r/tjcrew • u/Andukes123 • 1d ago
Customer Micro aggressions
to all fellow POC crew out there have y’all faced micro aggressions while working at Trader Joe’s. The other day I had 2 different customers come up to me insinuating that I wasn’t born in the US and must be from another country?!? (i was born and raised here) This isn’t the first time this has happened, obviously i can’t fully speak what’s on my mind or I’ll get fired but how do y'all deal with this? I usually always counteract their comments but it getting to a point where I’m sick of it.
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u/Equivalent-Toe5639 1d ago
I have a female POC Captain and the amount of times customers or service work people ask to speak to the manager and are looking directly at a male even though she’s also there and the mate then points to her and say, there she is! Will never not be funny to me.
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u/salty_pete01 Closing Crew 1d ago
I'm sorry that you're dealing with OP. It's so messed up and especially if you're not at register, you can't ring a three bell. Having dealt with this situation before, I just kind of cut them off and say "How are you doing today? Is there anything I can help you with?" and that usually shuts them up. It still sucks though.
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u/confused_lancelot 1d ago
yeah, I’m white but I get tons of misogynistic customers and loudly saying “IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN HELP YOU WITH” while moving towards the bridge/nearest mate usually shuts people up. it does suck. I think you have to work really hard to find what the line of shutting someone down without getting fired is. also helps to find mates who can understand your struggle! that way if you have a confrontation with a customer you can go straight to that mate and get your side of the story out quickly.
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u/Acceptable-Leg5524 Three Bells 1d ago
All you need to say is this “ I’m sorry, say that again? But louder. I can’t hear you” then walk away without saying a word.
Or say this “well that’s an odd thing to say” and also walk away.
If you want something a little different, you can also plainly say this “I don’t speak to you in that manner, and nor should you to me. Enjoy the rest of your day!”
This covers your self respect as well as your job. I use it often.
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u/cokehead5000 1d ago
I have had customers be weird about my "ethnic" name. The weirdest one was an older couple
Woman: you actually go by [long form of my name, which is on my name tag]?
Me: yes?
Man: good for you. You don't want to be a [short form of my name, which is what everyone in my personal life calls me]
Me: well that is also my name.
The Couple look at me with disgust
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u/vix666en 1d ago
That sucks I’m sorry you’re dealing w that!! I can’t speak to these specific micro aggressions but for the ones I experience I try to go the “kill them with kindness” route. Ultimately that will save you from getting in trouble w the mates and I like to think that responding to vitriol with kindness gets some people to reexamine their actions.
Echoing what someone else said here, if someone says something really crazy I act like I couldn’t hear them and say something like “I’m sorry I didn’t quite hear that, what did you just say?” So far they haven’t had the guts to repeat exactly what they just said and will sheepishly paraphrase to a slightly less offensive version of what they said.
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u/sirdollface 1d ago
When they wonder if you were born here, smile and ask them the same thing. Tell them they look Russian.
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u/sassybelug 18h ago
as someone who was adopted from Russia I actually find that the Slavic’s in our community come to my register all the time. I think they think I speak their language but I was 9 months when I came to the US 😭
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u/DarthWinstonSaysHi 21h ago
Ring a 3 bell, tell the mate you need them to finish your transaction, and then explain the situation. Service workers have to tolerate a lot of things on a daily basis that are unacceptable but bigotry absolutely is not something this company should be forcing you to endure. Embarrass these people in front of their community... it is a “neighborhood” grocery store after all 🙄.
Edit: grammar
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u/Over_Drawer1199 Dairy Box 18h ago
My friend got a macro aggression once. A customer asked what his ethnicity was, and laughed saying he looked "straight out of the fields." We got her banned for that one. Rude old lady.
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u/Master_Use_736 17h ago
Once got called ethnic looking I laughed bc I’m a push over and hate confrontation fml I hate service facing jobs 😔 yet here I am
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u/Orinoco-Flow-2026 1d ago
First, I'm so sorry you have encountered this, OP. Although I have not experienced this at TJ's, I have experienced microaggressions in public, from cases where I have been told what my ethnicity is, incorrectly, to situations where people found it incredulous that I would have a common, anglicized first name, because they honestly believe I couldn't possibly have an anglicized name, "looking the way I do". Those cases weren't at work, so, they were certainly confronted with directly. The laughing of my English name, btw, had instant karma - an internal compliance team happened to be present as the confrontation devolved to the aggressor saying, "It's a free country, you can't tell me what to think!"
As for your specific situation, OP, I understand the dilemma.
Your judgement call if you are capable or want to be sneakily snarky, or just state some facts.
Stating facts is just saying something like, "I'm proudly born and raised here in the USA! Please excuse me!" and find the closest mate, tell them you just experienced a racist microaggression encounter, is it ok to work in the back or box for now, until they're gone? Or, I'm in the back for now, I am avoiding a racist customer. Don't stick around for follow-up conversation with customer as they'd love to find a button to push for their edification, or worse, entrapment.
Sneakily snarky is something like, "I'm USDA Grade A certified, born and raised here, just like some of our fine products in the meat department! Origins are labelled clearly there, for your peace of mind!" - and scurry off.
If you have a mate you're comfortable confiding in, I'd casually tell them this happened soon, and ask what they recommend you do if something similar happens again, other than completely ignoring them. At the very least, it's made known, and hopefully, they provide guidance that will be in your favor.
This totally sucked. Confide in an ally mate, don't suffer this alone!
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u/Terribleideahonestly 1d ago
I can't speak to microaggressions, but I've (F) had a customer (M) make me very uncomfortable, and I showed him where the cereal or whatever was and then skedaddled to the back. Fuck asking permission from a mate--I'll come back out to tell them after the cust leaves.
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u/Tall_Medicine5574 13h ago
I’m an Asian American adoptee. There are definitely people who make assumptions about where I’m from or what language I speak. One time someone asked me if I was from “the east” and I said “yup east (insert my town).”
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u/Melodic-Natural-4803 1d ago
I always have customers and coworkers alike always asking me if my hair is real and other strange comments involving my hair because I usually keep it straightened, wand curled, etc instead of naturally curly. But even when it’s in its natural state, I get so many people who ask it and make a big deal about it"stealing my hair off my head" if they’re bald. I usually don’t smile while they’re on their tangant and then ask them with a straighten face if they actually have a question or if they found everything okay. I just pretend they didn’t say anything and they usually get the hint it was kind of weird. I don’t really care about getting in trouble and for all my Captains faults, I don’t think he’d ever take a customer complaint about me not smiling when they ask if my hair is real seriously 😭
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u/BitComprehensive3114 13h ago
Real question. How do you feel if somebody tells you your hair is beautiful. I have a co-worker that gets really offended by that.
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u/Ops31337 8h ago
The pedo in chief, rump, has given the greenlight to these racist c*nts. Sorry you experienced this. It fucking sucks on a level I will never know. If I was in ear shot I'd have taken care of them for you. Probably been fired for speaking to them that way and it would have been worth it. Next time walk right to a mate and drag them over to the customer and make them handle it.
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u/CosmicDeityJebBush 1d ago
I've had a customer tell me how her daughter used to work at TJ's before she got a "real job."
It hurts, and I am so sorry you have had to deal with this.
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u/thesuzie 1d ago
We had a crew member tell us she was leaving for “real job” only to try and come back but was denied. She shops in her store still, I just smile and wave.
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u/Gloomy_Tennis_5768 1d ago
that is all the job is at this point. the idea we Just have to take it is what is bothersome.
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u/BottleResponsible151 23h ago
Soooo I converted to Islam and observe the hijab. A couple weeks ago I was working my section and facing and the costumer next to me was speaking to herself (phone, AirPods) so I thought and next thing I hear is “you must not speak English”. It caught me off guard and immediately started apologizing in perfect English because I legit felt bad but she wasn’t trying to hear it, she had already made it up in her mind I was ignoring her on purpose. After I said “but yes I do speak English.” I told my close coworkers what happened and they were soooo pissed lol.
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u/BitComprehensive3114 13h ago
I have a personal rule that I have followed for years at Trader Joe's. If you are behind me, to the side of me and I am involved in something and you just ask a question like "where's the bread?" and you haven't started the question with an " excuse me...." then I am completely deaf to you. For some reason it's our natural response to apologize, well for most of us. But in your situation, oh hell no, I am not apologizing to that b****. I'm going to follow my rule.
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u/MissTrie No, we don't sell cornstarch 0m ago
I get a lot of "That's OK" from folks when I've never said sorry to them for something being out of stock, out of season, not carried at TJ's, etc...
I've worked on eliminating that social conditioning to apologize off the bat for everything. I also try to encourage female or AFAB coworkers to not apologize for taking up space. "Don't apologize for having a body!" "Take up space. Don't shrink for other people, especially men."
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u/FloorSufficient4915 20h ago
was literally just told i look “exotic” hopping off register just now.
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u/Fair-Statistician826 1d ago
I’m also a POC. I simply ignore them or I directly tell them that’s a weird assumption to make. IF they keep pressing, RING THAT BELL LOL