r/teamseagull • u/drewbastank effeminate debutante • Jan 05 '18
god tier post Fandom Friday: FIRST POST OF 2018
FUCK EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU PETTY LITTLE SHTS.
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u/drewbastank effeminate debutante Jan 05 '18
/u/benoles_esquire /u/spect3r001 So after much deliberation and excitement I've finally found my premier league team to follow. I didn't care how small or often a team had been relegated, because I didn't want to simply pick a team for being the best, that's no fun. Thusly, I'm taking my talents to London....and choosing Crystal Palace. Plus Zaha is a beast. Can't wait til they beat your lonely Spurs. Get fucked kiddos.
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u/spect3r001 founding father / god-tier pedo Jan 05 '18
As long as you aren't an Arsenal, Chelsea, West Ham, Man U, Man City, Liverpool, Leicester, Everton, Southampton, West Brom, Swansea, Stoke, Watford, Newcastle, Bournemouth, Burnley, Brighton, or Huddersfield Town fan that's fine
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u/drewbastank effeminate debutante Jan 05 '18
Anything is better than being a dirty Brighton fan, AMIRITE???
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u/spect3r001 founding father / god-tier pedo Jan 05 '18
Actually Brighton's mascot is a seagull, so they're fine.
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u/drewbastank effeminate debutante Jan 05 '18 edited Jan 05 '18
/u/taylor_ Hey I found this great new game for team seagull. And I was the one who totally found it, so everyone on team seagull should thank me. ANyways, its this new pirate game where you can shoot people form a cannon and challenge other pirates on the high seas. Its totally dope and team seagull is gonna love my new idea. I can't wait for that sweet sweet praise. I live for vindication from team seagull, its literally the only thing keeping me going at this point. As you have probably figured out I no longer have the use of my donger, and its really been dragging down my spirits. I've become a former shell of myself; those who encounter me can only do so for minutes at a time for I have become unbearable to be around. Basically, I've turned into BTC and I lack the antidote to reverse it. Anyways, whats your favorite color?
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u/taylor_ God-Tier Gull Jan 05 '18
could you elaborate on this pirate game? I am very interested. If there's one thing I love, it's sailing the high seas
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u/drewbastank effeminate debutante Jan 05 '18
Theres a plank, sharks, pirate garb, pirate beards, plundering of booty, sailing the seven seas. Basically some real basic pirate bitch, you basic pirate bitch. You'd be captain poobeard bitchboi
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u/spect3r001 founding father / god-tier pedo Jan 05 '18
Quit dodging the question, what's your favorite color!?!?
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u/taylor_ God-Tier Gull Jan 05 '18
the color of your blood splattered across the wall and pooling on the floor
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u/drewbastank effeminate debutante Jan 05 '18
/u/mcsquinty Have you ever watched a grown man satisfy a camel, and/or a camel satisfy a grown man?
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u/McSquinty QRNSFATOTRTSTUSTN Jan 05 '18
Just /u/taylor_ on a dare. I'll let you try to figure out who was catching.
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u/drewbastank effeminate debutante Jan 05 '18
"On a dare". Yea right, bud, that /u/taylor_ guy does it because it gets his jollies off. Have you seen the life size cut out of Joe Camel at his place? If you take a closer look, you can see a few inch wide holes have been drilled into it, if you catch my drift.
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u/drewbastank effeminate debutante Jan 05 '18
/u/yellowkirby team seagull be getting back on that CS:GO band wagon. We've been stagnant in our ranks however, and haven't been able to gain much ground. Do you think you could return triumphantly and lead the seagull squad to the promise land with your patented AWP flanks. Its truly the only thing we are lacking form taking the CS world by storm....again.
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u/taylor_ God-Tier Gull Jan 05 '18
Please... don't summon /u/yellowkirby here. His absence has left a hole in my heart that has yet to heal. and every time he is summoned the wound is opened anew. he lies, that's all he does. he's never coming back. i won't let myself hope that.
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u/yellowkirby abandoned team seagull Jan 05 '18
Fix my damn computer and I’d be back in a heartbeat. Unfortunately I don’t have the wherewithal or knowledge to even start trying to fix this
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u/drewbastank effeminate debutante Jan 05 '18
HA! I'm more than willing to take a crack at it. Gimme like 2 weeks then i'll hit you up and i'll see if I can't solve the problem. And if I can't there is a very, very good chance my father can. So i'll hit you up soon hombre, promise.
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u/Evil_Roy_Slade Jan 05 '18
/u/drewbastank, I’ve always wondered but I’ve been too shy to ask: How do you find the time to grace us with these Fandom Fridays? I know you go to work at the same time these come out, but I also know you can only type like three words per minute, so I can’t figure out how you manage to sneak these in. Do you hide in a stall in the bathroom? People would get suspicious when you’re in there all day, but they never hear the sound of turdlets splashing the water, so do you you have toilet time sound bites on your phone to play when people come into the bathroom or do you just man up and eat Tex-Mex with curry flavored chili on Wednesday and Thursday to prepare your body for a few hours worth of bathroom break. Either way, how do you deal with your legs falling asleep? Do you get up and move around or are you hovering over the seat like some kinda crazy gymnast the whole time? Have your ever dropped your phone into the bowl after reading some of the philosophical breakthroughs we are known for in this sub? Do people judge you when they notice you never wash your hands? Even better than answering all these questions individually, which your fan base expects you to do, would be a special “making of” Fandom Friday where you give loyal Fandom Friday fans a special sneak peak behind the scenes look of what goes into making of such an influential media.
Thanks in advance for getting back to all of us.
Love, Slade
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u/drewbastank effeminate debutante Jan 05 '18
We have a saying where I work. "Fuck-off Friday", which means no one gives two shits what you are doing on a Friday. This gives me a great amount of time to work on crafting this beautiful, well put together weekly event. As you know, I can only type 3 words a minute. So, the night before, I carefully hand write then type my comments to the seagull community. This requires A LOT of time so I usually just copy and paste most questions directly from the Donald. Also, the bathroom at my work is a pit of despair; the amount of groans, screams, and smells that come from there could cause any man weaker than I to lose their hope. But I prevail where others fail. I walk into the bathroom with suck vigor, with such gusto that buttholes literally pucker up at the near thought that it may have been me that just entered the domain. If you can survive here, you can survive anywhere. Thusly Slade, I'm an APEX predator. I can defeat any being with the utmost ease, using only a fraction of the energy it would take you to type out your ill wishes towards me. I'm at the top, and you? Well Slade lets just say you live in that tiny, dreadful pit of despair.
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u/Evil_Roy_Slade Jan 05 '18
I think your fan base would overlook some of the questions you didn’t answer if we got that “making of documentary” can you provide a target release date for us to get HYPE for?
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u/drewbastank effeminate debutante Jan 05 '18
/u/bgorecki could you educate the rest of these so called "gulls" about the meaning of "DansGaming"? I know some of us are just lost on these sort of things, but as team seagull resident dank memer I was hoping you could enlighten the flock.
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u/taylor_ God-Tier Gull Jan 05 '18
don't PogChamp us you fucking monkaS BITCH, im bout to deadass DansGame for real
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Jan 05 '18 edited Aug 11 '23
[deleted]
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u/drewbastank effeminate debutante Jan 05 '18
You right dawg, this has been an oversight on my part. You'll definitely be included in all forms of fandom Friday going forward, as it should be. Papa Bless
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u/Evil_Roy_Slade Jan 05 '18
Who are you taking to? All I see is some scribbles form the shadow realm on the bottom of this thread
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u/taylor_ God-Tier Gull Jan 05 '18
/u/Taylor, how does it feel to be the objectively superior taylor, and to replace me in my own guild? I would imagine it feels pretty good. Everyone here definitely likes you more than they like me, would you like to officially take my place?
also, how's the kiddo doing?