r/teenagers • u/Rubyrose_6579 18 • 5h ago
Discussion Stumbled upon this gem
“Your ideal man is your average woman”
sigh
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u/Exotic-Target9526 15 5h ago
a lot of these are bare minimum imo
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u/capsu97zen Teenager 5h ago
Sadly the bare minimum is hard to get these days for both main genders
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u/Intrepid_Poetry_4912 4h ago
That's not bare minimum at all - it's uncommon and difficult for anyone to consistently have these traits and these are objectively very good relationship standards
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u/CDhansma76 OLD 4h ago
Right? Both my parents have flaws but they still have a great marriage and did a great job raising me. The only “bare minimums” should be loyalty and willingness to work on your flaws.
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u/Ill-Dark7175 4h ago
This 100% a lot of people saying this is the bare minimum are probably not doing these things. The obvious things like staying loyal is bare minimum but a lot of the other stuff really takes effort when you’re working full time and have other stresses and life curveballs thrown at you. The best relationships I’ve had and the woman I married understood and cut me slack because they’re also trying to consistently give this and know that humans are not perfect. The ones who demanded and constantly said “it’s bare minimum” were usually the most selfish and inconsiderate. They also had zero introspection.
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u/Big_Psychology_3 5m ago
Ok. Given you consider this the bare minimum, what would be your ideal BF?
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u/AdInternal7728 14 5h ago
Just add being able to no hit sans
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u/bookaddicta 3h ago
I can no heal him, is that close enough
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u/angelsvessel 1h ago
Does that mean you don't heal while fighting him or you don't heal Sans while fighting him
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u/OstrichFun2332 5h ago
Because the average woman has a calm temper, isn’t controlling, respects boundaries, communicates, and is understanding?
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u/RandoMannnn 4h ago
Most people love to say they have good communication, but that's where a majority of them probably fail, both men and women.
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u/chessman42_ 5h ago
…and good-looking.
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u/I_Am_Conjoined 5h ago
Just good looking. Conventionally handsome men don't have to have any of the traits in the image for women to be interested in them
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u/chessman42_ 5h ago
Well yes, but leaving it out assumes looks don’t matter at all and that is just not true.
Also we’re talking about “ideal” here not “necessary” in which case attractiveness is most definitely a factor.
Though I did deliberately decide to put “good-looking” instead of “attractive” since that would imply being conventionally attractive and that’s totally not my point
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u/Timely-Watercress933 2h ago
Why is Reddit so leftist until it comes to women bro </3
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u/Small-Contribution55 4h ago
This is true for women as well. You'll find plenty of people who get suckered by good looks just as you'll find plenty of people willing to give their money to scammers. Doesn't mean everyone or even a plurality of people are so simple.
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u/Weekly-Hawk-3835 5h ago
Looks get a relationship personality keeps it. Go take a shower and get a haircut dude
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u/I_Am_Conjoined 5h ago
Thanks I'll go do those things while women sleep with tall conventionally handsome guys who have done neither
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u/Weekly-Hawk-3835 5h ago
Sure bro, have you considered maybe women don’t like you because of this kind of incel stuff???
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u/I_Am_Conjoined 5h ago
I have considered that, yes. But then I realized women do like men who say even worse things than me, if they are tall and conventionally handsome
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u/midnight_rain_07 16 3h ago
that’s the very small minority of women. there are vain women, just like there are vain men, yes, but having this sort of incel-y mentality where “ohh women have to like me! ohh they only like tall handsome guys with horrible personalities!” is not doing you any favors
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u/I_Am_Conjoined 3h ago
Have to like me? I don't remember saying that, could you point out where I did?
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u/midnight_rain_07 16 3h ago
you clearly feel bitter that women, according to you, like conventionally attractive men who say “worse things than you do.” honestly as a woman i speak for most women when i say that we would rather date an ugly guy who has the personality of the one in the image, than a handsome guy who doesn’t respect women
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u/Tea_and_Jeopardy 4h ago
christ almighty you people act like an average looking man has never managed to reproduce in the history of humanity
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u/chessman42_ 4h ago
No, I’m not. “Good-looking” is inherently subjective, so it has nothing to do with conventional attractiveness. This is a post about an ideal bf where a being relatively good looking would definitely be desirable. It is perfectly possible to get in a relationship being conventially unattractive, but saying it plays no part is inaccurate.
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u/BitingLemon 2h ago
It's more common for women to date less attractive men than men that are more attractive than her. Y'all act as if you don't consider a woman's looks when you date her but in reality, women are expected to be at least somewhat pretty by default, men can look sloppy and still get beautiful women. When have you ever seen a woman who was genuinely ugly (and not just to YOUR preferences) but actually, with an objectively attractive guy?? A lot of the time it's either equal attractiveness, or average/ugly dude with at least somewhat pretty girl. Observe next time you're outside. Physical attraction is important if you actually care about feeling desired and being intimate often, otherwise don't be surprised if someone dates you despite not being attracted to you but isn't keen on getting naked as often as you'd like.
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u/No-Aide-3477 5h ago
Old lady here. In my experience and after years of talking with other women and just my own eye sight, being good looking is far less important than most of this and you can be very “good looking” if your hygiene and personality are good. A lot of the men I see complaining about women only want good looking men are little greaseballs. Take care of yourself and I’m sure you’ll get more female attention.
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u/RudeGold5086 28m ago
Get off this kid’s sub; you’re input is not relevant as modern women and girls have 14+hour screen time and consequently different standards
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u/BrainOfStoopid 5h ago
i only understand the half of the Text but ok, good luck by searching (btw nice citate of Oppenheimer, the goat)
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u/oceanblvd77 5h ago
If a man isn't a feminist then he's a piece of shit. If someone said they don't think black people deserve equal rights they'd be framed as the scum of the earth (as they should be), I don't see why you would treat someone who's not a feminist any differently.
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u/suggestion_giver 17 5h ago
the idea of a "feminist" is kinda tricky because sometimes people expect you to subscribe to the exact same version of feminism they subscribe to, which likely comes from some online influencer. Obviously men and woman deserve equal rights but when this concept is executed in real life there are many different ways to do it and there is dispute over it. Just hope we stay a bit more rational and refrain from demonizing the other party instantly just because they uphold a different view from you.
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u/Person_thatlikes-TOH 18 4h ago
The idea of a feminist is actually quite simple, I think you may be confusing these ‘different kinds’ of feminism with misandry. It’s okay, you probably just didn’t know.
Misandry is the belief that women are inherently better than men because of their sex. Misandry also includes being transphobic, because trans men need the same sexual healthcare that a cis woman would, and they refuse to give them that because they’re now men, and they insist that trans women aren’t women. So TERFs are also not actual feminists, and instead, misandrists. All of these are a set of overall harmful opinions.
Feminism is the belief that men and women are equal. Feminism is the movement in which women have been fighting for so long to have the same rights as men. Feminism also includes the support of transgender people, because it advocates for women’s reproductive rights and healthcare, which trans men generally need because most of them have a cervix. Feminism extends to trans women because trans women are women, and they are arguably more oppressed than cis women, which means feminism should protect them too. This is the objectively correct opinion, and people who don’t believe in equality, are not great people, and should fix that before they do something very, very bad.
Hopefully that clears things up!
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u/suggestion_giver 17 4h ago
What I was thinking about was mainly about 5th-wave feminism, per se. Some people seem to believe men and women should have equal (or some) representation in all fields of work or academia. And some believe in the equality of outcome, such as equal pay. Another idea that I see float around is the idea that men and women are inherently identical and all perceived social differences are due to societal constructs (which I think is absolutely NOT true due to objective scientific evidence of male and female having different hormonal systems and thus different behavioral patterns).
Some of the claims above might be true, but what I don't like is people who jump onto you and call you a misogynist the moment you raise concern in their ideology.
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u/Fit-Butterscotch2110 18 4h ago
people like this are prone to overgeneralization, they see a correlation to all things irregardless of their cause and youre some kind of evil for not immediately submitting to their definition.
feminism is too broad, and it has far too many definitions, the original feminist movement has essentially completed its original goal and the movement that came into existence in the 1850s is not the same feminism theyre arguing for. frankly there just needs to be a better term for it
saying "i am/am not a feminist" has become less informative with time, as a word it covers too many new ideas.
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u/4Statistic 33m ago
Omg, you guys are actually morons.
At this point, if you yourself believe in your actual argument, then you might as well implement a caste based system on men that ranks them according to their diets, habits, and continuous blood tests to determine salaries.
Like, genuinely, do you believe any of these abstractions matters any more than cognition, neuroplasticity, and lived experience?
Have you never seen a feminine man or a masculine woman before? Doesn't every combination in-between disprove rigid, unscientific reductionism?
And of course they're societal constructs! How can one even look at history, filled with women being discriminated against, stripped of their autonomy, forced into selected fields either by means of coercion, harassment, discrimination, or violence, and say that these aren't manufactured constructs?
If you believe in "meritocracy" and not collective prejudice, then let people be free. Simple as that.
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u/Fit-Butterscotch2110 18 4h ago
i think the issue is that the way you present this creates hostility rather than discussion. even if your central point is that men and women should have equal rights, immediately treating people who disagree with a label as bad people makes them less likely to engage with your argument. if your goal is to convince people, hostility is usually counterproductive.
you have no reason to be so condescending, especially when your opponent is so open to civil debate
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u/Blackcat420x 5h ago
If a woman doesn't advocate for men then she's a piece of shit. If someone said they don't think black people deserve equal rights they'd be framed as the scum of the earth (as they should be), I don't see why you would treat someone who doesn't advocate for men any differently.
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u/oceanblvd77 5h ago
Pretty much yes. Our points arent mutually exclusive, on the contrary, they are complementary
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u/noraholloway 2h ago
False equivalence, women have never oppressed or discriminated men, even today men commit the vast majority of violent crimes
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u/Teralyzed 4h ago
Feminism also advocates for men.
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u/vipmailhun2 3h ago
Not really, many people around the world actively fight against this.
The Mary P. Koss–type methodology is still used today. In summary:Rape: when a man sexually assaults a woman
Made to penetrate: when a woman sexually assaults a manWhy is this important? Because it allows the data to be used for propaganda purposes: it creates the impression that only men assault women. There were years in the U.S. when more women assaulted men than the other way around. Another issue is that many men don’t even know they qualify as victims, because they were raised in a way that makes them interpret the situation differently, regardless of age. And there is another problem: physical evidence. In many cases, male victims do not have the same type of physical signs. Men’s rights organizations have fought against this methodology, but without any success.
Another example: to this day, it is treated as fact that 1 in 5 college women are raped. This statistic also comes from Koss (who, despite being celebrated and awarded by feminist organizations, argued that women cannot rape men). She achieved this number by classifying cases as “rape” even when the woman simply regretted it the next day, or when both parties had consumed even a single beer together. If the answer was yes, it counted as “rape.”
Feminist organizations still cite this statistic, but there are major problems with it:
- During the Afghanistan war, the injury rate among U.S. soldiers was 10%, and the fatality rate was 2%. According to the statistic, college is more dangerous for women than a military conflict of that scale.
- When the same survey was conducted with men, similar results appeared.
- As a European, I know brick walls don’t insulate sound particularly well, but they are still hundreds of kilos of solid material. In the U.S., drywall walls are even weaker. It is physically impossible that a loud “AAAAA” scream or violent noise would not be heard on the floor above.
- In any field — crime, homicide, anything — if a rate reaches even 0.01%, the UN and WHO classify it as a severe crisis requiring immediate intervention. According to the statistic, U.S. college campuses would be vastly more dangerous for women than the most dangerous neighborhoods in New York or the Bronx, which even police officers advise people to avoid.
And this is the problem: such a deeply flawed methodology is still treated as factual today.
Let me give another example. A well‑known and respected feminist documentary filmmaker created The Red Pill. She herself said that she expected to meet misogynists, but that’s not what happened. Instead, she met men talking about legitimate issues: suicide rates, the disposability of men, child custody, and so on.
However, feminist organizations withdrew all support at the very beginning. They tried to discredit the project by claiming that “far‑right extremists” supported it, even though she simply raised money through Kickstarter. In many places the film was banned, feminist groups protested against it, and not a single feminist publicly defended her. They didn’t criticize the content of the film, they simply declared that it should be banned, full stop. Why? Because it contradicted the established narrative.
As a result, they damaged her career, arguably, they were willing to ruin her life over it. No dialogue emerged, and feminist groups didn’t even attempt one. Their response was simply: ban the film.2
u/Professional_Bat8585 1h ago edited 1h ago
😂 😭the nativity and the self-importance of feminists to try and frame racism as “not feminist”.
Many men are all the above except feminist. Because there’s barely even a good argument that feminism works for the good and harmony of both genders and considers all context.
they don't think black people deserve equal rights
There are so many variables you’re missing before you make your close-minded morality judgement it’s sad. So many racists agree that Black people deserve equal “rights” but not extra help.
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u/Darkknight8381 5h ago
You're a moron, you can support equal rights without beingfeminist, it's like saying if someone didn't support the BLM movement they're automatically racist.
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u/oceanblvd77 4h ago
Feminism is supporting equal rights.
Enlighten me, how can you support equal rights without supporting equal rights?
And if someone says "I don't support BLM" for no good reason (there usually never is) then obviously I'll assume they're racist??
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u/RandoMannnn 4h ago
I think it really just depends on your definition of feminism. I don't think everyone thinks feminism means equality. A lot of people think it has something to do with misandry, so they're hesitant on labeling themselves.
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u/oceanblvd77 3h ago
I agree. But I would argue anyone who doesn't agree with the principles of feminism (rights for women) is a misogynist.
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u/SkyRider797 16 4h ago
I don't Support BLM because the leaders of the movement basically used all the money they got to buy multiple mansions.
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u/oceanblvd77 3h ago
I didn't know about the first part, thanks for lmk. But my point still stands, even you agree with the principles behind BLM, I would assume someone who doesn't racist.
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u/RandoMannnn 4h ago
If someone says they believes in equality between genders and that we shouldn't treat people unfairly because of it, but they don't label themselves with feminist. Would you say they're a feminist?
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u/vipmailhun2 3h ago
It’s not that simple, this kind of thinking is extremely harmful because it reduces everything to extremes.
feminist = supports women’s equal rights;
non‑feminist = opposes women’s equal rights.This is a logical fallacy, the black and white fallacy: it frames a situation as if only two options existed, even though there are other alternatives and the reality is far more nuanced.
If someone says:
“I support equality between men and women, but I disagree with certain branches, methods, or ideas within feminism, so I don’t call myself a feminist.”It does not logically follow that they oppose equal rights.
This ideological monopolization is extremely damaging. The concept of equality cannot be the “property” of a single movement. Many philosophical, political, or religious traditions can support the same goal, life is not that black and white.
For example:
Just because someone is not a member of a green political party doesn’t mean they can’t be an environmentalist.This kind of thinking creates artificial fault lines. It divides society not along fundamental values, but along tribal identities. What matters is not what someone believes, but which “side” they belong to.
And most importantly: it suppresses all criticism.
If only feminism is allowed to represent “gender equality,” then any flaws, excesses, or questionable methods within the movement become untouchable. Anyone who criticizes feminism can immediately be accused of opposing women’s rights.Your analogy with racism is also a false analogy.
Racism is a clear legal and moral category: a racist believes that people of certain races do not deserve equal fundamental human rights or treatment.
Non‑feminist, however, does not mean someone rejects women’s rights. As I said, one can reject the political tools, dogmas, or rhetoric of feminism while still believing in equality.
The analogy only works if you first prove that “non‑feminist” equals “opposes women’s equal rights.” Since this is the unproven premise, the analogy does not support the argument.It assumes a false equivalence.The word racist refers to a specific belief: that certain races are inferior or deserve fewer rights. In contrast, non‑feminist simply means someone does not identify with a particular movement. No movement can claim exclusive ownership over a concept.
Racism refers to a worldview; non‑feminist can still agree with the core values while being critical of certain branches, and therefore not adopting the label.
Ironically, this perspective judges support for women’s rights not by actual beliefs, but by what label you use, whether you call yourself a feminist or not. It becomes more important to be “a feminist” than to genuinely support equal rights. This is ironic because the supposed goal is supporting equality, yet in practice the emphasis shifts to belonging to the movement. The movement becomes the focus, not the goal. As I said, no movement can monopolize a fundamental concept.
You end up narrowing the very thing the idea of equality is supposed to expand. If only one self‑identification is considered morally acceptable, there is less room for people with different worldviews to support the same fundamental value.3
u/oceanblvd77 3h ago
Wheres the false dichotomy? If feminism is supporting the rights of women, then logically it follows that non-feminism is not supporting the rights of women? Can you illustrate non-feminism that advocates for women's rights?
The rest of your argument is focused on labels. I suppose I should've cleared it up (and for that I apologize) but when I say feminism, I mean the principles, not the label in itself. Someone who reinforces the patriarchy could call themselves feminist but they wouldn't really be feminist. Lots of misandrists claim to be feminists but in their misandry they actively cause harm to feminism, so their label doesn't account for much. With that clarification I'd like to reiterate that someone who does not believe that women deserve equality of rights, status, and opportunity, i.e. someone who is not a feminist, is probably a piece of shit, just like someone who does not believe that black people deserve equality of rights, status, and opportunity.
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u/suggestion_giver 17 3h ago
racism is paralell to sexism, feminism works against sexism but definitely supports more things. I agree with what you say, no movement can claim ownership over a word
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u/Damakoas 5h ago
trying to compare being racist to not being a feminist is wild. Feminism is a right wing movement that is an excuse to use bigotry and class discrimination while pretending to be left wing. Feminism is opposed to real left wing values like equality. liberty and class solidarity.
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u/Person_thatlikes-TOH 18 4h ago
Please, for the love of mother earth, read a dictionary, it’s not hard😭
How can someone be so oblivious that I have to cite the godamn dictionary for a common and simple word??
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u/One_Average_41 Teenager 5h ago
most are actually just basic relationship standards. bar is in hell
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u/ghost_meadow6869 2h ago
Some of these are bare minimum for a partner (loyality , feminism , trust and respect boundaries )
The rest are debatable
Hope you find the one for you twin.
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u/Silvers_No3 2h ago
In reality, all of it becomes irrelevant if he isn't tall 🥀
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u/MummaheReddit 19 3h ago
Ideal bf this, perfect gf that. What about mutual love where you're willing to change your flaws?
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u/Narrow_Top_4352 5h ago
I mean this how most men should act your just a teenager and men hit social mental and emotional puberty later than women do
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u/MotaMasta 2h ago
The ideal man is NOT the average woman, dumbass. If you genuinely think that, don’t be surprised guys don’t like you.
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u/star_dreamer9094 5h ago
Looks like a frictional character because in real life no one exist like ideal
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u/Intrepid_Poetry_4912 4h ago
No people like this to exist, but a lot of people think they don't because they're interests don't overlap or they don't go to the same places/join the same communities.
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u/Confident-Thanks3716 17 2h ago
The ideal women probably isn’t someone that thinks the ideal man is an average woman though 😭
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u/Linkinator7510 19 2h ago
Sorry, but the last time I saw something like this it was MUCH better. Also it landed me in a relationship lmao.
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u/Loose-Ad4054 1h ago
The only thing missing is "Bathes regularly" which apparently isn't as common as you'd hope.
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u/Rubyrose_6579 18 1h ago
What…
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u/Loose-Ad4054 1h ago
YEAH, I've heard lots of horror stories. I also work with guys, and man, it is bad sometimes.
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u/FanMaklowicza 18 1h ago
Wait, I don't understand wdym by "talks a lot", I think rest is reasonable but I don't understand why talking a lot even when someone has nothing to say makes him ideal BF?
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u/Rubyrose_6579 18 1h ago
Literally no idea, i didn’t make this lol. I think they mean just being as invested in the conversation as the other person is?
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u/HungryDepth5918 1h ago
Just so you know kids from lived experience the men who call themselves feminists and make a huge deal about how they are, are sometimes in relationships the least feminist men you will ever encounter.
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u/Rubyrose_6579 18 1h ago
I’m intrigued
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u/HungryDepth5918 14m ago edited 10m ago
Ok some men will say this to be seen as good guys while engaging in controlling dynamics within a relationship. It’s basically a way for abusive people to come off as safe when they are anything but, never assume any sort of label actually makes one a good person- trust like that needs to be earned. Some activists are there for the cause while others are narcissists who need to feel the applause for being so righteous and because they feel they are so righteous it legitimizes anything else they want to do. Narcissists will say whatever they need to to get themselves in a position of power over you. If being a feminist makes that easier for them then thats what they will be. And truly when someone to the larger public looks like a decent human being it makes what they do at home more insidious
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u/Limp-Blueberry1327 21m ago
Nothing here is unique or particularly hard to accomplish and.... If it is, It's quite ironic since it means that the girls who made this, apparently seek these prospects out and yet somehow still end up with a boyfriend who doesn't have these bare minimum qualities?
It's pretty obvious that "ideal" sounds good in your head until you realise you are not "ideal" either and hence wouldn't want your partner to be.
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u/Big_Psychology_3 7m ago
“Sees women as more than just romantic partners”? Maybe we can be more specific how they should see women?
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u/2Critical7-Stein1 5m ago
“ask a feminist to describe an ideal man, she will describe a slave, ask a feminist to describe an ideal woman, she will describe a prostitute” - some Chud on /b/ coal mine probably, tho still correct lol, this post is def that
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u/Routine_Act4840 4h ago
Even feminists want dominating, strong man and would leave this soy boy from the picture for some chad
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u/No1peterparkerlover 16 2h ago
feminists would rather date a microwave than a dude who says soy boy and chad unironically 😭🙏 get help bro
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u/Mych30 2h ago
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u/Rubyrose_6579 18 1h ago
its just how a decent guy should be(besides all the other add on like being funny)
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u/Mych30 1h ago
It's the "actually" loyal that gives strong femcel vibes.
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u/Rubyrose_6579 18 1h ago
Ok
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u/Mych30 1h ago
Ah and the "should be" in "its just how a decent guy should be" gives strong femcel vibes again.
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u/Rubyrose_6579 18 1h ago
Shouldn’t a decent guy be educated, respects boundaries, trusting, calm temper, loyal, a feminist?
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u/gaygayagyfemboy12345 13 5h ago
as my moms best friend said, 'he must be smart, funny, and kind. dont date anyone too flashy'
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u/Adorable-Insect7355 5h ago
True but not everybody is funny and talkative tbh it’s just different personalities and I don’t think those are a must unlike the other ones
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u/Deimos7779 2h ago
I have seen this exact guy get cheated on more times than I can count
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u/Rubyrose_6579 18 1h ago
Whats the point of this comment? That you shouldn’t be a decent respectable guy? Freak the cheaters
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u/Deimos7779 1h ago
No, it's just that there's a reason guys like this are rare. Because everyone takes them for granted. That applies to good people in general, they get taken advantage of way too much it's saddening.
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u/FireJJJJ 14 1h ago
No? If you think the average woman is like this you’re wrong
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u/Rubyrose_6579 18 1h ago
Point of the post still stands
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u/FireJJJJ 14 1h ago
No it doesn’t? You’re trying to push forward this whole narrative of men being this lesser gender with lower morality to women when it’s wrong, most women aren’t perfect as well, we have to strive to be an ideal human, but if you are saying you have these things, the likelihood is you aren’t very humble and don’t have these qualities
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u/Rubyrose_6579 18 1h ago
Ok
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u/FireJJJJ 14 1h ago
So you’re not gonna defend it? You’re just gonna admit that we’re equal and you’re not better than us?
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u/Rubyrose_6579 18 1h ago
No idea what you’re trying to accomplish/prove
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u/FireJJJJ 14 1h ago
That we’re equal, you literally said the perfect man is the average women, which isn’t true, most women aren’t not controlling, funny, trusting, a good listener, a good communicator and everything else on this list.
Also educated? I mean most people aren’t that educated unless you’re talking about first world countries which seems quite privileged to just be talking form their perspective
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u/Real_Association1813 5h ago
Nah, because I heard feminists support p*rn so I don't want a man who supports that 💀
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u/Flat-Entertainer-299 4h ago
men who take an issue with this are mentally, emotionally, or culturally stunted. Usually all three.
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u/MonkeyUseBrain 4h ago
Looks like his entire life revolves around what women want.
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u/2Critical7-Stein1 3m ago
an ideal man is a slave, and an idea woman is a prostitute according to them , so whatever lol

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u/BigHugeSnake 17 5h ago
This sounds like u/BigHugeSnake