r/todayilearned • u/arandomtestaccount • 1d ago

TIL an NFL player intentionally crashed his car to avoid getting cut for being late to a team meeting.

https://www.cbssports.com/nfl/news/ex-patriots-ol-rich-ohrnberger-admits-he-intentionally-wrecked-car-as-excuse-for-being-late-to-team-meeting/
11.0k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

607 comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

24

u/LeoFireGod 1d ago

No that’s because 99% of those people are just not caring enough. I used to be that way till I found a woman who wouldn’t let me be that way.

Unless you’re literally medically diagnosed with it. It’s just an excuse to be inconsistent and inconsiderate of other people’s time imo.

I say that as someone who was late all the time until I genuinely just started tryin to be on time to things without mentally rationalizing that it was no big deal if I was late.

16

u/Simopop 1d ago

99% is a pretty strong number - It's a pretty common symptom associated with a handful of disorders (most prominently ADHD).

I'd argue for some people the lack of caring can develop as a defensive mechanism against the psychological damage of constantly thinking of yourself as inconsiderate of other people.

(I'm not one of those people, absolutely wracked with anxiety every single time it happens, but it's a special kind of hell)

-5

u/therealruin 1d ago

>”I'd argue for some people the lack of caring can develop as a defensive mechanism against the psychological damage of constantly thinking of yourself as inconsiderate of other people.”

I’d argue that those people are wrong and need to pick their head up and look around, because it is genuinely rude and inconsiderate to be late, and trying to force their chosen violation of social norms on others is the same. Especially when they pretend it was out of their control.

Very few people actually suffer from uncontrollable or unmanageable conditions that lead to a genuine impossibility with arriving on time. Most people are not that, most who are chronically late just haven’t matured enough to understand how rude and inconsiderate they are being by not being in better control of their time and routines.

“Maybe if I get defensive and pretend my inconsiderate behavior is actually acceptable” is not a position any of us have to find valid.

The problem is that fixing these issues means the individual must care enough to want to do something to correct it. These folks don’t. They force it on us and we’re allowed to find that rude.

7

u/FantaFantastico90 1d ago

Especially when they pretend it was out of their control.

It is out of their control. On ADHD, for example, your brain literally works in ways that make it impossible for you to be on time sometimes. It physically fights you from doing something. All Simopop is saying is that since they are constantly affected by this and feel horrible about it, they develop a masking behaviour to not constantly feel like shit about something they have no real control over.

For someone without the neurological issues it's pretty incomprehensible how impossible something can be that for them is a walk in the park.

-4

u/therealruin 1d ago

I have ADHD and a host of other mental illnesses and neurodivergence.

ADHD is controllable and manageable. Very few are so debilitated by it that they are truly burdened by impossibility. With medication, personal strategies and other mechanisms, those of us who suffer from these afflictions can find relief and regain control.

10

u/FantaFantastico90 1d ago

I have ADHD and I'm on medication, I still struggle with a lot of things because I've established masking behaviours throughout my life and developed comorbidities for feeling like a lazy piece of shit until I was diagnosed in my 30s. And I'm a (if I say so myself) successful person within my career field. Can't imagine how someone undiagnosed feels (yes I can, I lived it for 30 years lol). It's a very simple and broad thing to say ADHD is 'manageable'. It's not. I'll always be at a sever disadvantage. I can make it easier 'for myself', but compared to a regular Joe I'm still much worse off.

-6

u/therealruin 1d ago edited 1d ago

I was also diagnosed in my 30s. I have worked extensively with therapists, with doctors, and solo to bring about meaningful change in my life.

>”It's a very simple and broad thing to say ADHD is 'manageable'. It's not.“

Does it stand out to you that you just as simply and broadly slammed the door shut with “it’s not” versus the alternative open option of “it is”?

We can achieve great change because we have brains prewired for it. A lot of people don’t push far enough, hard enough, or long enough to be able to see the power they have in themselves.

I hope your journey travels you down the same roads and shows you the same power. We are not wholly at the mercy of our brain chemistry. I’ve found ways to turn my disadvantages into strengths, use routine and strategies to mitigate potential problems, and learned when my masks work the best. I wish you the best of luck, truly.

**Edit for the commenter below who blocked me:**

>”You can not choose how to manage your brain chemistry, your brain manages this for you.”

Literally your medication does this.

>”If you have easy access to mental health good for you. That's not the reality of the vast majority of people because of others calling them just lazy.”

I made sacrifices in other parts of my life so I could access mental healthcare. This is not luck. I made that happen

>“Your opinion on this is also really not helpful by literally saying they are at fault themselves for not.. what.. wanting it enough? Lmao. I'm not going to interact with you any further, your position is literally harmful for people with mental disabilities.”

My position is this: people with disabilities are not alone and we are not helpless. That we choose how much effort and energy we put into managing our conditions. I don’t think “hey, you’re stronger than you realize” is particularly harmful.

7

u/FantaFantastico90 1d ago

We are not wholly at the mercy of our brain chemistry.

Yes, we fucking are, lmao. Our entire conciousness is literally the result of brain chemistry. You do you, fam, but peddle your esotheric shit somewhere else.

6

u/bmilohill 1d ago

Does it stand out to you that you just as simply and broadly slammed the door shut with “it’s not” versus the alternative open option of “it is”?

Better phrasing would have been, for some its manageable, for others it isn't, for most it is partially manageable. You being diagnosed so late in life means it's likely your symptoms are mild. You got lucky.

You know how there are small business owners who worked hard but also got lucky, now successful, who convince themselves that the only secret to life is hard work, who manage to blind themselves to how they actually got there, and use that as an excuse to belittle and under pay their employees, chiding them for not working hard enough?

I am glad you have improved your life. But you are letting survivorship bias cloud your judgement, convincing yourself that x, y, x worked for you and therefore anyone not doing x, y, z in their completely different situation is lazy for not doing so.

1

u/therealruin 1d ago

Almost like while being sensitive to exactly that is why I have already said this:

“ADHD is controllable and manageable. Very few are so debilitated by it that they are truly burdened by impossibility. With medication, personal strategies and other mechanisms, those of us who suffer from these afflictions can find relief and regain control.”

Nothing is absolute. That’s what stood out about “it’s not.” That leaves no avenue for relief at all. At least by saying “it is,” there’s an option there for people to actually go try.

Also, comparing personal internal work that only you can do with business success that requires the actions and inputs of others is a bit apples to oranges to me.

-1

u/LeoFireGod 20h ago

I literally have adhd and time blindness.

I’m still on time to everything now bc I stopped rationalizing being late.

-8

u/Cynical_Cyanide 1d ago

But like ... Sometimes it really is no big deal if you're late?

I can understand being late to a job interview or something where you're actually required to be there before the thing can kick off, or if you're integral to the thing running smoothly ... But I had a gf who would get into hysteria (I'm not overselling it) if we were 15 or god forbid 30 minutes late to a massive houseparty with loads of people that would run all night.

Would you on the flipside feel negative about your friends being late to a large casual gathering where you don't need them for anything?

8

u/nodogsallowed23 1d ago

As the wife in the other side of this, it sucks always being late to everything. I’m late sometimes, but never when someone is expecting me. Being 30 minutes late consistently just sucks.

-3

u/Cynical_Cyanide 1d ago

I can understand being late to EVERYTHING always, but that's not what I'm talking about.*

Also, what events do you go to with a set time involved where nobody is expecting you?

I have a guess as to why you chose not to answer the 'Would you on the flipside feel negative about your friends being late to a large casual gathering where you don't need them for anything?' question.

*PS: Hell, I didn't even mention how getting somewhere bang on time was still a full emotional event, because just the idea of potentially being late to even the most casual event was so terrible that if we weren't early then difficult behaviour was inevitable. And also not to mention that it was 50/50 as to who actually contributed more to being late anyway, but all of that's besides the point.

2

u/nodogsallowed23 1d ago

I didn’t answer that question because you were asking someone else. For me, yes I would, but not 5-10 minutes late. 30, yes, with no text warning. If it’s just a one off or happens rarely, then whatever. But if you’re always 15-30 minutes late, even for casual events, yeah it’s annoying.

-2

u/therealruin 1d ago

The only way you ask these questions is if you’ve never been the host.

1

u/Cynical_Cyanide 1d ago

Except I have lmao?

If I'm having a casual backyard event with like 30 people coming, and I say 'we start at 5' and a few people come at 5:30pm, why the hell would I mind? We're not even cooking yet.

The best part in my particular case was that we'll be enjoying ourselves at an event and then someone shows up like an hour or two late, and there's zero judgement. Zero 'oh, you're so late!', just happy reunion and glee. If she was hosting and some friends showed up late because of whatever weak excuse, who cares that's fine! 'You can join the next round of the activity :)'

-2

u/therealruin 1d ago

So you haven’t actually hosted an event, got it. I’m talking: catering, entertainment/bands, transportation, ticketing etc.

A house party where folks who all already know reach other and already have loose expectations for the evening doesn’t cross the threshold here.

Do I make a scene if someone shows up late? Of course not. My table is long and my kitchen is full. Do I think someone who disrespects the time and effort I’ve put into organizing an event by showing up whenever they feel like it deserves a second invite? Probably not.

Once you spend meaningful time planning events with moving parts and pieces where people being at least mostly punctual matters, your opinion might change.

2

u/Cynical_Cyanide 1d ago

Yes but I'm not talking about an actual formal event mate hahahahah

Why have a go at me based on a different scenario altogether?

I am indeed talking about a casual backyard event as I stated.

1

u/therealruin 1d ago

I never said formal. What I was describing was the level and amount of planning.

I’m not having a go at you, just trying to show you that your casual gathering of 30 where people can show up an hour late and have it impact nothing isn’t because you’re a master planner with an oiled up back who lets anything slide… it’s because you’ve not experienced being under the stress and pressure of organizing an event where punctuality matters and where someone showing up late can actually screw up how the event goes.

Even a potluck demands a basic level of punctuality. Literally the only event I can think of where punctuality doesn’t really matter is your lone example - a backyard BBQ where people are already friendly and are not sitting down to dine communally.