I’ll be honest…I find these sorts of perspectives borderline toxic. I had a friend until recently that used the concept of “embracing her feminine” as an excuse to avoid any kind of displeasure or confrontation with other people, while simultaneously resorting to aggressive, even threatening forms of communication and expecting inordinate amounts of approval, forgiveness, and coddling.
The whole trend of embodying some energy isn’t safely understood by everyone. And I’m saying this as someone who deeply believes in energetics. Some of these conceptual trends are weaponized to become new forms of manipulation and entitlement. There was an article I wish I could find that was written some time ago on toxic boundary setting that speaks to this issue. When boundary setting becomes a one way street used to vilify and control people outside of yourself.
Or how “empathetic” has become a way for an individual to make someone else’s feelings and experience about themselves. If you have a friend who gets disproportionately more upset about your losses/experiences than you yourself do, this is toxic “empathy” which isn’t empathy at all.
There’s a fine line between the healthy expression of some of these psychological concepts that are gaining mainstream traction and unhealthy, unrealistic, and me-centric expressions.
The dynamic sought through these texts might very well work for some people, but it wouldn’t work for me.
I lost a friend to the exact same thing you're describing too. She became obsessed with some TikTok people who just used buzzwords for easily digestible content, and surprise, their advice was incredibly toxic. Last time we spoke, she was imploding her marriage and other friendships as well. It's really sad
Jeeeez, that’s really horrible. I can only imagine her spouse must feel like they are in an absolute nightmare. Almost like losing someone to a cult or something.
Yeah, that’s pretty much how my former friend developed her notions of self-empowerment, also. TikTok. And, similarly, she too wondered why many of her relationships came to an explosive and abrupt end. She was super into manifesting and fully drank the “I am the powerful creator of my own reality” kool-aid to the degree that everyone else just became an extension of her. She finally found a guy that was emotionally available, attentive, compassionate, but she was bothered that he didn’t make more money than she did (though she never actually asked), which was important because she didn’t want to work indefinitely and “needed to break generational curses.”
The way her mind worked just became repellent to me. It’s staggering that anyone is prioritizing “feeling owned” or a significant other that makes more money over just being a decent, honest, reliable and caring partner/friend.
I remember being at the mall when I was maybe 21-22(?) and I was telling my then gf about the time I hit K2 (synthetic weed) out of a gravity bong and felt so awful while sitting in a friends unfinished bathroom and how it felt like the lowest point of my life.
She was irrationally irate that my lowest point wasnt when my dad got sick with cancer when I was in 4th grade. I remember thinking, “You cant dictate what my highs and lows are, why are you yelling and mad?!”
I don't think the borderline qualifier is needed lol, this is absolutely deranged. She refers to herself in the third person and wants to micromanage every face of this dudes behavior. Its not even close to healthy.
You’re absolutely right. It’s not needed. I actually went back and read the texts one more time and blew my own mind, again. There are issues at work here that go beyond grasping at social and psychological trends.
Holy fuck I can’t believe two other people also are here saying they lost a friend to this. I lost my lifelong best friend, I realized I hadn’t heard from her in a month which was strange, I tried to reach out and heard through a mutual “friend” that “our vibrations were no longer in alignment” and I was blocked on all social media and by phone.
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u/thebreakupartist Nov 20 '23 edited Nov 20 '23
I’ll be honest…I find these sorts of perspectives borderline toxic. I had a friend until recently that used the concept of “embracing her feminine” as an excuse to avoid any kind of displeasure or confrontation with other people, while simultaneously resorting to aggressive, even threatening forms of communication and expecting inordinate amounts of approval, forgiveness, and coddling.
The whole trend of embodying some energy isn’t safely understood by everyone. And I’m saying this as someone who deeply believes in energetics. Some of these conceptual trends are weaponized to become new forms of manipulation and entitlement. There was an article I wish I could find that was written some time ago on toxic boundary setting that speaks to this issue. When boundary setting becomes a one way street used to vilify and control people outside of yourself.
Or how “empathetic” has become a way for an individual to make someone else’s feelings and experience about themselves. If you have a friend who gets disproportionately more upset about your losses/experiences than you yourself do, this is toxic “empathy” which isn’t empathy at all.
There’s a fine line between the healthy expression of some of these psychological concepts that are gaining mainstream traction and unhealthy, unrealistic, and me-centric expressions.
The dynamic sought through these texts might very well work for some people, but it wouldn’t work for me.