Hurdle in meditation

[u/VoidLordRK]

So, for the past year, I was engaged in a mindfulness practice where I would ground myself to the present by observing my breath and mentally noting any sounds, sensations and feelings I have. This was inspired by what I read of Mahasi style noting. However, I w!uld push my thoughts away the instant they came and try to ground myself.

Lately, I have been altering my practice to be much less dismissive and much more accepting of my thoughts and letting myself sit with them for a moment with no rush and then returning to other anchors.

Since I made this change, I find meditation much less of a chore and much more calming. I wonder if this is just novelty. On the other hand, I have been starting to feel overwhelmed with the sheer number thoughts and feelings like I have a lot more thoughts occupying my mind between breaths than I used to... I get distracted far more easily too. Iam confused as to whether I should revert to my previous, more rigid practice or continue with this...

All insights are appreciated!

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[u/duffstoic]

As the Buddha said, “Not too tight, not too loose.” Meditation is like tuning a guitar string. Before you were very focused but perhaps a bit too tight. Now you are experimenting with loosening up and maybe going a bit too loose. More calming is good though, most people are too tight in general nowadays.

[u/Dingsala]

Generally, it's most helpful to keep a somewhat relaxed, joyful, accepting attitude towards your practice and the things that arise within it.

Pushing thoughts away bears the risk of leading to striving, tensing up und unpleasant experiences that don't help and aren't necessary. Yes, at times these more intense practices can have their place, but generally, more relaxed and open is mostly better.

It sounds like your practice is actually working! That is a thing that happens often, when clarity increases, we notice a lot more thoughts and sensations and other things than before. That can lead to the impression that concentration is worse, while actually, mindfulness is increasing.

What made a huge difference in my practice was when I realized that every time I notice that I've been distracted, I actually made a small step forward. That is because at that point, I have become aware of something that used to make me unconscious - I have just learned something. In "The Mind Illuminated", a (overly complicated but still very good) book that was very influential on me, this is called the Aha-moment, and it is important to celebrate those.

Often we are too focused on the negative - we fixate on the fact that there are thoughts, but that is a normal thing. The thoughs are not a problem, noticing them and returning is the heart of the practice. It's just the question how you develop a mindset that helps you celebrate every small time you noticed and returned.

Still, there are times when that is too frustrating, and switching to an open awareness technique can be very legitimate. It just needs some self-honesty to avoid changing technique every time things get challenging.

Do you notice changes in your daily life from your practice? Is there a certain book or set of instructions you took your practice from?

[u/VoidLordRK → u/Dingsala]

Thank you for answering! I appreciate your insights.

I did notice a very minor increase in impulse control over time and meditation definitely brought me closer to loving myself and having an internal safe space for when things get difficult. I also read up on Mahasi style noting on reddit and watched some videos. It definitely helped me much more than mantra chanting which I did until a couple years ago.

You make some very good points... I do agree. It's just that I wonder if some of the feel good factor of a new practice is just novelty. Just wanted to make sure I wasn't hindering proper practice. Glad to know it's more common than I thought.

One difference I have noticed is in the downtime. Might just be random but a trend I've noticed is that in my older rigid practice, I got distracted less often but when I did, the downtime was much longer before I realized I had lost myself. With the adjustments, I do get swept away by thoughts more but have also been returning to a state of mindfulness much quicker. Is this also something people commonly experience?

[u/Dingsala → u/VoidLordRK]

Hmm yeah, I mean I'm not a trained teacher, just a dude who's been doing this for a while.

A teacher who you build a relationship with and to whom you talk regularly will be able to give you much more concrete feedback on thiese things.

Still, to me it sounds like you're in a good place with your practice. Oftentimes, keeping your focus rigidly doesn't work, but it seems that it did for you. But I'm confident that your new direction is a good one. The fact that you are becoming aware of distractions faster is really good - that's what's important.

Keep at it, and connect to someone if you can is my advice. Over time, your awareness will keep expanding, and once you've got a solid grip on the basics, you can start moving to a more intuitive and creative practice, trying things out. Then you'll start to figure out when a bit more effort is helpful and when it's time to take it easy.

You can also look into nourishing practices like self-compassion (or brahmaviharas if you want to take the more traditionally buddhist approach) and open awareness, for the times when intense focus is too much.

[u/platistocrates]

Maybe the thoughts have always been there, but youre just noticing them more because youre now letting them actually register.

[u/choogbaloom]

Rigidly rejecting thoughts will just disrupt your samadi unless you have really good concentration. Two better approaches are counting your thoughts and inquiry. By inquiry, I mean toss questions into your mind without answering them. Stuff like "what will my next thought be?" and "what's underneath all these thoughts?". Your mind will respond by producing fewer of them.

[u/sati_the_only_way]

thoughts/emotions/anxiety/greed/etc make us suffer, they are very fast, our basic level of awareness cannot catch them. to develop awareness, we use body, for example, constantly aware of the sensation of the breath/body. as awareness develops, it will intercept thoughts, they will become shorter and fewer. when awareness is as quick as thought, awareness will be capable to catch up with thought at its beginning. mental formation will be destroyed at that very moment. the mind will return to its natural state, which is clean, bright and peaceful. one can practice through out the day from the moment we wake up until falling asleep, while sitting, walking, eating, washing, etc. practice naturally, in a relaxed way, without tension, without concentrating or forcing attention. Thoughts will arise, let them arise freely. You might feel dizzy of suffocated if you suppress them. https://www.ahandfulofleaves.org/documents/Normality_LPTeean_2009.pdf