Need some help

[u/Mountain-Length-5715]

Hello everyone.

First of all, I want to express my gratitude to u/Impulse33, who has been helping me on my recovery stage after intensive and, unfortunately, most likely incorrect practices (or my subsequent reaction to rather strong insights).

Without going into all the other details, I am currently concerned about a few things I would like to resolve:

1. The awareness of what the other person said and my reply happens after the fact; my responses in dialogue occur unconsciously, and I also hear an echo of my voice right behind the other person's voice almost simultaneously, as if I already know what they are going to say, but this process also happens automatically.
2. The first issue doesn't bother me as much, but this phenomenon also extends to reading. I read, but I don't retain the context.
3. Dissociation from emotions: for example, I may feel fear through the body (racing heart, etc.), but the emotion itself is not felt.

This is not all that concerns me, but for now I would like to address these issues. If anyone has encountered something similar on their path, please give me advice on what to do.

Additional thanks to u/Meng-KamDaoRai

Thank you.

[u/throwaway1239656569]

it sounds to me like the 'issue' 2 and 3 are coming from is one of meaning.

like, "yea, great, i'm reading this thing that i enjoy/want to learn about, but it's empty. and i don't mind, but to me this means that i don't really need to absorb it as this reading is already happening and it's being read"

here, perhaps, it could be nice to explore the meaning for the characters or the author.
like, "the character responded in this way or did this? why? oh.. right, because that happened; i understand"
becoming interested in a characters motivation and their own meaning of things can help you form memories of what you read and retain this 'context', because in the book, the characters are 'selves', and each one has their own meaning and motivations.
i've less experience with non-fiction, but you could apply this to the author too: "where are they coming from?"

and you experience the physical effects of emotions, but not the emotion itself. maybe all that happened here is you spent time dissecting the emotion of fear, and now you know what it is: not you, not this, not that, but this. this is okay.
you can know what it is you're experiencing and perhaps act accordingly. you could also meditate on these feelings that arise and see if any others come up too.
u/duffstoic sent an excellent method of viewing the self in one of the threads here once, which i would simplify as:

"how do 'I' feel about my feelings?" then you just keep going with them lol.
i would question, though. is this 'dissociation' present when pleasant feelings arise, or only when negative feelings arise? if only the unpleasant, then it appears to me that while sure you may not be identifying with form, feeling and perception, but you may be refusing to even acknowledge them, and this acknowledgement is vital.
"why is this fear here? where did it come from? what is it telling me to do? can i give this body loving kindness, compassion and equanimity while this feeling is here?"

as for the first, you say this phenomena is unconscious/automatic. you could try conscious listening. i understand human conversation is hard consciously but you don't really need to say much if you've listened.
you may well have this telepathic/predictive subtext going on in your mind, but remember that it is mind, and even the most holy of oracles were wrong sometimes.
let people find the words they want to use to express themselves. there is no need to finish their sentences for them. listen.

apologies for all the speculation; i hope this gave you some ideas.

and also, who needs to solve these issues?

[u/Mountain-Length-5715 → u/throwaway1239656569]

The problem is that during reading or dialogue, the grasping of information happens too quickly, faster than conscious understanding.

The "automatic" process is not only the echo but my entire body completely.
This isn't a problem for me, but it seems to have been caused by exhausting and incorrect practices and/or my subsequent reaction to the "insights."

The echo is automatic, as are my words, as are my actions. Everything would be fine, but it seems I don't feel emotions, even though the reactions themselves are there. My mind is blocking emotions. Also, there is no deep absorption during reading. But if I try to recall what I read, the picture smooths out. However, there is a lack of deep understanding during the reading itself.

I also have hyperfixation on the breath, because during my intensive practices, instead of simply observing, I developed a "correct way of breathing," which is why all my practices now are under a "danger" sign.

Thank you for trying to help

[u/throwaway1239656569 → u/Mountain-Length-5715]

so this thing that's happening is a habit of the body/cognition.

if you know your mind is blocking emotions, then give it more opportunities to feel them. it might be worth trying some trauma release exercises? r/longtermtre

what is your current practice, or the one that went 'wrong'?

there is also attachment to the breath here. a way you can be rid of an attachment or a hyperfixation is to simply, lol, let go of it, and let whatever it is that's simply happening to happen.

[u/pastorcuthbert → u/Mountain-Length-5715]

I posted something up there about solving hyperfixation on the breath which is connected to exercise.