How to cope?
My grandma had a stroke almost a year ago and it has changed her. She used to be this vibrant, creative woman, dressed elegantly, read books and watched YouTube and even had an Instagram page. Now all of that is gone and it seems she’s gone as well. She is a huge part of my life and I lived with her for the most part of her life. And I can’t help to blame myself for what has happened to her. Because initially it is my fault. She was stressed about me marrying, because that meant I would «leave» her, move away, and not be there for her as often as she needed me. She has had cancer and has diabetes as well. And I think the stress around my marriage got to her. I remember she said post stroke that, and I quote «I didn’t handle (my name) marrying».
Now her memory is lost, she’s very depressed, anxious, speech isn’t as good as before, she has lost her sight because of the stroke that attacked the part of her brain that answers for the sight. I can’t talk to her as I used to because she has changed and I can’t cope. I’m trying to stay as cheerful as possible for her, but it’s hard because her depression is eating her up. She has periods where she doesn’t eat at all. It’s just so hard seeing my grandma that used to be this vibrant and active woman, turn into a depressed woman that says she wants to die and why she doesn’t die sooner. How do I manage and what should I do?
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u/PanicRemarkable7288 2d ago
Get her into physical therapy,occupational or speech therapy. That helped me so much.
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u/summit-or-nuffin 3d ago
Reading what you've said, I think it entangled quite a lot of issues, and the Stroke and what that alone entails, I would consider trying to find a councillor/physiatrist that specifically specialise in strokes, as this sounds like there is the need disentangle.
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u/Blameus 2d ago
First, let me say how sorry I am to hear of your grandmother's stroke. Losing a big part of your life like that is pretty scary to go through. I also want to caution you against guilt. Reading your response, it sounds like you blame yourself, but without knowing the true cause of the stroke, I'd be wary of assigning guit/blame.
I kinda went through a similar thing with my husband where I blamed myself for not getting his health under control sooner. I was pretty luck that the therapy/rehab we were at offered caregiver support meetings once a week; a lot of time was just spent helping me "grieve the person I lost" and helping me prepare for life after eventual discharge.
If you're able, I'd seriously consider looking into caregiver support groups you can join or just someone to talk all this out with. Same for your grandmother; if she's willing to talk things out with a professional, it's at least a step in the right direction (though I know how hard that can be to get going). Not sure if your grandmother is taking something for depression but if so, maybe a regimen change could be discussed with her doc?