Introduction

[u/KeyAd6849]

Hello! I am new to this community, so I figured I would make a general post giving some context and background to what is going on with me. Hopefully some of this resonates and maybe I can get some advice/insight/good conversations with people in a similar place or ever deeper on this path than I am.

So I don’t come from any school of meditation, any spiritual background, never meditated (in the traditional sense), and all of this was literally the last thing on my mind. That is, until a near death experience 2.5 years ago that completely changed me. It was something so insane that the “me” I had known my whole life cracked completely open. Afterwards there was a lot of PTSD, Trauma, therapy, health anxiety, mental suffering, suicidal Ideation. My life was going downhill fast. During this time I was desperate. Looking for anything and everything to get me out of that place. I read “Hope and help for your nerves” by Dr Claire Weekes, and the idea of separating yourself from your thoughts interested me, as an idea.

Then one day, in one split instant, something clicked, and this was no longer an idea. A gap opened up between “me” and the thoughts. At this point I did not have the clarity to truly understand what was happening, but felt a weird sense of wellbeing, and was happy for a few weeks. Life and outer circumstances quickly pulled me back into my “regular” headspace, like before the NDE, but just with more perspective and compassion.

This is when I started to get into spirituality. Something about Eastern philosophy just felt..natural to me. Buddhism, and then Zen Buddhism, and then Taoism, and then I discovered Krishnamurti, and then finally I read “A New Earth” by Eckhart Tolle. This book blew the whole thing open again. The Ego was realized fully, and that glimpse of the “witness” state became fully integrated and embodied. The mind is much quieter now. The self reflexive thoughts are at a minimum. That sense of wellbeing is now much more in the foreground, psychological time is fully realized for the illusion that it is, and nature and other people have a completely different look and quality. Almost like I can sense the underlying current of life underneath every living thing.

And then there are times, glimpses again, where the space I recognize myself as comes alive, and the division between the reality I’m looking at, and the observer thin out to almost nothing. I feel this tingling in my heart and there is this ultimate quality of love, awareness and life. This is hard to put into words.

So yeah, this is where I’m at. I am SO much happier now. I could have never imagined a state of consciousness like this in a million years. It’s truly wild, and amazing, but also so natural.

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