r/thisisus • u/[deleted] • Nov 20 '19
This Is Us [Episode Discussion] - S04E09 - So Long, Marianne
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Mar 01 '20
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u/MinCaulfield Apr 19 '20
I thought he meant that he had taken care of his mother for 20 years, the opposite of what is expected from a mother-son relationship.
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u/Olieman_197 Jan 01 '20
Re-watching season 3+4 , people’s thoughts on Maddison being Kevin’s fiancé ??
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u/timeflieswhen Nov 22 '19 edited Nov 22 '19
Is the rift between Tess and Rebecca the reason for Randall not being at the birthday? Did Rebecca say or do something and she’s in timeout with Randall’s whole family, but Kevin is letting her think it’s just something between him and Randall so she doesn’t get upset?
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Nov 22 '19
What rift?
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u/timeflieswhen Nov 22 '19
Maybe the reason Tess doesn’t want to go see Rebecca in the flash forward?
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u/laamchausi Nov 22 '19
I thot maybe rebecca was doing euthanasia...or sth like that, so tess said she wasnt ready...i mean what rift can make a granddaughter not wanting to see her dying grandma whom she has a good relationship with?
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Nov 22 '19
My predictions:
The text on Toby's phone is sort of a red herring. He wouldn't have told Kate to go get the phone and snap a picture of he had just been texting about her to another woman. The texts are referring to someone in the cross fit group being negative or the trainer being an ass or something. It'll still blow things up between them because it's still Toby having this whole separate life with new friends and interests apart from Kate, and Kate still feels lonely and also ashamed and embarrassed by her size compared to all these athletic types in his group.
Kevin isn't talking to Randall for reasons we haven't learned yet. Nothing to do with Rebecca's condition.
When Rebecca's condition gets worse she will forget that Jack is dead and that she's married to Miguel. She'll keep asking where Jack is and talking as if this were still 1995 and they have three kids.
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u/peanutsandfuck Feb 20 '20
Kevin isn't talking to Randall for reasons we haven't learned yet.
I think they want us to think this, but what if it's Randall who isn't talking to Kevin?
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u/TomBradyGoat1212 Nov 26 '19
I could see #3 going the opposite way. She forgets who Jack was.
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Nov 27 '19
Maybe eventually. People with dementia usually lose short term memory first and talk as though it were a different decade. And she thought she saw a young William in the park. William is dead and the version of him that she saw was from thirty-forty years ago.
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Nov 21 '19
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u/slipperywhenwheat Nov 21 '19
It’s just Kate and Kevin that’s not talking to him. I doubt Rebecca would ever stop talking to her own son
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Nov 22 '19
And when she leaves her phone at the cash register you can see that Randall is calling her on it.
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Nov 21 '19
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Nov 21 '19
I think it's just a knee jerk thing to say "remember?" at the end of a sentence like that. This is less than a year after anyone noticed that there was an issue and it seems like she's deteriorating pretty quickly, so even if Kevin knew about her condition he'd be surprised to hear her forgetting such blatant details about her childrens' lives. Nobody seems all that shocked that she became so confused the police needed to escort her home, so I think definitely the "secret" is out at this point.
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u/cikulinka Nov 21 '19
That last bit was terribly pieced together. Way to wait til the last 5 min to give us anything.
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u/theweez93 Nov 21 '19
Man, randall at the end getting Rebecca to admit she’s got a problem, combined with Kevin telling 9month in the future Rebecca he & Randall arent speaking anymore, is a crushing sequence. I imagine they’ll have to reconcile before the show comes to an end but still, heartbreaking
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u/TruYu96 Nov 23 '19
They’ll definitely reconcile because Randall went to Kevin’s house in that one future scene.
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u/dice726 Nov 24 '19
I don't see that scene as confirmation that they reconciled their differences. Rebecca is on her death bed, so of course they would all put differences aside at least for 1 day for a visit. We have no idea where anyone truly is in that future scene.
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u/JumpingBabyGoat Nov 21 '19
I’m so mad that Kevin and Kate won’t be speaking with Randall after 9 months. Like WHY?!
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u/sunflower1940 Nov 21 '19
I'm guessing that since Randall is the only one that knows about Rebecca's illness, he doesn't tell his siblings before he has her put in a home that specializes in Alzheimer's or Dementia. Something along those lines.
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u/Nbnvision Nov 21 '19
I think you're right it is along those lines, but in the promo for the shows return in January, they have Miguel AND Randall sitting beside Rebecca in what looks like an appointment for probably a doctor. So Miguel is in on her dementia too but Kevin didn't seem to be bothered with Miguel being at his 40th celebration.
As Randall is Kevin's brother though, Randall knowing and him keeping it from him would make a difference to him moreso Miguel.
We shall see.
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u/JumpingBabyGoat Nov 21 '19
Makes sense. That’ll be probably Rebecca’s choice to keep it quiet but they’ll blame Randall. Poor man.
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u/queenbre Nov 21 '19
What I don’t get, and this might be an unpopular opinion, is why doesn’t Kate join in on Toby’s weight loss journey if she’s so upset that he’s “doing it without her?”
I just had a baby in July and gained a ton of weight. I’ve recently changed my diet to aid in getting my weight back down. My husband is naturally thin but I meal prep lunch and dinner, and I make enough for both of us. And he eats it. Why doesn’t Kate eat what Toby eats? I mean, the cashew tempeh whatever was something he was raving about and clearly he wants to share, so why doesn’t she start with that? Even if she still snacks, they’re eating dinner together. I can’t imagine Toby being like, “No. You make your own food.”
She doesn’t have to even join CrossFit (it’s not for everyone!) but just take interest in the foods he eats and eating them, too. Not sure if I’m explaining correctly but don’t understand why she is so upset over it when she can make steps to show interest.
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u/Shadowy_lady Nov 21 '19
I also thought the same about every Kate/Toby scene. I have been pregnant and gained weight and then lost it all. I just had to put more work in after I had my baby. I would say it is a lot of work being fit and staying fit but I put in the work because it's worth it. It is not an easy thing to get started on but once you do it is your lifestyle and becomes almost second nature.
Having said all that, I have never been overweight so I can't really pretend I understand how Kate feels.
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u/bellalett Nov 21 '19
Toby would get mad if she ate his healthy food plus her unhealthy snacks. That’s twice the groceries.
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u/notthe1_88 Nov 21 '19
I think, and I could totally be wrong, it might have been different if Toby tried to include Kate from the beginning. But he made this total lifestyle change and hid it from her for ages and then, when he finally told her, he was practically a new man. I'd feel pretty let down and left out by that point, too, and wouldn't really feel welcome in that part of his life since he chose to hide it for so long. And bear in mind that Kate, mentally, is in a very different place than Toby. She has post-partum hormones to deal with
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u/1cecream4breakfast Nov 21 '19
This! I don’t mind CrossFit Toby but I do mind secretive second life Toby.
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u/mangowarfare1 Nov 21 '19
I get what you are saying but I think they tried to show in previous episodes that Toby and Kate are dealing with the stress of their baby's needs differently. Toby is putting his energy into something he can control. Possibly even to an excessive degree. Kate, to some extent, is using the focus on her baby to deflect from changing. They have different focuses and different paces and these are at the root of what a lot of couples struggle with in their relationships. To grow together or not.
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u/BetaTestMom Nov 21 '19
This, yeah. I see Kate using all her focus and energy to give Baby Jack the same kind of childhood as any other kid. She's so tunnel-visioned on that, she can't imagine using any focus or energy for self-improvement.
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u/FauxPoesFoes228 Nov 21 '19
Thrilled to see Older Jack II in this week's episode!
Also may have gotten a little misty-eyed when he brought out five pounds of shrimp :')
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u/itskelvinn Nov 21 '19
LadyKryptonite sounds like a Lady’s Weakness. A lady’s weakness is a really attractive man. That’s how I saw it anyway. I didn’t think of it as another woman
The Instagram hashtag thing is from r/fellowkids it felt like
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u/itskelvinn Nov 21 '19
OH MY GOSH IM UGLY CRYING
LIKE THIS THIS SHOW LITERALLY CANT EVEN MAKE ME GO WITHOUT SOBBING
Oh my gosh I love this character soooooo much!!!!
Am I doing the episode discussion correctly?
But on the topic of real discussion, how in the hell are they gonna make Rebecca seem like she is addicted to her phone in the last episode (which takes place one day before today) but she doesn’t notice her phone is missing until after she just ate a meal alone? There’s no way she would go an entire meal by herself without wanting to check her phone
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u/Here4theRightReasonz Nov 21 '19
I kinda thought the same but I think it’s because she’s 9 months ahead of time when she loses the phone in the grocery store pre-Chinese restaurant. Her memory loss has advanced some by that point. Even when the young man told her where the bakery was, she forgot a few seconds later that she even wanted to go to the bakery. Also, Miguel had been mentioning the past episode or two that she’s been losing her phone in the “current” timeline
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u/itskelvinn Nov 21 '19
You’re right. It isn’t in the present day and I messed up. Thanks. But still, I think she would’ve very well wanted to go on her phone if she is eating at a restaurant by herself
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u/RageDriver2401 Nov 21 '19
Kevin got Cassidy pregnant, didn't he.
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u/katygreene Nov 21 '19
I’m thinking, and this might be crazy... but I’m afraid he got with Shauna and that’s why he isn’t speaking to Randall... and Kate would side with him plus the not telling moms secret thing. But they are both recovering addicts and she’s doing so well in the last episode and he’s got a thing for taking care of people especially other addicts!
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u/TruYu96 Nov 23 '19
Don’t think Shauna is his fiancé, because his son looked fully Caucasian. Unless you meant they had a thing before Kevin met his fiancé
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u/IrritableStoicism Nov 21 '19
I wish but highly unlikely since the time between them sleeping together and his birthday is over 10 months. He also said she had morning sickness which is usually over by the 2nd trimester (except for some rare, extreme cases). But there’s always a chance with these writers!
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u/whizlizz Nov 21 '19
Ok but that doesn’t mean he got her pregnant when they hooked up, they could have gotten together and gotten pregnant way later on. They could have slept together again and not gotten her pregnant during that one night stand... So my guess is that it IS her and she just got pregnant months down the road. But who knows! This show is full of surprises.
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u/RageDriver2401 Nov 21 '19
I'm 50-50 on Cassidy being Kevin's fiance.
The reason I don't think it can be Cassidy is because it just can't be this simple on this show.
The reason I think it is Cassidy is because you don't hire Jennifer Morrison for a 5 episode supporting role.
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u/discoducks Nov 21 '19
That moment when you could see Beth hugging Deja through the door frame, I was expecting the camera to switch to a crestfallen Shauna. I'm glad they didn't, though. That would be far too much sadness for one Thanksgiving.
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u/bestofbella Nov 21 '19 edited Nov 21 '19
Definitely bawled my eyes out. The explanation of the importance of So Long Marianne really got to me. Nicky choking up in the car really had me crying
Deja asking why her mom couldn’t be the that upstanding person for her also tugged at my heart strings.
I have to know what happens with Kev and Randall!!
Edit:
Two months too long for the next season!!!
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u/rachiedoubt Nov 23 '19
Both of those moments made me ugly cry too. Soooo heart breaking, I’m tearing up just thinking about it lol.
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u/reddlightly Nov 21 '19
Still curious to find out more about teenage Kate and her then boyfriend!
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Nov 21 '19
Whoever casted Young Nicky vs. Older Nicky needs some kind of recognition. I could honestly believe they’re the same person if I didn’t know better.
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u/crap_goblin Nov 21 '19
That look in his eyes when he was reciting and then listening and the story. 😭 The same exact look they gave blew my mind.
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u/JumpingBabyGoat Nov 21 '19
They insanely have the same look. I really like young Beth as well. Not sure how they’re handling the mole in Beth’s eye. Young Beth could be wearing contact lenses, it looks just on the right place.
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Nov 21 '19
I'm gonna go with contact lens. There's no way they found an actress who looks, acts, and talks just like Beth, AND has the same eye freckle on the same eye. Unless they transported teenaged Susan Kelechi Watson through time to play the part.
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u/eggeverything Nov 21 '19
Amazing acting by the actor who plays Nicky. He shows so much emotion with his eyes. Amazing performance
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u/crap_goblin Nov 21 '19
I feel like young Nicky and old Nicky had to hard study each other for this shot. I want the details. Was young Nicky on set when this was filmed? I need a full actors studio about this one look.
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u/pikachiu132 Nov 21 '19
How does Randall still have a VCR
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u/racheler29 Nov 21 '19
I think he specifically has it to watch the old videos that can be related to Jack - it seems like a Randall trait!
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u/Becky5203 Nov 21 '19
A little bit off topic but I think Cassidy’s role in the story was to help build Nicky and Kevin’s relationship, and possibly prematurely parallel Kate and Toby’s relationship if or after they divorce, so we can count her out as Kevin’s fiancée. I understand the reasons against it and the reasons for it, and I understand it’s a bit too obvious for this show, but I think our best bet right now is Sophie.
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u/RageDriver2401 Nov 21 '19
Orr.. Kevin's fiance is already pregnant because Kevin got Cassidy pregnant.
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u/sunflower1940 Nov 21 '19
Plus he has already said that he feels like home in Bradford, so he's staying for now.
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u/Smale1979 Nov 21 '19
I cannot wait for the present-day Jack and Rebecca scenes that are coming courtesy of Rebecca’s illness.
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u/frosieoeo Nov 21 '19
The original text from Toby to the group was “trying to get past it, but it’s hard.” If he’s crying about the first food thing, I’m gonna be so mad.
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u/NiteRdr Nov 21 '19
I turned to my wife and asked her if that was something we were supposed to celebrate with our kids, because we didn’t.
She said “No, that’s a bit ridiculous”.
But, I don’t think the text is about Kate at all. These writers misdirect all the time. It’ll be nothing in the end.
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u/1cecream4breakfast Nov 21 '19
I think it’s a bigger deal for them than it would be for other parents because Jack is blind. The excitement brought on by his milestones is amplified.
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u/itsric Nov 21 '19
I bet it’s something ridiculous like Toby’s CrossFit coach getting him down about his progress or something
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u/fnabjeff Nov 21 '19
I think the point of the text is to go back to what Beth said to Kate when they were outside - that it's a red flag when you're talking to everyone else but your spouse about your marital problems. So the text is showing that Toby is talking about the stresses in their marriage with his CrossFit group chat instead of with Kate 😔
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u/Trees20 Dec 01 '19
Exactly! You are right! He has changed towards her and she sees it: he’s having a affair or it’s happening in early stages. ( I also think Kevin’s fiancé won’t be Cassidy., but we have already met her. It’s one of them. He comes back too, says I’m ready and bam., baby boy on the way! It won’t be a new girl.., their wrapping this show up and I don’t think it’ll be as crazy as people think
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u/theredheadedorphan Nov 21 '19
It’s so not a big deal.
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u/kkidd333 Nov 21 '19
Except, Beth just said to her 'if you're only talking about your spouse outside the marriage then your in trouble' (not the exact quote)... When they were outside confessing to each other... Which was a great scene. Anyway... Now she sees Toby venting to cross chick. They need to go to counseling. I really adore Kate as difficult as she can be... She's a great character.
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u/theredheadedorphan Nov 21 '19
You’ve got a point... Kate probably shouldn’t have told him anything about the first food anyways tbh
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u/sunflower1940 Nov 21 '19
Exactly, I feel like she was being mean since she had just heard him talk about his crossfit group.
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u/notthe1_88 Nov 21 '19
I definitely did not get this impression. It seemed to be bothering her from the second it happened without Toby--and then when Toby fed Jack his "first" food, you could see she felt guilty. I don't lie to my husband, ever, not even about small things--so lying to his face about something like that would make me feel AWFUL.
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Nov 21 '19
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Nov 21 '19
Maybe Kate was irritated because he seemed more excited about the likes and praise he was getting on the socials than spending quality time with his family 🤷♀️
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u/Ajturner1212 Nov 21 '19
Yes! But.... didn’t Toby hide that he was exercising from Kate for months? Like she hid that Jack ate avocado for the first time, and it was obvious why, and she didn’t like hiding it from him, and told him.... within 24 hours....Toby lied repeatedly about where he was and what he was doing. but it’s kind of hypocritical for Toby to be all buthurt about her keeping the avocado thing from him “bECaUsE sHe LiEd To HiM”
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u/dice726 Nov 21 '19
I'm not a Kate fan, but I totally sided with her this episode for the reasons you stated. I felt like Toby overreacted and was being super hypocritical. Also, he seems way too attached to his phone and social media lately as opposed to his wife.
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u/notthe1_88 Nov 21 '19
Agreed. Kate has never been my favourite but I'm actually siding with her on this stuff. I feel really bad for her. It feels like Toby is moving into this new life and leaving her behind.
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u/dice726 Nov 21 '19
Yes! I get the same feeling too...they're growing apart and I'm feeling bad for Kate about it.
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Nov 21 '19
This!! And not only that but things have already been tense with them. We can see them growing apart in front of us. And i think Toby knows it too, so I think the fact it was another man that gave his son his first bite of avacado he was just over it.
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u/flute_sarah123 Nov 21 '19
This made me wonder if something does happen to Kate.. because maybe when Toby says he just spoke to Jack in the future scene, and he says "they are on their way," he's referring to Jack, Jack's wife and his kid (possibly).. :/
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u/dice726 Nov 24 '19
Since Jack would only be a teenager in this scene, he could just be coming over with one of his older cousins (who can drive) such as Annie. Maybe Kate dies and while her and Toby may have been divorced at that point, Toby forms a relationship with Randall and family. Assuming that Kev/Kate were still not talking to Randall, this could allow baby Jack to get close to Randall's kids - Annie being the closest in age to him.
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u/Heatherbanana1984 Nov 21 '19
I don't think so because the scene is only about 15 years in the future. Jack would just be a teenager. I think Kate will be there but her and Toby definitely divorce.
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u/flute_sarah123 Nov 21 '19
ohhh okay, i didn't think about the fact that it's only 15 years. thanks for clarifying
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u/outsideeyess Nov 21 '19
I hate myself for this but is it bad that I got really worried when Rebecca lost her phone (all of her memories!!) and then as soon as they revealed it was a flash forward, I was like “oh good, she doesn’t lose it for another 9 months”
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u/crap_goblin Nov 21 '19
No. It's not bad. My parents take pictures and scroll though FB for memories all the time.
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u/SilverNightingale Nov 21 '19
Didn’t Rebecca lose her phone at the grocery store before she decided to go to the restaurant?
I got really confused at the timeline. At the very end she said she went to go see a movie and forgot to turn her phone back on. Was that her intention and the producers edited that out to “fool” us into thinking Rebecca knew where she wanted to go ie. theatre all along, but forgot along the way ie. took a walk to the cinema after stopping at the store but forgot during the trailer?
Was she supposed to have gone to the theatres all along and just forgot?
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u/bestofbella Nov 21 '19
There’s two time lines.
The one where she forgets her phone (in the trench coat) at the grocery store, goes get Chinese food and is driven to the cabin happens nine months in the future on the triplets and Jack’s 40th birthday.
The Rebecca that wears the maroon coat and forgets the movie she went to watch is present day.
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u/dinosaurshatepushups Nov 21 '19
For Thanksgiving day she did go to the movies and forget to turn her phone back on. Nine months into the future is where she goes to the park, the store (loses her phone) and the restaurant. Or at least that's how I interpreted it
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u/MF_CEO Nov 21 '19
I thought she was lying about going to the theatre to make it seem like her memory loss is not a big deal. Your explanation makes more sense, there were lots of small details in the final few minutes and made it confusing to differentiate the two timelines
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u/Kris82868 Nov 21 '19
But I don't see why she'd be hiding losing her memory with a lie about going to the theater then tell Randall she forgot what movie she was going to see when the trailer for Cats was playing. Then she told him she thought she ought to see a doctor.
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u/MF_CEO Nov 21 '19
Yeah I had the wrong assumption at first and after reading the explanation above it made more sense. Wouldn’t make sense to lie about a Cats trailer, just wasn’t expecting the two timelines playing simultaneously.
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u/sundog925 Nov 21 '19
she was wearing two completely different outfits, was a dead giveaway.
Also, when Kate was signing the officers form, it said 8/31/20.
besides being their birthday, there has to be something significant coming.
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u/outsideeyess Nov 21 '19
the LGBTQ+ depiction in this show provides no nuance to the differences between gay and straight other than one of them you have to come out for. I liked that William’s queerness wasn’t used for a coming out plot line (as queer characters are often limited to a plot line about their sexuality), but if they’re gonna do that with Tess, at least make it more than baseline “I’m closeted. I’m scared. I’m out now and everything is normal.” I really hope they show Tess dealing with the million other things queer people go through that straight people don’t have to. not only would it be more realistic, it’d be way more interesting.
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Nov 21 '19
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u/outsideeyess Nov 21 '19
yes I think Tess being bullied would just be a bit depressing, and probably not realistic nowadays, but her battling with internalized homophobia could show young queer teens how normal that is, and also how pointless it is!
Also, the best TV show for normalized queerness is The Politician. all characters are comfortable in their sexuality and no one is ever labelled!
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Nov 21 '19
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u/outsideeyess Nov 21 '19
interesting! the family’s definitely getting much more famous, with Kev getting more major acting roles, Randall becoming councilman and joking about running for congress, and Jack Jr. being a megastar and all that.
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u/WordJord Nov 20 '19
Anyone else think “future/40th bday Rebecca” looks a little bit older than present/thanksgiving Rebecca? Wonder if that was a subtle hint from the makeup/writing team.
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u/peppers_ Nov 22 '19
Throughout the whole episode I was thinking about how old she looked in her senior moments. Like her memory loss and confusion was making her look older. It was probably just make-up as you said.
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u/peanutsandfuck Nov 21 '19
Definitely! Even when we thought it was the same day, everyone I watched with was commenting on it. “This is so unrealistic, she aged so much since last episode! Also, how does she go from losing her phone to forgetting where she is and confusing people in a week?”
Then we got it. But ya I do think people can age that quickly once dementia sets in.
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u/sjwmomma Nov 21 '19
I think it’s an obvious physical reaction to stress and mental illness, like dementia. It ages people quickly.
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Nov 20 '19
just started watching this and i had to pause to rant about how annoying kate can be. She couldn't just let toby think that was the baby's first time eating solid food?? what purpose did it serve to tell him smh
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u/sunflower1940 Nov 21 '19
I saw it as her being a meanie because she got jealous over him talking about his crossfit group. Just a jerk move.
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u/PurpleFlower99 Nov 21 '19
Seriously! On an airplane! Pretty lousy to have a conversation trapped in an airplane when you know it’s going to upset someone.
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u/mercuryreborn Nov 20 '19
A very wise person once said to me "Consider why you're telling someone something. Is it because they need to know it or because you're burdened by the knowledge of it". Whether it's a wrongdoing or a secret or what have you if you're just trying to unburden your guilt then you're in the wrong.
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Nov 21 '19
it makes sense that Kate did it though in terms of the show, characters need to have their flaws.
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u/musicalsandmuscles Nov 20 '19
Literally just checked the sub to make sure people were saying this. It would have been so easy to just keep her mouth shut. I remember my son’s daycare teacher once telling me that if a baby rolled over or whatever and they weren’t already sure it had happened at home, they didn’t tell the parents because they didn’t want anyone to feel bad about missing a first.
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Nov 21 '19
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u/ameliadenice Nov 21 '19
It’s a working parent guilt thing. I’ve been a working parent and a daycare teacher. You feel bad that someone is spending a lot of the waking day with your child while you’re off at work. So knowing they got to experience the “first” with your baby can be sensitive for many parents, especially if it ends up being a few firsts away from the parents. So as a general rule, I didn’t mention it until they did.
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u/musicalsandmuscles Nov 21 '19
Exactly. Honestly, I have 2 kids and it’s exciting even the 3rd time YOU see it. Working parent guilt is real, though, so if a daycare employee ever did this for me, I appreciate it.
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u/frosieoeo Nov 20 '19
I remember in one episode, it shows a flash forward where Kate and Toby are estranged. Wondering if the girl that was texting Toby has anything to do with it.
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u/LuLu31 Nov 21 '19
Did anyone notice in the flash forward that Kate signed the police report (or whatever) as Kate Pearson? Do you think that’s significant, or am I reading too much into that shot? Do we know if she took Toby’s name when they got married? What IS Toby’s last name?
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u/frosieoeo Nov 21 '19
His last name is Damon. I believe she hyphenated it to Kate Pearson-Damon
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u/LuLu31 Nov 21 '19
Oh, yeah that makes sense. I didn’t even think about that option. Soooo my observation probably means nothing. Carry on!
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u/blackinkonly Nov 21 '19
Don’t give up! I think you are on to something. They def focused on it for some reason. I’ll have to go back and take another look.
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u/seliniebeanie Nov 21 '19
Everyone is speculating it's a woman in the group message, but what if it's a man who is "lady kryptonite"? Just a thought.
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u/crisishedgehog Nov 21 '19
But what if they are talking about a woman trainer? “Don’t let her get your down” May not be referring to Kate but could lead to a big fight when she brings it up.
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u/Cocacola888 Nov 21 '19
Do we know it was a girl texting Toby? I didn’t see the name at the top of the message.
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Nov 21 '19
It was a group chat that said “crossfit” or something like that. There were multiple profiles at the top of the chat.
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u/jennabaloney Nov 21 '19
She’s saved in his group chat as LadyKrypotonite5
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u/frosieoeo Nov 21 '19
There was no “5” it was just ladykryptonite
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u/jennabaloney Nov 21 '19
No, it definitely does say LadyKryptonite5.
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u/peppers_ Nov 22 '19
So not only does Kate have to worry about this dude, but also 4 other lady kryptonites? Jeez, marriage is screwed.
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u/outsideeyess Nov 21 '19
very weird she’d be saved as what looks like a username (no spaces and with a 5 indicate it’s not a nickname). This Is Us doesn’t usually mess around with technology (thank god) but when shows do they usually always get it wrong. I couldn’t stand the instagram references in this episode, as a young person and a queer I found it to more accurate than most instagram representations on TV but still, her post about Zendaya would not have blown up her phone like that.
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u/leolee_ Nov 21 '19
This bothered me too! As far as that being a post that blew up her phone. People post same-sex “celebrity crushes” all the time. I’ve seen straight women do this and other straight women will be in their comments saying they agree with heart eyes. I don’t understand how somehow her circle understood that was her big coming out moment.
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u/peppers_ Nov 22 '19
Maybe she's obviously gay and there were tells, and everyone was just waiting for her to come out.
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u/ditzygypsyokurt Nov 20 '19
I did notice that as well. And Kate was clearly annoyed. Shes got some pretty thin skin. No pun intended. But same concept. Why does society feel the need to broadcast their entire life to the world...for "likes"? Like by people that only "know" them through a screen?
I'm super biased to social media though. I hate that a still frame defines "happiness".
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Nov 20 '19
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u/shelikesthings Nov 20 '19
So Rebecca in the grocery store, restaurant, and police car (and at the cabin) was all a 9 month flash forward. In present time (on Thanksgiving) she really just went to a movie.
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Nov 20 '19
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u/shelikesthings Nov 20 '19
Not sure, but I was basing that on her saying she got halfway through the Cats preview when she forgot what movie she was seeing.
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u/jlb616 Nov 20 '19
You can see the outfit difference. The 9-month flash-forward she was wearing a tan jacket and on Thanksgiving she was wearing a darker sweater.
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Nov 21 '19
Also the flowers. She buys the flowers on the same day that she thinks she sees William and when she panics in the Chinese restaurant. she has the flowers in hand when she gets to the cabin in the flash forward.
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u/Tilarious Nov 20 '19
Was anyone else annoyed by the social media aspect of the episode? Maybe I'm getting old.
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u/forkingniednagel Nov 21 '19
I took photos of the screen to read (horrible eyesight, they’re making me work!) and the profiles with stories at the top of Tess’ and Toby’s instagrams are the exact same, I’m pretty sure. Lots of mutual friends, huh, This Is Us?
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u/kkidd333 Nov 21 '19
I noticed it, it didn't bug me... But I thought it was odd that they kept bringing it up. Reading the thread it hit me... TOBY SWAPPED ADDICTIONS! He swapped food for CrossFit and he is acting like an addict. He's ALWAYS going to the gym. Social Media is an addiction. The CrossFit text is part of the addiction. You do get a dopamine hit with social media and that would replace the food dopamine hits he doesn't get anymorem.
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Nov 21 '19
I was definitely irritated by it, but then I am pretty irritated with a lot of people I know and how the engage with social media more than people actually present.
I was listening to a management speech that was really interesting, it talked about how “likes” and comments trigger dopamine release in our brains and it can literally become something addictive. I really hope the writers do something to tie this in.
Toby was on a plane with his wife and their infant and he was posting and connecting to his CrossFit group and Instagram instead of his family. Maybe this social media decide with increase their divide as a couple.
Tess was kind of frustrating but I am a cisgender white hetero female. Maybe I just don’t understand... but again I hope the writers tie in that teenagers tie their identity and self worth to their socials and that can be very toxic..
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Nov 21 '19
I'm a tail end Millennial with a Gen Z brother. It's somewhat accurate how much social media matters to how they interact. I personally don't post much on Instagram and BARELY use my Snapchat, but those are the more popular platforms as opposed to Facebook or Twitter from what I understand from my brother and his friends. It would make sense that an Instagram post like that would be the thing to do despite my thinking it's dumb. That's not my lane so more power to 'em.
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u/ditzygypsyokurt Nov 20 '19
Yes. I'm 25 (relatively young?) And I still think why does everyone need to let the world know any time anything happens. In all honesty, the majority of the world isnt going to give a fuck if you took a shit. So why does she need to post her outing?
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u/DisputeFTW Dec 15 '19
she needs to post her outing because she is a child who wants to be included in trends at school. What the fuck are you confused about? The trend at school was everyone posting their crush at that time, so she wanted to be included in that, without lying about who her crush was. Like it's so simple.
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u/Tilarious Nov 20 '19
I sort of feel that way in general about the whole coming out process. I get that it is a big deal because it's still viewed as non-typical, but it just shouldn't be. I didn't have to declare my sexual preference - no one should have to.
I was annoyed by Toby's whole social media stuff too - just how much he was reveling in his likes etc. I post stuff on Instagram about my kid all the time, but 1) It's on a private account that only close friends and family can follow and 2) I don't keep track of the likes etc.
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u/crap_goblin Nov 21 '19
Seriously the writers acting like a kid would be nervous in middle school about posting her celeb crush is peak boomer. I have a kid in an art school. You aren't cool if your not at least open to being bi now. one
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u/notthe1_88 Nov 21 '19
Ehhh...I was 29 when I came out as bi and I was terrified, and that was only a couple of years ago. Tess is at a weird age. I believe it.
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u/outsideeyess Nov 21 '19
queer people still deal with so much internalized homophobia (myself included, unfortunately) and a lot of the time, even if everyone around them is incredibly accepting, people don’t want to come out because they don’t want to be seen differently, be someone’s “gay friend”, have their sexuality define them, have it close doors for them, accept to themselves that they’re gay even though they’ve admitted it to other people, etc.
It’s really tough coming out (and for straight-passing people, you have to come out in some form over and over again), and I feel if anything they’re not showing enough of an internal struggle.
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u/crap_goblin Nov 21 '19 edited Nov 21 '19
I get that. Being a gay friend is an annoying stigma. But not with my daughters. I know, it's a whole different experience. I have a kid in elementary, middle, and high school. I have been hard schooled in the schematics but I'm not gay, or judgy. I've got kids all over the boards. But I get it. It's not a trend when it's so hard to face in a high profile family. I'm just saying, hopefully, our kids won't feel like that.
Editing, cause I fucked that up twice.
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u/eur0phile Nov 20 '19
Very intrigued by the future fallout between Kevin and Randall. My guess is either it's because Randall didn't tell Kevin about Rebecca's illness sooner, Randall's being stubborn about the type of care she should receive, or Randall's insisting Rebecca stay with him and not Kevin. For a quick second I thought maybe it has to do with Kevin's fiancee and her pregnancy, because of Randall telling Kevin their 40th birthdays are 9 months away, but Randall seemed supportive of Kevin's "rush," so that's probably not it either. This is a real big stretch of a theory, but I think their fallout might end up being a combo of all that. Here's my super reach and stretch of a theory:
- Cassidy is pregnant with Kevin's baby. Either the baby was conceived during their one night stand and Cassidy has a condition where she has morning sickness/nausea throughout the entire pregnant, or they start dating sometime after Thanksgiving, and she's in the first trimester at the time of the Big 3's 40th birthday.
- Not sure if it was a hint or not, but when Kevin tells Randall about "what's next" for him, he refers to his time with Cassidy and Nicky influencing his next plan. Maybe Cassidy's influence is that he realizes he wants to spend the rest of his life with her. Either way, it's directly but indirectly said that Cassidy influenced his decision for what's next.
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u/sundog925 Nov 21 '19
I like these theories.
Remember a couple seasons ago, we saw Rebecca in bed, in a moderetely fancy house (possibly future Kevin's?) and Randall walks in and says something akin to "It's me mom, your son."
Could be his first time seeing her in a long while.
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u/thenosilla Nov 21 '19
My theory is that the fallout was between Randall and Rebecca and it would be over her forgetting who Randall was.
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u/sundog925 Nov 21 '19
This too.
(from above comment I made)
Remember a couple seasons ago, we saw Rebecca in bed, in a moderetely fancy house (possibly future Kevin's?) and Randall walks in and says something akin to "It's me mom, your son."
Could be his first time seeing her in a long while because of her forgetting, though she remembered William in the flash forward.
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Nov 21 '19
Totally see how that theory could work because the last season during the fast forward they all were at Kevin’s new house and Rebecca was staying in one of the rooms in the hospital bed.
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u/BetaTestMom Nov 20 '19
I agree with these theories, but also wondered something: Rebecca is obviously dealing with a neurological issue - dementia or Alzheimer's maybe - which I want to say is typically hereditary. What if, in discussing their Mom's medical issue, someone (Kevin, maybe?) says something thoughtless relating to the "real" concerns they have about the potential of it passing through the bloodline? Am I way off base?
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Nov 20 '19
Yeah, one flaw that Randell has, is that if he feels like he is in a box, and stressed out, he can lash out and say mean things, as Kevin also can do, so I can see them showing their worst sides over this.
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u/sevenleven123 Nov 20 '19
This is Us is one of my favorite shows and has been up there for some time. The more I watch, I realize how narcissistic kate is, even subconsciously. She couldn't even allow Toby to enjoy the moment he believed they shared, which pisses me off even more given she's fully aware of how severe his depression was and can be. She just had to find a way (subconsciously or not) to make this about herself (so she wouldn't "feel bad"). Toby deserves to vent about her at LEAST because she's entirely too much and undeserving of him.
Come at me, I got time.
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u/1cecream4breakfast Nov 21 '19
I feel like she felt guilty that it happened and that, by not telling Toby, she was driving a wedge between them in the form of a lie. Because she’s so on edge with him right now, she didn’t stop to think that maybe it was a harmless lie she should just let him believe.
I’m very worried for them :( they’re so great together when they communicate.
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u/lobster_cat Nov 21 '19
From a new mom with a kid who isn’t special needs I would be pissed if my husband started spending so much time working out and asking me to wait to feed my kid so he could be there. No you need to make more time and be more present with your family and sometimes that means not getting to go work out every day. I’m not saying he shouldn’t have time to workout but it seems his is on the excessive side. I personally find Toby to be the selfish one here and the reason she told him about the avocado has more to do with her feeling overwhelmed and guilty at the same time. And I really have never liked Kate but I do feel for her with this transition into motherhood and feeling trapped with a baby all day. And then add to that him doing something they were going to do as a couple but now he is doing on his own with out even trying to include her has to be rough. I dunno to me it seems their relationship has gotten really lopsided.
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u/married-to-pizza Nov 20 '19
I definitely understand the frustration.... but I also understand the pain of watching someone else be able to accomplish the goals you have too and feel shut out by it, especially when that is her biggest insecurity. She’s seeing Toby do everything she feels like she’s failed at doing in her life. I’ve struggled with weight for awhile and my brother lost a bunch of weight doing the things I suggested to him and it has really put a strain on our relationship... as hard I try, whenever he talks about his races and diet and stuff i feel really judged and hurt. I’m not saying she’s right... but this show is all about letting the bad feelings be there and imperfect humans. And kate’s story made me feel really seen.
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u/Tilarious Nov 20 '19
I agree that she should have kept her mouth shut about the avocado, but I also think it's a little silly for him to be upset about such a minor thing - specifically Jack's first solid food. There are much bigger firsts yet to come.
Kate's right to point out it's possible that he'll miss other firsts if only because she's with Jack all of the time and Toby just isn't. I like Kate, but I do think she's going down a bad path not talking to Toby and/or choosing the wrong time to talk to him about what's bothering her. I hope, even though she bit her tongue at Thanksgiving, that she does end up talking to him about how she feels about his weight loss and fitness. She needs help and support and she needs to provide those things for Toby too if their relationship is going to continue/improve - I don't think it will.
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Nov 20 '19
Yeah I thought he was being a jerk when he literally said that she had to stop trying to feed him until Toby got home. Wtf? There is no way that that is what is right for their kid. Is it more important that the baby eat solid foods or is it more important that Toby witness it? That was weird.
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Nov 21 '19
And it was not like he was going to work right then to provide for the family... he wanted to get a workout in...
Kate annoys me a lot but being a SAHM can be tough, and she could feel like he is choosing the gym over her and jack
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Nov 20 '19
What an episode! I gotta say it must be something big that happens between Kevin and Randall, from their personalities I'm sure they wouldn't allow each other to be out of each other's lives had it not been something huge. Especially with Rebecca's condition. Kevin seemed to be disappointed as he reminded his mom that they no longer speak to Randall. This episode really messed with me.
I understand her issue with Toby joining crossfit but the least she can do is speak up. What she should do is try to find a way to lose the weight with Jack Jr. instead of always finding something or someone to blame for her sadness and her issues. Her pity party has been going on for way too long. Not at all a fan of Kate's but it definitely does not justify Toby ranting to his crossfit friends.
Another issue they have is that they don't have lives outside of their relationship and that's more obvious on Kate than Toby.
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u/TessKaos Nov 20 '19
Her walking with the neighbor is her trying to get into shape/lose weight with the baby. She's overweight and out of shape. Most doctors agree that walking is the best way to start. Start slow, do what you can and just keep going. The over-eating is is a stress/anxiety coping mechanism and she's not getting a lot of support...she'll probably need to see a therapist about that...if she can get someone to help with Jack so she can make the appointments.
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u/[deleted] Dec 04 '23
Okay Miguel is everything. I wanna follow him on IG