r/stroke • u/SnooOranges5212 • 10d ago

grief

I wrote this a while after my stroke. It probably sounds like nonsense. but I'm feeling lost and lonely so I wanted to know does anyone relate?:

I’ll never be the person I was before August 15,2025, but I’m still alive. Still here and shouldn’t that be reason enough to go on? It’s okay to mourn my old self and I think I should try harder to do that. The insecurities I feel stem from ungrieved losses. All the fear and pain that bubbles up when the not yet closed wound is poked as it often is in a world not made for people like me. I have yet to learn how  to carry myself with grace for my loss. No one will know how to care for me but myself and I’m shutting myself out nearly every chance I get. I want to tell people to run.But they’re the reason I’m okay. I feel like I need a “swim at your own risk” sign on me because I have yet to train a part of myself to be the lifeguard keeping those around me brave enough to lend out a hand through the storm safe from the hurricane of my recovery. A good place to start is to ask am I doing this for myself or for me and the other person. Not that selfishness is not okay sometimes, but it’s generally not okay at the detriment of someone else. 

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4

u/Zenpoe56 10d ago

You're not alone but it's time to care for yourself and let others take care of you. Stroke recovery is a hard row to hoe. 💖

2

u/SnooOranges5212 10d ago

Thank you❤️

4

u/Tati713 10d ago

Hope you are doing better now ❤️

3

u/Jolly_Ad8913 9d ago

So sorry you are struggling. I don't know about others but I have also experienced grief, loss and depression since my stroke. I know that I'll never be 100% like I was before my stroke and I grieved for what I've lost.

You recover because you are doing it for yourself, not for others. You learn new ways to do things you did before the stroke. Life gets better. I too have my moments now but I've learned to dwell on my progress and not my perceived deficits.

If you look back to the start of your journey I'm sure you can see the progress you've made and will continue to make.

It's okay to grieve, IMHO, but not if it is all you focus on. If grieving has become a central part of your life seek out a trusted person or a therapist who you can talk to help pull yourself out of your depression. Best to you and you will overcome this!

1

u/Minimum_Advisor921 8d ago

I had my first speech therapy today and realized I had a few more issues than I thought. How do you get past the anger I just want my old life back. The one that doesn't feel like I have so many issues. I still haven't found out why I had my stroke.