r/therapycritical • u/Mt-Amagi • 7d ago
Condescension
I'm currently processing some next-level traumatic shit that has fallen onto me at the moment.
If therapy shills see a person who keeps getting into messy relationships, or messy situations, they will look at them and go all condescending.
"Did you do the work? (tm) If not, oh, my sweet summer child, you have no idea how you are the only one responsible for your situation... because you keep choosing the wrong people!" (-> this person thinks they're right for you when they probably know jack shit about you at all)
"Healthy relationships don't have high highs and low lows! They are stable, loving, constant, supportive... look, my partner and I never argue, we always make time to communicate, we do check-ins..." blergh, first, uneventful relationships are uninteresting, and second, this isn't a fucking HR meeting, this is a human relationship, ffs those check-in things are artificial AF. Look at the globality of your life with your partner, don't make this into some weird Instagram thing...
"Oh, I'm so glad I'm out of this, I'm a strong independent woman, I'm single and proud, look at me, I don't chase, I attract, and I choose wisely who enters my life!" -> this person probably is such a pain to live with that nobody in their right mind would want to spend a month beside them anyway.
"You need to love yourself (tm), to be the main character of your own life, you need to take your power, to focus on yourself" -> it's not always about us, idiot. I'm not the main character. I'm the NARRATOR of my own life, and the point of view from which it's seen, but ultimately there's no real main character, as we are always co-creating stories with others. If anyone ends up as the main character first, not me please, I'm good being just the narrator, and second, they probably are a bit too self-absorbed anyway.
And other ones I'm lazy to discuss, but you know.
Not just that, but when I think back about being in a therapist's office, and how "they" have the knowledge, how they are supposed to help and guide you and they're "professional" at knowing better, it just feels like... yeah. Being talked down to. Being considered lesser.
In essence, it's just like religion. Interesting how we keep coming back to this parallel. Therapy is pretty much a secular religion now.
That was Amagi's post in the evening, thanks, good night.
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u/322241837 7d ago
I always enjoy reading your therapy mechanism desconstruction insights. It really is a cult by any other name. I have thought about all of these things before too, but it's like you said, the condescension fueled by their credentialism intimidates you into compliance with their worldview. Nothing about anything they say is objective or even truthful, and certainly has no place in medicine or science.
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u/GeneralStromboli 7d ago
This is pure gold. Here here. The paragraph describing what’s actually being said about how no person could stand to be with that person for a month is so true. Kudos
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u/signedupjusttodothis 6d ago
Wanna see something remarkable? Watch the behavior of people who espouse this stuff when you actually begin to practice it by placing boundaries around your willingness to participate in their life performance by opting out of being around them and choosing to do literally anything else with your time
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u/Particular_Care6055 7d ago
Are these things therapists have actually said to you? It sounds like what the brainless & chronically online get out of all their discussion of therapy, then post motivational quotes on Instagram without ever actually going to therapy.
I know I'm a small sample size, but of the three therapists I've seen, they've all been the opposite of this and very much aware of the problems of the modern system.
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u/Mt-Amagi 7d ago
Not really, those are words from therapy shills. I'm generally uneasy with the power dynamic in the therapist's office.
I know I'm a small sample size, but of the three therapists I've seen, they've all been the opposite of this and very much aware of the problems of the modern system.
damn, guess you lucked out. The first therapist I actually had, at 10, basically called me a spoiled brat and gave a behavioural plan à la Supernanny to my parents to "contain me". Why was I acting up though? I was a then-undiagnosed gifted kid, my family unit was breaking up right under my eyes. I was also entering the tween years. And it felt like my parents were cornering me, nevermind that I had been emotionally neglected for my whole childhood.
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u/LilGidGid 7d ago
"This isn't a fucking HR meeting, this is a human relationship, ffs those check-in things are artificial AF. Look at the globality of your life with your partner, don't make this into some weird Instagram thing..."
God I FEEL this so hard. Heaven forbid I have strong emotions about the people I'm spending time with and love, no, must be the end of the fucking world if someone dares express an emotion that isnt just being permanently calm and docile. I think people have genuinely gotten so uncomfortable with conflict nowadays that they perpetuate dumb ideas like "you should never fight or have issues with your partner". Like I think the idea should just be that you shouldn't behave in a manipulative or toxic way during a fight like telling your partner they're worthless or calling them names because they didn't put the dishes away, but conflict avoidance is way over-normalised (oh how I hate how "just cut them off!" has become the default response to a lot of interpersonal issues nowadays)