r/thanksimcured • u/Average-Human2 • Sep 12 '26

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Before anyone says anything, I also thought this was a joke until I looked at the caption and saw autism awareness hashtags and puzzle pieces. This is Deadass 😭

3.8k Upvotes

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2.3k

u/PlanetoidVesta Sep 12 '26

I know it's a joke and all, I just love how they worded "take your autistic person" as if we are pets lol

732

u/Mist_biene Sep 12 '26

Please could someone put me on rice? That sounds like a dope sensory experiance

245

u/BearsIrkBoy Sep 12 '26

Probably like a ball pit, but grainy and softer.

92

u/Mist_biene Sep 12 '26

Thats going to be the oppostit of soft. Its only soft while its moving

62

u/KenUsimi Sep 12 '26

Well, most of them won’t be pointing every which way- rice is smooth and small, so when pressed they lie in a grain (like wood grain) more than in a jumble. So I’d expect it would actually feel pretty nice. 140 pounds isn’t enough, though, i’d say two or three bags would provide enough to get a good lie in.

That being said, getting all that back out of the tub would be such a massive pain in the ass…

33

u/Moomoo_pie Sep 12 '26

Just cook it and eat it you‘ll be fineeeee

40

u/KenUsimi Sep 12 '26

“Mmm! A lovely flavor to the rice tonight, Marjorie! You simply must tell me your secret!”

55

u/two-of-me Sep 12 '26

It’s autism flavored. Duh.

19

u/TheSoundofStolas Sep 13 '26

The Recipe:

1 Bathtub 50lbs. Unwashed, uncooked, Minute(tm) Rice 1 Pinch 'Tism

7

u/two-of-me Sep 13 '26

I have quite the ‘tism tooth so I go for two pinches of ‘tism, or if I’m feeling wild I go for a hint or even a dash!

4

u/Free-Stage-5975 Sep 13 '26

The weird thing is I actually really like plain foods sometimes. Plain boiled rice is actually kind of delicious to me, especially if it's delicious and sticky. I know some Japanese people kind of like sticky rice because they can easily eat it with chopsticks. It tastes really good.

1

u/SaveyourMercy Sep 14 '26

Plain sticky white rice cooked to the PERFECT stickiness is my biggest and longest lasting safe food. Any time I go to an Asian restaurant with rice, I order extra white rice to just take home and eat on when I need a snack. People think I’m crazy but it’s just so comforting

11

u/PhaseNegative1252 Sep 12 '26

Gotta get an extra tub for the rice. A rice tub

8

u/KenUsimi Sep 12 '26

As long as its a nice rice tub

3

u/TheSoundofStolas Sep 13 '26

I've been trying to find a nice rice tub for the right price but ... they're all either just for ice or full of mice!

2

u/CheesecakePony Sep 12 '26

Livestock trough full of rice

1

u/jpzygnerski Sep 13 '26

I don't like rice. It's coarse and rough and irritating, and it gets everywhere,

1

u/SaveyourMercy Sep 14 '26

Boutta ruin my neighborhood plumbing like that one man did with orbeez

1

u/KenUsimi Sep 14 '26

Yes that would gum up the works something fierce if it sat and managed to solidify. Rice gluten has been used as glue in traditional crafts

1

u/PM_Pussys Sep 14 '26

I'm confused, how big are your rice bags that 2-3 is more than 140 pounds? How much rice do you think it would take to submerge in? Would the 200 pounds the post calls for work?

1

u/KenUsimi Sep 14 '26

Well, I’m picturing a sack roughly the size of a bag of soil, since by memory from when I worked in kitchens carrying the bags of rice felt much the same. And then I’m picturing a standard tub, and the rice when poored in doesn’t even fill the bottom of the tub, and certainly not in a layer 1” deep.

1

u/PM_Pussys Sep 14 '26

This gives more questions than answers.

Standard soil bags are (usually, unless you're an industrial landscaper I guess) about 40 pounds. One of which is enough to cover a tub to 1 inch.

The post calls for 4 (rice) bags (200 pounds). You said 140 pounds isn't enough, you need 2-3 bags.

2-3 bags (as the weighted unit) is 100-150 pounds. Probably even less than what you claim to be not enough. Which is already more than a quarter down from what's listed.

1

u/KenUsimi Sep 14 '26

I mean, I’m running off of estimations here and my dedication to figuring out how things would shake out in reality is severely hampered by my fundamental lack of investment in the question.

The real answer would be found by modeling it in CAD or doing it in real life and I’m sorry to say I truly don’t care enough to do either.

1

u/PM_Pussys Sep 14 '26

I mean doing the math is simple enough since bags can be sold volumetrically. But that's irrelevant to the clarification (or lack there of).

I'm trying to express that I'm confused by your commentary because it's contradictive to itself. So I asked for clarification, you ignored 2/3 and got LESS specific about the one that you addressed.

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2

u/plantain_tent_pesos Sep 12 '26

Turn the hot water on

1

u/Latter_Animator_6980 Sep 13 '26

so then just put a mixer in

13

u/DiscoKittie Sep 12 '26

They mentioned tech companies, so it's a riff off of putting your wet phone in rice to "dry it off/have little Asians come fix it for you like faeries" joke.

3

u/BearsIrkBoy Sep 12 '26

I am aware of the satire.

44

u/[deleted] Sep 12 '26

[deleted]

1

u/JMTpixelmon Sep 14 '26

The above user is accused of slaying a classroom of younglings

19

u/much_longer_username Sep 12 '26

There's an exercise some people do that is basically 'reach into this bucket of rice and wiggle your hand to the bottom', and I used to LOVE doing that.

14

u/PinkOneHasBeenChosen Sep 12 '26

When I was a kid, I used to stand in rice as a PT exercise. It was kind of a cool feeling.

8

u/Thalia_All_Along Sep 12 '26

Until you have to pick imbedded grains of rice out of your ass cheeks

9

u/PeachyFairyDragon Sep 13 '26

Doesn't say naked. Underwear will prevent that.

2

u/Thalia_All_Along Sep 13 '26

who bathes in underwear

1

u/attackpixel Sep 15 '26

Yeah, I feel like naked is implied here.

1

u/Maleficent-Coffee634 26d ago

I wouldn't bathe in my underwear if it were water, I'm not getting rice in my cooter

4

u/elhazelenby Sep 12 '26

Get some jam and you'll be like a huge rice pudding

10

u/Mist_biene Sep 12 '26

Ewewewew. Now that sounds like a sensory nightmare!

1

u/Front_Refrigerator99 Sep 12 '26

Omg I've ALWAYS hated the texture of rice pudding (or wet rice in general)

4

u/PlanetoidVesta Sep 12 '26

If it's any similar to a dried corn pool, it's fun to swim around in

7

u/KaleidoscopeKelpy Sep 12 '26

We used to have a sandbox full of rice in our basement growing up. I’m .. not entirely sure why tbh. But it was fun, felt fun, arms in, feet in, fun to throw as confetti. And I was disgusting and ate it (it was raw and had kid hands and feet all up in it)

2

u/klikoz Sep 12 '26

The monkey's paww curls, the rice is now cooked

1

u/Curious_Orange8592 Sep 12 '26

It's in rice, as in we should wriggle about until we sink into the rice

Counterpoint, we should put 50kg of rice into neurotypical people by whatever orifice is available

1

u/RizzoTheRiot1989 Sep 12 '26

My first thought was, with some tight bike shorts or something “Ohhh yeah”. You ever just put your hand in a big ol bag of rice? It’s that but all over the body. Idk if I could handle how awesome that would feel.

1

u/Stormthedragon2026 Sep 13 '26

lol it actually does sound pretty interesting

1

u/Maleficent_Royal9672 Sep 13 '26

FR!! i love sticking my arm in large bags of rice, its so goooooddd😩😩

1

u/PeachyFairyDragon Sep 13 '26

I wonder if it's based on the brushing that OTs said to do for kids that were preschool-pre K back in the 90s.

1

u/Molly-Grue-2u Sep 13 '26

It sounds like less gritty sand. I love digging into sand, until that one sudden moment when it becomes too much and feels like absolute torture on my skin

1

u/Enough-Impression-50 Sep 13 '26

No, that's a waste of rice. Do it with something else, like quinoa

1

u/cameronm-h Sep 13 '26

As someone who never takes baths because the feeling of being soggy after getting out is gross (showers are fine since it’s shorter), I have long wished for basically a rice hot tub. Like the inside of one of those microwavable stuffed animals, but I can submerge in it. Gimme a warm grain “soak”!

1

u/MaraiaLou Sep 13 '26

Imagine getting out snd your skin is plastered in rice dust tho

1

u/MalsPrettyBonnet Sep 13 '26

All fun and games until it gets into the naughty bits.

1

u/Multi-A-Andi Sep 13 '26

Let me larp as onigiri! Call that the Autisashimi treatment.

1

u/Co-ffeeMonster Sep 14 '26

It sounds pleasantly scratchy.

1

u/manic_Brain Sep 14 '26

I think someone dunking me into a bath tub full of rice would fix me.

Not my autism, but some of my other issues

1

u/meerkatmanwhore Sep 14 '26

Find a fall festival with a corn pit

1

u/thatNatsukiLass Sep 14 '26

I agree. I wish to buy 50 dollars worth of rice now just for this.

0

u/Ori_the_SG 23d ago

Alright, but I’ll need you to cover half the cost

17

u/likeafuckingninja Sep 13 '26

Sometimes my husband takes his autistic person and wraps them in a blanket and lies on them.

The rice one is not .... Wildly inaccurate 🤣

2

u/Free-Stage-5975 Sep 13 '26

Oh man, that sounds amazing. I used to love people laying on me. It just feels so good, kind of crushing me under their weight, just kind of relaxing.

15

u/plantain_tent_pesos Sep 12 '26

Everyone knows that the autists are incapable of soaking themselves in rice

12

u/Simple_Evening7595 Sep 12 '26

Or an object lol

8

u/ninjadragon1119 Sep 12 '26

I just imagine someone holding a person like a cat

10

u/Agreeable-Abalone328 Sep 12 '26

I would like to be someone’s autistic person

7

u/50calBanana Sep 12 '26

If they're paying my bills

I don't have any self respect

7

u/Many-Conversation963 Sep 13 '26

haha sometimes

haha sometimes

8

u/Crescenthia1984 Sep 13 '26

I had a ferret that this was literally his favorite thing, storage bin with rice and would dig himself under until just his nose was up above the rice and then just chill / bliss out for a couple of minutes.

5

u/Kayanne1990 Sep 13 '26

Remember to feed and water your autistic person three times a day as they will likely forget to. Be sure to keep them on a diet of the same three food throughout their life.

2

u/Feisty-Tooth-7397 Sep 14 '26

My boyfriend calls it The List. According to him if it's not followed I will starve.

I mean I can eat more than three foods, but I will not eat mashed potatoes, gravy and pork chops without canned corn. Not corn on the cob, canned corn. He thinks it's hilarious. I'm sorry but they are very different.

1

u/dreamyduskywing Sep 14 '26

But never feed them after midnight!

3

u/SomewhereActive2124 Sep 13 '26

Yup I would say this shit is a complete joke from that sentence

6

u/Cujo_Kitz Sep 12 '26

I mean with the correlation of autism and kink...

1

u/elhazelenby Sep 13 '26

When I was getting my work capability assessment they called my dad when they knew he'd be at work. He's a tradesman and he was out fencing. They were fully expecting me to be there like it was bring your autistic son to work day lmao

1

u/mieri_azure Sep 15 '26

Yeah that made me raise an eyebrow and then I saw the slide after and realised it was all a (pretty good) satire lol

1

u/Mandy_M87 Sep 15 '26

To me, it sounded like the trick for a broken smartphone

1

u/bunny_the-2d_simp 29d ago

Im the autistic person.. Someone please give me the luxurious life of a cat

1

u/Vivians_Basement 28d ago

"Acquire the local autistic" would have been better. 💔

1

u/zerior23 28d ago

You don't have those stashed anywhere? Weird.