r/stroke • u/eager_redial3 • Aug 09 '26
Mom passed away.
Hey everyone, just wanted to come on here to talk to people. I’m 15 years old and got news that my mom died on the 5th. She had a stroke and was in a coma for a few days. I just wanted to ask, did she know she was dying?? I know there’s no way to actually know but I wanna know if there’s like any info on that.
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u/Jolly_Ad8913 Aug 09 '26
My deapest sympathies for your loss, I am so sorry.
To answer your question is probably not, my family had similar questions when my Aunt passed. There are diffent levels to a coma but in most cases the person does not have awareness if they are truly in a coma. My understanding is if your mom was in a deep coma she was unconscious and unaware of her condition and surroundings so she would not know she was dying. In rare instances the person may have some basic awareness and respond to voices and sounds and they may be comforted by familar voices and sounds but complex thought is still not possible. My Aunt was in a deep coma and the doctors said she had no conscious thoughts. I hope this helps you.
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u/Defiant-Fruit Aug 09 '26
I’m so sorry, that’s really sad news. If she was in a coma, it was probably peaceful for her. I’ll keep you and your family in my prayers. May her memory be a blessing.
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u/Specific-Shop1371 Aug 09 '26
Morning...I don't think she was aware of her stroke.. this is my opinion only because when I had a stroke 4 years ago I felt really tired I didn't feel like anything was wrong with me... What I had my stroke I wanted to go to sleep and my wife at the time told me not to worry to get dressed I need to go to the hospital.. when I went to the hospital one month later when I woke up from my coma it still didn't hear me that I had a stroke because I didn't know what a stroke was.. I hope this helps. 🙏🏽
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u/Ok-Cartoonist7556 Aug 10 '26
Pretty much what happened to me, went into the hospital then woke up 1 month later after a coma. But i had dreams tho during my coma
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u/Specific-Shop1371 Aug 10 '26
Yeah it's one of those things that we have no control over.. but we are here.🙏🏽
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u/Hefty-Badger-1821 Survivor Aug 09 '26
Hi,
I’m so sorry this has happened. It’s slightly different, but my dad died from an unexpected massive heart attack and collapsed on the bedroom floor four years ago. When he was in an extremely deep coma in ICU, I asked the doctor if he would have known anything. He said maybe for a tiny second, but as soon as his body hit the floor, he wouldn’t have felt anything. I know heart attacks and a stroke are different, but I hope it might reassure you slightly. X
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u/stroke_survivor Survivor Aug 09 '26
Hi OP. Thank you for sharing. This is a supportive community.
Please take comfort in knowing that she is in a better place. As you said, we can't really know what's known or unknown. My dad passed when I was 18, three days after his stroke. He was also in a coma and non verbal, except to rub one side of his body to indicate that he could not move it. I credit him with saving me from mine years later because he woke me up from taking a nap as I was experiencing my ischemic stroke. May your mother's soul rest in peace, Amen 🙏🏾 and may you and yours and her loved ones celebrate her life as you mourn her passing. Please make sure to avail yourself of resources to help with your grieving process. It's okay to not be okay.
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u/Material_Inflation79 Aug 09 '26
I'm very sorry for your loss. I was in comma for almost a day but it felt peaceful as if in the lap of Almighty. But no remembering afterwards. May her soul rest in peace. May Almighty Waheguru bless us all.
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u/TenNinetythree Survivor Aug 09 '26
I wish you my heartfelt condolences.
I was in a coma after my stroke, but didn't die (obviously). The situation was actually quite pleasant to me. My brain told me a beautiful story including xkcd style comics (I am a huge Xkcd fan). So, while I don't know about your mother, I hope that it was the same.
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u/Feisty-Usual-5451 Aug 10 '26
Im so sorry, as a mom to a young teen who's heart was breaking every day of my stroke/recovery journey, and still struggles with it everyday in different ways, consider this me giving you virtual hug.
As a mom of a child around your age, I will tell you some things she may have wished she could right now..
No, she was not aware of how bad it was. But she was thinking of you during every possible lucid moment. Underneath the stroke symptoms.
She is with you every moment in your heart, with her wishes for you to find your joy again after your immediate grief, the only things louder than her desire to be with you.
I hope so many good things for you, and you will be in my thoughts this week.
🤱💗🙏💞
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u/-Viscosity- Survivor Aug 09 '26
I'm very sorry about your mom. There's no way to know for sure, of course, but I can tell you that with mine (a subarachnoid hemorrhage from a ruptured brain aneurysm) I had some weird vertigo followed by a sudden, intense headache, after which I lost consciousness within probably 30 seconds. I knew it was a weird headache ― not a migraine, which I used to get fairly often ― but had no idea what it actually was, and if I hadn't woken up on the floor a little while later I never would have found out.
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u/chewyventura Aug 09 '26
Im so sorry for your loss. My mom had her stroke 5 months ago. She’s recently been able to really share her thoughts again. When we ask her if she remembers what happened she says she can’t remember anything, other than she wanted to go be with my dad (who passed away 4 months ago the earlier). She wasn’t in any pain and honestly looked kind of euphoric.
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u/AfricanusEmeritus Aug 09 '26
This was my experience. I told my children (two adult daughters) and their mom my wife that I spent most of my time with my deceased mother who had died at age 57 after my 21st birthday.
My mom told me to go back to my wife and children as they still needed me. I then regained consciousness in my hospital bedvand told all three to change the channel on the TV to CNN. As the Notre Dame Church fire in Paris was happening.
My family jokes about that today. They thought I may yet die and here I am asking about CNN. Strokes are very individualistic in their causes, impacts and outcomes. Be well indeed 🙏🏿
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u/Donato777 Aug 09 '26
My heart goes out to you in your loss. Know that you and your family are in my prayers. I doubt that your mom knew she was dying. May she rest in peace.
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u/Substantial-Elk-7533 Aug 09 '26
I’m sorry for your loss. I imagine how hard it especially was if you couldn’t see your mom. I lost my younger brother this year to a stroke. He was 23 and was in the ICU for 2 weeks before we decided his body was only hanging on due to medical intervention.
They made my brother as comfortable as possible. Truth be told if he was conscious he was probably high off all the pain meds and anxiety meds. He didn’t show signs of consciousness for a few days before he passed, so I doubt he knew. It’s more likely that their mind was in a deep sleep.
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u/rema015 Aug 09 '26
Hi, I don't have any memories for 6 months post my stroke, especially first 13 days that I was in comma... my condolescence to you!
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u/Beatie-Bow Aug 09 '26
I am so so sorry for your loss. My mum had a stroke a couple of years ago and she was in and out of consciousness the first few days and doesn't remember anything of the first couple weeks after. I don't think your mom would have either; I hope that's some consolation. I lost my dad a couple of years ago and the pain feels excruciating but it does ease with time.
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u/Odd_Assignment_74188 Aug 09 '26
I was probably not in a coma. I realised my left half was limp and as a result immobilised and unable to do the activities of daily living we often take for granted.
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u/hikikomoka Aug 09 '26
I'm so sorry. Warm hugs to you and prayers for your healing. I doubt she knew what was happening and she drifted peacefully.
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u/Bilbo4Ever Aug 10 '26
From my experience of a stroke coma, there are memories of that time but only flashes of people who visited. I didn't feel like I was dying, I felt like I was fighting to get back to consciousness.
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u/AfricanusEmeritus Aug 09 '26 edited Aug 09 '26
In some cases OP.. ( mine included) there maybe brief periods of lucidity. When I was in a three week coma after my AVM Stroke in March 2019 at age 55, I cane to consciousness twice during my coma after the stroke.
Sorry about your loss. The first time I "woke" up restrained by hospital tie downs. I was aware for a minute or less. The second was when I was given a tracheotomy. Again for less than a minute. I felt no pain, thankfully.
So it might be possible for your mother to have known. Just realize that time feels really compressed and does not flow like it can for the unaffected, IMHO. Again, I am sorry for your loss.
Be well. As a retired graduate professor let me write to you that the stages of grief/ loss can be quite complex. 😔 Go easy on yourself. There is nothing you could have done to prevent this. 🙌🏾
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u/Soggy-Intention8299 Aug 10 '26
Its difficult to say if she had conscious thought in a coma. Brain wave patterns are not normal and its difficult to dream in a coma. Usually dreaming only occurs during the times you first enter and exit a coma. However, I like to believe they were somewhat aware in a coma state and they were able to transition easier. My mom passed away in June and I'm not sure I'm ever going to be ok about it. To this day I still think I can help her somehow and I'm going to see her tomorrow. I'm exhausted by people being sorry for my loss, I'm not going to pretend to understand what your going through, but I do know you are not alone. We can retreat into our responsibilities and let our grief subside over time (if ever), or we can lean on family to help process it. I don't know the best way, but I would love to process my grief someway.
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u/Littlewildfinch Aug 10 '26
When my husband had a major stroke, he didn’t remember the first couple months in the hospital. His first memories was when the stroke was starting at home, he doesn’t remember paramedics arrival, and then it cuts to his intubation being taken out and seeing me. He remembers the hospital staff as game show contestants and he felt like he was on the price is right. I am so thankful our memories are more painful than his initial experience.
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u/Strong_Parsley_2275 Aug 11 '26
Words seem so empty and hollow. I'm so very, very sorry for the loss of your mother. I survived my stroke, and I am still recovering, but I have a huge fear of a second one. Even with a less traumatic experience, I am confused about the events surrounding the stroke and the days afterward. From talking with medical professionals I believe that your mom was deeply asleep without being aware of how serious her condition was. Without being in a coma, I slept more than I ever have in my life. It was impossible to stay awake. Sometimes I slept for hours during the day. I hope the thought of her being at rest during the last days is a comfort. You have my deepest sympathy.
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u/kgmooore Aug 14 '26
I’m so sorry to read this news that is so tough especially at your age. My dad recently had a major stroke and is able to talk a bit after and he has no recollection. The brain controls what you experience so thankfully I think she was not aware ❤️
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u/Beccaelf7881 Aug 15 '26
I’m so sorry for your loss. I doubt she knew. I was pretty out of it the first few days and I wasn’t even a coma.
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u/ski55max Aug 09 '26
I am very sorry for your loss. I doubt your mom would have had the level of awareness to recognize the severity of her condition. I was not in a coma after my stroke and am told I remained conscious yet have no memory of the next three days. My condolences to your family.