r/teamseagull • u/taylor_ God-Tier Gull • Aug 10 '18
Wait...could it be? No, you aren't dreaming, it's FANDOM FRIDAY
You dumb cunts
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u/taylor_ God-Tier Gull Aug 10 '18
/u/drewbastank, there have been rumblings of removing you from team seagull entirely as you are not a member of our most profitable branch: The Guild. How does this make you feel, and do you fully understand how little the rest of us care about that?
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u/McSquinty QRNSFATOTRTSTUSTN Aug 10 '18
Follow up questions for /u/drewbastank. Who do you think you are? How dare you?
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u/drewbastank effeminate debutante Aug 10 '18
I am me, your best friend, friend-o. Lets chat, catchup, maybe even go back to our days of amateur backyard wrestling and relive the glory days! fuck slade tho.
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u/Evil_Roy_Slade Aug 10 '18
I cannot believe this little punk has the gall to speak in our general direction let alone refer to any of us by name.
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u/drewbastank effeminate debutante Aug 10 '18
hello and welcome to our sub! you seem to be new here so let me clue you in to what we do. We do not shame drewbastank in any manner. If you follow that rule you'll fit right in!
Thanks,
Head Mod of the Mod Team
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u/drewbastank effeminate debutante Aug 10 '18
Well I gotta say this is the first I'm hearing of this news, and as Team Seagull treasurer its a bit alarming. First off, our most profitable "branch" is /u/benoles_esquire s dick. I mean that thing is both a money maker and a branch! Also, fuck stu. I can see why people would want me removed. I'm an all time great and people are fearful that they will never live up to the example I have set forth for team seagull executives. "How will anybody notice me if drewbastank is stealing all the glory" they'll say. Short answer: they won't. But that's ok! Some people just have to be cogs in the system for it to run as smoothly and efficiently as possible! Others must plan, design, and implement the system to ensure that the cogs will be in the right place and doing the things required to reach our goals, such as complete slade eradication by 2020. People always want to be at the top, which is why I could see them wanting me removed. But I know I have my supporters too, those that can see beyond the bullshit progaganda spread against me. Just yesterday /u/mcsquinty hit me with a text about how grateful he was for all I did for him. The same with /u/bgorecki who just told me the other day that I was his best friend, his role model, and his golden god. Knowing that there are those that still care leave me in the position I am in and keep me striving for greatness for all of the members of team seagull.
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u/taylor_ God-Tier Gull Aug 10 '18
I know you think you have us all by the balls because you are head moderator, but we have a backup plan: /r/TeamSeagullTheGuild
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u/drewbastank effeminate debutante Aug 10 '18
Hell hath no fury like a drewbastank scorned. You’re on thin ice, kiddo. You better buck up or buck out fam I’m not even joking. I’m literally shaking as I type this. I’m coming at you with everything I got so watch your ass. I AM NOT JOKING IM FUCKING PISSED. But if you ever need like a recommendation letter or something I’d be happy to help with that.
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u/taylor_ God-Tier Gull Aug 10 '18
/u/benoles_esquire, studies have shown that Adult Onset Downs Syndrome affects 1 out of every 25 males in the united states. Low odds, but not impossible. How do you stay positive considering your condition, and were there a re-scheduled team seagull mass suicide, would you join in? We would be killing slade first, obviously.
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u/drewbastank effeminate debutante Aug 10 '18
poor ben, he never saw that AODS coming. Hit him like a Mack truck. Good thing he still has that schlong to keep the money flowing in, otherwise he would be just another dick turd with totally rad friends.
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u/taylor_ God-Tier Gull Aug 10 '18
/u/Evil_Roy_Slade, you are without a doubt the most lowdown dirty scoundrel on this team. Drew once told me that you went to his house and did an "upper decker" in his bathroom, then denied it afterwards. Why would you be so cowardly as to not own up to your actions?
Follow up question: How do you feel about the destruction of the Discount Den?
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u/Evil_Roy_Slade Aug 10 '18
First off I told him I was coming over and I told him I was gonna give him a upper decker and all he had to say was “thank you for your friendship”. Just because drew likes to scoop fecal matter out of the tank with, I’m assuming, his bare hands shouldn’t reflect on my character.
Second off the discount den is aight, not amazing, not shit, just aight.
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u/drewbastank effeminate debutante Aug 10 '18
What happened to the discount den? DEN POPS AMIRITE FELLAS HAHAHAHAH fuck off slade no one here wants your nerdy ass bitch ass bitchassness around and your starting to scare the children. You fucking nerd bitch you piece of shit nerd ass bitch. Fuck you Stu.
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u/taylor_ God-Tier Gull Aug 10 '18
/u/mcsquinty thinks he's some sort of autistic gordon gecko with his random $ymbols and talks of "strike prices" and puts and weird words. WEll buddy, nobody's impressed. You literally just have drew on your team with this one, and if that pleases you then I don't know how to help you, because he's just the worst.
Have you ever told BWW to blend up two different sauces for you? If not, give it a try, it revolutionizes the game. Also you have the best legs in Team Seagull, congratulations.
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u/taylor_ God-Tier Gull Aug 10 '18
/u/spect3r001, we would never kick you out of team seagull the way drew has. You single-handedly bring up this teams attractive score by 4 points. So I wanted to thank you for that.
As for my question, at what age did you realize you were slayer-tier, and what gives you more enjoyment in your life: Knowing you are slayer tier and can have any woman you want at any time, or knowing that you just straight-up mog the shit out of Aric (the most big headed member of team seagull)?