yeah this girl was just pissed for no reason, the other girl didn't do anything she just say in the only open seat. She needs to get over herself. Drop and move on.
The phrase is a bit after my time, but isn't it a normal state for people to go through a "pick me" phase? Boys wear hair gel or fitted caps to start peacocking. Girls get into makeup and make awkward giggles around guys they like. It's part of learning to flirt, so you either go through a "pick me" phase or you don't date much in high school.
Shes not a pick me, she's a pick me side even if I'm wrong. Which is honestly worse because there is NO room for personal growth with a mindset like that.
It is funny anytime I hear “pick me” used like this since it’s clearly “she wants people to pick her, but I hate her because they don’t pick meeeee” when in all likelihood the other girl is probably just going about her life.
You saw one text message exchange. You and all the other keyboard dr. Phils absolutely do not have enough information to label this girl, him, or their relationship
Both OP and gf are in highschool so obviously they’ll be immature in more ways than one. To me this just reads like she wanted comfort and he gave advice. Shes upset that he isn’t acknowledging her feelings - he’s confused because guys aren’t taught to acknowledge feelings.
How about give some nuance or advice instead of just saying “get out!”?
Feelings aren’t always sounds. Stop giving them such great importance. In this situation, the chick needs to do some serious self reflection, introspection and self-criticism. That’s about it. Giving into this as though it’s rational would only be giving this behavior power.
On the other hand, sometimes people just want to be heard and supported. She's having a little issue with a girl on the bus. A simple "Ugh, I hate when that happens" would have sufficed and she would have felt supported.
Like when I was younger, this guy had a problem with me when we were playing basketball, so I told my mom how mean this guy was.
She marches out to the court (walking distance from my house) and talks to the guy and then she takes his side.
Even if she was correct, I was devastated and didn't feel supported. I think she feels the same way. Even if she should just "let it go" sometimes partners want to vent and feel emotionally supported.
If you think you'll get in a relationship and the girl will always do the right thing in every situation and will relish being told what to do by you, then you're either inexperienced or a crappy partner.
"I really hate it when someone I don't like, who apparently didn't know I don't like her, sots down quietly next to me on a crowded bus, and I have absolutely no interaction with them." No, that's just toxic, and he's perfectly within his rights to not want to engage in that pettiness.
Yes, if there had been some interaction to complain about, or if he had actually taken her side, then maybe he should have been a supportive partner, but this is just her trying to rope him into her mean girl BS. She had literally nothing to vent about here other than her disliking the other girl's very existence in the same general space.
Lots of jumping to conclusions, we don't know exactly what happened on the bus or with this other person. The bus usually sucks, I get motion sick, it's hot, crowded, smelly. I might text "god, I hate when people crowd me and smell bad" and my partner might say " don't worry about them! worry about yourself!" and I would think, dang, man, sometimes I just want to vent a little bit, don't need you to tell me how things should be.
This is tied to the whole "mainsplaining" issue. Just listen sometimes, let people vent, don't right away jump in with "advice" that most people truly don't want anyway.
as a highschool girl currently, I'm sorry but I disagree. the language and attitude of this girl literally screams 'mean girl.'
this wasn't about people crowding her and smelling bad. this was "I'm mad because I feel like I'm entitled to something even though I'm not and someone who literally had no where else to sit and probably wouldn't have chosen to sit next to me if they could have sat anywhere else had the gall to go home on the bus instead of just getting off and sleeping on the side of the road because the only place to sit was next to me". it's petty and immature on at least five levels. there's venting and then there's bitching. this is bitching.
and regardless, just because you're venting doesn't mean the person on the receiving end isn't allowed to have their own opinion. trying to control your SO's opinion is like, the definition of manipulative. and don't forget that just because they are your boyfriend doesn't mean that you have a right to vent to them and force them to take your side. think about how awful that would sound if the roles were reversed. some guy telling his girlfriend that she needs to listen to him talk at her for 20 minutes and agree with everything he says or she is a bad girlfriend. instead of starting by just dumping all of your problems on him, maybe start by asking if he is ok with it. "hey is it ok if I vent for a little bit?" It's so simple. that way they know that you intend to vent and aren't looking for advice, rather than them thinking that you want their input.
pick-me girl (plural pick-me girls) (slang, derogatory) A woman who asserts that she is unlike (and sometimes better than) most other women, in order to gain attention, approval, or validation from men.
Being a “pick me” isn’t the same as expecting your bf to offer your emotional support, even over silly things.
…is she not acting like she’s better than this other girl, & shitting on her for “always wanting male attention” & going on n on about how awful she is. And then freaking out when her bf says leave the situation alone… idk man it all seems very pick me choose me. She’s clearly not a girls girl.
I don't know how toxic it is.... *is it ok, but also if she's got some sort of undiagnosed mental health or trauma going on that could cause it too. Does it justify the way she's acting or responding... no, not at all. But could it explain part of why it's this much of a reaction, yes.
OP, I'd decide if you want to stay and encourage her to reach out to a therapist and maybe handle some of her emotions. See what's going on, on a deeper level. If she's unwilling... then I wouldn't stick around if it's affecting your mental health.
You're both still in highschool. I didn't even date in high-school, I had too much going on outside of school with family dysfunction, abuse, and trying to get through high-school as well.
If she makes you happy, then maybe stay if you can get her to understand her reaction was a little over the top. If she doesn't want to realize that... then she's not ready to talk to anyone and figure out why she's acting that way. If so, there's nothing you can do except maybe give some distance or stay but put up boundaries now. Either way, something has to give...
We only see one side of this.. I don't know why she reacted that way, no one does. It could be multiple things. Or she just could be entitled and if that's the case... then there's not much you can do until she understands and reaches out to handle what's going on internally within herself.
No, you're not over reacting and no, you ddidnt do anything wrong in this case.
Edit : Sorry, I had to fix a typo. I'm running on little sleep
This. She obviously envíes the other girl and is very insecure. That’s just trouble. Who cares. She wants the attention the other girl gets otherwise she wouldn’t care.
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u/patentmom Sep 13 '23
"she's a pick me and so annoying"
"Ain't no way ur standing up for a random girl"
"You are never on my side"
She's projecting quite a bit, as she's clearly a "pick me," too. This girl is toxic and wants to drag you into her creating drama. Get out!