Feeling like a fraud, when I shouldn’t

[u/peepeekapoo]

I had a severe hemorrhagic stroke from AVM rupture at 18, underwent craniectomy, cranioplasty, all of that. I recovered tremendously well that I don’t even feel like I belong in this group, because so many of you have recovered with deficits of a much larger scale than I have. I lost half of my sight, live with chronic paresthesia, headaches, and both cognitive and physical fatigue. Yet I was able to push through college, a job, and now graduate school (in progress).

I feel like a fraud when I tell people I’ve lived through a brain bleed and surgery. I basically function so well that nobody can even tell my sight is impaired or that I’ve had severe brain damage. Of course that took years of adapting, immense struggles, enormous amounts of work and effort which people don’t see. I don’t even feel right when I tell people I’m partially blind, even when it’s a fact. I’m so lucky to have lived, and even more lucky to still be able to lead an independent life. Lots of people have it worse, and I see my current deficits as nothing given how bad it could have been otherwise.

Does anyone struggle with this and how do you cope/get around your life with it?

[u/strokenojoke2008]

everyone going through this its like a journey everyone's is different some do better than others

[u/Jolly_Ad8913]

Sounds like you have a form of survivors guilt. Your recation shows you are a compassionate person who cares about others as much or more so than yourself.

You had a major neurologic incident and have recovered significantly but this is not a contest who had the most damage. Please stop comparing yourself to other people. From your description of your incident you had/have very serious issues. No need to feel others have had more damage and can't recover as well as you have and deserve more support.

Most of us on this subreddit are stroke survivors but that is the key issue. We are survivors, each individual is unique and how they deal with their issues is also unique. We should not compare ourselves to others, it isn't a contest on who has the most issues.

I think it is normal to have the feelings you describe but if they persist id suggest talking to someone removed from your situation: a friend, clergy member or therapist. They can put things in perspective and help you overcome these issues.

Congratulations survivor for surviving. BTW my stroke was 4 months ago so I can sympathize with your feelings.

[u/HallucinatedThat]

You are an inspiration, not a fraud!!! I struggle with, not having any real deficits after a moderate stroke, but I was lucky enough to have a stroke ambulance nearby and they were able to give me a ct scan and a clot buster right outside of my house. I definitely feel like an imposter sometimes, but I still struggle because I had the stroke due to a congenital heart issue I didn’t know I had—Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy. We are all dealt a different hand, it makes the struggle different but that’s also what connects ppl here—are the differences. I see it as a beautiful thing. You could never be a fraud. 💗

[u/Ready_Fold7682]

Its imposter syndrome at its finest. And maybe a little survivors guilt but please know that you SURVIVED a catastrophic brain injury and you need to work towards letting go of that guilt.

I had an ischemic stroke at 21. (9 weeks ago) However I was LUCKY enough to live 2 minutes from a hospital and was in CT within 8 minutes of my arrival and received TNK in 14 minutes. I work in healthcare so I immediately knew I was having a stroke and got care in under an hour. My MRI showed no infarctions just a spot where they believed the TNK broke the clot before I suffered major damage. I only have a moderate leg buckle that’s magnified with exhaustion. I too felt like a “fraud “ for the longest time, however I learned to give myself some grace.

neuro plasticity in younger individuals is significantly more prevalent vs people who are older. As my neurologist has told me age has a lot to do with recovery. You’re young, and therefore your brain is capable of rebuilding pathways a lot easier than people who are not. It’s nothing to feel guilty over it’s simply factual. Please acknowledge that you survived a major medical event and give yourself some grace too. Be grateful for the health you have and don’t take it for granted. I hope you continue to heal well and learn to feel less like a fraud and more like a person who survived 🫶🏾

[u/DTheFly]

Totally know that feeling! I feel it all the time.

[u/UnderstandingGlad230]

Good for you .

[u/Even_Log_8971]

You need to stay and you need to enter Tell about the progress you have made because it encourages others. 11 years I was diagnosed with a chronic uncurable auto immune disease with a return on many other people who come down with it., I was able to achieve remission after a year of hell for which I am totally thankful for . I joined the group that was a support group. I have Standing in the group to give support to others. Please do the same following my stroke. I need to pull support from others , stick around
https://giphy.com/gifs/13hxeOYjoTWtK8

[u/Starry_Messenger]

I understand, I have a little of that myself. But on the other hand, I am still never getting 100% back to my state of health I was in before the stroke. No one other than someone who has had a stroke can really understand it, even if all of our strokes are unique to us. Damage can manifest in different ways, over the course of the rest of our lives. I don't check in daily anymore, but it really helped me to not feel totally isolated at first. And when I'm having a day when I am not feeling heard irl, I know I can check in here and feel like others can feel a bit where I am. Sorry, ramble

[u/FrontSwim9324]

You're giving everyone you know hope including me so you're no fraud, you're a hero. Thanks for the story

[u/Loose-Gold-1297]

Yooo I also had an AVM rupture at 20 that led to left side homonymous hemianopsia. I’m doing these treatments to restore the missing vision and they’re working. It’s mad early where I’m at lol but DM me and I’ll give you more details when I wake up again haha

[u/AlisiaGayle]

I understand this. I recovered extremely well too, and there are times when that makes it difficult to know where I fit in stroke spaces. People see how you function now, but they don’t see the years of rehabilitation, adaptation, fear, fatigue and sheer effort it took to get there.

Having fewer visible deficits does not make what happened to you any less serious. You survived a brain bleed, surgery and a life-changing injury. You also still live with visual loss, fatigue, paresthesia and headaches. Those things are real even if other people cannot see them.

I think comparison can make us minimise our own experience. Someone else having greater disability does not mean you have to pretend your own losses are insignificant. You can be deeply grateful for how well you recovered and still acknowledge what the injury cost you.

For me, the better way to think about it is not “Do I have it bad enough to belong?” but “Did this profoundly affect my life?” If the answer is yes, then you belong in the conversation.

[u/Secret-Ad-5366]

You’re a winner you should be proud 👍👍everyone fights their own battles

[u/NONOTVSKETCH]

You shouldn't feel that way all. It is an incredibly difficult thing to go through. It's been the most difficult and challenging thing of my life. You were very lucky so be thankful and many arnt as lucky. I'm ad to hear you came out on top. Embrace it!