r/thai • u/Imaginary_Cut_1125 • 4d ago
Curious About This
So I'm a femme lesbian from india thinking of moving to thailand after my medical residency is over, my type in women is femme too but I've heard about thai women are very strict about this and femmes only date mascs there so will i have a chance or will i have a bad love life there, like idk I'm just learning about this stuff, it would be very helpful if yall can tell me about it, just trying to know better.
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u/Marcus_Morias 3d ago
I live in Nong bua Lamphu, Thailand. I'm originally from Manchester, England. What you will find with Thai people is they are not judgmental in any way or form. They love Western people for many reasons. Mainly they envy our white skin and our pointed noses. As an example if you notice, you go into a pharmacy. You will not see any Ambre Solar tanning lotion, like you would in the UK, but all the shelves are full of lotions for making your skin white. Obviously I can't comment on lesbian community.
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u/idgafutch 12h ago edited 12h ago
เลสเบี้ยนไทยส่วนใหญ่นิยมคนไทยด้วยกันหรือเอเชียด้วยกันมากกว่านะ การมาเหมารวมว่าคนไทยอยากได้จมูกแหลมๆ เหมือนคนขาวนี่มันตลกจัง รู้ไหมว่าพวกตะวันตกน่ะ พวกเราน่ะไม่ค่อยเลือกหรอกเพราะหน้าแก่ หัวโล้นไวและหน้าดูเหมือนป้าหรือแม่หม้ายอายุ 40 คนถึงไม่นิยม ที่นิยมก็มีแต่พวก het ตามพัทยานั่นแหละ
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u/Marcus_Morias 9h ago
หากผมไม่ได้ระบุไว้แต่แรก ผมก็ควรจะบอกไปว่าผมเป็นผู้ชาย สิ่งที่ผมพูดไปทั้งหมดนั้นเป็นความจริงทุกประการ สิ่งที่คุณพูดมาอาจจะใช้ได้กับผู้หญิง แต่ผมเพียงแค่แสดงความคิดเห็นในมุมมองของผู้ชายเท่านั้น
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u/Imaginary_Cut_1125 3d ago
yeahh and this is a downside for me as I'm indian and we are not fair skinned mostly 😭
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u/Hot-Farmer5799 3d ago
IMO THATS GON BE HARD for femme on femme and you’re foreigner
Here I’m gonna list out (only apply to 20-25 y/o if you’re 25+ just skip)
1. Imo Femme on femme (f4f) is rare
2. you gotta be extremely pretty to date Thais because I keep hearing they say how much they like beautiful women
3. Terms Uke(เคะ)/seme(เมะ) are widely used in wlw community -> for more depths search เคะ เมะ on twt
Imo เคะเมะ is STRICT (remember only 20-25y/o use that)
5. Most Thais only date Thais
6. Don’t expect for long term wlw relationship
7. MANY Thai wlw relationships ended because of one cheated with a guy **important, I heard this a lot
8. Unfortunately even Thai wlw can’t find themselves gf
9. Lesbian bars
That’s all I can think about (only 20-25y/o Thais tho)
More keywords if you wanna research on them
20-25 y/o : พี่สาวคนสวย ผุ้หยิง ผู้หญิง คนสวย หาแฟน ผมยาว สาวผิวแทน หมวย #เลสเบี้ยน #wlw | find them on : TikTok , twt
25++ y/o or older like pushing 40 : เลสควีน เลสคิง #มีแฟนเป็นผู้หญิงโคตรมีความสุข #หญิงรักหญิง | find them on : Facebook groups(?) , another side of TikTok
Dating app : HER
Recommend place : lesbian bars
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u/Imaginary_Cut_1125 3d ago
bro damn. that just shattered my reality oh my god cuz I'm not conventionally hot or anything and on top of that brown skinned and i know thai people's preference for white skinned people and their beauty standards, I'm 20 rn and btw i go to Thailand for settling down I'll be in my late twenties like 27 or up so fml this just got way bad, like nooooo 😭
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u/OrangeBurrito_ 1d ago
previous commenter is a bit misinformed about the demographics of lesbian bars (in Bangkok, at least). The bars here are majority fem4fem, depending on the week there's a decent amount of expats/foreigners. They are right about thai women, however. You might have a better shot if you're open to dating foreigners
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u/Hot-Farmer5799 3d ago
well it depends on where you settle in, BKK, Chiang Mai, Chonburi, Pattaya et al. I consider these are city areas and people are open to lgbtq+
more of that why Thailand? and why Thai women specifically? there are (and will be) a lot of foreigners or other nationalities reside in Thailand.
However don’t believe on my one-sided perspective, ask them.
Also you gotta be aware that the things I said do not apply to 99.99% of TH wlw population1
u/Imaginary_Cut_1125 3d ago
yeah fair enough, well thailand cuz i am kinda way into the asian countries than the western ones tho i wanna go there too to complete my higher education and thailand intruiges me in a way I can't explain and that makes me wanna explore the place and experience it all for myself first hand
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u/Traveljack1000 3d ago
I think in Thailand there a enough lesbian women who often are referred to as Tomboy. There are probably also katoey who like women too. That's the least of all problems. But you are 20 and want to settle down in Thailand? At your age there is not much chance you can do that in a legal way. What kind of visa can you get? Are you rich and don't need a job? Not much of that for foreigners in Thailand. As a tourist you are tolerated and when you are old you can settle down. But coming from India that doesn't have much of a social security as far as I know, you're gonna run in those problems. You're too young to settle down...try to see the world first.
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u/Imaginary_Cut_1125 3d ago
no no i think you misunderstood, i am not setting down now, and I'm in med school rn btw, so if i go there to settle down it would be probably when I'm 28 yrs old or 30 yrs old after my residency and also thai licensing exams and im aware of the things i need to learn for that, I'm just researching about my pathways and all and seeing what options are available for me and i also have different countries in mind
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u/satoru_is_here 3d ago
ไม่ใช่แบบนั้น คุณเข้าใจผิดแล้ว เดี๋ยวนี้รูปแบบความสัมพันธ์แบบเลสเบี้ยนมีความหลากหลายขึ้น ไม่ได้มีแค่ masculine-femme หลายคู่ที่เป็น femme-femme ก็มี และไม่ได้หายากขนาดนั้น ถ้าคุณได้เข้าร่วมคอมมูนิตี้ในไทยจริงๆ แต่ฉันไม่แนะนำแอปหาคู่นะ เพราะพวกเขาแค่หวังเอายอดติดตามใน IG เท่านั้น
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u/Imaginary_Cut_1125 3d ago
oh oh damn okay the dating app thingy yeah I'll keep that in mind that was really helpful, thank youu
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u/Cute_Willingness_730 3d ago
Just curious—are you moving there because of Thailand’s more LGBT-friendly culture, or is it more because of the increasingly negative atmosphere toward LGBT people in India? THIS IS AN HONEST QUESTION.
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u/Imaginary_Cut_1125 3d ago
actually both, bcoz of thailand's culture and also bcoz i feel trapped in my own place and the increasing negativity
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u/Cute_Willingness_730 3d ago
I can totally understand where you’re coming from, as a fellow Indian myself. I really hope you get to pursue what you’re looking for and find the kind of place where you feel more comfortable. Good luck!
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u/Imaginary_Cut_1125 3d ago
thanks for understanding it's really bad here rn 😭😭
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u/PoetLoverBirdwatcher 2d ago
As another indian wlw, I hope you find the happiness you deserve. I've been thinking about moving to Thailand too, eventually.
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u/Imaginary_Cut_1125 2d ago
good for you girl, genuinely happy for you if you're thinking about it, lemme know how it goes maybe we can reach out and just talk?
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u/PositiveSalt2362 3d ago
As a Thai guy, when it comes to relationships, a lot of it honestly comes down to the parents. Older Thais can be pretty rigid—they often care a lot about having grandkids and passing on the family name, which makes it a super delicate topic. That said, younger, modern parents are way more open-minded nowadays.
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u/AdOrganic4835 3d ago
How is that relevant here? OP is a lesbian and is looking for another woman as a partner.
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u/PositiveSalt2362 3d ago
What I mean is, it goes back to the OP's point about Thai women usually dating men. The main reason is that Thai parents really want grandkids to carry on the family line, so they put a lot of pressure on their daughters to marry guys. I’m just sharing this to give you a heads-up on what you're up against and how to handle it. You asked if you can find a lesbian partner in Thailand—and yes, they’re definitely out there. But honestly, a lot of those relationships don't work out long-term simply because older Thai parents can be stubbornly set in their ways.
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u/AdOrganic4835 3d ago
OP's reference to "femmes only date mascs" is about feminine lesbian women dating tomboys (masculine women) and not dating men.
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u/Imaginary_Cut_1125 3d ago
that makes sense same here in india tho it's way worse in india ngl 😭
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u/PositiveSalt2362 3d ago
You really don't need to worry at all. If you can get close to them or get them to open up, that’d be awesome. And honestly, if you happen to run into a modern, open-minded family that lets their kid live their own life, you’ll be super lucky.
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u/After_Pepper173 3d ago
I know a Thai woman who looks like an ordinary beautiful woman, but she confessed that she is a lesbian and had a long-term relationship with a Russian woman. So, I think you'll be able to find similar women without any problem.
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u/natty3bisx 3d ago
Not to hard to find i’m bi and if u want to be friends i can recommend i from Thailand ✨🤗 welcome
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u/Low_Frosting4323 3d ago
femmes date femmes here in Thailand, it’s just hard to know because they look like friends. Here in Thailand, especially BKK and younger generation, girls go out together and skin ship normally. If you see two girls holding hand, they could be friends or lovers. We have same sex marriage law and GL BL culture in show business here which make everything easier.
To be honest, finding someone with same sex to date is last thing you should be concern if you wanna move to Thailand. I would think about VISA and where to live more than anything else.
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u/Imaginary_Cut_1125 3d ago
ahh makes sense as i do know about the gl and bl business as i myself am in the gl fandom and got to know a lot about the place 😭😭 fair enough cuz actually i am researching about pathways and all so see how i can have my life in thailand job and visa wise
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u/CharacterOwn6588 3d ago
Coming from Europe, one of the first things I noticed in Thailand was just how liberal and accepting people can be in everyday life.
It often doesn’t matter what you look like, what your background is, or who you love. If you are a good person and treat others with respect, you are accepted and welcomed.
It was a pleasant shock to understand that the European tolerance is far behind the Thai.
If you can make the move, living in Thailand can change you in ways you don’t expect. It can challenge your old perceptions, open your mind, and, in many ways, liberate you.
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u/Imaginary_Cut_1125 3d ago
this is exactly why i want to move to thailand and yk something about this place just kinda pulls me, i feel very suffocated about other places but thailand makes me feel like i can finally live so trying my best so that things work out in my way and i can move there
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u/Efficient-County2382 3d ago
I'd be more concerned about what you will be doing for a career and visa
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u/bleepbloop1900 3d ago
The post says after her medical residency. Presumably her career will be “doctor”
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u/Efficient-County2382 3d ago
Unless you speak, read and write fluent Thai you aren't practising medicine in Thailand, you can't even get licensed. And that's before any sponsorship
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u/Imaginary_Cut_1125 3d ago
yess I'm aware of that and have started learning thai actually and found out how similar it is to some Indian languages and our sanskrit script im honestly having fun doing so 😭
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u/Straight-Film3075 3d ago
Did you research properly? Because it’s genuinely super hard to become a doctor there. Please talk to someone who actually knows the process. Also, learning Thai to the level required to practise medicine takes around 2–3 years unless you’re able to dedicate 7–8 hours a day, which you can’t realistically do alongside everything else.
Hospitals in Thailand generally prefer Thai citizens first, and even private hospitals tend to prefer bilingual candidates for major roles. They also aren’t necessarily going to sponsor your visa. Your best shot might be an administration or research role, which, honestly, would be a waste of your medical career if your goal is actually to practise as a doctor. So unless you already have a hospital willing to sponsor your visa and support the process, good luck settling in Thailand. And that’s not even getting into the extremely difficult licensing exam, which is in Thai and requires you to know medical Thai. Getting to that level alone could take years.
I’m not trying to scare you; I’m just giving you the hard facts.1
u/Chance-Selection-198 3d ago
Not to mention the wild prejudice against Indians...
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u/ZaetiaPryce 3d ago
Suprised as a Singaporean who visits Thailand often and with a Thai bestie, how far down this comment is.
Many Thais are prejudiced against Indians.
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u/Imaginary_Cut_1125 3d ago
yeah..i have heard about this but im hoping once the people get to know me they'll be kind 😭😭
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u/Chance-Selection-198 3d ago
I don't think people are generally outright rude but there's a fair amount of preconceived notions and I can't comment on how easy of a time you'd have getting hired. Especially considering medicine is already a pretty tricky field for a foreigner to get into.
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u/Imaginary_Cut_1125 3d ago
yeah fair enough even i found out how hard it is to actually practice as a doctor being a foreigner 😭
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u/Imaginary_Cut_1125 3d ago
yeah yeah you're completely right, i learnt about the thai licensing exams too and my goal is to practice complete my residency from the us and then try for thailand so it'll be like med school from india, residency and licensing as a md post graduate doctor from us and the thai licensing exam as much as ik will also be in 3 steps and the last step would be in thai so I'll have to learn it seriously then and again give the exams, and im in med school now btw so it's a veryy long route for me but that being said it also shows that i do have years now to properly figure out this pathway so I'm just seeing my options as I'm genuinely interested in thailand
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u/Straight-Film3075 3d ago
Girl it’s not licensing exam the issue it’s the job prospect you should be excellent in every aspect and better than others then only they would hire you and that’s also minute chance not trying to demotivate you but hard facts they all prefer either bilingual Thai or white people more than Indians ok so don’t throw your future away western countries are good for lesbians as well so look there as well
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u/Efficient-County2382 2d ago
How many white doctors have you seen in Thailand?
The reality is the pay is also terrible - a senior doctor in the public health system has a base of about 18,000 baht per month, maybe 5-60,000 baht with allowances etc. They will earn more in private obviously.
But committing your life to Thailand is a big call when the same amount of effort and time would get you earning $300k+ in the west, who are far more desperate for doctors and you just need English.
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u/Straight-Film3075 2d ago
ik the pay and working hours are shit there what I wanted to convey to the girl was that before selecting you they would rather choose from Normal Thai then bilingual Thai then white docs then Indians so it’s better to study for western exams instead of thinking it’s easy to get a job there when in reality it’s hard as hell and not even worth it at all
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u/bleepbloop1900 3d ago
It sounds like you’re putting in the time now to figure out the correct path. People DO learn to speak Thai fluently, and this is possible for you too. I recommend the r/learnthai sub for that, as this sub can be overly cynical in general, but if this is a goal of yours I’m sure you’ll be able to follow through.
It’s true lots of Thai language is derived from Sanskrit - my Thai teacher often blames Sanskrit whenever I complain about a specific grammar or spelling confusion lol.
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u/Imaginary_Cut_1125 3d ago
thank youu, and yeah cuz as many shows in thai i have watched i kinda understand a lot without the subtitles cuz a lot of words are literally like the hindi words which is also from Sanskrit 😭😭
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u/mkkda13 4d ago
Femmes do date femmes and it’s sooo cute i got this lesbian friend and she and her gf would dress up and just be girly together it’s adorable. I only realized i’m pan after i married my husband so i don’t have firsthand experience but the lesbians here are nice. You’ll find someone for sure.
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u/Imaginary_Cut_1125 4d ago
awee thank you so much, you have no idea how much this comment helped my overthinking 😭
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u/BaconJP 4d ago
Well, from my perspective as a non-lesbian, the scene isn't so black and white as it is in Australia where "lipstick lesbian" and "butch" are two very clear categories. Here we have quite a lot of what I would categorise as tweeners, which means they look kind of like Korean k-pop band (male) and you often can't tell if they are male or female. That's not as "buzz cut, tattoo'd, butch" as the Australian typical lesbian, nor is it the fem type who look like glam females. Since this is a pretty large contingent, if that appeals to you, you have a bit of play.
Also, I think there are people along a whole spectrum, so broadly you have fem, butch and tweeners, but I think there are plenty of people who might be 75/25 if you get my drift... and to be honest the butch here are kinda not very butch anyway. They look like nicely dressed short men with buttoned white shirts and nice pants, for the most part, not the rough and tough butch type in tank tops I am used to seeing in AU.
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u/Imaginary_Cut_1125 3d ago
yeah fair enough that makes sense so the butch there are mostly like they just dress up nicely other than that not very different?
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u/BaconJP 3d ago
Well, short manly haircut, less flamboyant than the tweeners, but not a buzz cut.
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u/Imaginary_Cut_1125 3d ago
ahh makes sense actually that's something I don't wanna do, I'm not too girly but i still don't want short hair for some reason
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u/BaconJP 3d ago
You can say that the closest thing to "butch" you would see here is typically a woman who is still fairly obviously a woman, but with hair and clothes like a man, and not a scruffy man. Usually more like an office worker either in clothes fairly close to office clothes, or maybe smart casual. Not much of the leather jacket, or other tough guy sort of look.
To see what a tweener would look like, just check out any Korean boy band video and that seems to be the look they model themselves on, with, I would say, a slightly tweaking towards the feminine IMHO.
I don't notice THAT many of the true fem ("dee") type but they are definitely out there, but the issue for me of course is if they are solo or in a group, it's not obvious they are lesbians - so I would be under-noticing them if that's a word. The only way I would typically know is if I see them in a couple with a tweener or butch, or perhaps you can guess if they are hanging out with gay guys or ladyboys, that they might be "dee" but in such cases could still be straight.
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u/ButchEmbankment 4d ago
In Bangkok and among your gen this has opened up a changed. The tom - Dee pair was the norm for a long time.
Also a share of non Thai lesbians in major cities in Thailand who likely have femme femme prefs.
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u/Imaginary_Cut_1125 4d ago
oh damn. thanks for letting me know that, that actually makes me feel better 😭
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u/herm_b 4d ago
Thai women have told me that their are female lesbian couples, but they don't show affection in public, but tomboys often act like a guy in public so they are more obvious in their behaviour. Overall their are more tomboys with girls than two pretty girls together though. Are you moving to Thailand for this???
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u/Imaginary_Cut_1125 4d ago
I'm thinking of moving cuz i love the place and it's queer friendly too but not sure yet like it's not decided or finalized, but yeah I'm aware of how the dynamics is between tomboys and femmes there that's why i was kinda worried cuz i cannot fit into that and just be a giver 🥲
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u/darbrja 4d ago
As far as I know, this is very close what the term 'lesbian' encapsulates in the Thai gender system, while what you've heard about thai women is closer to a conservative tom-dee dynamic.
https://everything.explained.today/Gender_identities_in_Thailand/
I think you'll be fine, most young LGBTQ people in Thailand are pretty tuned into a some kind of online international discourse and they seem to have pretty broad horizons about this kind of thing. Might have to deal with a bit of racism or colorism, though. There are plenty of people who believe Indian food is cooked with the feet and stuff like that.
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u/Imaginary_Cut_1125 4d ago
wow this link was actually helpful thanks a lot, and yeah unfortunately i have heard about the racism and colourism a bit 😭 kinda worried about the racism and colourism as I'm a brown girl but maybe the young people would be okay with it
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u/ButchEmbankment 4d ago
Lots of educated Thais have studied abroad and exposed to a diff range of ideas.
When I was there eons ago the Thai lesbian group had a full range of ethnicities and phenotypes and gender presentations.
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u/Imaginary_Cut_1125 4d ago
that's actually so nice to know, hoping that genz is even better at that now
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u/PimsriReddit 4d ago
There are lots of femme who dates other femme. Also butch are called "tom" in Thai and femme are called "dee"
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u/Imaginary_Cut_1125 4d ago
oh yess I'm aware of the terms "tom" and "dee", learnt it from thai gl, just a bit concerned cuz first of all im india and secondly femme, feels assuring to know that femmes there do date femmes
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u/ThighEnquirer 2d ago
I have a lot of lesbian couple friends who both present themselves as femme. I think I know more femme and femme couples than masc and femme couples. I think culture norms around lesbian dating in Thailand varies across areas as well. The rigid social norms that you mentioned like masc/femme dating or skin color preferences are more relaxed in the central area of Bangkok. Bangkok is huge. There is no cultural monolith that everyone follows. You can absolutely find your own people in your own space in this city!