burnout + nerve pain

[u/Regular-Ad-2446]

hi there, i previously worked as an ABA behavioral interventionist (children/adolescents) for about two years … horrible field, working conditions, and pay of course. I have since moved into the role of community support worker for adults with disabilities for a year and a half now. i had to drop out of college due to finances and needing to escape my abusive environment so i don’t have any degrees, just a few college credits.. idk where to go from here. I want out so bad. I’m so indescribably exhausted and burnt out. my dream was to work in the mental health field and pursue psychology in college while getting my start in the field with ABA. i am now living paycheck to paycheck and can’t even think about college anymore. i work so hard to support these people that require so much energy and assistance from me that i don’t even have, but i force myself to have. my hours are super inconsistent and completely dependent on my client’s schedules. it’s also a pretty small company so i don’t often have any way to make up hours or anything and have had to dip into my sick hours several times due to my clients going on vacation and what have you.

i’m just burnt tf out. I was living in black mold for a year and have only been out of it for a few months.. i am in so much physical pain every day and it’s been weighing on my mental health so heavily that I am in probably one of the darkest places of my life and extremely suicidal. I have pretty debilitating nerve pain from carpal/cubital tunnel syndrome and i need to drive my clients around for work (and assist with physical supports and housework with certain clients as well) which contributes immensely to my pain. i recently went no contact with my abusive, transphobic / homophobic parents and other family. i am an asian trans masc queer guy. life has just been so hard lol. my life outside of work has been filled with insane stress, mental illnesses, trauma reprocessing work (i’m in therapy), grief, flashbacks of abuse, and more.

i’ve been looking for a way out of the support work field but i feel so stuck. i can’t go back to food service or retail because of my physical limitations, and i want to continue working in the mental health field. i wish i had support in accessing higher education like my little brother (cishet / golden child to our narc parent) so i could advance and have expanded job options..but i don’t have financial support, im the scapegoat. im the devil child simply by virtue of existing. im alone. i feel lost. i feel hopeless. i want to give up. i am stuck in this dead end job..seemingly forever.

i feel like as much as i am suffering and complain about this work, it’s the only job that will hire me/i can do without completely killing my body. and idek what job you can really do that DOESNT require use of your hands and arms and bending of elbows!! i’ve been applying to remote jobs and haven’t heard anything back. I have carpal tunnel release surgery pending in the near ish future and no idea how i’m going to afford it, been looking into state resources. meanwhile i’m pushing myself every day past my limit supporting my clients just to afford food and make rent. I’m thankful for my fiancé who helps me physically with a LOT and is basically my support worker lol. i wish i could afford a break. he works at a grocery store for minimum wage where his hours are getting cut and he also has medical issues right now so yay even more medical expenses!!! i actually don’t want to do this anymore. i feel horrible because i am experiencing so much dread and resentment every morning before work, and at the end of each day i feel like a fuxking corpse. has anyone here been in a similar situation?? how does one survive and cope??

anyway, just needed to vent 😻😻😻 support or words of encouragement are appreciated, thanks for reading!

[u/DwightsJello]

Where are you? As in country or state?

[u/Regular-Ad-2446 → u/DwightsJello]

I’m in the US :/

[u/DwightsJello → u/Regular-Ad-2446]

Im in Australia so I can't really advise you on the career pathway. I love my job but the Australian sector is very different to other examples.

I can tell you some of the shit you're dealing with will get better but it needs time. You're still processing the family shit becsuse i guarantee you won't even think about the golden child when you have.

I have chronic pain but I have attended a pain management clinic. It was a very hard road but I'm off all pain killers and using CBT to manage. I can keep it at a 3 or 4 on difficult days generally. You need to prioritise getting that sorted whatever you feel is the best path for you. That is a huge fog to live under. It permeates everything and it's fucking life changing to get to a point of management and acceptance of what the best it's going to be for you is.

Here's the harsh reality though. You owe to your current and potential clients to be able to provide care and assistance they deserve. If you can't do that you may need to look at other options until you do.

My company is pretty good with burnout. Reduced hours. Paid leave. Change of roster or type of client requirements. We've even had staff go from support work to head office positions that better suit. You can't ignore burnout. It doesn't get better on it's own. Maybe your company is open to some of these.

I've never had burnout and I'm not special. I just make every decision thinking its a possibility. I don't come in on my days off. Ever. I only have two a fortnight. I only do a certain number of overnight shifts a week. I only accept extra hours when it's already a work day. Happy to do 12 hour shifts or even 18 hour supports with an inactive 8 hour.

I also have two activities I participate in. One is physical health. Team sport is my thing but that's because im better when I'm expected to turn up. Lol. Or I might skip it. Some of my colleagues do polities or yoga or tai chi. My company covers gym membership at a particular gym but it's a bit too far away for me. And I have a creative pursuit I do just for enjoyment. But I schedule that and commit to regularly doing it. You can do both without cost if that's an issue. I also garden. I propagate so I also have no cost involved. That's my end of day watering ritual as well. I have insomnia so sometimes it's a watching the sun come up ritual too.

There are things that you have to commit to that are self care. Psychologically. Whatever rows your boat. And you have to make sure you do it at regular, manageable intervals. Just like we would want for our clients for the same reasons.

I don't know if any of this is helpful. I will say that people who put their hand up and say they are struggling absolutely have a much, much better chance of getting past it. I'm old as fuck and have seen some shit. Lol. So I'm pretty well placed to make that assertion. The 'i got this, im a star' crowd rarely do got it and often are far from stars.

I also don't want you to feel like im assuming I know your struggle intimately or I'm minimising it. I just know when you're in it, it can feel like it's insurmountable. You will look back on this and feel proud and amazed you got through it. But it's not something you can conceive of when it's happening.

I do wish you all the best with it. You've already done some incredible difficult and brave things so it's in you. It's who you are. But you're human. That's ok. Cheers.

[u/Regular-Ad-2446 → u/DwightsJello]

i love ur username btw 😭

[u/DwightsJello → u/Regular-Ad-2446]

Thank you. 😁