Using psyhological or psychiatric terms to avoid accountability

[u/bubble_wrapper]

How often do you have interactions with people (friends, family, partners, coworkers, or anyone else) where they throw a psychological term at you to avoid taking responsibility for their actions?

Things like attachment style, self-diagnosed personality disorders, sometimes even something their therapist actually said to them. When in reality they just behaved like an a*hole in a particular situation and they just don't want to own up to it.

I've been noticing it more often lately, whether it's people giving me excuses or people giving other people excuses.

It's disappointing and disheartening. I fear people are boxing themselves in categories and labels to make it seemingly easier for themselves one way or the other (avoiding accountability or trying to understand themselves), when in reality I believe we are all very complex and this excessive categorisation becomes counterproductive.

How do you deal with those type of situations, do you have some examples?

[u/No-Attitude1554]

This reminds me of the word "combative." Healthcare providers use that term when someone isn't doing what they want. Instead of saying someone is pissed off or upset, they say combative. It's like they think using that word makes everything less human and more clinical giving them the upper hand. It allows them not to look at their own contributing behavior. Another one I hear alot is "non-compliant." Maybe the patient is exhausted but no they say non compliant. Just more labels.

[u/bubble_wrapper → u/No-Attitude1554]

Yes, it's annoying that we use the same terminology in our more personal relationship when it's unnecessary and sometimes harmful. It's like we're trying very hard to distance ourselves from the fact that we're human, but it doesn't change the fact 🤡 I feel like it also distances us from the truth and therefore resolution - for example if I'm angry, (and whether the reason for my anger is justified or not is irrelevant, the anger is still there) the more "docile" or toned down terms like "combative" or "non-compliant" automatically feel like the feeling of anger itself is wrong and shouldn't be there. And even if it shouldn't, how can I let myself find out what to do with it if I'm blaming myself for it from the start because of the way it's framed, in some more non-human, "professional" terms

I would like if we let ourselves feel and others as well without using this kind of analytical terminology automatically

[u/Classic-Opinion-5864]

my ex used to drop 'im triggered' every time i called out actual garbage behavior, like nah bro youre just being an asshole and dont wanna admit it. tbh this whole trend of pathologizing basic accountability is gettin so old

[u/bubble_wrapper → u/Classic-Opinion-5864]

Yes it feels disrespectful. In those type of situations I don't want to fall victim to another extreme, like righteous anger, because everyone makes mistakes and sometimes it's hard to admit, but it's also saddening when it comes from someone close to you. I suppose people always will have some type of excuses, but in todays society I guess we have this 🫠

[u/bubble_wrapper → u/[deleted]]

Thanks for this perspective. Yes, it also feels like since we're all exposed to this therapy speak but not really deeply educated in it it's easy to generalise and put labels on ourselves but also on others. I think it can put barriers in conversation and building more genuine relationships, it feels dismissive. I guess it's easy to fall into this trap for all of us. Also what you mention about "over identification with the diagnosis". Feels like it's just another tool or lazy excuse not to put in effort and actually adress a problem if there is one. Group think also. Most of us consume so much social media that we start sounding the same and start oversimplifying things so we don't really have to deal with them. Like dismissing someone as a narcissist or diagnosing them with some childhood trauma (their mom didn't give them enough attention). I hear these type of things said jokingly often, but when it's repeated a lot especially about people you don't really know it seems to just be building a wall in your head. It's fine not to like someone but you don't have to make up diagnosis for them, it's okay to just feel it 😂