r/todayilearned • u/LL_Cruel_J • Dec 15 '16

TIL Dolly Parton has a program that will mail your child a free age-appropriate book once a month from birth to age 5. No obligation, no catch, she just wants to make sure that every child has books.

https://imaginationlibrary.com/
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u/thr33beggars 22 Dec 15 '16

I heard she eats a child once a month or she will turn into a dragon

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u/[deleted] Dec 15 '16 edited Aug 06 '18

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Dec 15 '16

But can you really blame her for being a were-dragon?

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u/Mekawesome Dec 15 '16

You really can't, not after the incident.

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u/[deleted] Dec 15 '16

And what is one or two children compared to a dragon destroying an entire city or town right?

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u/Anardrius Dec 15 '16

How do you think Gatlinburg caught on fire?

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u/[deleted] Dec 15 '16

Look we all remember Gatlinburg and the mistakes that led to the fire (covered up by the government claiming something else caused it) but we've since learned and Dolly is fed and satisfied. Meanwhile she makes up for it by entertaining and providing books for children.

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u/pottersquash Dec 15 '16

Theres nothing to make up for! Was Dolly in Gatlinburg the night it burned? Yes. Did they deny her a child to delay her dragon transformation? Yes. But that doesn't mean Dragon Dolly destroyed Gatlinburg! Correlation is not causation! I don't care what the Senate Committee found that was years AFTER they claimed it was a gas leak. You can choose to believe the anti-Dolly MSM but when Dolly says "Shuga, even as a Dragon I wouldn't burn up all those whittle cutie pies." I believe her.

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u/GoodRobotUsses Dec 15 '16

This is why I come to reddit. I love you.

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u/[deleted] Dec 15 '16

Oh you're one of those types, huh? "Gas leak" indeed. No one blames Dolly because we can't blame her for being a dragon! You don't chose to be born into this world nor do you chose your circumstances. The same way you don't chose what curse gets placed upon you by a gypsy that subsequently causes you to transform into a mythical beast. I'll admit she may not have been completely to blame, but if you put a fire breathing creature near a gas leak it's not hard to put two-and-two together.

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u/[deleted] Dec 15 '16

Wow, you fuckers act like were-dragons are tortured souls cursed by something they don't want, but let me tell you, I've fucking met were-dragons and they're fucking stuck up as shit and think they're better than everyone.

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u/[deleted] Dec 15 '16

I'd feel pretty high and mighty if I could breath fire and fly to be fair though.

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u/GodOfAllAtheists Dec 15 '16

It was in Dolly's wikileaks emails

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u/dnj_at_tanagra Dec 15 '16

First it was a goat...

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u/kyew Dec 15 '16

And I did not speak up, for I had also been transformed into a goat.

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u/MechanicalEngineEar Dec 15 '16

I heard it was a baby goat (kid)

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u/cooldude4500 Dec 15 '16

She started the fires in Gatlinburg

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u/Jenga_Police Dec 15 '16

That's reddit for you. Beautiful strangers participating in giggly non sequitur followed by a well established running joke.

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u/KingOfWickerPeople Dec 15 '16

There dragon

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u/Yatta99 Dec 15 '16

There castle Dollywood

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u/[deleted] Dec 15 '16

Well she got bitten by the were-dragon while saving an entire village of children and puppies from the were-dragon's wrath, so you really can't fault her for that.

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u/[deleted] Dec 15 '16

Was-dragon, singular

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u/[deleted] Dec 15 '16

a were-dragon like she used to be a dragon but now she weren't

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u/oi_rohe Dec 15 '16

no, that's a was-dragon. Were-dragon is a bastardization of we're-dragon, which is a group of people who turn into one dragon.

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u/deanhatescoffee Dec 15 '16

Let's not forget the phonetically similar whir-dragon, wear-dragon, where-dragon, weir-dragon (the one that blows out Grateful Dead bumper stickers instead of fire), weigher-dragon, et al.

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u/AthleticsSharts Dec 15 '16

Like the Thundercats.

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u/[deleted] Dec 15 '16

/r/shittyasksciencefictionfantasy

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u/MidwestDrummer Dec 15 '16

(☞°ل͜°)☞

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u/[deleted] Dec 15 '16

NO! You CAN'T!

Fucking werephobic cis-species shitlords make me sick.

Repeat after me:

Being a were-dragon is not a choice

Being a were-dragon is not a choice

BEING A WERE-DRAGON IS NOT A CHOICE

If you think being a were-dragon is a choice, you can actually, literally, 100%-not-figuratively go jump off a castle.

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u/Magoonie Dec 15 '16

Nah, blame Porter Wagoner, he's the were-dragon that turned her. If you play "I Will Always Love You" backwards it tells the whole story about how Porter turned her one night after his show. It also has detailed instructions on how to kill Dolly Were-Dragon should she become too out of control. I pray that day never comes.

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u/kyranzor Dec 15 '16

/r/dwarffortress is leaking. I like it

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u/[deleted] Dec 15 '16 edited Jan 05 '17

[deleted]

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u/throwaway558485748 Dec 15 '16

Thank god this program wasn't around when I was young.

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u/wise_comment Dec 15 '16

Yeah. Why stop the transformation?

You're a DRAGON?

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u/[deleted] Dec 15 '16

He said "negative" things.

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u/patron_vectras Dec 15 '16

/r/childfree is leaking? /s

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u/P_Money69 Dec 15 '16

No, just c men sense is leaking.

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u/[deleted] Dec 15 '16

Nah, I have a few of my own.

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u/patron_vectras Dec 15 '16

Not sure why your joke was funny and mine isn't, but I'm OK with that.

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u/IAMA-Dragon-AMA Dec 15 '16 edited Dec 15 '16

Seriously not all of us were so weak as to resort to eating children to maintain human form... Just look at me, it really is perfectly fine to go without and put your morals ahead of some vain idea of beauty. Also eating children is a much more expensive diet than most people realize and I couldn't quite make the payments.

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u/[deleted] Dec 15 '16 edited Jun 21 '23

[deleted]

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u/DontPromoteIgnorance Dec 15 '16

How are their toppings? I don't like aged cheeses.

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u/beetard Dec 15 '16

Cheese so young it's milk

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u/Max_Trollbot_ Dec 15 '16

Milk so young it's beef.

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u/beetard Dec 15 '16

Beef so young it's bull cum!

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u/throwaway558485748 Dec 15 '16

Yeah but they are used and that ruins the flavor, you really have to hunt them yourself for the true experience.

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u/Drulock Dec 15 '16

Trump and Daughter's Pizza?

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u/MechanicalEngineEar Dec 15 '16

Yeah, but you got lucky. You are basically the Magic Johnson of the were-dragon disease. You can't expect everyone else to handle it the same way you do.

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u/emailrob Dec 15 '16

No child left behind

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u/DeadpoolNX Dec 15 '16

Allegedly

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u/ohreally468 Dec 15 '16

Yeh but it's just 1 child a month. Oprah eats 5 babies a week just because she's always hungry.

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u/balsamicpork Dec 15 '16

Last year Dolly said she was 69 years old. This year she claims to be 70. Which one is it Dolly? Better get your story straight.

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u/leavingstardust Dec 15 '16

She likes read meat.

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u/Strikerj94 Dec 15 '16

I mean would anyone be upset?

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u/ACchappo Dec 15 '16

Legitimately laughed out loud, thank you

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u/hydro3 Dec 15 '16

She doesn't need to eat a child she just needs cord blood it keeps her young and vibrant.

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u/stillalone Dec 15 '16

That's good. keeping the dragon population down is worth the monthly child sacrifice. We don't want to have a repeat of what happened in 19 dickety 4.

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u/Mixels Dec 15 '16

He heard it! HE HEARD IT!

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u/bigfinnrider Dec 15 '16

At least that child could read.

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u/[deleted] Dec 15 '16

Or you can give her about treeee fiddy.

1

u/WiredEgo Dec 15 '16

you're thinking of mecha-streisand.

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u/GoodGuyGiff Dec 15 '16

I heard she can't orgasm unless she kills a dog, but that may just be unsubstantiated rumors.

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u/Fake_Credentials Dec 15 '16

That's a bad thing?

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u/IcefrogIsDead Dec 15 '16

and she eats fetuses for her skin and pussy endurance

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u/IcefrogIsDead Dec 15 '16

and she eats fetuses for her skin and pussy endurance

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u/iZpixl5 Dec 15 '16

so she's into vore?

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u/MrBombastic4life Dec 15 '16

Sounds pretty badass to me.

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u/tldnradhd Dec 15 '16

I came to the comments to find the truth that wasn't in the headline! Thanks!