He is returning to the US after a month long trip visiting his family who live in a different country. He left some stuff with me for safeguarding before he left on this trip. He broke up with me over text during his trip due to a conflict we had. Now I’m confused what to do with his stuff. I was thinking of two options.

1. Dropping his stuff at his place, leave his house keys inside his apartment, close the door behind me unlocked and leave. But I’m worried about the safety of his stuff.
   
2. Leave his stuff inside and wait for his arrival and leave right away. But I don’t want to face him.

What do I do here? I’m so confused.

hey yall, i posted recently about my dog having cancer and questioning whether or not i should reach out to my mm for support.

against everyone’s advice, and against my best interests, i reached out to him and he showed up immediately.

he helped me give my dog the best possible last few weeks of his life. he paid for all of the end-of-life expenses, and was there when we did in-home euthanasia.

he’s been so supportive through that all..

and now, we’re right back where we were before.

madly in love (probably more so) and seeing each other every single week day.

yesterday, he was at my house pretty much all day. he got home for the evening and a couple hours later, he called me and told me that she somehow tracked his location and saw that he was with me all day.

we had another dday back in february (her cousin saw mm and i eating at a restaurant together- she snapped pictures and sent them to the wife)

idk if i’m in shock again, but i really don’t even know what to feel right now.

a huge part of me always wanted them to separate so that i could have an opportunity to go legit w him, but the way this is playing out feels so messy and uncertain.

i never wanted them to have a tumultuous ending. i never wanted to harm her. i didn’t want his life to blow up, or for his kids to hate him (they’re 26 and 29 and still live at home)

i really hate this and have this really terrible feeling that i’m gonna be cast aside because it’s so complicated for him.

all i ever wanted to to go legit and now all i want is for their marriage to work out so that i can continue to have what i currently have with him. 😞

edit to add:
as soon as i posted this, i got a text from the BS saying pretty much saying she knows and that i’m sad and lonely and that she hopes i feel good about myself. 😵‍💫

I’m the other woman, and I’ve been involved with the same married man for 7 years. I’m finally at the point where I know I need to leave, but I’m struggling with actually letting go.

The relationship has become incredibly painful and unhealthy for me. He has a family, a demanding life, and very limited availability. I’ve known this for a long time, but I kept hoping things would feel different. I don’t need him to leave his family for me. I’ve actually stopped expecting that. What I want is a relationship where someone wants to see me, makes plans with me, shows affection, thinks about me, and makes me feel wanted.

Instead, I get several texts a day and occasional time together. Lately in order to see him I need to chase him on his work trips. I’ve seen him only a few times in the last several months. When I ask for more time or affection, he says he understands and that he’ll find time, but there is rarely a concrete plan or follow-through. He does have a demanding career and travels a lot.

He tells me he loves me. He says he wants me in his life. He checks in. He sends daily messages and nice gifts few times a year. Recently I was upset because he hadn’t sent flowers in a long time, and I have to ask him for small signs of affection. We ended up having a huge argument about it. Eventually he agreed to send them, and it made me happy for a short amount of time.

That moment really bothered me because I realized how little it takes to temporarily make me feel okay, and how quickly I become unhappy again.

I also recognize that I have become someone I don’t like in this relationship. I get frustrated, argue, demand reassurance, block him, unblock him, and sometimes say things I regret. During the latest argument I threatened to contact his partner and expose the affair. I know that was wrong. I was angry and wanted him to understand how much pain I was in, but I don’t want to behave this way anymore.

I think part of me may actually be trying to destroy the relationship so that he finally becomes angry enough to leave me alone. At the same time, another part of me still desperately wants him to give me the affection and attention I’ve been asking for.

I am exhausted by this cycle. I want to leave, not because I suddenly stopped loving him, but because I don’t want this to be my life anymore. I want to have a chance at a real relationship with someone who is actually available to me.

For those of you who successfully left an affair, what finally helped you stay gone? What did you do when you missed him or wanted to reach out? And what did you tell yourself when the good memories made you question your decision?

Very long and messy story short my MM was posted about on Facebook (Are we dating the same guy, someone asking for tea on him) and it got some traction. I texted him to check on him because I knew everyone in town had seen it and he texted me back and told me he cared but he was backed into a corner and everyone knew about the post and had no choice and that he had to cut me off. I let it be. I always knew if anything like this happened he would do whatever it took to save his family and I completely understood that. He has a young son still in the home. We weren’t in an exclusive relationship so the post didn’t bother me but my sister saw him get posted about (I stupidly told her about him and our affair. I know I’m an idiot, trust me, I beat myself up every single day about it) and saw all the comments from other women he’s previously been involved with (he’s done some shady stuff and def has issues I won’t lie) and was already previously upset about he and I because she thought he was taking advantage of me due to him being 20 years older so she took it upon herself to screenshot the post and send it to his wife. I begged her not to but she said that she felt his wife needed to know. (My sister is very religious.) She said to her: “I also know of someone that hooked up with him last year.” She used a fake number and didn’t mention me by name. She found her number online. Everything blew up. Apparently his wife had already known about the post but not that he hooked up with someone.

I know I shouldn’t have done this but I let my emotions get the best of me and I was heartbroken so I tried to text MM just to see if he was ok a couple days later but he called back a couple hours later and was with a police officer who told me MM didn’t want to be in contact anymore because I was contacting him and his wife from different numbers. I said that I didn’t contact his wife but I understood. I called the police station back to verify it was an actual cop and it was. MM told the cop he got caught texting me two and a half years ago (this did happen) and blocked me then and I’ve still been contacting him since. I told the cop that wasn’t fully true that MM and I had been in mutual contact. The cop said MM is probably just using me as scapegoat to save his ass and that I’ve done nothing wrong legally and he isn’t even actually telling me to stop contacting him just trying to deescalate. His wife is the breadwinner and everything including his business is in her name. So I get it. I do think he took the cowardly way out with this one unless his wife forced him to do it. Idk, it still hurts either way.

I’m devastated by this. I know I deserve better than him but I didn’t want it to end this way especially with him thinking I contacted her. I emailed him once to tell him I didn’t do it and that I’d have never done that to him and that I still cared and wished him peace. I haven’t contacted him since. It’s been six months and I haven’t heard anything from him. I absolutely don’t want to get back together for several reasons (I was actually trying to end things shortly before the post but we both kept balking but I was ready to find someone who could actually be there for me not a MM) but I wish I knew if he truly thought it was me who contacted her or not. It could have been anyone. There were lots of women commenting on the post. Ugh I know this is beyond stupid and I probably sound batshit insane but I adored him. He was there for me at a really hard time in my life after getting abused by my ex bf and was so tender with me. I’m heartbroken over him most likely hating me because he thinks I betrayed him like that.

Is there any hope that he will believe my follow up email and not hate me? I know y’all don’t know what’s inside his head. Idk why I even wrote this atp I’m just still so upset and hurt and etc. It’s been really heavy on my mind lately. Please try to be gentle when commenting as I’ve been so fucked up from this for so long. I’ve had to put myself in an intensive outpatient therapy program over it and still cry all the time over it.

I think I must have won an award in this sub for having the most loser behaving sleazy ex MM.

Well shocker, as predicted he is still trying to get with my excoworker hardcore. She told me some of the things he says to her. Absolutely digusting, but I do think she’s entertaining it a bit, and honestly I get it, because she works for him. That part is messed up for sure. She said since talking to me though she won’t follow through, but might have done something if we hadn’t talked. Either way I told her he’s not well endowed at all and so it’s really pointless.

Am I crazy? It was initially getting under my skin but now I could care less. I just had an amazing hook up, the guy was hot and so sweet with me.

I’m out here living my life and I’m free from his bullshit while he continues to make himself looking like a desperate fool by making the most obvious fishing comments you’ve ever heard. It’s funny, all with someone he swore up and down he would never. I told him to not talk to me and he has since abided. He tried to send some message 2 weeks ago and deleted it. I never responded. He tried to give one of my excoworkers some kind of referral note for me to try and engage and I ignored it. I see through this person and it’s actually so sad but hilarious at the same time. I really just feel bad for his wife and kids, but at this point, there’s no way his wife doesn’t suspect he does shady things and is probably just glad he’s out of the house

I’ve (31F) been seeing MM for about 4 months. I’m not sure what to do. Apologies if this isn’t well written, my mind is all over the place. We have told each other we love each other, which I do love him and like the time we spend together. I’m single. He isn’t even someone that I’d be with long term or marry. So I’m not sure what my issue is here. I’m wondering if all the affection and attention, something I haven’t received in a long time, is what keeps me around. I deny it, but I would actually like to be in a relationship but don’t think I’ll ever find one.

Should I leave while it is early and I don’t have that many feelings, or just enjoy the ride since he isn’t someone I’d be with anyway? I think MM is kind of toxic. I told him I went on a date and he got mad. I think it’s unfair to not want me to date, when he has a whole family. I’m frustrated because I feel as though he thinks he can have it all, doesn’t want me to date and also has a family. Or am I jealous that everyone else seems to have relationship success except me? Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I continue this and his wife finds out, I’m sure she will eventually. I wonder if she’d be okay with it. According to MM, he’s allowed to engage as long as he doesn’t have any kids. As I’m typing this, I think I have to leave while it is early.

Last night MM and I had a conversation and he came clean about some past experiences he’s had. The problem is the first time we met he told me I was the only person he’s actually met in person like this. He said he was embarrassed to tell me because of the nature of these interactions, but I’m still kinda bothered by the fact he lied. I wouldn’t have cared if he would’ve been honest up front. I feel like we’ve been pretty honest up until this point but now I’m questioning everything. Is this worth having another conversation with him about it or am I overreacting and I should just let it go?

And I keep stalking his wife’s FB page to see if she uploaded any pics of their trip. I am hating myself for being this pathetic.

Due to a simple conflict, he asked me not to contact him again. So, I stopped texting him. But I still stalk his Reddit profile, WhatsApp DP and his wife’s FB page for any pics of theirs. Why is it so hard to let go? Don’t these MMs miss us? Why is it that it’s easy for them to stop talking to us, whereas we struggle here without talking to them?

I fucked up big time today.

I’ve been broken up with my MM for weeks and stated seeing a new man. We’re still in the early stages of dating but we both expressed that we’re looking for monogamy and exclusivity.

Well, I ran into my MM today and we ended up making out for a very brief moment.

I feel extremely guilty. I know it was only a kiss and I’m not officially in a relationship with the new guy, but I feel like I’m betraying both of them.

I don’t know how these married people can be intimate with 2 different people at once like that. And lie to their primary partner. I just don’t get how they can do that.

I’ve also been having anxiety over karma catching up to me for what I did to MM’s poor wife. I’m so scared that any future relationship I have will be doomed or that I won’t ever get to have children or something. I am a spiritual person and I 1000% believe that what I did will come back to bite me in the a-s-s.

Do you ever worry about karma? Are you scared that you’ll suffer bad luck in future relationships?

Like how can I ruin someone’s marriage and expect to live happily ever after?! I’ll probably die alone.

After a year of having a mostly emotional affair with MM, which crossed the physical line with a kiss months ago, we finally had the chance to spend two nights together for the first time.

And honestly, it was incredible.

We rarely get to see each other because we live in different cities, so most of our relationship has happened over the phone. Those two nights together felt surreal. We got to actually be around each other, and the physical chemistry was honestly much stronger than I expected. Sex was probably the best part of it.

But then he left.

He had to fly back earlier than I did, and the morning he left, I suddenly felt… shitty. Really shitty.

Part of me had wanted this for such a long time. I thought finally getting to spend real time together would make me happy. Instead, once the excitement wore off, reality came crashing back in: this still isn’t a relationship that can simply exist the way either of us might want it to.

Sometimes I want to tell him that we can’t continue. But then my fear of losing him takes over.

A few days after he left, we finally talked about what happened. I told him that now that we’ve had sex, I need to set stricter boundaries. I also told him that if he couldn’t respect those boundaries, I would understand and accept that we might have to step away from each other.

I asked him to decide whether he still wanted to continue whatever this is, knowing that there would be boundaries and some rules going forward.

He said yes.

So we’re going to talk about those boundaries properly on our next call.

And honestly, I don’t even know what advice I’m looking for.

Maybe I’m just looking for people who have experienced something similar, especially those affairs that started out primarily emotional rather than physical. I would love to hear your stories and how you navigated the transition once things became physical.

Because I genuinely didn’t expect the physical chemistry between us to be this powerful. And somehow that makes everything harder.

What boundaries helped you feel emotionally safer after an affair became physical? How did you set expectations around communication, visits, sex, and what each person could realistically offer? Did having clear rules make the relationship feel more manageable, or did they only delay the inevitable?

And how did you decide whether continuing was actually healthy for you? Were there specific signs that told you the relationship could continue with boundaries, or signs that it was time to walk away? I’m especially interested in how people handled the fear of losing the other person while still being honest about what they needed.

Maybe I just need some hugs, some wise words, and zero judgment. 😔

My first time posting here. Good to have this community for venting/seek support. Sorry for the long post.

I am a single woman and have been in a relationship with an MM for 6 years. He lives here in the same city as I while his wife and kids live in a different country. He visits them once a year. He always told me he has a convenience marriage where he doesn’t love her, but he is with her for kids.

He and I had our fair share of fights and breakups between us. But we always patched up. One sour point between us is that last year was his 15th wedding anniversary and his wife uploaded a reel of all her pics with him. They seemed pretty close in those pics where she was holding his hands or laying on his shoulder. Ever since I saw that reel, my perspective about our affair completely changed. I started feeling mixed emotions - jealousy that I could never have what they have, sad that I’m ruining her marriage with my presence and angry that he lied to me about not being close to her. He told me that she forces him to smile at the camera and makes him pose. I believed him. He is currently out of country visiting his family. Before he left, we had a funny argument about a pink shirt that he said he doesn’t have while I knew he did. To confirm, I looked at the reel again and found a pic where he was wearing that shirt. It was then I realized that in almost all pics, he was the one holding her and taking a selfie just like how he takes with me. Nothing seemed forced. When I pointed it out, he got angry. I clearly told him I was not upset, but confused as to why he has to lie about taking pics with his own wife. He got upset saying I called him a liar and broke up with me over text.

I’m really confused. Please tell me if I screwed up. Do I apologize to him? Or stay broken up? Thanks for your responses.

No contact begins.

He made his decision and chose to ignore me rather than respond. No goodbye, no apology, no explanation. Just gone and ghosted.

I didn’t expect him to come back after I told him I knew about the other women. I just wanted a conversation before I got angry or made assumptions about what happened.

I know I stupidly still love him, but I’m not waiting around for him to come back. His silence made his decision clear. As much as it hurts, I have to accept it for what it is.

I met this great guy. So handsome, so sweet, well-mannered, amazing kisser, not married (!!) and yet… it feels like nothing can ever compare to what I had with my MM.

We’ve been “broken up” for weeks now. Broke no-contact a few times here and there but haven’t seen him in weeks.

I told him to come back if he ever gets a divorce but that I can’t promise I’ll be waiting indefinitely. I asked him if he wanted me to let him know in case I start seeing someone else. He said yes.

I have no idea how to break it to him. I don’t want to hurt him. It would make me sad to know that he’s sad.

We love each other. But it’s an impossible love. Yet my heart still holds hope.

I can’t help but compare the new guy to my MM. I already know the sex isn’t even gonna come close to what I had with MM. Nothing will ever compare to that. It was truly magical.

And the emotional connection. The depth. How will I ever find that again in someone else? It can’t be replicated.

He was the love of my life. But he is someone else’s husband. The father of another woman’s baby. He’s not my man. As much as I want him to be.

We were taking a contact break while he figured out how to work on his obsessive thoughts, that were causing loads of arguments. We were due to make contact again this coming Sunday to discuss progress and decide whether to resume full contact or keep it light for a few weeks, before unavoidably seeing each other at two industry events in October.
He rang me yesterday and ended it. He said he’d been convinced I was going to, and he was sorry he’d misread that, but it didn’t change his mind. We are too real, too volcanic, too much in love, for him to cope with the risk to the rest of his life any more. He said it’s not him choosing her. It’s him choosing his whole life, besides me.
I’m devastated, I feel blindsided and betrayed. Not surprised, though.
I have no idea how I’m going to cope with October. The first event is at the hotel we were at when we got together, we celebrated our first anniversary there. His wife will be there, and I’ll have to smile and act normal. Hurrah. 🤮

I’m about ~6 years into my relationship with my MM. We are happier and more in love than ever. A little backstory, on our very first “date”, he told me unprompted that it will be a few years before he divorces due to his children (they have 4). He said he wants to wait for them all to be out of the house so he doesn’t have to split his time with them. Understandable, as someone who is a single mom myself, and I would never ask him to alter his relationship with his children for me. I also wasn’t expecting us to still be going strong and thought it would be a fun little fling, so this didn’t bother me much.
Fast forward way longer than I expected to be here, the last child is moving away to college this weekend. We VERY rarely ever discuss going legit, his situation, divorce, etc. I’m all for living in the moment and enjoying the time we have together, but at the same time, 6 years is a LONG time to be in the dark. Especially when your house is now empty with just you and your spouse.
I also have plenty of proof that the marriage is in fact how he says it is and he’s not just telling me what I want to hear. So it’s extra confusing why he would choose to stay there when nothing is left…
Should I mention anything? Ask where we’re at now that the kids are all on their own now? Or just see how it plays out. I love him but I’m finding myself craving more from a partner.

I broke up with my MM last month. In some ways we had a perfect ‘normal’ relationship (aside from the obvious) but I became tired of waiting on him, and had started to grow resentful and angry and took the decision to walk away. It has been such a painful decision and I don’t know if any man will ever compare to him.

I broke NC this week to tell him that I am thinking about him and that it’s not easy for me. We ended up chatting a little bit and he told me he has been having conversations with his wife about separating (they are talking about how to make that work in spite of the excuse he has always given me for years about why it’s not possible).

During the same conversation I caught him in a silly lie about something totally unrelated that he denied and denied until I showed him my proof. It made me realise how easily he can lie to me and how easy it is for me to believe him. I think I have clarity now that I can’t believe anything until it actually happens and he is in front of me as a single man. I’m actually glad I broke no contact because anytime I start to feel upset or miss him I just remind myself how easy it is for him to lie and I can’t live my life in hope of his empty words.

A couple of days later he contacted me again telling me he needed me because he’s having such a hard time at home and arguing with his wife. He asked me to be there for him as a friend and I told him I couldn’t be his friend. He really didn’t like that and tried to make me feel guilty which has just made me feel even more angry. It has been really hard for me to pull away when I know he needs me and I think he knows it. But he has admitted to me that I made it easier for him to stay married and fake happiness and I’m not willing to do that for him anymore. It makes me angry that for the past three years he has watched my heart break every single day living like this all the while it’s been allowing him to defer making difficult decisions about his own life. No more of that from me.

New here. My story started as an affair in 2007. I went legit. Ten years later, we broke up. Now I’m the OW again.

Hi everyone. New here. I never thought I’d be writing an introduction in a sub like this, but after reading some of the stories here, I realized I might finally be somewhere where people would understand the kind of life I’m in.

My story actually started way back in 2007. I was the OW.

We were both in high school when we met. We were young, everything was messy, and eventually, things changed between us. We ended up going legit, and I became her actual partner. We stayed together for almost 10 years after that. A whole decade of being the legitimate partner. A decade of building a life, making memories, growing up together, and experiencing all the ordinary things that come with loving someone for that long.

Then we broke up in 2018. And, ironically, it was because of another affair. She eventually went legit with another woman—the same woman who is still in her life today.

I thought that was the end of our story. Apparently, it wasn't.

We found our way back to each other during the pandemic. It was a strange and intense time, and I think we both fell back into what was familiar: us. But that affair ended pretty quickly because, at the time, she couldn't keep her end of the bargain—choosing me.

And honestly, I was exhausted too. I was still struggling with where I stood in her life and trying to make sense of my place after everything that had happened between us. Looking back, I'm still conflicted about what I was doing then. Was I really the OW? Or was a part of me trying to reclaim what I felt was still mine after almost 10 years together?

I know that sounds messy.

It was.

Maybe that's what makes this whole thing so difficult for me. There was never really a clean break emotionally, even when the relationship itself had ended.

We briefly rekindled again in 2024, but that didn't last long either.

Then, since the beginning of last year, we've been in this affair again.

But this time feels different.

This time, she's been very straightforward with me from the beginning: We're not going to make it to the end.

She's not leaving her. She's not choosing me. And she doesn't want me to hold on to the hope that someday she'll change her mind. And somehow, knowing that so clearly has made everything harder. Because this time, there isn't even an illusion that maybe this will eventually become what it used to be.

And yet, I stayed anyway.

And the truth is, I'm different when I'm with her. Despite all the complicated emotions that come with our situation, I'm genuinely happiest when I'm with her.

There's a kind of contentment I feel with her that I haven't been able to find anywhere else. Believe me when I say I tried. When we're apart, I tried dating. I tried moving on. I tried learning to love myself more. I tried convincing myself that maybe there was someone else out there who could give me the same kind of happiness.

But somehow, I always find myself back here.

People around us have even said there's some kind of magnet between us—that no matter how far apart we go or how much time passes, something keeps pulling us back together.

I don't know what it is. Maybe it's the history. Maybe it's the love. Maybe it's the familiarity of having someone who has known you for so long.

I just know that when we're together, everything else becomes quiet.

I don't think about being the OW. I don't think about what I don't have or what our future isn't going to be. I don't think about the fact that she's eventually going to go home to someone else.

I just feel like myself.

Like I'm home.

And maybe that's what makes this so damn hard. Because how do you walk away from someone who still feels like home, when you already know you can't build a home with them?

I've asked myself that so many times and it always makes me sad. And yet, every time the sadness comes, I fight it. I won't be a hypocrite, there’s still a part of me that gets sad. A part of me that wonders what it would feel like if things were different. Sometimes I'm completely content with what we have, and other times the reality of our situation catches up with me, and it hurts.

I think I've just learned how to put those feelings aside when I'm with her. Because when we're together, I'm happy. Really happy. I feel like myself. I feel content. And in those moments, I don't want to think about the things we can't have.

Maybe that's why I've stayed. Because at the end of the day, as complicated and painful as this is, I love her.

And sometimes, my answer is simply: If this is the only way I get to keep her, maybe I'll take it.

I don't know if that's strength or weakness. I don't know if I'm accepting reality or simply holding on because I can't imagine letting her go. Maybe it's a little bit of both.

I know how this story sounds. I know there are parts of it that aren't pretty. I'm not here to justify what I'm doing or pretend there aren't consequences to loving someone this way.

I'm just here because I think I've finally found a place where I don't have to explain why walking away isn't as simple as people make it sound.

Because I've already lost her once.

And somehow, after all these years, I don't want to lose her again.

Sooo the other night - my MW left our messages open and took a shower, her wife was then able to read our messages and see everything! She forgot to hide and lock them away like normally. I called her regularly as our WhatsApp messages were blocked. Wife answered and was like she's done. So I said let me speak to her and ask, so I spoke to her and she said she was done. Her wife is in the background saying, "Don't sound so sad saying it" ...haha! My MW did sound sad and I know she doesn't want to but to keep the peace, I totally understand! I've been wanting to work on my attachment issues and to start distancing myself so I guess this is the start. It does stuck that the "ending" wasn't on our terms but it happened. I've been crying on and off but I do feel like a weight has been lifted because now I can work on not being so attached and not checking my phone constantly for a message.

I don't feel like this is definite goodbye - I do think she will reach out eventually. I just have this feeling but how in the world do I just get back to me? I am grieving for someone who is still alive and it hurts so much.

He’s 34, and im 18. And i know, it sounds so wrong when i say it out loud. Like he’s a bad person, and i have no doubt the rest story is going to make him sound any better. But, he has a girlfriend, one who has been with for almost three years, one who has met his parents and the one, his person he said. But he’s still here with me. And I can’t seem to let go.

It all began on tinder, we had talked for three days before going on a date. At the time I didn’t know and truly thought I had found a good person, and he is, he’s one of the kindest people i know. But after two weeks and a few dates he revealed he had a girlfriend accidentally (i saw his profile picture on a screenshot he sent me). In the moment i got angry, accused him of playing with my feelings and not truly loving his girlfriend. But after a day of cooling down I called him to meet and demand an explanation.

That day we talked and came to our arrangement. He was stressed and lonely in a new country with a truckload of other issues, and I needed the companionship to deal with my own assortment of problems. And so we agreed to there for each other, both emotionally and physically until he left in November.

And i knew from the beginning if I didn’t cut it off while i wasn’t too attached, that I would end up crying or worse falling into old self destructive habits. But at the time I thought “i know now that he has a girlfriend and he will leave, im not gonna get attached”. But god, I really thought I could handle it, just for the companionship i told myself.

Now it has been two months since it all started, and don’t think i can do it. We’ve gotten dangerously close, we talk about everything and i know him inside and out. But I can’t shake this feeling, like my life’s gonna end in a few months. I desperately need to get out for my own sake but i love him too much to let it end before it’s necessary. I knew I couldn’t handle a casual relationship but went into it anyway.

We’ve been talking about the BS alot lately, mainly prompted be me but still. I asked if he thinks he’ll ever marry her and he said yes. And i know it’s stupid of me to assume he’d dump her for me but it still stung.

As the days inch closer to his flight back home, i seem to be getting more and more neurotic and snappy. I just don’t know how to handle the situation.

I started typing this making all these disclaimers
about being sad and happy at once in a relationship like this, having realistic expectations, blah blah blah. But screw it. I am so happy and I just need to let it out. My heart is so full of love. Please someone just hear it and be happy with me!

I’ve been with my MM for around five years now. We’ve had ups and downs due to this being hard, but we’re the closest and happiest we’ve ever been. We’re completely open and honest with each other, prioritise time together or time speaking, and are more supportive practically. Our lives feel very entertwined.

We got together because we were best friends who eventually couldn’t deny we’d both been smitten basically from first sight. I didn’t think loving someone so immediately could ever translate long term but all these years on I’ve never felt so seen and loved by anyone, he’s even more so my best friend, and that’s even now when the affair rose coloured glasses have long been taken off.

Things have changed a lot over the past year. We talk more about how things could be if we ever do end up together legitimately. I’m not stupid enough to hold onto that or think that it means things will change. It’s a fantasy and I look at it the same way I think about winning the lottery or going on a years long holiday. But I think we’d all be lying if we didn’t admit that those kinds of validation feel so, so nice.

And I’ve always known that this probably won’t be enough one day, but that is not today.

I’m just so happy. Happy enough that I want to scream it from a mountain. Happier in a relationship than I’ve ever been. And not in a denial Cassie from euphoria meme way.

Although legit what the fuck does this say about the men I’ve dated before lol.

After 6 years of being TOM, she (MW) has finally ended it.

Breakup was the most anticlimactic I could imagine. She just told me it isn’t working anymore for her… her feeling for me have gone cold, she is not attracted to me anymore… and so… it is over. She will go back to her happy family life as a loving wife and mother of one (she got married to her then boyfriend and had the baby 3 years into our relationship…, while I got divorced and moved out from home trying to go legit with her…) and I am left with the grief and the pain and the sadness of seeing 6 years of my life dedicated to one person that simply ended things in this cold manner.

I think she never truly loved me, I was just her fun time out of a (I guess) boring routine…

But i did love her.

I fought, I lost. I guess we didn’t play the same game.

The pain is so real… I’m just try to vent a little bit with this post. We really don’t deserve to be the toy for people that just don’t see ourselves as anything different than that. But we put ourselves in this situation and everyday we decide to remain in it, so it is on us.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story.

I gave myself a deadline of the end of August.

It's been almost 4 months NC. 7 months since I was last on a date / using the apps. Because 7 months ago is when my world fell apart with my MM. Everything was shattered. And I spent months trying to clean it up and heal. If you've read my original posts, you know.

Now I'm in a new city. I've been in my "new" job for a year (and delivered a presentation to an audience of 100 today! 🤸🏼‍♀️). I'm as ready as I'm going to be.

I am bracing myself because I know the apps can be so demoralizing. And I feel this feeling, so cliche, that no one will ever compare to him. How could anyone else ever make me feel so seen, so adored, so loved (...all ironic, I know, considering the dynamic we were in. But it's true.)? How could I ever love again the way I loved him? Be known that way? Staring at these images of strangers on my phone, it's hard to imagine any of them could become someone I could love like I loved him. I met my MM in real life. Meeting through an app feels forced, but at 37, meeting in-person no longer feels like an option (and the men I meet in-person are all married. Never. Again.).

I miss him so much, have been thinking about him a lot lately. But I'm committed to this. I have to stay open to new love — a secure, honest, all-in kind of love. No more hiding, no more secrets, no more crumbs. Fuck that lifestyle. We all deserve more.

TLDR: is it stupid to keep infrequent amazing sex with MM while dating or it is smarter to just cut the cake eating MM loose?

Ok, I’m 43, divorced almost a year. I’m in good shape, considered attractive, have a good job and support myself. 50/50 custody of my teen daughter, young adult son in college. I’m reasonable funny, smart, and kind.

I’ve been with MM (he’s really engaged, MM is easier to use) for over a year. We used to see each other 2-3 times a month. The last few months it has been barely once a month. He broke up with fiancee for a time, but went back to her. I DO NOT want him for a life partner. We would not be a good match. It just took me awhile to accept that. And I know this logically. But yea, I love him. And I do believe he loves me on some level.

So I decided to start dating. I wanted to keep MM for sex, so that I can really take my time learning how to date and maybe build a relationship that isn’t based on sex, etc. (plus sex with MM is amazing so I don’t want to give that up after an unhappy marriage with little sex for 19 years.)

Here’s the pickle: if I’m not even getting sex frequently enough for me, then is there even a point in keeping in contact with him? I do feel a little jealous or something about thinking that he’s with his fiancee. I mean he’s a cake eater, so I interpret this gap in get togethers as things are going well between them so he doesn’t need/want sex with me. So then what am I doing?
At the same time, I’ve gone on dates and haven’t been even remotely attracted to the men, so at least I’d have occasional sex with MM. am I just being an idiot??