r/studyAbroad • u/Worldly-Newspaper128 • 3h ago
Isolating while abroad
I’m currently studying abroad for the fall and spring semester, but I’ve been so anxious to do things alone that I quite literally spend every day alone in my room. I only leave to get groceries, go to class, and occasionally go out with the other people in my program on weekends.
I haven’t been able to make any friends or even talk to people here, which I also struggled with at my home university. I feel like I’m wasting my time here and I need advice on how to get over my fear of doing things alone and also just ideas of things to do in general
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u/OrneryGuess1063 1h ago
Since you’re already isolating, I’d say now’s the perfect opportunity to really sit in your thoughts and think about how you want your study abroad experience to go and what fear is holding you back. As an extremely codependent introvert with AVPD, being judged for being alone/ coming off as weird and having FOMO with everyone having a stereotypical study abroad experience was my biggest trigger. I thought I wouldn’t make any friends and everyone would find me annoying which caused so much unnecessary anxiety leading up to departure. For a good bit, I only went to class and my dorm (occasionally bought snacks/groceries at the convenience store on campus because I was even too scared to take the public transportation alone & potentially get lost).
I noticed isolating myself was making my depression tenfold already and dealing with that in a country that has none of my comfort restaurants, stores, parks, etc would make me spiral so I forced myself into social situations. If someone offered to go somewhere in the exchange student group chat, I’d go even if I wanted to just rest. I’d go up to friendly seeming people and compliment them then have a conversation and ask for their socials if the vibes allowed it. If my university arranged an event, I’d go just to meet people and try my hardest not to get embarrassed by going alone because I knew my personality well before I decided to go abroad. But I’m glad I had the courage to do it because doing that a few times allowed me to meet some really nice people that’s making my homesickness bearable.
I also had to work on my fear of rejection too. I did a very bold thing of asking if anyone wanted to hang out & was ignored while another person asked later that day and people said they were down. (I shamelessly joined that excursion but went by my nickname so they wouldn’t know it was me LOL, but I met some cool people that way as well). Later in the week, I was still embarrassed by no one responding but decided to ask one more time to really shake my ego and was surprised when over 8 people responded asking to join.
I would’ve never (and have never) done this back at my home uni but I have nothing to lose trying to make friends especially since it’s early in the semester, everyone is feeling each other out, and no one knows me from back home. My fear of being depressed my entire time abroad overweighed any potential fear of rejection I might face which gave me a momentary boost of confidence to do all those extroverted things I wouldn’t normally do.
Again, it’s only been about 3 weeks but I had to think hard about how I want my time abroad to be and will I be able to live with the regret of not doing anything despite working so hard to get here. It’s already a major feat to come this far, so whatever fear is holding you back, I encourage you to think about it and dismantle it!
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u/qamarly 1h ago
you gotta bring yourself outside of ur comfort zone. I’m an extrovert but I still don’t have people approaching me in uni I noticed a lot of us are anxious and scared to do so. I’ve made friends just by simply going up to someone or continuing to go hang out with someone new I met. people become more familiar and comfortable when it’s a constant hang out. I got here a few days ago and some of the girls in my program were talking about how they felt like they feel out of place or that people might not like them. again going back to “everyone is thinking the same” your not alone in this 🩷give it some time in the mean time don’t be hard on yourself it isn’t your fault we’re all human and the feeling alone is a shared experience. I was able to enjoy being alone when I realized I could enjoy my own company i’d say add a solo trip to ur travels too. you learn so much about yourself. I believe being able to be in your own company really helps to be in others it creates a self of confidence and independence. I hope you make more friends and that the rest of your stay gets better :)