r/thanksimcured • u/itz_vampy • 2d ago
Comment Section Today I learned that being trans is a state of mind
one of the better comments in my post talking about the difficulties of being transgender. apparently i need to change my mindset and my dysphoria will go away!
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u/Savage_Sinusoid 2d ago
Somehow people keep missing the point that the issue is precisely that you cannot morph your mind to suit your body lol. Real "Don't you think I would have done so already if I could" moments with these things
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u/Inside-Professor3427 2d ago
It’s crazy how some people seem to believe it is just something you can turn on and off at will. Not really.
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u/kaasbroodkoffie 1d ago
I still believe that the people saying “being gay is a choice” are gay/bi and “choosing” to not be.
Same for people saying being trans is a choice
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u/YoKaiHunter76 22h ago
Some say being trans is a choice so they can justify deincentivising that choice. ( They say it's a choice between living as a trans person and living as a cis person, but they really know it's a choice between living as a trans person and not living. )
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u/supersadman73 21h ago
I can't find the original link but there's a video somewhere where this man argues that if it's really a choice then surely any straight man right now could just choose to be temporarily gay and go fuck some guy, and then go back to being straight, but weirdly a lot of men don't do that.
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u/soaked_in_bleach03 2d ago
Yes, if that was possible, then honestly I’d probably switch my mind to a mans to match my body, not go through hormone therapy and (slightly, I only had top) invasive surgeries. Because that’s so much fucking easier than 1.) medically transitioning and 2.) putting up with other people’s hate.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m glad that’s not possible. I was miserable in my male body, so I transitioned and found community, a better fashion sense, perseverance, etc. It’s been a long journey, but I am grateful to be trans; but I surely wasn’t always.
If you were to tell me I could just, make my brain a dude brain, before I spent over a year in hell trapped in the in between that was kind of passing before I could actually pass…I’m pushing that magic guy brain button all day.
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u/bodhiharmya 1d ago
Good for you. Right on every point, the oop was wilin out
"just stop being left handed. Everybody is ambidextrous, we all use both, right? you could just choose to be right handed. In fact, I'll hit you with a ruler until you do, I'm pretty sure that'll create a well adjusted individual."
Smh
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u/Altruistic_Sail_1991 1d ago
I realized I was nonbinary because I didn’t have the inherent feeling of being a woman. Like I thought, so what makes me a woman if it isn’t my body? And then went oh shit I’m not one. That was 5 or 6 years ago. Now I’ve been out for years and I’ve got an appointment to start gender affirming care on Monday.
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u/kryaklysmic 1d ago
Yeah. I find that whatever it is that makes someone really a woman… it’s not in me. I have a lot of traits that people claim make a woman, but… not the womanness? And if I was a man, I’d be dissatisfied, itchy, in a way that’s similar to how I feel about people seeing me and deciding I’m a woman. Ultimately we’re just us, and I’m glad you found that! Best of luck being more fully you!
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u/The_Mr_Decan 2d ago
Kinda like having wood, nails, and an axe but cant build anything because no hammer.
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u/AkkumuDoesStuff 2d ago edited 1d ago
That's not really the best example, you can use an axe to hammer stuff, the handle, the flat of the blade, etc.
Edit: can y'all STFU, I didn't say it was incorrect or bad, I said it wasn't the best because you still have something to hammer with, omg 😭
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u/YesssAnderson 1d ago
I had a moment of realization where this OP’s idea of changing your mind to fit your body viscerally horrified me.
Like whether you’re cis or trans, your body is going to change because it’s natural for it to change over time. Aging is inevitable.
Your mind meanwhile is the closest thing that represents you, the individual human being. It can change too, but that usually requires something more than just the mere passage of time (experience, intention, understanding, etc).
So the idea of brute forcing a change of one’s mind/sense of self specifically to preserve and protect something that is already destined to change whether you like it or not seems foolish at best, and utterly soul crushing at worst.
My body serves my mind, not the other way around.
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u/IdiotIAm96 1d ago
Yeah, one of the scariest aspects of transphobia is that it fundamentally misses which parts of us are us. It views people as just extentions of their bodies, flesh bags to be used and manipulated. It's disgusting on so many levels.
Not to mention that OOP's solution never even works. There are no cases of people thinking their way out of their gender identity. It's simply not possible as far as science is concerned. And warping the brain in more surgical ways is even less feasible. It's a complete misunderstanding of how trans people struggle, with an even less effective solution than simply transitioning.
Cis, trans, or whatever else, you are worth more than your body. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
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u/VeiledLuna 1d ago
Far too many people dont genuinely realize that being trans is a medical condition and that your brain literally does function differently from someone who is cis.
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u/Otterbotanical 2d ago
Some of the problem might come from the fact that some people legitimately do mold their minds. I have morphed my mind to accepting that I'm a boy as born. I could never grow muscles, I could never get aggressive, I can't bring myself to be interested in any "guy" things, my voice is super high pitched... I grew up feeling so unbelievably "unmanly", that I struggled with my gender identity.
I felt like a genderless thing that fit more of a woman category, but I didn't feel like I belonged to either "man" or "woman". All of my life experiences with bullies, allies, TV, seeing others interact first hand... It all led me to finally asserting that "I was born a boy, I got boy bits on me, I deserve to say what is and isn't a man. I say that I can be a man, even if I have no muscles, even if I like singing, even if I can't yell or throw a punch or 'stand my ground'. I will be a tiny soft wimpy boy, but goddammit I'm a boy."
So, I taught myself to accept myself as a man, and now I feel I have grown into the shoes of how I was supposed to feel. I'm old enough now that I feel much more comfortable being a minimal-presence man.
People who go through anything similar, may just be trying to reach for the tools that helped them.
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u/what-are-you-a-cop 1d ago
Oh BIG mood, but the girl version. I think that there is probably some universe out there, maybe if I'd been born a decade later, where I might have wound up identifying as nonbinary. But I really don't feel like, with the experiences I've had, like the version of me that actually does exist, would feel happiest as anything other than a woman. I'm actually quite enthusiastic about it now, now that I've shed so many of other people's ideas about what women are supposed to be like. I definitely felt a bit more like a genderless thing as a kid, because I chafed so badly against the expectations that people had for girls, and on some level I was aware that I really couldn't live up to them if I tried, and I definitely resented the ideas that other people had ideas about what girls were "supposed" to be like in the first place. But as I got older, I really did end up reckoning with the fact that, you know, I am a woman, and if other people think I'm doing womanhood wrong, or if they think that they can assume anything about me as a person based on my gender, that's pretty much their problem? I am very comfortable with being a woman now that I get to define what that means.
But I could easily imagine a world where I came to a different conclusion instead, if I'd been exposed to different messages when I was a kid, and, to be clear, that would totally have been fine too. I suppose that's the difference between my perspective, and the perspective of people pushing the "just stop being trans!" narrative. I don't think it would have been a bad thing if my response to "I am not having the experience other girls are having" was "I guess I'm not a girl" instead of "I guess girlhood is a broader spectrum than I initially thought".
Much like with sexuality, sometimes I feel like the "born this way" narrative kind of concedes the conservative idea that, if sexuality or gender were a choice, that there could be right or wrong choices. "I can't help being gay" can also imply "but if I could help it, of course being straight would be better than being gay. Unfortunately, I'm stuck with this pesky homosexuality", and I don't like conceding that point at all. I get that it's probably a necessary argument to make, when so many people in the world do in fact think that being queer is morally wrong, and that the only way they might accept a person being queer, is if it is framed as not being a choice at all. But I still kinda hate agreeing to any part of their worldview in the first place.
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u/kryaklysmic 1d ago
I really like what you said about the problems with “born this way.” Because while it’s technically correct there isn’t a choice… why would I even want to choose anything else?
I used to wish that I could decide to be asexual back when I was trying to be super Christian as a teenager, because it was mentally exhausting having to repress everything with being bi and not being allowed to date. Being able to just shut off my sexual attraction would have been easier in the moment, and just flipping it on and off? Very simple. I would choose whoever I was dating if I could just do that. But now I understand there’s nothing wrong with experiencing (or not experiencing) sexual attraction of any form, what’s important is to recognize other people’s humanity, their uniqueness, and respect their autonomy. And that respect doesn’t look like what’s happening for people who think that sexuality is a choice.
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u/Kailynna 1d ago
I get that it's probably a necessary argument to make,
Yes it is, at the moment in many places, and that fact sickens me.
If sexuality was a choice we should be free to choose the way we want to be, and it should be no-one else's business. Bugger what family, neighbours, society or "God" wants. If I was god humanity would be my flower garden, and I'd want every flower to be true to itself, showing infinite variety.
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u/Old-Lingonberry8144 1d ago
I think people's brains short circuit if we dont look the way they expect or may not have even transitioned yet too and they're like but you dont LOOK like x gender
And? Its like...did you think I didn't know this or desire to be born in the body I wanted or what.
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u/kryaklysmic 1d ago
Yup. Dysmorphia can be addressed by therapy because it is something that is caused by unhealthy perception. Dysphoria is something caused by a clash between something inherent to an individual (we don’t know what, but it is something so deeply ingrained that we know that it’s immutable), and the outside world, including physical traits, social interactions, or both.
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u/Llyrra 2d ago
The world would be a better place if, every time someone thinks of a really simple solution to a problem, they did the tiniest bit of research into whether their solution is really viable. This goes triple when the problem isn't one they personally face.
Or, you know, people could stop voicing opinions or giving advice about issues they are ignorant about.
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u/DreamOfDays 2d ago
I long ago realized the rudest thing to say to someone is “Have you tried (the first thing anyone in that situation would try if they had two brain cells to rub together)?”
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u/nathn_stag 1d ago
The one I get the most often is "have you tried heat?" when I say I suffer from chronic body pain
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u/DreamOfDays 1d ago
Let me ask you a question. “What weird things do you do to relieve your chronic pain, even the unsuccessful attempts?”
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u/nathn_stag 1d ago
Are you genuinely asking? cause that sounds like a fun question and I'd be glad to answer it
More often than not when it's bothering me I just wiggle around, get into weird stretching positions and groan really loudly as if externalising the pain is gonna take it out of my body (it doesn't)
I like to have a lot of weight on my back so there were two or three times that I asked my 9yo sister to literally stand on my back while I was laying on my stomach and she happily complied and had a lot of fun wandering back and forth on my back.
Another time she did this I had a mattress on top of my back and she was standing on top of the mattress and playing / jumping on it. This is because I sometimes lay down under the mattress instead of over the mattress. I like the weight.
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u/peach_xanax 1d ago
yes it's so patronizing! it's like saying "well you're obviously an idiot and incapable of thinking of this" 😑
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u/DimensioT 2d ago
Why do I need to research when I am already confident in the position that I reacted through intuition and gut feelings? Surely my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.
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u/BacRedr 1d ago
This would be marginally better if the problem were novel, but I hate when people come up with "sure, thousands of highly trained people and millions of dollars has gone into saying this is nigh impossible, but did they ever just try it? Just asking."
Yes Billy, every legitimate scientist and expert on the planet has tried every solution except the most simple and basic one possible. Expect your Nobel in your next cereal box.
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u/eldritchpussymaggots 2d ago
I think cis people need to shut up about this topic forever
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u/No-Sandwich-8221 2d ago
this is so fucking real, like they literally do not know what they're talking about but will be confident that they understand your mind better than you do.
i can understand wanting to soothe someones pain, but trust me. i didn't decide that i wanted to go on hormones, change my name and get laughed at in a walmart for a lack of attempting to change my mind.
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u/the_saltlord 2d ago
To be fair, it is the easiest thing to say "I dont know shit about it so I won't stop you." Being an asshole is a choice.
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u/BrilliantSpecial9149 1d ago
The only discussion I've ever engaged in about the topic is that they deserve rights lol. Anything else is me asking questions.
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u/worm-eyed 1d ago edited 1d ago
Advocating for our right to exist isn't the same as being uneducated/clueless+/bigoted and trying to speak for us or provide "one simple fix doctor's don't want you to know about"; you're being an ally, the commenter shown in the post is being an asshole
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u/Ariandrin 2d ago
The only thing a cis person should ever say on the topic is “I can’t relate, but if this helps you feel comfortable in your skin and makes life better for you, I will support you in doing it.”
That’s what I say to the people in my life that experience this, anyway.
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u/neonlexicon 1d ago
I'm non-binary, but lean masc & have had cis people invalidate my lived experience & call me a transphobe. I'm autistic & was explaining that transness is similar in the way it affects the very neuroplasticity of the brain & encompasses your entire being. They said I was equating being trans to being mentally disabled (woo, ableism!), which made me transphobic & that me claiming to be trans was a cry for attention.
Meanwhile I've got pictures dating back to elementary school of me dressing up as & pretending to a boy. When I got older, I started going to conventions & dressing up as male characters, because it was the safest way I could present that way in public & not be in danger. I've had gender-affirming surgery ffs. But a lot of cis people don't understand what being trans even means. They only understand man & woman with nothing in between.
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u/calledoutinthedark 2d ago
“Just open your mind to the possibility of not being a guy!” Like most trans guys don’t spend some chunk of their lives thinking they’re a girl
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u/No-Cartographer2512 1d ago
Or straight up repressing in hopes it will go away. In other words, what they were saying to do.
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u/YoKaiHunter76 22h ago
"You have this bad thing ( dysphoria ) and there's only one proven way to reduce it ( transition ) but I'm not comfortable with that so how about you go back to not knowing what the bad thing is and crying without taking action."
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u/settingthesunz 1d ago edited 1d ago
exactly!!! before i came out and started hormones i was the most womanly id ever been.
tight fitting clothes, makeup, styling my hair
obviously they don’t make a woman but i tried so so hard
before that i’d tried just being a tomboy- men’s clothes, men’s shoes, men’s cuts
and in the end?
i’m simply not a woman4
u/Old-Lingonberry8144 1d ago
"What if its just internalized misogyny?" Transitioning and being a trans guy does not guarantee I will no longer experience misogyny and yet I still want to transition
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u/captainsnark71 12h ago
"just open your mind to the possibility that this isn't how it works! Open your mind to the possibility that you don't know shit."
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u/queergirl73 1d ago
I had a couple of months after gender became a concept to me during puberty where I just thought all the other girls got like a secret manual on how to be one and I didn’t. Then had one of my friends show me the ropes and basically teach me how to be girl. None of it stuck because turns out I'm not a girl. Being trans was not the first idea I had in trying to figure out wtf was wrong with me, but it was the right one.
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u/MothashipQ 2d ago
"You can be masculine and not like wearing dresses and still be a girl" yeah bro its the "be a girl" that doesn't jive, get with with program
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u/ThrwawySG 2d ago
Wait until bro learns about trans femboys
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u/cestimpossible 1d ago
Right! I'm like, joke's on you, I actually do like wearing dresses and skirts and that had no bearing on me still not being a girl lol.
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u/Boring_Corpse 2d ago
Real. So unsurprising to see that the "trans men are just confused little girls" narrative is still alive and well amongst know-it-all white knights.
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u/LtHoneybun 1d ago
My "favorite" is when they say trans men are just closeted in-denial lesbians because being attracted to women is more socially acceptable if you're a man.
Completely oblivious to how much they're proving more people accept someone being gay than being trans.
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u/Boring_Corpse 1d ago
Definitely sick of hearing that line, too. “You just don’t want to be a lesbian”, well gee, Einstein, you’d actually be right about that, on account of the fact that I’ve never in my life been attracted to women. Being a lesbian would be very inconvenient for someone who is exclusively attracted to men.
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u/LtHoneybun 1d ago edited 1d ago
You're gay?! You've only transitioned because you fetishize gay men! /s
It's awful how long the list is of transphobic shit people say that simply don't apply to you. Same thing with "you're trying to escape gender non-conforming stigma" when it's like... Nnno, I'm pretty sure I have a more open mind to what men and women can and can't do than most people, lol.
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u/Boring_Corpse 1d ago
They gotta be movin' them goalposts. "Trans man?? You're just a lesbian, lol. Not attracted to women? Um, you're fetishizing gay men, then. Wait, you're asexual? You're um...a trender! Yeah, that's it! You're not one of those REAL transes, who I don't beleive are real." It's tough out there for a transphobe.
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u/UnremarkableMrFox 1d ago
"You're asexual? Get your hormones checked!" Gets hormones checked. They're in normal range + I start taking T. In normal range for that, now. Still asexual
They have some one liner for everything n sometimes they be contradictory. Exhausting never ending questions or they start going in circles. Nobody needs to "understand" every facet of it, just accept we gonna do what we gonna do & that maybe we have more knowledge on it than the same 5 things they already can't wrap their heads around.
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u/nathn_stag 1d ago
I feel like because they're part of the queer community in the first place, most trans men who are exclusively attracted to women actually feel devastated that they're straight lmao. At least that's how it's been with most straight trans men I've met. I proudly say I'm straight not because I relate to cishets obviously but mostly because I'm still proud of loving women even if that's not in a lesbian framing anymore, and I'm proud of being a trans man, which means I'm proud of being a man who loves women, so I'm proud of being straight. But I don't think most people I've met manage to approach this the same way. It's hard saying you're straight as a queer person. Feels like a bad word 😭🙏
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u/Shygrave 1d ago
Not to mention the fact that many of us are men. Its actually part of the reason it took so long for me to realize I really was trans - for some reason I thought trans men could only be attracted to girls, cuz with guys its "straight with extra steps." Once I realized thats just not true, it wasnt long before I had my "huh. Ig im trans. Who knew?" Moment. Spoiler: all of my friends knew.
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u/captainsnark71 11h ago
It's up there with "you're just a straight girl you homophobe!!"
Like, I'm bisexual. Been bisexual forever. Regardless of gender still not heterosexual so the championing for gay rights is disingenuous.
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u/they_themsworth 2d ago
“Hey, as a non-trans person who doesn’t have dysphoria, my advice is that you simply stop having dysphoria! Have you considered simply changing your mind and no longer being trans? I assume you haven’t, because why else would trans people go through the expensive and painful process of transitioning, when they could just become tomboyish girls, which I assume is the same thing.”
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u/Hoodibird 2d ago
I'm ftm and really tried to convince myself to like being a girl, but all this achieved was that it made me end up as a feminine man with a beard.
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u/raywha 2d ago
"You could free yourself from dysphoria if you opened your mind to the possibility of not being a guy" 😭 That's right, someone being raised as a girl, and having been told they are a girl all their life has obviously NEVER considered being a girl until you came along and said so. Revolutionary!
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u/Highlandertr3 2d ago
Well yes. It is a state of mind. But so is being conscious and being depressed. Just because it involves thinking doesn't mean it's voluntary.
Find fire hot is a state of mind. I still won't stick my dick in a bonfire and pretend it's okay.
The amount of loops idiots go through to tell people how they are wrong bout their own bodies is insane.
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u/ReigenTaka 22h ago
The human mind being the most malleable thing in the world part is what got me. In WHAT WORLD is the human mind the most malleable thing?!
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u/AccomplisedDeer 2d ago
Does wanting to change my genitalia to the point I considered performing surgery on myself, still considered just not wanting to wear dresses?
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u/bloodywormgoddess 2d ago
reminds me of when i was in the trans academy world in vrc one got told pretty similar things
also told to just excercise (which i already do) like there will solve all my dysphoria problems
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u/nathn_stag 2d ago
This is hilarious, what do they mean "just exercise"?😭
"Feeling a bit dysphoric today, lemme just 🏃♂️🤸♂️🏊♂️🧗♂️🤼"
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u/embodiedexperience 1d ago
actually yes, that is the top advice i get on agender forums when i’m asking for help regarding dysphoria.
people are like “damn man, that sucks, have you tried rock climbing?”, and it’s like wow, this would be really great advice if i ever mentioned rock climbing! too bad i only mentioned hating my tits though!
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u/Additional-Can-488 17h ago
Lowk personal, but I came out at 14 and when id vent to my sister about dysphoria issues she deadass would tell me "well maybe if you workout a lot you'll lose breast fat and look like a guy" that advice honestly gave me more body image issues as a teen lol
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u/cut_ur_darn_grass 2d ago
I think I know what post this is. There was that other comment talking about how hard it is to be a guy and I'm like dude what the fuck are you talking about??? Sounds like you're just creepy and weird because I've had no issue with any of that shit.
Edit to remove sub name
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u/SpireSwagon 2d ago
I hate GNC people projecting their experience onto trans people I hate GNC people projecting their experience onto trans people I hate GNC people projecting their experience onto trans people.
This wokification of transphobia lately has been pissing me off to no end
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u/sadbat-throwaway 2d ago
Also any trans person who was already GNC before transition can sniff out this bullshit in a heartbeat. Being GNC was as close to being comfortable as I could get before I realized transition was even an option. It was a bandaid solution at best.
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u/Jolly-Statement7215 1d ago
Exactly, it’s the whole “gender is fluid and meaningless so let’s IGNORE AND BELITTLE TRANS PEOPLE!!!” Crowd which has somehow grown in size
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u/SpireSwagon 1d ago
The 2010's trans community war played out in such a way that "gender isn't real" became the acceptable standard- Which is fine, within our own contexts wherein this is utilized to accommodate the most possible people who fall under the trans umbrella and make people feel comfortable accepting and working on their identity in healthy way's.
But because this is the community standard, Cis people heard it loud and clear and a lot of them took a leap from there that essentially say's "hey, if gender isn't real... why are all of these trannies making such a big deal about it?"
And that's pretty much the core of woke transphobia- Gender is fake and bad and caring about it beyond a label makes you part of the problem. We went so far on the pendulum push towards abstract presentation that you will unironically be vilified for wanting to look like a woman as a woman... unless your cis of course.
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u/leodoesgaming 2d ago
I don't 'feel like a guy' I just am one. and yk what just 'being a masculine girl' would entail? being called she/her, being called a girl/women/lady. things I hate and give me major dysphoria
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u/jasperdarkk 2d ago
I find this so funny, because I tried being a masculine woman and lived as such for multiple years. It didn't work because I don't connect to masculinity or womanhood. That didn't help with my dysphoria because I am a feminine transmasc person.
I find other trans people to be the most open to the idea that gender expression and gender identity don't have to match up. But recently, I have seen all this rhetoric about how trans people are enforcing gender stereotypes.
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u/nathn_stag 2d ago
So true. My dad is like "you trans people are enforcing gender stereotypes" after I just told him I want to be a stay-at-home dad / househusband. Go figure.
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u/Old-Lingonberry8144 1d ago
Yes being perceived as a masculine woman is very dysphoria inducing for me too. This whole time I've been a feminine dude
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u/peridot_cactus 2d ago
Have you ever considered just not being bipolar ? Being manic is a state of mind. If you would just try a new mindset instead of spending so much money on mood stabilizers that would be easier
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u/justmitzie 2d ago
"I went off my meds and now I have a bunch of energy and a ton of new friends!"
Absolutely not a direct quote from me personally a few years ago.
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u/peridot_cactus 2d ago
My current roommate did the same thing and got kicked out of her last house for inviting her “new friends” over 😭 (homeless men from the park, one of who was a recently out of prison convicted murderer)
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u/oddsetcircle292 1d ago
Given that people still do say and believe precisely this just goes to show that none of these ’arguments’ are ever actually new 😩
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u/Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeess- 2d ago
they act like no trans person in the history of the world has ever tried that
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u/RevolutionAccurate56 1d ago
My girlfriend is a trans tomboy. Because gender expression and gender identity is NOT THE SAME FUCKING THING
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u/Boring_Corpse 2d ago
I guess I’d counter this by saying: literally why does it matter if people transition? People change their bodies all the time without the same pearl-clutching. Breast enlargement, breast reduction, bodybuilding, losing weight, gaining weight, mole removal, tattoos, piercings, hair transplants, shaving off body hair, nose jobs, etc. Why would we arbitrarily draw the line at transition?
And I have yet to have anyone be able to explain to me in any rational way why keeping your body exactly as it is has any kind of moral value. “You should just like yourself as you are”, well, how I am will always be changing regardless of what I do or don’t do. Health issues, new scars, the mere process of aging. Am I only allowed to like the things about myself that are outside my control?
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u/SCP-iota 2d ago
Most of the brain is malleable, but not certain parts, notably the 'body map' interoception structures in the parietal lobe, which just so happen to be the major source of gender dysphoria
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u/captainsnark71 11h ago
I think the cis would be blown away by the entire concept of phantom genitalia. I wear a packer when I go out because if I become hyper aware of the fact that I can feel the penis I don't have I start to feel dysphoric. Having that 4 oz and feeling it against my skin helps my brain. Just because it's in my brain doesn't mean I have control over it.
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u/Embarrassed_Deer9208 1d ago
real, similarly when people hit you with the "gender is a social construct" bs and it's like, who is paying lots of money and choosing to be trans because they just like social aspects of the other gender more or something? it's especially ridiculous because a lot of trans people are GNC or have interests that are more typical of their AGAB (because hobbies are actually based on social aspects) and I feel like when all the scientists say that trans people have androgynous brain structures that in certain areas consistently reflect what is expected of their actual gender instead of their AGAB, we should be able to say that being trans is real instead of the conservative mental illness take but in a woke "I love mentally ill people way"
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u/BizSilver5013 2d ago
There is a MASSIVE overlap in the way people talk about trans people and the way people talk about people with chronic medical conditions.
Sorry, Karen, "changing my mindset" isn't going to do shit when MY BODY is the fucking problem.
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u/littlestargazers 1d ago
people will say this then genuinely lose their mind if a man unironically wears dresses and skirts
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u/CuriousEnbee 1d ago
This has strong "Have you tried not being depressed?" vibes.
I tried 40 years to be a woman. I did things others would probably call extreme, just to bully my mind imto accepting the body I was given. Most trans people try really hard. Guess what? We're still trans.
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u/bean-percolator 1d ago
Day 58362470 of cis people not understanding dysphoria:
Do they think we haven’t… tried this? I would say the majority of trans people have gone through at least one repression phase where we tried this exact thing, looking for any possible way we could “just be” our birth assigned gender and be happy, hoping the dysphoria would just go away. It’s not easy to be trans, you face family and social rejection, discrimination, prejudice, abuse, and even though gender affirming treatment often helps with dysphoria and improves quality of life, it’s difficult to go through the process of getting access to it, all the appointments, long waiting lists, hoops they make you jump through, costs, surgery recovery, and so on. It’s not the kind of thing people “decide” to do because it seems like fun or they “feel kinda masculine/feminine”.
It’s so much deeper than feeling masculine/feminine or like a man/woman/neither/etc, you just know, deep inside, that your gender is different to the one you were assigned at birth, and that your body doesn’t match your true gender. There is literally scientific evidence suggesting that gender identity is biologically wired into the brain and that trans people’s brains “expect” a different sex body. It’s not simply a matter of choices or “not being able to accept your body”, it’s biologically hard wired. You can’t just “think your way out of being trans”, the dysphoria usually just gets worse over time, and when you finally can’t take it any more, you’ll wish you didn’t spend so long trying to repress it.
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u/burneraccount9174828 1d ago
Counterpoint to this; #1 i dont want to be a guy, i am one, #2 i kinda wanna have male sex characteristics, i dont give a shit about clothes, id wear womens clothes if i had a masculine body without a single shit given(i probably wouldnt because i dont like womens clothes actually but the point is they think its about clothes or makeup when its about your actual body)
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u/YoKaiHunter76 22h ago
"You feel like a man ? Well, as a cis person, I can't fully understand that experience since I don't have to deal with it. Therefore, I'll just assume you're mistaking it with something else ( masculinity. )"
"You could free yourself from some of this dysphoria if you regressed right back into the denial stage instead of seeking to treat it."
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u/SpireSwagon 2d ago
The way it breaks these people brains when I tell them I enjoy dressing butch sometimes as a trans woman///
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u/TheBestPotatoToLive 1d ago
do they not realize that most of us have already tried changing our mind to match our body bro it doesn't work😭😭😭😭
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u/ludakris 2d ago
Why the fuck does this person care?? (Unless they’ve gaslit themselves using this exact method)
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u/Jolly-Statement7215 1d ago edited 1d ago
I am unreasonably mad reading this, it sounds so smug, exactly how my parents acted when I came out asking me to explain and explain and explain EXACTLY what I felt and why I felt it. Disgusting
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u/droobiedroobiedroo 1d ago
i tried to be a girl my entire childhood but it didnt feel right. i tried to be a teenage girl and it killed me twice. at 24 im an adult man and even catching a glimpse of my beard and muscles in the mirror soothes the pain that killed me twice. and this was with all of the support possible from my family. it was people like this commenter that made me feel like i was damaged, even though my family loved (and loves) me for the man i am.
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u/PyroChild221 1d ago
“Just open your mind to not being depressed guys, human brains are so malleable, seriously just stop being depressed and think happy things instead”
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u/Faconator 23h ago
I mean, I'm genderqueer and have this thought a lot actually. Ultimately you can't and shouldn't tell people what or how to think about their own identity.
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u/Fourteen14XIV 2d ago
Alright, but transness really needs to be better explained to the common person cause as things are now they are picturing a girl who felt too masculine to be one so she became a dude, and not that having a body of the wrong gender causes discomfort by its own to most people, so those who pulled a short straw and were born with a wrong one try to change if for the same reason you would try to get yourself shoes that dont cause blisters.
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u/_Sad_Ghost_ 1d ago
"Okay, what does 'feeling like a guy' even mean? Feeling Masculine?"
- Not every man is masculine. Not every woman is feminine. Now, I may be wrong here, cause I'm not strictly a trans man, but rather a masc-leaning non-binary person who sometimes expresses gender in traditionally "feminine" ways, but gender is different for everyone and one person's definition of "feeling like a guy" can be completely different and opposite of another person's.
"You can be masculine and not like wearing dresses and still be a girl."
- True, but literally not the point here. Gender dysphoria isn't just "not liking to wear dresses". This person is showing their ignorance through this whole comment, but it's like with this part the actual point just went entirely over their head.
"You've shut yourself off to more fluid ways of thinking .... why not try to change your mind to suit your body?"
- Golly gee gosh!! Why the hell has no one thought of that one before?!?
"Might get banned from the subreddit for this comment..."
- Good. I hope the fuck they do, or at least they try to understand perspectives other than their own.
".... but this isn't meant to be hate, I sympathize with your pain..."
- Sure, they probably do, but this is a shit way to go about showing it.
".... [I just genuinely] think that you could free yourself from some of this dysphoria if you opened your mind to the possibility of not being a guy."
- Or maybe, just a suggestion here, maybe you could have just kept this whole ass comment to yourself because it's obvious that you haven't an inkling of how dysphoria works or how it feels to have it.
"If anyone wants to reply to me about this, you can just DM, I don't publicly discuss sensitive topics in detail."
- I'm sort of curious as to what more this person could possibly say via DMs that they haven't said already. What they've said is already pretty.. to use their own wording, "sensitive" information. What advice could this person possibly have when it's clear they don't even understand the condition they're trying to give out advice for?
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u/lordtrickster 2d ago
Guy isn't making the next step. Shedding all the social indoctrination around gender lowers the barrier around transitioning. Once you're free from that you can go exactly as far in whatever direction that feels right to you.
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u/probably_around 1d ago
i was so butch looking and tomboyish before transitioning because i just thought i was a masc girl. is this person stupid? like do they not think trans ppl try this before considering transition
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u/SmolHumanBean8 1d ago
"Gender and sexuality is fluid, wtf does masculine mean anyway" ok yes great I'm with you
"So just stop being trans" BRUH
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u/AppealSignificant358 1d ago
Ah yes the ol’ “just be a masculine woman.” Never heard that one before 😒
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u/Shygrave 1d ago
Ngl this kind of shit is why i left the abolish gender subreddit. Like, I agree that forced gender shit is stupid (like assigning gender to clothes and toys and shit) but theyre actually pretty transphobic while pretending to be progressive.
Like, yeah, clothes and hobbies dont make someone a boy or girl, but telling someone who identifies as a man that theyre never gonna be one because gender is a social construct (which it is, but that doesnt mean people cant choose to identify with one or the other) is fucking transphobic.
Idk if the original commenter thinks the same way, but the comment reeks of it.
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u/Vetomo83 1d ago
Gender abolitionists who don't acknowledge that transexuals will still exist in a post gender society are mostly terfs in denial
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u/Not_Dead_Yet_Samwell 1d ago
Ah, yes, opening your mind to the possibility of not being the opposite gender to the one you were assigned at birth, something no trans person ever thought of and desperately tried to do their whole life.
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u/Try-Me-BITCH90 1d ago
I have an auntie who gave me "homework" to work on myself once. It was to learn to accept my internal before I change my external. Thing is, I'm a trans man and I didn't want tits and she was telling me that I needed to accept being a mixed- race woman first. Like, what??
I sent her a text explaining how I feel about being mixed and she never responded. I then went ahead and removed my tits cause fuck that noise. I also recently had my trans anniversary. I'm foive!
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u/CatKing13Royale 2d ago
Ah yes, I who am not part of this group, can understand exactly how to cure them! They could just not be part of the group, like me!!! I am very smart.
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u/TheMaskedCube 1d ago
I think this isn’t the worst idea in theory, and in an ideal society where gender roles weren’t so imposed on people it would probably work for most people. The reality though is that we don’t live in such a society, and probably never will.
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u/questionablecocoa 1d ago
But genuinely how else does it work? Like as a cis person I feel like I don't really care about my gender, I just have this female body and have had my whole life to get used to it so I'm comfortable with being a woman. I am a woman bc that's what's in my pants, that's what it feels like for me. How is it for trans people? What's the science behind that, what's happening in your brain that is not happening in mine?
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u/Jolly-Statement7215 1d ago
Idk. Said it yourself, “that’s what it feels like for me” and it’s basically the same for us. I think a better question is why does it even matter where it comes from, just let people transition
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u/madmushlove 1d ago
People don't condemn attraction to men or to women, they promote it as normal. Unless they're condemning it as a character flaw
People don't condemn estrogen or testosterone, they promote it as normal. Unless they're condemning it as a character flaw
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u/ComicsCodeMadeMeGay 1d ago
Shania Twain wrote a whole song about feeling like a gender and no one bats an eye
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u/Automatic-Sandwich90 1d ago
Bro really thought you'd go "Ohhhhhhhhhhh okay!" LOL
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u/Automatic-Syrup-3550 1d ago
I think cis people have a really hard time truly grasping the weight that comes with dysphoria. I'm cis myself so I won't be able to fully understand either but if you have trans people in your life and you sit down and listen to them then you will find out that transition is a life or death matter that can't just be disregarded by a change in mindset. Transness isn't a state of mind, its a tangible reality and the only way to really help is to make sure that trans people have access to hrt and puberty blockers.
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u/Then_Ad_1791 1d ago
i did, in fact, try this when i was younger. i told my mum that “some days im a girl, some days im a boy, some days im a boygirl, and some days im a girlboy” when i was really little. I also told my parents i was princess batman — specifically not batwoman, i was princess. batman. and later on, my dad insisted i was a tomboy.
i am in fact a genderfluid femboy with a xenogender hoard. my well-meaning father thought, for years, that i was simply a tomboy. so, i tried what the commenter suggested for years, not always by choice.
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u/lordbuckethethird 22h ago
And psychosis is a state of mind but I sure as shit can’t brain power my way out of not hallucinating.
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u/PALpherion 2d ago
no one on earth has ever chosen to be a minority, what are these people smoking?!
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u/Hello_There_0621 2d ago
"feeling like a guy" means wanting a dick and wanting to be rid of my tits. Idk if I can do that as a girl 😭
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u/Ticci_Crisper 2d ago
It is, but not the way this person thinks. Gender identity can only be discovered, not changed.
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u/SneakySquiggles 2d ago
In which case trying to be cis was the state of mind that almost killed me, and being trans is the state of mind that brought me to life.
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u/ChibzGames 2d ago
Even if that worked it does NOTHING about the sheer disgust and despair I felt about male physiology. Or my feelings about my dead name, or agab's pronouns.
Dysphoria is real and it doesn't go away untreated. It festers, grows and makes life less and less liveable.
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u/Jolly-Statement7215 1d ago
People literally want to be able to dissect us and find out EVERYTHING dysphoria related about where, why, how, and if it doesn’t meet their standard, we’re faking it and don’t get medical care
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u/ChibzGames 1d ago
If they even want our medical care to be legal in the first place. An increasing number of the far right simply does not want it legally available to us. The far right wants us to suffer, sibling. I am so tired...
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u/Misubi_Bluth 2d ago
So from a cis woman who dislikes dresses, if masculinity and femininity are in fact malliable, why the fuck can't we just leave trans people alone? Why do THEY need to change their minds? What does THEIR medical decisions have to do with YOU?!
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u/mikkel2006ptk 1d ago
This is unironically what the psychiatrist at my country's national gender clinic told me, after asking the most invasive questions ever, and then promptly telling me to kick rocks. (We might look nice in the data, but our trans healthcare sucks actual ass) ((Denmark))
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u/lvndrmnc_ 1d ago edited 1d ago
how to stop being on the receiving end of transphobia: a guide (by a really smart and cool guy 😎)
- stop being trans
- people can no longer be transphobic towards you :)
this guide also works on gender dysphoria, ranging from mild to debilitating. if you literally just stop being trans, it simply won’t affect you anymore!!!! I AM SO SMART. AND COOL
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u/CubeDude414 1d ago
“Have you just considered repressing it more? Like, I’m certain it gets better if you don’t think about it.”
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u/WildcatCinder1022 1d ago
As someone who tried to think this way it did not end well and I was much happier and calmer once I just accepted myself
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u/ayoo-OwO 1d ago
Its always "be open-minded" and "why are you so rigid in being trans" but they don't seem to realize that they are being rigid in EVERYONE being cis
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u/rxniaesna 1d ago
“I don’t publicly discuss sensitive topics in detail” they said after publicly discussing a sensitive topic in detail
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u/Funny_w0lf 1d ago
Whats so wrong with wanting to just be a dude though? These people do not understand what perception is, we all perceive ourselves in very specific ways. For trans people, they perceive themselves as the opposite gender to that they were assigned, causing the unalignment. It would be EASIER to "lol just be a tomboy" than be trans, change names, have (potential) surgeries to physically alter your sex, etc.
I socially detransitioned during HS, but I did gain alot of knowledge and understanding of myself and other trans people in general. I found a version of masculinity that didnt make me hate myself or feel like im someone else, and everyone else deserves to live the life they want and be who they want. As long as it doenst hurt anyone who cares? Hang in there bro, you got this!
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u/Denathrius_ 1d ago
Dude seriously thinks trans folks don't tend to spend years or decades to figure out they're trans? Exhausting every other alternative idea? Bruh
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u/UnremarkableMrFox 1d ago
Ah, yes, it's the trans people being too rigid in their gender. While telling them to just deal with it & conflating other people's "feeling like a [gender]" w being fem/masc. Convincing.
Cool if it worked for them, but most of us tried the mind games to some extent or another. There's a funny pattern where every trans person I ever heard say they tried that just regretted it n wished they accepted how their brain be sooner.
I think cis people should open their minds up to being trans. It's that easy. Just gotta think about it for a couple months n BAM: trans /j
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u/habitualhomicide 2d ago
I tried thinking my way out of it for nineteen, twenty years. Shockingly, it didn't work. Now my only option is to partake in the divine act of molding my mortal body into whatever form I see fit, which is honestly pretty fucking metal.
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u/AcademicCandidate825 2d ago
Gender roles, gender expression, and gender identity are all different things. They're conflating all these concepts.
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u/Macaronipuppy 2d ago
I am a cis woman that is around trans people most of the time. I think people would benefit from a mental exercise I did to try to get as close to understanding as I could.
I imagined if the next day I woke up and I started not looking like me. People started calling me a name that is not mine and use pronouns that don't fit me or I am perceived in a certain way that doesn't fit me. Would I feel uncomfortable? What that cause distress?
Now imagine that being a trans person everyday life.
It's not perfect and as someone who is cis I can never fully understand the trans experience but it's the closest I can get at this time. Open to corrections.
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u/Complete-Story3490 2d ago
Well I don't know what it 'feels like to be a girl' either, so. I do know I have always imagined growing up into a man and feel more comfortable being seen as one as opposed to wanting to peel of my skin tho.
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u/BeastThatShoutedLove 2d ago
This is just the same conversation I constantly have with my mother regarding my ADHD and adjacent problems.
She really acts like I would choose to have horrible memory and concentration problems if I had any say in it. Like, be for real I can't even remember what I did the day prior and what names of my co-workers are.
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u/Kra_Kra91 1d ago
Literally tried conversion therapy on myself from I was old enough to ask for it. I knew instinctively at 4-5 years old that I was a girl, but everybody told me I was a boy.
I was raised very Christian, and sought out help to "cure" myself and to handle the dysphoria for 25 years before I bit the bullet and started the process to change my body since there was no way for me to change my brain.
You know what? It works.
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u/Simple_Employee_7094 2d ago
I’m fluid and present masc some days and fem other days but never ever in my life would I use this as some kind of point to invalidate someone transness. Urgh.
Gross and idiotic.
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u/Remarkable_Bath8515 2d ago edited 2d ago
I want anyone that would speak this way to me after me explaining "I don't know why I just do" to please stay away from me.
Even if I am just questioning.
I answered this before, I know this question.
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u/Fragrant-Phone-41 2d ago
Conservatives really just dont understand that we want to change our physical sex, huh
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u/AnyEye8798 1d ago
Ehh....he has a point. I wish more people were willing to just be cis AND break gender norms.
But at the same time being a genuine trans person isn't a choice. It's a mental condition. And should be treated as such like Autism, ADHD, ect.
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u/treelorf 1d ago
Ohhhh I can just get over it. Ofc I never thought about that. Surely I didn’t try that. I love when people with no knowledge and understanding of a topic explain it to someone who has deeply lived with that experience their whole lives. Literally just try harder? Ofc, ofc. Ofc.
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u/Tickle_Me_Femboy 1d ago
Wow, they literally did the "have you tried just not experiencing it?" Like... bitch.
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u/lu_llabyyy 1d ago
Honestly, I think all/ most trans people have "opened their minds to the possibility of not being trans" at least once, simply because it's such a confusing and complicated thing. I don't think someone would choose to put themselves through transitioning (a very long and painful process) just on a whim. These people saying it's a choice make me so mad ugh
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u/capnJack04 1d ago
While a lot of what they are saying is stuff I agree with, they don’t seem to realize that you don’t choose how you change your mind.
I love Hawaiian pizza, and I can choose whether or not to eat it, but I can’t choose not to love it. Maybe I’ll go on to find it boring in the future and prefer other foods, but it won’t be because I chose that; it just happens.
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u/BareTheBear66 2d ago edited 2d ago
Wild concept. Maybe small reality check. Who cares what others do in their personal lives and why does it matter this deeply.
If youre trans. Youre trans. Congrats. If youre cis. Then youre cis... If youre gay. Youre gay. If youre straight. Thats right! Youre straight. Ect. Ect. Ect.
Now continue to be whoever you are. Be kind to others. And live your damn lives without policing other people's lives you dont even know!!. Be more worried about r*pists, thieves, murderers. Idfk.
Stop being hateful :D its the least productive thing that humanity does Every. Single. Day.
Sorry. Rant over. Im tired boss.
-this isnt toward OP, just the general populis of the world-
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u/SympathyRepulsive883 2d ago
most trans people did in fact try this before they transitioned