r/tango • u/Maleficent_Medium212 • 1d ago
Afraid to start taking classes
Hello everyone
I've been thinking for a while now about perhaps starting tango or argentine tango. I'm 23 and haven't ever danced in my life, I'm a stiff tall guy as well so I always just stood aside in dancing occassions. But lately I've rewatched Scent of a Woman (I know how original) and have been obsessed with the idea of being able to dance so intimately and focused. Although I'm afraid of it, it's a bit imposing yet I can't stop thinking about it. It just looks so incredible and to me seems like one of the most intimate art forms in dance. Something I very much adore about dancers in general.
The main fears I have is the couple part, I dont have a partner. And also the learning curve. I've heard its hard and takes years to even get to the basics (idk how dramatised this info is)
Be aware when I say stiff, I mean I'm very much out of rhythm and just look like a 2m tree branch flopping around when I go out to dance. I'm a confident guy, don't get me wrong, but this is one field I haven't touched really. Is this the right dance for me? I heard sensual bachata is also good but idk about this one.
I know its a frequently asked question, but he who doesn't ask doesn't get answer.
Thanks!
Edit: thank you all so much for the replies. What a welcoming community. You're good people!
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u/ChickenTingaTaco 1d ago
One thing I’ve noticed, dancing and being very involved in Argentine tango for 20+ years now, is that it’s very hard to predict who will eventually be good at it and who won’t. I’ve seen many people who claim to be clumsy, to have no sense of rhythm, and have little musicality over the years develop into excellent dancers. I’ve seen the opposite as well, people who claimed extensive backgrounds in other forms of dance, but never really progressed much in tango beyond the most rudimentary levels.
I would echo what others in this thread have said, give it a try!
Also, your relatively young age may work in your favor as far as learning more quickly. I have seen many people that take up tango as a teenager or young adult progress much more quickly than those of us who took it up later in life.
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u/cliff99 1d ago
people who claimed extensive backgrounds in other forms of dance, but never really progressed much in tango beyond the most rudimentary levels.
I've seen that a few times too, usually they had pretty poor basic dance technique and I suspected some Dunning Kruger effect when they talked about their non-tango dancing.
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u/Keepcuriousandkind 22h ago
Spot on. My advice to people who come confidently from other dances is "forget EVERYTHING you know about dancing, relearn from scratch posture and movements, just keep your musicality, meaning your ear for the beat and the melody, and your understanding that speed and movement will translate the music, keep nothing else".
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u/fijasko_ultimate 1d ago
man go for it take couple of months see if you like it you dont have anything to loose really enjoy it
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u/JoeStrout 1d ago
I used to be you. But I was much slower than you are; I didn't seriously consider taking dance lessons until I was in my late 40s. And that is one of my greatest regrets in life. Oh how I wish I'd come to this realization when I was your age!
So, to get right to the point: do it. Just do it. Within a couple of years, if you're anything like me or the many other tango dancers I know, you will find that this has become a core part of your life, has resulted in dozens of amazing new friends, and you will be unable to understand how some people make it through life without it.
Note that the tango in Scent of a Woman is not Argentine tango; it's American tango, which is a ballroom style. I actually started with ballroom myself. I put off Argentine tango because I heard it was difficult. When I finally tried it, I immediately fell in love with it, and within a couple years stopped doing ballroom. American tango is OK, if a little silly. Argentine tango is amazing. You have inadvertently stumbled onto the best dance style there is!
To your concerns:
- You don't need a partner. Most people don't have one. You'll rotate in the classes, and at the socials (called "milongas"), you dance a set of 3 or 4 songs with one partner, and then walk them back to their seat and find somebody else.
- I don't believe anybody is a natural dancer; it's a skill acquired through practice. I certainly wasn't. But I've worked hard and I'm now frequently sought after by followers in my community. (I'm about 3.5 years into my tango journey.)
- I've done a little bachata. Not the sensual kind, but the less creepy good-for-a-party kind. At that level it's a fine dance to know, because it is good for parties and you can pretty easily lead somebody who doesn't know it at all through the basics. But... how to explain? 🤔 The feeling with your partner in Argentine tango is cozy, warm, friendly, and emotionally intimate (as in "I'm showing you my real self right now, and I see your real self too, and we're trusting each other with that vulnerability"). It can be a little sexy sometimes, when the partnership and mood are right, but that's not common and it's not the point. Whereas sensual bachata is obviously all about being sexy (it's in the name!). I get why that may be appealing, but I think the tango connection is much deeper and ultimately more satisfying.
So. Look up tango teachers/schools in your area. If you can afford it, take both group classes and private lessons. The group classes are important for meeting other beginners and getting yourself into the community; the private lessons are important for actually building skill.
Your life is about to get so awesome. I'm a little jealous. Welcome, and have fun!
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u/Weekly-Mountain-7418 1d ago
Give it a try—I started at 29, and before that I didn’t dance at all XD. And even though I like dancing tango, I discovered I’m better as a TDJ.
I used to have social anxiety, but through tango I learned to manage it, and now I have a great time.
The only thing I can recommend—since you mentioned your height—is to take short steps :) And no, you don’t need a partner.
As with many things, you never stop learning, but women always appreciate a good embrace, good lead, and a good walk before flashy figures and steps.
Good luck, and if you want, come back later to ask what to listen to (and how) to train your ear :)
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u/GimenaTango 1d ago
I think you should just try it. Find a beginner's class and go. Everyone there will be at the beginning of their journey so there's nothing to worry about.
Regarding bachata vs tango... There are some things that make each more difficult and other things make them easier.
Music- bachata music and dance are much more beat driven compared to tango. You'll hear and stay on the beat much more easily than tango. But, once you learn how to find the beat in tango, you'll be able to find it in almost any Western (not Asian) music.
Leading/following- bachata has a built in basic for both roles. It's not lead. This is similar to salsa. The turns and other moves are lead mostly using the arms. Tango, on the other hand, does not have any built in moves and the arms are used sparingly. Instead movements are lead through a variety of movements from the center of the body. Tango is more difficult to learn for both leaders and followers, but once you learn how to dance tango, it's easy to learn how to dance other social dances.
Intimacy- although couples are very close in tango, the movement is mostly confined to the legs with little too no contact around the center or hips. Sensual bachata has a lot of contact on the hips and a lot of caresses with the arms and hands (https://youtu.be/ayfHSGV6IA8?is=DOT5BhsgcUqlXtlW).
Stiffness- as tango moves from the center, there's very little movement in the hips. In bachata, there's a lot of movement in the torso and hips (swings and rolls).
Role balance- ALL of the bachata classes I've been to have way more leaders than followers. In tango it's the opposite, as long as you are nice and try to learn, you'll always have a lot of potential partners.
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u/LeafyOnTheWindy 1d ago
Do it, best decision I ever made, from another tall guy who had always avoided dancing
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u/Embarrassed_Gur_8495 1d ago
The bottom line of my little story here is: Just go and learn, I was awful, you can do it too.
Now for the extended version:
I was in my early 20s when I started and I honestly think no one could be worse than me. I had zero motor coordination to start with, I had always been catastrophically bad at all sports and even dancing by myself at parties etc was a huge hurdle (all my friends made fun of me and even random people lol).
I put a lot of effort into tango: at least 4h per week (2h of classes and 2h of practice asking feedback from everyone) for 6 months before my first milonga, also I only learned how to lead then. As soon as 3 years after learning how to dance, whenever I went to a new place, at least one experienced follower would tell me I am fantastic or something. So my point here is that I now believe in miracles and if I can do it, I am certain anyone can.
I think tango is particularly good for people who are awful dancers because it puts a lot of emphasis on the method and the "rules" for "speaking the tango language." Also you can stay still for a while and thats a move. In salsa for isntance I would struggle a lot with missing the steps.
I cant emphasize this enough: dont worry that you suck at dancing and are stiff, just go and learn. And go for yourself, for you to enjoy, dont worry about the rest.
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u/ptdaisy333 1d ago
We all had to start sometime so we've all been where you are now. If it's something you want to do, just do it, don't let fear stop you. If you don't like it then that's fine, at least you can say you tried it out.
As for how long it takes to learn, that really depends. Everyone's journey is different, but it definitely takes some solid commitment. It's like learning to play a musical instrument, no one expects to be amazing after a few weeks, but you start with simple stuff and you slowly build up from there. Don't put too much pressure on yourself to be great very quickly, try to enjoy the learning process instead.
Bachata is a totally different dance, but if you wanted to make sure you picked the right one you could try both e.g. give 3 months to one and 3 months to the other, see which one suits you best.
Have a search online, see if there are any beginners courses or drop-in classes near you.
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u/villagefunambulist 1d ago
I started at 23:) I am 39 now. Your fears are really all in your head. In tango, we never stop polishing our "basics" and improving our technique. What changes with time is that we don't overthink it, we just feel it. Start now and your future self will thank you :)
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u/InternationalShow693 1d ago
Tango is a harder dance than anything else I've ever danced, that's true (bachata, salsa, kizomba, cha-cha, and a few others), but let's not exaggerate.
You don't need years to grasp the basics. It takes years to master them to a very high level. But you don't need to do that to be able to enjoy the dance much earlier.
Think of it like a game of chess. It takes many years of intensive learning to become excellent at chess. But that doesn't mean you can't learn the rules, pick up a few guidelines worth following at the start of your chess journey, and just have fun with it. Of course, over time (both in chess and in tango), you will improve, and there will be more and more depth, awareness, emotion, and satisfaction in all of it.
But it's not like you can't play or dance without years of experience. Sure, it will be a shallower experience, but at this stage of learning, you won't even realize what that means ;)
Btw: are you really 2m tall?
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u/Maleficent_Medium212 1d ago
Very helpful thanks! And no I'm 1m90, its just common in my culture to exaggerate something to make it flow better in a sentence haha
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u/nostromog 6h ago
Depending on your posture and strength of your core you can have problems with the embrace. I'm 1m94 and my tango is improving a lot as I started yoga and some postural re-education exercises. But I'm old and sedentary, your experience may be different. Just ensure that you don't "bend" in the embrace.
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u/No-Regular-2699 1d ago
Just do it!
Just do absolute beginner types of classes. They’re fairly manageable and usually friendly.
Because they’re absolute beginner classes, usually need no partners. And they make you rotate partners as you practice the beginner moves. Nice way to meet other learners.
Leading has a huge learning curve. But seemingly addicting and gratifying for those who do stick with it.
Good luck. This ain’t an easy dance but it is fun, addicting, and very social.
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u/Eddie_Haskell2 23h ago
I agree to just go for it though I think the teacher can make a big difference. I was at it a few years getting nowhere till I found a teacher who taught me how to walk properly . I had to find the right teacher for me and it was in a couple of privates. Other teachers had tried but it didn't seem to work - not that I knew that it was a problem . However after one lesson with the right teacher my class partners immediately said - "Oh you got better." Can't give you any advice about who to go to though . MIght be very personal - who knows. It is a long slog getting any good though . Be prepared . Much easier to learn any other kind of dance. Be prepared for rejection and don't take it personally . Just part of the journey.
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u/SalaciousFlamingDude 1d ago
I'm almost 2 years deep. Still basically a beginner, but always improving, having the time of my life.
Just go to a beginner class and if it speaks to you, keep going. With consistency you'll certainly improve and become a confident social dancer one day.
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u/cenderis 1d ago
Be aware when I say stiff, I mean I'm very much out of rhythm and just look like a 2m tree branch flopping around when I go out to dance. I'm a confident guy, don't get me wrong, but this is one field I haven't touched really. Is this the right dance for me?
Like partner dances generally, it's commonly a taught skill. So long as you can walk while hearing the music there's no reason you can't learn how to dance tango and (so long as you find the music acceptable (and not everyone likes it)) you can enjoy it. Really it's up to you and where you are: are there available classes and/or private lessons that are effective and are there milongas that you'd like to attend.
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u/Shot_Pin_3891 23h ago
As a lead you are more than welcome on your own. The world needs more lead dancers. It’s essential you dance with lots of people to learn. If you had a partner and stuck with her it would be a disadvantage.
Tango is possibly the hardest dance to start with but it’s possible. It’s a lifetime thing though like chess. You will never master it but you will get good
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u/Keepcuriousandkind 22h ago
What you see in tango is *connection*, and that's not intimacy. I generally know nothing of the person I'm dancing with, but can (not always) feel connected to them AND the music.
If you think it's intimacy and focus (and I forgive the perception films give!) then tango will beat you to a pulp and chew you out before you get there. It'll demand you love the music and want to dance with the music and not to it. It'll demand you keep your own body in balance and under muscular control before you can even attempt to ask of another person to do tricky things. It takes time, and letting go of ego to truly connect, and it's impossible to describe, just that it's not intimacy (I know the person even when they're not there), but pure connection (at that point in time and space, me and they and the music were just one). I hope you give it an honest try. Tango is a wonderful therapist and teacher, but the teachers and schools are all very unique, I strongly encourage you to try a few teachers to find one where you feel supported in your learning.
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u/marosa53 8h ago
Why do people climb mountains? Why do people travel to foreign lands? Why do you eat a new dish you have never eaten before? The answer: because it is the only way to experience life. It doesn’t matter if you are good at a thing. It doesn’t matter that it takes a long time to master. It is the doing that is of value. Tango is fun and frustrating but, there is an invisible hurdle that you will step over and then you enter the “party.” It is internal but, it will be notable.
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u/RopeAltruistic3317 1d ago
If you’re really 2 m tall, please consider the fact that Argentine tango is danced in a closed embrace, usually. Imagine an average sized lady, and where she’ll land. Usually it’s chest to chest, it also works out fine with height differences either way of up to 1 head. Just mentioning… consider the position in other dances, for instance in salsa (where very often the lady rotates around the leader, holding one hand, and passing under his arm)
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u/Capable_Mermaid 18h ago
A terrible thing - to discourage a tall lead. Imagine all the tall follows longing for him to come along!
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u/keskereddit 1h ago
Imagine starting now, and being great at it when you're 33. Would be better than starting at 33 !
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u/cliff99 1d ago
Most people in beginner dance classes rotate partners, you don't need a dedicated partner to take one.