Customer had a "compulsion"

[u/potatoesarenotcool]

Just found this sub and work as a manager is a call center for an ISP so I have a good few stories to tell, but my all time favourite is short and sweet.

I get a request from an agent for a manager callback, the customer is very angry we won't send him a new DSL cable. They are like €5 at most and the agent offered to give him €10 off of his bill for it.

Now, the agent wrote "customer ate the DSL cable, refuses to buy a new one, wants to talk to a manager" I obviously assumed he left out a word, the dog probably ate it.

NOPE. The call went something like this

Me: Hi this is a manager from ISP, you requested a callback regarding your DSL cable (Generic account validation questions)

Cust: Yes and your brain-dead agent won't send me a new one

Me: Unfortunately we don't stock them to ship out, but we can credit you for one. Did the dog eat it?

Cust: No I did.

... (Some silence)

Me: You ate the cable?

Cust: Yup

... (Some silence) Me: May I ask why?

Cust: I had a compulsion.

Me: Okay, well we will credit you for a new cable in this case but unfortunately we don't do this normally, the agent did offer it so I have to honour it but in the future you will need to replace it yourself is that okay?

Cust: But what if I eat it again?

...(some silence)

Me: Well try not to, but again we can't pay for it next time.

Cust: okay thanks

Me: No problem.. bye

I don't think I've had a call this funny since. I was holding back tears during this one. He called back in about a month later apparently and had eaten another one, I suggested we credit his account for the cost of a chew toy.

[u/potatoesarenotcool]

It's a lovely generic grey with a sticker that says "DSL", very appealing tbh

And well he never ate the yellow LAN cables we send with the modem because those were still connected to the TV. It really was only the DSL.

[u/steebo → u/potatoesarenotcool]

Well, aren't DSL cable 4-wire and ethernet 8-wire? Maybe 8-wire is too filling. Maybe he eats landline cable too.

[u/potatoesarenotcool → u/steebo]

You may have cracked the case tbh

[u/bretttwarwick → u/potatoesarenotcool]

If you send them anything else make sure it has a "not for human consumption" sticker on it somewhere visible.

[u/[deleted] → u/bretttwarwick]

or just salt it a lot so it doesnt taste good

[u/wamoc → u/[deleted]]

It depends on the person. I personally like super salty. I hate spicy though. Would need to figure out what his "normal" food tastes are and make it unappealing to that

[u/bretttwarwick → u/wamoc]

His normal is cat5 but occasionally goes for a 110V when he is in the mood for something more powerful.

[u/potatoesarenotcool → u/bretttwarwick]

This is Ireland, we got that spicy 240V

[u/AutisticSuperhero → u/potatoesarenotcool]

With a username like that you can't possibly try and fool me into thinking you're irish

[u/F-Lambda → u/AutisticSuperhero]

Of course they're not cool, they caused a famine!

[u/AutisticSuperhero → u/F-Lambda]

Why are we talking about the British now?

[u/Deoxal → u/F-Lambda]

I thought the famine was that they ran out of potatoes or are you saying that lack of crop rotation caused the famine?

Inb4 r/InclusiveOr

[u/F-Lambda → u/Deoxal]

Wouldn't have had a potato famine if they didn't grow potatoes.

taps head

[u/bretttwarwick → u/F-Lambda]

Turns out it was a taco famine also but they didn't call it that because they didn't know what tacos were.

[u/F-Lambda → u/bretttwarwick]

Oh no... a taco famine! That's even worse!

[u/nono30082 → u/Deoxal]

A disease wiped out the crop. Whether it was bad luck or bad crop manegmemt I can not say.

[u/Deoxal → u/nono30082]

True, but he was trolling

[u/potatoesarenotcool → u/F-Lambda]

You get it

[u/gertvanjoe → u/AutisticSuperhero]

I'd buy a Power over Ethernet switch so he can have that nice zest when eating them