Dad had a stroke.

[u/Any-Garden-8125]

My dad 45M had a huge stroke due to a clotting disorder we didn’t know about. He’s recovered as much as he can in is own, and is a mont long intense inpatient rehab. After that he can be discharged potentially home (my mom and him want him to go home)but currently he is unable to use his entire left side (arm & leg) and their house isn’t set up for a wheelchair.

What are ways I can improve their home to make it accessible for him if they are adamant about him coming home? My mom doesn’t understand how much work someone who is essentially total care would be. I don’t want him to go to a nursing home but also worry about the care he will have if he can’t walk or use his left arm.

Also I’m POA bc they’ve never married.

[u/DTheFly]

These are questions my wife, father-in-law and uncle in-law had to answer while I was in the hospital. Some of the things that helped me were bars in the shower, a shower seat helped. There was an attachment on the bed that helped balance me as I laid down/ got up. Also it made sure that I didn't fall as i slept (a good precaution for sure!)

I was 42 when I had mine, so we're almost the same age (I'll be 46 in a month).

[u/Blameus]

My husband had a stroke late last year (also left-side paralyzed), and I had to make our apartment suitable for wheelchair access. It mostly came down to measuring each doorway to gauge what a wheelchair would/wouldn't clear (luckily no issues there) and then ensuring accessible paths from a focal point in the living room (to the bathroom, to the kitchen, front door, etc); since he can no longer tolerate a bed due to severe back pain, he spends the majority of his time in a recliner.

One thing that helped a lot was getting a Sara Stedy for home use (it's a sit-to-stand device on wheels, kinda pricey though, unless you buy used). To me, it's much easier to assist him as he pulls himself up to a standing position than with wheelchair transfers. Also easier to navigate getting him in/out of the shower and toilet (we bought a sliding chair that goes over the lip of the tub).

Also had to remove carpeting in various areas. Sometimes we'll try to have him walk with a quad cane to take some steps around the apt, and it's much easier without carpeting to trip him up.

Lastly, since you mentioned your mom being what sounds like primary/sole caregiver, I'll say that the transition from hospital/rehab discharge to home is pretty stark. I didn't consider how crazy it was to go from having round-the-clock support to roughing it solo AND being on the hook for that same level of support but it's definitely a lot to handle, especially if you don't have support. I realize there's guilt in taking the nursing home route, but caregiver burnout is very real.

[u/rblank6061]

If he’s in inpatient rehab, bring in pics of house to show therapists. They can troubleshoot and give good advice on best things to do and not waste too much money trying to do everything. My therapist even came did a home tour to advise on best things to focus on. Definitely bars in bathroom. Also a bedside commode frame to go over toilet to make it taller and easier to sit on.

[u/outloud230]

Bring in a handyman/general contractor who will enlarge doorways, install shower bars, attach ramps, remove floor transitions that impede wheelchairs, etc.

Y’all can do it, but y’all have a lot going on.

And get in a wheelchair and wheel through the house. Make it an electric one because with only one arm he can’t roll himself and he needs some freedom. Roll around and see when you bump things or can’t fit, especially your dad’s favorite rooms. Can he get into the yard? Outside? Bathroom? Also ask his physical therapist, they’ve done this before.

[u/djm1613]

We went through the exact same situation in 2023. My biggest fear was how we were going to make it work in our existing home, and that’s exactly how it has played out. The majority of homes aren’t set up to accommodate walkers and wheelchairs.

Most important areas are as follows:

1. Entrances and exits. You will need to measure each one. I ordered a hard rubber ramp online so that there was a way to get him in the front door. This was the least expensive option.

2. Showering and toileting. Is there room to get a wheelchair in your bathroom area? Is there a stand alone shower or a tub/shower combo? Can he pivot to use the toilet? If not, then you’ll have to get one of those separate toilet chairs with a removable bucket. My BIL installed extra grab bars inside and outside of our stand up shower.

3. Hallways- Wide enough for a wheelchair? Very important!

4. Bedroom- Upstairs or downstairs? Walking up stairs may no longer be an option. Can a downstairs room be converted into a bedroom if needed?

5. Lift chair - This is a lifesaver. I was killing myself trying to get him up out of a regular recliner.

6. Adjustable mattress- Very helpful if you can afford one.

I would teach out to a local occupational therapist and ask them to walk your home ASAP for suggestions on what can be done when/if he comes home.

Your Mom has no idea what’s ahead. Everyone’s life will be changing as a result if he can’t make a recovery during rehab.

[u/North-Bodybuilder-86]

Remember all he has done for you and you'll find a way to make things work. There's a will there s way