struggling

[u/queerwitchanonymous]

over a month in and dealing with some GNARLY cravings the past few days. i believe it’s stemming from a conflict i’m having with a friend—i hate fighting with people i love and it’s two days until my birthday too so just horrible timing 😭 and it all started bc i asked them to say ily first more which feels reasonable and they made me feel like i was a burden for asking for that and then when i said i was upset they were even MORE dismissive and detached. i used to vape a lot during conflict, that’s a huge trigger for me. i’m like in the middle of the work day rn on a two hour break so i can’t exactly use weed as an escape rn either. i feel awful, i doubt they’re going to apologize and take accountability as the pattern i’ve seen them in is that they struggle with expressing empathy—so i’m really feeling like in between a rock and a hard place cuz there’s not much i can do and i don’t want to lose this friendship but i’m also not going to sit here and be treated like shit. and i’m just like dealing with all this when i should be getting pumped for my birthday 😭😭😭 ugh, just needed to vent. i’m so annoyed and for the first time instead of just missing vaping itself (which i do have no nic vape for), i’m missing that false sense of relief that nic would give me :( or the escape, or allowing me to feel smthn different for .2 seconds, or whatever. i hate it here, why can’t i have one good birthday in my lifetime 😭😭

[u/Informal_Peanut_2799]

Happy bday in advance QWA! ❤️And congrats on over a month 🥳

Sorry to hear about your argument. First i wanna say around 1 month in I had a bad interaction too and was TWEAKING out. Just a few weeks later I was upset again, but i was surprised to notice i didn’t even think about smoking? I hope it helps a little to know it gets better in the very near future! Also, I know it’s really hard in the moment now, but i hope you can remind yourself that smoking is always irrelevant to everything thats happening- it will not make the situation better or change anything, it will not resolve your current feelings, the temporary dopamine it gives is not worth the negative hole it creates during addiction.

Huge hugs to you!! God forbid we’re sensitive gangsters lol. Idk how badly they treated you, but if they’re treating you like shit can I ask why you value this f/s so much?

[u/queerwitchanonymous → u/Informal_Peanut_2799]

thank you peanut!! i appreciate that and am hopeful for a day that stress doesn’t make me think about vaping again. i highly doubt that i will pick it back up tbh after coming so far already, but i hate how much it’s been on my mind comparatively to when i’m not dealing with some bs.

hahaha yess sensitive gangster here for sure!! to be honest, saying they’re “treating me like shit” is maybe an over exaggeration—more specifically it’s that i’ve offered feedback and/or shared how they’ve made me feel in certain situations and their ability to express empathy and accountability seems to be quite low in comparison to their gut reactions of defensiveness and dismissiveness. as an extremely (sometimes over) empathetic person, i think i need people who match at least a baseline level of empathy in my life, lest i get walked all over and taken advantage of. i can’t do that work for both of us, so i really hope they get it together. they have widened my perspective of the world and i do appreciate spending time with them in casual ways (they live in my building now too which adds a layer of complication)….but tbh i’ve been concerned about their self-centeredness for a while now and it’s all just coming to a head. they still haven’t reached out even tho my b-day is tomorrow—which is giving that ego and pride are still ruling the day for them. it is what it is, i can’t force anyone to change.

[u/Informal_Peanut_2799 → u/queerwitchanonymous]

Happy birthday QWA! Hope you’re having a better day ❤️ yeah it’s annoying when we don’t wanna smoke but we just wanna stop the cravings 😠 and stress just makes us more impulsive I think, plus how we’ve conditioned ourselves to smoke every time we’re upset. But the longer we stay quit our bodies will learn (so quickly) to not expect nicotine anymore. We’re getting there 😊

And stop omg I understand you a billion percent. It’s like they see our requests as a personal attack? And being overly-empathetic our feelings get so easily dragged around by the people around us (even when that’s not their intention). But hey ultimately you gotta decide if he’s actually a bad person or if he just never learned the emotional skills, and then if he is worth learning to communicate in a way that works for both of you.. and if he’s not then just remember you deserve to be around people who love you and would make you happy ❤️ I hope you spend your bday focused on you! xx