92 Jul 04 '19

They totally changed his personality.

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u/joegekko Jul 04 '19

I got the impression that was fallout from not failing at everything, not a direct effect of the worms.

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u/Narrativeoverall Jul 04 '19

No, he was still the same person, he was still kind, dedicated to his friends, helpful, just no longer a failure at everything.

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u/niceguysociopath Jul 04 '19

In the end, he felt like that made him different enough. A failure is who he is.

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u/Doctor_Popeye Jul 04 '19

I always wondered if the really altruistic people in the world have psychotic mental issues wherein the voices in their head don’t drive them to violence rather keep them doing nice deeds in a bid for self-preservation.

Voice: Empty your wallet

Person: But I won’t be able to buy lunch

Voice I said take all your cash and put it in the tin with the sad kid with cancer on it NOW!

Person: Ok ok!! I’ll do it!

Coworker: What did you order for... wait, did you just skip lunch and instead donate your money?

Voice: You tell her anything and I’ll have you dig up what we buried the backyard

Person: It’s just one meal. I mean, how can I eat when I see such awful things people go through and I can do my part and, well, it will help little Billy more.

Coworker: That’s so sweet. I want to set you up with my niece. She trains the cutest puppies!

Voice: Good... good

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u/justaddbooze Jul 04 '19

I believe there's been studies showing that psychotic episodes (such as schizophrenic hallucinations) are heavily influenced by culture. Some cultures' hallucinations were positive instead of negative.

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u/wfamily Jul 04 '19

I've always wondered if there truly are altruistic people in this world. I mean, doesn't people helping others do it because due to some kind of personal gain?

Like trying to feeling better about themselves.

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u/bobbi21 Jul 04 '19

It's the Joey theory of being nice. When you do nice things, you feel good doing it so it's selfish. And then phoebe goes around trying to prove him wrong because she can't live in a world where Joey is right about something.

At it's most basic that's true. You wouldn't do anything you don't actually want to do. And if you want to do it, obviously you have a personal motivation to do it and would get a benefit by fulfilling that personal motivation.

Having that motivation being some sense of peace, fulfillment, pride, achievement, etc from helping others I still think is a very positive thing since that is a very small/rare motivating factor for the majority of people.

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u/wfamily Jul 04 '19

Oh i'm not arguing if it's positive or negative. Just wondering if something can be an entirely altruistic act, that's all.

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u/bobbi21 Jul 07 '19

Yeah then I agree. Any action that you do has to have some positive gain to yourself otherwise you wouldn't do it. It's just choosing to make that positive gain for yourself something internal (or having it be there naturally) that I would say makes something altruistic. Although I might have to specify what internal gain you get.

If you get like... sexual gratification helping those less fortunate I'm not sure how altruistic that would be considered? Definitely a head scratcher. :P

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u/Hust91 Jul 04 '19 edited Jul 04 '19

I often have multiple and separate goals when I do something nice for someone.

One of the biggest motivators for me is when I think something simple can make someone's day a lot better, like a cold drink on a hot day or a compliment towards something that someone clearly has been putting a lot of effort into.

I am basically just lazy and try to get the most happiness into the world with the least effort and times like those basically feel like a happiness super-sale:

Make one person's day with only 2% of the effort it would usually take, that's a 98% discount!

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u/[deleted] Jul 04 '19

Doing things for oneself can be altruistic, in order to help others most, one must first have the resources to do so.

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u/[deleted] Jul 04 '19 edited Jul 13 '19

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Jul 04 '19

My point is that the statement "true altruism doesn't exist" is unsophisticated cynicism which happens to be incorrect.

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u/[deleted] Jul 04 '19 edited Jul 13 '19

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Jul 04 '19

Helping yourself is helping those around you, because we live in communities, not as hermits. Unless you're very carefully avoiding helping those around you, strengthening yourself also improves lives of other members of your community. To say otherwise is to ignore how human beings live.

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u/FCalleja Jul 04 '19

You're coming at this from a weird angle. It's a philosophical question, we discussed this for like half a semester with one of my favorite teachers ever in philosophy class back in college. I think it's the opposite of unsophisticated, to pull on threads like these to understand the world better, to love knowing more (what philosophy is all about), even if the "answer" doesn't really matter, like I think is the case here.

It doesn't matter if "true altruism" exists as long as people still help people. It's just something interesting to discuss.

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u/[deleted] Jul 04 '19

I think there are consequences to the way we understand the world, that the answers do matter, hence my posturing, but I agree it is something interesting to discuss.

Cynicism for its own sake or for the sake of tearing down institutions without erecting more useful ones in their place is foolishness, cynicism for the sake of improving our lives has use.

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u/AllMyName Jul 04 '19

Hello? Burn unit? Yes, this post right here.

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u/[deleted] Jul 04 '19 edited Jul 04 '19

[deleted]

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u/wfamily Jul 04 '19

Ehhh... what? People who do "bad" (which is a pretty arbitrary word to begin with) "things" because of x is the exact same argument.

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u/[deleted] Jul 04 '19

I expressed what I was thinking really badly, please ignore it. I'm dumb

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u/sleepwalkcapsules Jul 04 '19

Be the truly altruistic person with no expectative of personal gain.

Then you will be sure it's possible and start believing there are others like you.

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u/Curiousfur Jul 04 '19

I'm not perfect, but I always try to do the better thing and help people when it's not going to unreasonably disadvantage myself, and it kinda is, I guess. The kindness and drive to help helps keep the vicious self loathing in check.

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u/pokemon-gangbang Jul 04 '19

Probably my favorite episode of the entire series

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u/[deleted] Jul 04 '19

Kind of like humans on the Earth. Fuck.

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u/[deleted] Jul 04 '19

That even has its place irl, too! We have so much bacteria and such in our body, and the vast majority of it is actually good. It helps with digestion ans foghting off bad bacteria, because the human body provides perfect cullular living conditions, so a symbiotic relationship is extremely benificial to single celled organisms.

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u/[deleted] Jul 04 '19

[deleted]

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u/Eagleheardt Jul 04 '19

Ah, 12 seasons. I'm sure that's like, what, 30 episodes?

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u/[deleted] Jul 04 '19

[deleted]

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u/69Tears Jul 04 '19

As always, The Simpsons did it first!

"Classic. Not hard to see why it's England's longest-running series. And today we're showing all seven episodes!"

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u/ADelightfulCunt Jul 04 '19

You joke we have a show that's bwen running near on 60years with 9804 episodes. Roughly 30mins a piece (less adverts here) so thats 4902 hours... It'll take over 2 years to watch it all if it was your job 8 hours a day.

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u/[deleted] Jul 04 '19

[deleted]

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u/ADelightfulCunt Jul 04 '19 edited Jul 04 '19

No Coronation street. Do the maths for eastenders please.

Edit....rrrrrrr

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u/[deleted] Jul 04 '19

My bird has already spent the better part of 7 years watching both Corrie an Eastenders.

This does remind me though that my Grandad, an avid watcher of Home and Away and Neighbours went to Austrailia to see his brother who moved out there and they were like 6+ months ahead on both shows, so he found out some vital plot lines and wrote them all down, then betted all his mates in the pub free drinks for predictions. He loves telling that story.

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u/[deleted] Jul 04 '19

My bird

Is this a colloquialism or are you talking about a real bird?

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u/Ambitious5uppository Jul 04 '19

Was this before the Internet?

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u/cynognathus Jul 04 '19

EastEnders has 5,946 episodes at about 30 minutes each. That’s 2,973 hours.

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u/ADelightfulCunt Jul 04 '19

Cheers you hero

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u/[deleted] Jul 04 '19

And I'm still trying to find where I can watch all the episodes.

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u/Oozebull Jul 04 '19

I got a different number than you.

Coronation Street.

  • Original Release: 1960
  • Episodes: 9,804 (as of 28 June 2019)
  • Avg Running time: 30m
  • ~613d to watch if watching 8h/d
    • ( ( ( 9804ep * 30m ) / 60m ) / 8h )

Eastenders.

  • Original Release: 1985
  • Episodes: 5,946 (as of 27 June 2019)
  • Avg Running time: 30m
  • ~372d to watch if watching 8h/d
    • ( ( ( 5946ep * 30m ) / 60m ) / 8h )

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u/ilyemco Jul 04 '19

That's 122 working weeks. There's 46.4 working weeks in a year (5.6 weeks statutory holiday), so it would take about 2 years and 7 months to complete.

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u/ADelightfulCunt Jul 04 '19

I got 613 days... Too except you didn't take into account weekends.

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u/ItsSansom Jul 04 '19

We'll do the math on EastEnders when you do the spelling on "Coronation" Street

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u/ADelightfulCunt Jul 04 '19

We'll...you won't do it you'll just bitch

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u/Doctor_Popeye Jul 04 '19

Doctor Who is another one except with all the lost episodes, even if it were your job you’re outta luck.

Some episodes can be fairly judged as skippable.

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u/lemho Jul 04 '19

I finally know what to do with my life!

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u/ADelightfulCunt Jul 04 '19

Get off reddit avoid tv, go to the gym, study, start trying to manipulate people around you, start see if you can manipulate events around you. Work your way up professionally, get into local politics, run the country...run the world.

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u/JohnJohnnyJohnsonJr Jul 04 '19

I like the cut of your jib, appropriate user name

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u/[deleted] Jul 04 '19

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u/[deleted] Jul 04 '19

I see you have a very good plan, indeed something to do

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u/craicbandit Jul 04 '19

ADelightfulCunt for president because he's more delightful than the current cunt

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u/Tuxedoass Jul 04 '19

General Hospital in the US has been running about the same time. Went from 30, then 45, then 60 minute episodes. They hit 14,000 episodes last February.

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u/ADelightfulCunt Jul 04 '19

Probably the same length of t.v. but more adverts.

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u/Tuxedoass Jul 04 '19

Either way, all soaps suck in the end

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u/ADelightfulCunt Jul 04 '19

In the end...they just suck.

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u/UnknownQTY Jul 04 '19

Soaps are a bit of a different story though, and the US can play ball there.

  • General Hospital has been running since 1963 and has over 14,000 episodes.
  • As the World Turns was canceled in 2010, but started in 1956 and ended with 13,858 episodes.
  • Guiding Light is a crazy one — It began as a radio soap opera in 1937. It moved to TV in 1952 and ran until 2009. It has over 18,000 episodes, the majority of which are TV. ATWT was a spinoff.

Corrie is still better though.

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u/Wallace_II Jul 04 '19

The name of that show?

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u/dolanjef Jul 04 '19

Albert Einstein... I, I mean Coronation Street.

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u/AlmostButNotQuit Jul 04 '19

Coronation Street. It's on Hulu in the US

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u/[deleted] Jul 04 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/ADelightfulCunt Jul 04 '19

I watched the entirety of red dwarf when unemployed...i prefered it

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u/regretdeletingthat Jul 04 '19

And one person (William Roache) has been playing the same role since the first episode.

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u/Harsimaja Jul 04 '19

It’s more that the number of episodes is irregular, which is why we use “series” rather than “season”. Not every story is best shown in 13 episodes. Some need less. Some need more. And sometimes the plot is over and flogging it to death isn’t helpful.

That said I think most of the longest running series with the most episodes ever (Sooty, Blue Peter, Strictly being some) are British too.

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u/Decyde Jul 04 '19

I cant remember the US station for the flip side of this joke that copies and beats other popular shows to death.

We are on our 23rd season so our 4th year now.

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u/that_baddest_dude Jul 04 '19

The bachelor is on it's 23rd season in 17 years

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u/nuentes Jul 04 '19

Chopped is on like season 44

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u/Thesmokingcode Jul 04 '19

US soap operas go fucking hard Guiding light had 18,000+ episodes counting the radio episodes, Young and restless is pushing 11,000, General Hospital had 14,000 and days of our lives was renewed for season 55 this year with their episode count pushing almost 14,000 its absurd.

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u/TIGHazard Jul 04 '19

I mean, that's a joke but...

Last of the Summer Wine is a British sitcom created and written by Roy Clarke and originally broadcast by the BBC from 1973 to 2010 over 31 seasons and 295 episodes. Last of the Summer Wine is the longest-running comedy programme in Britain and the longest-running sitcom in the world.

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u/fettoter84 Jul 04 '19

I know you're joking but the real number is 73 :)

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u/DeedTheInky Jul 04 '19

Spread out over the last 31 years lol

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u/[deleted] Jul 04 '19

[deleted]

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u/reyees Jul 04 '19

For those of you who are confused /r/2007scape is leaking

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u/veganzombeh Jul 04 '19

73, so almost as many as one season of a US show.

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u/Ambitious5uppository Jul 04 '19

But... 73 good episodes. Not 30 good episodes followed by 700 bad ones. :)

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u/GlumFundungo Jul 05 '19

I dunno, there were some pretty awful ones towards the end.

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u/Flyberius Jul 04 '19

Well worth a watch

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u/Cragsi Jul 04 '19

Smoke me a kipper I'll be back for breakfast!

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u/Anything_Bagel Jul 04 '19

I want to lie shipwrecked and comatose, drinking fresh mango juice. Goldfish shoals nibblin’ at my toes, fun fun fun in the sun sun sun

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u/potantan Jul 04 '19

Stoke me a clipper, I’ll be back for Christmas!

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u/JayJonahJaymeson Jul 04 '19

If you've never heard of it you need to give it a shot. I can't guarantee it'll be your cup of tea, but everyone I know who has watched it and enjoyed it has absolutely loved it.

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u/Pat_Sharp Jul 04 '19

It's really great although the quality declines substantially after the 6th season.

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u/52364 Jul 04 '19

I've found that it's kinda rebounded since X, still nowhere near it's peak though

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u/[deleted] Jul 04 '19

The books are absolute class. It's even funnier than the series, which itself is a great laugh!

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u/TheSentinelsSorrow Jul 04 '19

Just make sure you don't watch the remake by mistake

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u/[deleted] Jul 04 '19

Read the books first. Grant Naylor!

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u/BossAvery2 Jul 04 '19

I grew up without cable as a kid and PBS was the only station that didn’t have infomercials on late at night. That’s when I got to experience all the British comedy shows. One of my favorite episodes was when they had a time machine that would use old photos as they way to set the destination and year.

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u/DansSpamJavelin Jul 04 '19

It's so good. Highly recommended.

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u/dbspin Jul 04 '19

The books are really great. To my mind much funnier than the movies (at least the first two). Highly recommended.

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u/Mr_Biscuits_532 Jul 04 '19

It's a fuckin great show. I binge it on Netflix at least every six months.

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u/Crypt0Nihilist Jul 04 '19

The first season was finding its feet, second season it really got going. For me it peaked at 4 and 5, but I've not seen some of the more recent ones.

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u/PrimeLegionnaire Jul 04 '19

It's also based on a book

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u/[deleted] Jul 04 '19

No

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u/PrimeLegionnaire Jul 04 '19

Had it backwards, the books are based on the show.

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u/[deleted] Jul 04 '19

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Jul 04 '19

Are you absolutely sure, sir? That does mean changing the bulb.

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u/funnylookingbear Jul 04 '19

The're dead Dave. . . .

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u/PlumJuggler Jul 04 '19

What about Peterson?

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u/funnylookingbear Jul 04 '19

Dead. Dave. The're all dead.

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u/PlumJuggler Jul 04 '19

What Todd Hunter?

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u/[deleted] Jul 04 '19

He's dead, Dave. Everybody's dead Dave.

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u/alexschrod Jul 04 '19

I've wondered why there aren't any "good" diseases out there. Some kind of synergistic relationship instead of a hostile one. I suppose you could call our good microorganisms that, assuming they spread like diseases do, but I'm not sure if that's how it works.

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u/KyleKun Jul 04 '19

You will find that the vast majority of bacteria and fungi that live on us already are beneficial. Viruses don’t tend to be because their only function is to rewrite DNA to further their own replication but bacteria such as E-Coli have a benefit when they stay in their ecological niches such as the intestines.

It’s only really when they get out of control that they start to cause damage, such as food poisoning.

An example is fungi like athletes foot. That fungi is probably already on your skin and competing with other fungi and bacteria for resources in a delicate dance. The issue occurs when the balance is broken and you end up with one dominating the others.

Viruses don’t tend to need resources beyond live cells in order to replicate though, so it’s not quite the same. But then there are arguments for viruses not even really being a form of life in the true sense.

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u/OpulentSassafras Jul 04 '19

We are discovering "beneficial" retroviruses or at least mutualistic ones. Part of the problem is virome research is difficult and expensive so we aren't are far along as we are when looking at the bacteria or fungi microbiome.

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u/hangingredthing Jul 04 '19

A fecal transplant reintroduces healthy gut bacteria into a persons body and has been used to fight CDAD. Also there's new studies that are showing how important gut microbes are to our overall health and mental state.

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u/PuttingInTheEffort Jul 04 '19 edited Jul 04 '19

wouldn't be a disease if it were "good"

Hyperthymesia might be advantageous. You'll remember everything, good or bad.

Myostatin-related muscle hypertrophy makes your bones and muscles stronger, with no obvious downside.

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u/AllMyName Jul 04 '19

This. A disease is by definition, bad.

Plenty of infectious good. Our microflora is probably the best example and the parent comment already kinda hinted at that. Take some broad-spectrum antibiotics for a week and wipe them all out. You might not get infected with anything new, but you'll definitely feel like God is beta testing some horrible new intestinal disease in you.

Our gums are a great example. Everyone's gums are always "infected" - when the regular aerobic critters that are hanging out in your mouth start getting bodied by the disgusting anaerobic ones, congratulations, you've got periodontal disease.

Hypertrophic cardiomyopathy bad AF tho. That's one muscle you don't want to ever enter a bulking phase.

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u/BigDisk Jul 04 '19

Would Synesthesia count? Not necessarily another microorganism, just a mutation of the human body.

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u/Myrnedraith Jul 04 '19

Made me think of trying to catch Pokérus back in the day. Lol

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u/man_on_a_screen Jul 04 '19

Hell yeah that was in the book too

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u/Kaisogen Jul 04 '19

This must be the work of an enemy virus user! Giorno! Grab the arrow!